Down the rabbit hole...

[hideyourhusband]

One more for my advil count. Three down, one hundred twenty two to go! That's not why I'm posting this, though. I had a very odd dream Friday night. Dreams fascinate me. Odd dreams fascinate me even more. So, I'm sharing because it's both puzzling and entertaining. If a movie ever gets made about me (who am I kidding? I need a trashy reality show), the tag line is going to be "puzzling yet entertaining". In this dream, my mom married this super nice guy when I was nice. He was a sort of street smart guy and I was wary of him. I guess things worked out because it jumps to me being my age now. We have a good relationship. He says "I'm throwing you an engagement party!". It jumps to me being in the party hall. I don't know what party hall this is, but it's upscale and has a few parties going on at once. Me being me, I go to the wrong party. These people are just decked out. They tell me it's the wrong the party, but no one seems to mind. I'm just wondering around. I start to hear something faint. I keep following it for a while until I hear a whisper say "I'm in here". So, I keep following it until I get to this mouse size door. I crouch down and open it. I'm surprised I didn't break it off. Such is the nature of dreams... So, my dream stepdad is in there. I can see his eyes. He says very matterly of factly "The party's in here. Come in here." I say "I can't fit." We go back and forth for some time over the matter. He seems so sure and friendly, I decide to go in. The dream jumps again. I have no idea how I got in, but I get in what seems to be about 10 feet in. Only to get stuck under these boards with like an arch on top of them. I'm stuck from my shoulders down. My arms are free. Due to the size of the thing, I can't move my legs. He talks to me about how you can't go around, you have to find a new way. He basically gets at, I have to find my way under this thing. I tell him I'm stuck and it's too heavy. He keeps trying to encourage me, but I feel this thing getting heavier and it's getting harder to breathe. I tell him "I can't get out. I'm going to die here." He flips out. Starts tugging on my arms. I try to resist as he's slowly dragging me out. I'm telling him to stop, because it hurts. He asks me if really does hurt. I'm about to say no, but the fucking garbage truck outside of my house woke me up.

I wonder what this means. I wonder what my "stepfather" represents. It seems so nonsensical while I dreamed it. I think I represents change or inner battle. I told my friend last night and she says she thinks it represents birth.