So Strange i remember you...
Well well, what do we have here. I had been wanting to make an entry for a few weeks, since its been so long since the last time I wrote one. A few weeks ago I planned to write an entry about the things I had done over the summer. And then finish with what the school year should bring. It seems the trend for live journal was to write all the new classes and rate the teachers. I was all for thinking of something different to write. But then I was inspired to write something different. I wish I never got the inspiration, but I did. My dad came into my room last Saturday and informed me that my best friend was involved in a car accident, he died on Friday. I didn’t believe it at first. It came as such a shock that I would never see my best friend, my fake cousin ever again. This also came at a bad time. I was supposed to start school on Tuesday. So I went to school, saw everyone and when I got home I put on my suit and drove down to Connecticut to see his calling hours. What I saw was incredible. I stepped out of the car and there was a line to see sean. His entire town had shown up too see him. It was like a disney world ride, with lines wrapping all around the funeral home, snaking its way around corridors finally ending with his resting area surrounded by flowers and memorabilia. I finally met his mom at the end of the line. To this day, I probably wont meet a stronger woman. She has weathered through a divorce, a tantrum ridden 9 year old and now her eldest son’s death. I choose to scan over sean’s body, but I didn’t want to get to close. For the next 4 hours I sat around just in a mope. I saw one of seans friends in the corner and I said hi. I had met her when I went with sean up to his friend jake’s beach house in rhode island. She was the sister of jake, but she was like one of the gang. We talked for a little and I asked her where jake was. I found him sitting in his car, and I talked with him shortly before he had to leave. I could tell he wasent doing well. Hours past by and I stopped to look at some of the murals that people had made of him. There was one with all these pictures of when he was a kid. Another with a section made by his girlfriend at the time, and another of some his friends made. Then I looked to one of the posters and it was one his family made. In it contained a picture from our trip to cape cod, just me and him sitting In the hot tub back when I had long hair. We both looked so alike we could have pulled off the “cousin” thing easily. And there was a few more pictures of us at new Hampshire. It made me think of something that happened a while ago. I had a birthday party way back In 3rd grade with all my friends from school. Among the people invited to come was sean because he would be in town. As the party progressed I ended up hanging out with him the whole time. No matter what happened in our lives, we always seemed to be on the same playing field. My mom informed me that we were going to leave so she wanted so say bye to sean’s mom. I decided to go see him for the last time. I stepped over to his resting place and saw him, lying there still as the cold air. I sat down next to him and surveyed all the things he had with him. The cowboy hat I asked him to put on when we walked through rhode island was to his left. The darien shirt he always wore, because it was his cousins band. I kneeled up to his coffin, and looked at his eyes, closed and still. At that moment 16 years of pain, wherever it came from, exploded out of me. Through mumbles and tears I told him that I’ll be seeing him again, and that I never liked saying goodbye, just that I said “I’ll be seeing you later”. I looked at his neck and around it was a cross necklace that he bought when I last saw him, he owed me change for it. I welled up and told him he didn’t owe me anything at all. I left that night knowing it wasent over. I got no sleep that night cause i couldent stop thinking about him. I cried at the fact that i would never hear him speak again. I woke up at 6, finding out i only slept about 2 hours. My pillow was still wet from my tears, and my eyes stung so bad i could barely put on my contacts. The next morning was the funeral. His family had kind words to say, and of course his father went up, but that only made everyone feel worse, cause his father was a selfish idiot. The priest said a wonderful sermon and it stung, but it still had a good point. Sean was taken to a cemetery not to far from the church, and was layed over his grave. The priest said the last words and offered the opportunity to have people put flowers over his coffin. Everyone who was there put a flower on it. There was such an outpouring you could barely see his coffin from the flowers. We left the cemetery and afterwards went to the teen service. In this all of his friends packed back into the church. Instead of more sorrowing talks, they had his friends come up and say their favorite memories of sean. This helped out so much, I don’t think I would be the same without it happening. On the way home I thought about a lot of things. I thought about how frail life is. In one instant it can be taken away. Sean was such a loyal person, and was really kind hearted. He gave the keys to his car to a kid who was pressuring him to let him drive. The kid was irresponsible and sean forfeit his life to him. I started to think about my life, and what would happen if I were to suddenly pass on. What would I be leaving behind. I just want to say that I love you all. If I come off as being an ass its just me trying to be cool. If I have hurt you in the past, I am deeply sorry that I did. It is never my intention to cause harm to people. And once again I don’t say it enough I love you all. The readers of this journal thank you for supporting it, and take the time to read about my dumb ideas. And To all my friends without whom I would not be sitting here today.