There is No Icon For This
My day started alright because printing out photos of Christmas activities and sights from the US made me feel the Christmas spirit. I wanted to bake Christmas cookies, sing carols, the whole thing. That's not possible in Japan. But I was still cherry. (Yes, Layne and Becky, you are now a flashcard. You demonstrate how to make Christmas cookies.) Explaining Channukah however, seems impossible. They really don't get it. XD;
But that cheer soon turn to nearly crying in frustration. Customs has no love, or common sense, so the $60 bucks my mom sent on getting me my sleep medicine refill has just gone down the drain. They won't send it to me, they won't send it back to her, and I have to agree to abandon it. It's stupid but it's how they work. I'd have to bring it in myself for them to allow it into the country.
Ironically, they prescribe the same drug, but in higher doses, to people with insomnia here. I found this out today as I went to the doctor and got some real fucking medicine. It is, I shit you not, the exact same drug. Oh Japan. How I love you and how you spurn me by being so difficult. Just because it's from America, doesn't mean it's bad. It's the same fucking thing. But apparently I am a drug dealer on the side. Who knew.
I have however gotten into RATT? Is that how they write it? Well I liked what they had on their myspace so I friended them. Guess I'm in a "metal" phase? I'm not sure what genre they count as. Sadly, the drummer of LOUDNESS has passed away and I get the feeling I would like their music too but now seems like a horrible time to get into them? I don't know...recommend music to me people. I need some new music.
So, if that wasn't bad enough, as it is frustrating to deal with situations you can't control and you know it's best not to lie in these situations as you will either be told your are a dumb ignorant foreigner or will end up in prison because they saw right through you, I have had a doozy of a night.
Because...I am holding on barely to whatever calm I have mustered.
See.
My grandmother is dying. And I am trying so hard RIGHT NOW to not cry while I type because it is hysterical crying. I mean rocking back and forth, screaming, sobbing, pulling at my hair, moaning no over and over and...you get the picture. I'm like one of the Ancient Greeks in a tragic play.
And that is why there is no icon that can really depict how I feel. For as much as I want to be held, I also want to scream and cry until there is nothing left of me. And thus I figured a crying Toshi screaming/singing into a microphone icon was appropriate.
I...I'm too afraid to type up anymore because I know I will break down and I'm trying not to disturb my neighbors anymore. I really am. I don't mean to sound like a mad woman.
The worse part is, I can't even be there. Or maybe even worse than that, she doesn't remember any of us, let alone my grandfather.
So as to keep this post semi-cheerful, please send me Christmas music. I want to/need to make a mix CD for the schools and well, Jingle Bells, O Christmas Tree, and We Wish You a Merry Christmas, are not enough. Send me Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Silent Night, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, that damn Mariah Cary song because everyone here knows it and it is catchy, Carol of the Bells, ANY CHRISTMAS MUSIC. PLEASE. Thanks. <3
My computer also over heated. Now I am starting to worry that the fan is really shot, that it's not just the bearing. Time to bother Mayumi about computer repair shops...
But that cheer soon turn to nearly crying in frustration. Customs has no love, or common sense, so the $60 bucks my mom sent on getting me my sleep medicine refill has just gone down the drain. They won't send it to me, they won't send it back to her, and I have to agree to abandon it. It's stupid but it's how they work. I'd have to bring it in myself for them to allow it into the country.
Ironically, they prescribe the same drug, but in higher doses, to people with insomnia here. I found this out today as I went to the doctor and got some real fucking medicine. It is, I shit you not, the exact same drug. Oh Japan. How I love you and how you spurn me by being so difficult. Just because it's from America, doesn't mean it's bad. It's the same fucking thing. But apparently I am a drug dealer on the side. Who knew.
I have however gotten into RATT? Is that how they write it? Well I liked what they had on their myspace so I friended them. Guess I'm in a "metal" phase? I'm not sure what genre they count as. Sadly, the drummer of LOUDNESS has passed away and I get the feeling I would like their music too but now seems like a horrible time to get into them? I don't know...recommend music to me people. I need some new music.
So, if that wasn't bad enough, as it is frustrating to deal with situations you can't control and you know it's best not to lie in these situations as you will either be told your are a dumb ignorant foreigner or will end up in prison because they saw right through you, I have had a doozy of a night.
Because...I am holding on barely to whatever calm I have mustered.
See.
My grandmother is dying. And I am trying so hard RIGHT NOW to not cry while I type because it is hysterical crying. I mean rocking back and forth, screaming, sobbing, pulling at my hair, moaning no over and over and...you get the picture. I'm like one of the Ancient Greeks in a tragic play.
And that is why there is no icon that can really depict how I feel. For as much as I want to be held, I also want to scream and cry until there is nothing left of me. And thus I figured a crying Toshi screaming/singing into a microphone icon was appropriate.
I...I'm too afraid to type up anymore because I know I will break down and I'm trying not to disturb my neighbors anymore. I really am. I don't mean to sound like a mad woman.
The worse part is, I can't even be there. Or maybe even worse than that, she doesn't remember any of us, let alone my grandfather.
So as to keep this post semi-cheerful, please send me Christmas music. I want to/need to make a mix CD for the schools and well, Jingle Bells, O Christmas Tree, and We Wish You a Merry Christmas, are not enough. Send me Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Silent Night, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, that damn Mariah Cary song because everyone here knows it and it is catchy, Carol of the Bells, ANY CHRISTMAS MUSIC. PLEASE. Thanks. <3
My computer also over heated. Now I am starting to worry that the fan is really shot, that it's not just the bearing. Time to bother Mayumi about computer repair shops...