its been a while
i wasnt going to write in here anymore, but im going a little nuts and sometimes getting my thoughts out on "paper" makes me feel a little better.
i feel like the exact moment i feel that things are going okay, is when they immediately turn to shit. life keeps throwing me curve balls, and im tired of it. i want things to be simple for once. i dont really know anyone with a simple life but what good is it thinking about the lives of other people? its not going to make my own situation better. we're having a mothers day party on sunday, my cousin just graduated grad school, he just got engaged, i did great this semester too.. so there are a bunch of nice things happening, and then we get a call that my grandma has cancer. shes going to be 86 soon, like she really needs this? at 86 years old and with all the stuff shes been through, she gets cancer? yeah tell me theres a god now. i really think we use "god" as an excuse so we dont have to admit the truth. its bad enough watching how her life has changed since my grandpa died, and i honestly dont think she has the mindset to be strong about this. and i really feel guilty for not calling her as much as i should. but ive been good about it lately. i dont know. i dont understand why things happen the way they do. i could apply that to just about everything. so basically i shouldnt try to rationalize things, or think to much about anything. because really, does anything happen the way we play it out in our heads? no. thinking is just a waste of time.
i feel like the exact moment i feel that things are going okay, is when they immediately turn to shit. life keeps throwing me curve balls, and im tired of it. i want things to be simple for once. i dont really know anyone with a simple life but what good is it thinking about the lives of other people? its not going to make my own situation better. we're having a mothers day party on sunday, my cousin just graduated grad school, he just got engaged, i did great this semester too.. so there are a bunch of nice things happening, and then we get a call that my grandma has cancer. shes going to be 86 soon, like she really needs this? at 86 years old and with all the stuff shes been through, she gets cancer? yeah tell me theres a god now. i really think we use "god" as an excuse so we dont have to admit the truth. its bad enough watching how her life has changed since my grandpa died, and i honestly dont think she has the mindset to be strong about this. and i really feel guilty for not calling her as much as i should. but ive been good about it lately. i dont know. i dont understand why things happen the way they do. i could apply that to just about everything. so basically i shouldnt try to rationalize things, or think to much about anything. because really, does anything happen the way we play it out in our heads? no. thinking is just a waste of time.