Guess What?
I am not in the TOP 3.
What rank I am, I am still unsure of. As much as I thought the Bad Big News would crush my heart ever so terribly, it did not. Surprisingly. What prompted my sudden change of attitude, I say are..
God.
Morrie Schwartz' famous aphorisms.
Renewed perspectives.
And, my attempt of staying within the positive zone.
Here's what I learned recently:
1. I ought to place God in the center of my priorities, because whether or not my priorities are faultless, they are bound to be labeled wrong when they take over God's place. Besides, life is pointless without His overall control over it, isn't it?
2. Detachment. It appeared as an almost empty word to me until Tuesdays With Morrie. Everyone must learn to detach herself from emotions, yet it clearly does not mean she has to escape from them and be evasive. For some time, she must let whatever current emotion she has get through her and past her. Having enough encounter with it, she will then know how it truly feels. When that happens, then it is time to learn about detachment. She ought to detach herself from these emotions, and be set free. (Anyways, one can never actually turn away and get detached from an emotion she truly hasn’t experienced, can you?)
3. Love, or you'll perish.
->Unfortunately, for a lengthy period of trying to block the entrance of any bad air (such as loneliness, nostalgia, pain from the past, etc.) into my system, I somehow became less loving and focused on my own 'precious' self instead. Narcissism. No wonder I felt so parched, regardless of my personal achievements. I lacked a lot of love, not because there were not enough people loving me, but exactly because I couldn’t give as much love myself. I carved my life on hard stones when I should be doing it on hearts.
Now, those are my top three current golden rules, and I am still in the process of application. And along with this, guess what I have been entertaining into my overprotected system once again? David. I cannot be in denial forever. And that’s enough rationalizing to make me softer again about the whole issue.
Apparently, no one knows I am beginning to cling to it again. And as far as I am concerned, I like to keep it that way. Having no one who knows about it will make it easier from me to be evasive once again when my hurting reaches its apex once again. As for now, I say I’ll CHILL.
Want to hear what prompted his rebirth? Well, let’s just say we had a decent (or a quite decent) talk last Friday at BlueWave. No mush. Nothing specifically WHOA. But I enjoyed the whole thing, knowing that I still am not losing my first love anyway. And oh! He texted me last night. TWICE within two different (or slightly different) time slots. They were three minutes apart, which means that he purposely re-sent that message, which moreover means he does care. (What the text was about? Nothing really, just about my slum book.) I am just perfectly glad he cared. And a while ago, he texted me AGAIN, asking about recopying of pictures without negative. My point of having to tell about this is to say that at least, he chose to approach me when he could’ve picked some other person out there, right? Okay. So maybe I’m giving multiple meanings again, but I am being cautious this time around. Or wait, am I, really? Whatever. I have to go through this in order to undergo ‘detachment’. Haha!
Blabbering too much, eh?
I apologize. And along with my apology is the end of my blabbering.
What rank I am, I am still unsure of. As much as I thought the Bad Big News would crush my heart ever so terribly, it did not. Surprisingly. What prompted my sudden change of attitude, I say are..
God.
Morrie Schwartz' famous aphorisms.
Renewed perspectives.
And, my attempt of staying within the positive zone.
Here's what I learned recently:
1. I ought to place God in the center of my priorities, because whether or not my priorities are faultless, they are bound to be labeled wrong when they take over God's place. Besides, life is pointless without His overall control over it, isn't it?
2. Detachment. It appeared as an almost empty word to me until Tuesdays With Morrie. Everyone must learn to detach herself from emotions, yet it clearly does not mean she has to escape from them and be evasive. For some time, she must let whatever current emotion she has get through her and past her. Having enough encounter with it, she will then know how it truly feels. When that happens, then it is time to learn about detachment. She ought to detach herself from these emotions, and be set free. (Anyways, one can never actually turn away and get detached from an emotion she truly hasn’t experienced, can you?)
3. Love, or you'll perish.
->Unfortunately, for a lengthy period of trying to block the entrance of any bad air (such as loneliness, nostalgia, pain from the past, etc.) into my system, I somehow became less loving and focused on my own 'precious' self instead. Narcissism. No wonder I felt so parched, regardless of my personal achievements. I lacked a lot of love, not because there were not enough people loving me, but exactly because I couldn’t give as much love myself. I carved my life on hard stones when I should be doing it on hearts.
Now, those are my top three current golden rules, and I am still in the process of application. And along with this, guess what I have been entertaining into my overprotected system once again? David. I cannot be in denial forever. And that’s enough rationalizing to make me softer again about the whole issue.
Apparently, no one knows I am beginning to cling to it again. And as far as I am concerned, I like to keep it that way. Having no one who knows about it will make it easier from me to be evasive once again when my hurting reaches its apex once again. As for now, I say I’ll CHILL.
Want to hear what prompted his rebirth? Well, let’s just say we had a decent (or a quite decent) talk last Friday at BlueWave. No mush. Nothing specifically WHOA. But I enjoyed the whole thing, knowing that I still am not losing my first love anyway. And oh! He texted me last night. TWICE within two different (or slightly different) time slots. They were three minutes apart, which means that he purposely re-sent that message, which moreover means he does care. (What the text was about? Nothing really, just about my slum book.) I am just perfectly glad he cared. And a while ago, he texted me AGAIN, asking about recopying of pictures without negative. My point of having to tell about this is to say that at least, he chose to approach me when he could’ve picked some other person out there, right? Okay. So maybe I’m giving multiple meanings again, but I am being cautious this time around. Or wait, am I, really? Whatever. I have to go through this in order to undergo ‘detachment’. Haha!
Blabbering too much, eh?
I apologize. And along with my apology is the end of my blabbering.