you wanna know that it dosen't hurt me
01. • People came to look at the house today and I thought my mom was going to cry. I remember when she got it she was so proud because she had never owned anything by herself, all her cars and houses and everything were always co-owned with her parents, or my dad, etc and she was so excited to own something of her own. And when I watched her open that letter... it just makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs and smash something to just... pieces.
• We looked at houses in our price range today and my mom was trying to be all optomistic but geez. I don't know how people live the way they do. The relators tell you to make sure your house is very neat/clean/etc but when we walked in the first (and best house) there was a big pile of DOG SHIT in the middle of the floor of the first one. It's other features included peeling paint and what looked like mold in the room that would be mine. I just stood there and thought I was going to cry again, because apparently all I do anymore according to the wonderfully-sensitive Scott.
• We had to shut the cable off because heat > tv.
• My computer is getting reposessed. I didn't even know they could do that, but apparently, they can so now I won't have internet access but every other week.
• I skipped bowling practice this week because I didn't have the 8.50 and my mom had just enough gas money for the week, and I was to proud to ask Scott for the money. I also had to start taking my lunch everyday and it got stepped on 3 out of the 5 days this week. Plus, my mom owes hundreds of dollars in legal fees now thanks to Melissa and we haven't even gone to court yet.
• Toe's hand is getting worse. A right hand is kind of a neccessity when you're a maintenance man and ya know, right handed. The surgery is eleven hundred dollars so he tries to act like it dosen't bother him but I can tell it does every morning when he gets up and can barely operate the coffee pot because his hand is so stiff in directions that make it look deformed.
• My toilet overflowed the other day and Toe had to fix it for me. Sitting there watching him stick his hand down a toilet and mop up the water on his hands and knees made me feel so bad because even though in this case it was just water, it was still gross. When I told him I was sorry, he laughed and shook his head saying 'Is no big deal, I do it every day!' and made some joke about being the best toilet guy ever and I just wanted to cry because he said it in such a proud way and I couldn't help but feel so bad that he's cleaning up crack houses and mold-infestations and I was down because I couldn't watch the new Bones episode right away.
• Brandon got put on the list to go to Iraq. If a platoon goes in the next year a half it's suppose to be his. Of course his specialty is number one on the most killed in action list. And when he told me I was trying not to cry but I just couldn't. I can't loose him too, I just can't.
• My dad got two job offers, good ones. They pay almost double what he usually makes now, and my dad is definately not hurting for money. I mean, yeah it's a good thing but god. It makes me so mad that the bad guy gets all the breaks, while the good guys suffer. I mean, he's the most emo person I've ever met and literally has nothing to complain about. At the same time, my mom is trying to be strong while I pretend I don't hear her cry herself to sleep everynight and Toe's cleaning up poop overflows ten hours a day without a single complaint.
• Everytime my dad puts on this concerned face and asks if I'm okay, I just want to hit him as hard as I can, right in the eye. Everytime he talks to me, I can't help but zone out and just imagine hitting him over and over for everything he's done to my family. Because mom and Toe? Jeanna and Casey and Brandon? THEY are my family. Because I know without a doubt that they will always be there for me and willing to do whatever they can to help. But he just makes things worse to a point where I don't even know what to do anymore. And he makes me want my meds again. It took me forever to get off those fucking things and it was so hard and scary and he just makes me want to run and hide and cry everytime he smiles at me and it's all I can do not to flinch when he touches me.
02. Okay, so I just needed that out of my system, we're NOT going to talk about it okay? We're just not. So don't.
03. If you didn't give me your address for your Christmas card .... GIVE IT TO ME YA BIG SCROOGE lol.
04. Pimp-mobile:
• super_oth: Because Holli is a very random spaz but we love her ideas her anyway.
• choco_cherries: Because round two is starting and is in need of major pimpage.
05. I'm bored and need something to take my mind off all the crap listed above. So I'm taking fic/drabble prompts because ever since that night I wrote random Peter/Claire fic, I feel like writing. So below are the fandoms and ships I would love to write (though I might do others if I know them). So pick one and then gimme some kind of prompt. Cool lryics, awesome quotes (random or tv voiceovers, etc), or even random objects would be cool. Did I mention that I would really appreciate it? 'Cause I would.
• Heroes (Peter/Claire, Zach/Claire)
• Veronica Mars (Mac/Dick, Gia/Leo, Cassidy/Lily, etc)
• Gilmore Girls (Literati, Marty/Lucy, Paris/Finn)
• Supernatural (Dean/Jo)
• The OC (Ryan/Taylor, Seth/Marissa, Seth/Anna)
• Bones (Booth/Brennan, Angela/Hodgins)
• One Tree Hill (Brooke/Mouth, Brooke/Jake)
• The Class (Kat/Ethan)
• Crossovers + Random-UC ships (Dean/Peyton, Seth/Brooke, Jess/Anna, etc)
• We looked at houses in our price range today and my mom was trying to be all optomistic but geez. I don't know how people live the way they do. The relators tell you to make sure your house is very neat/clean/etc but when we walked in the first (and best house) there was a big pile of DOG SHIT in the middle of the floor of the first one. It's other features included peeling paint and what looked like mold in the room that would be mine. I just stood there and thought I was going to cry again, because apparently all I do anymore according to the wonderfully-sensitive Scott.
• We had to shut the cable off because heat > tv.
• My computer is getting reposessed. I didn't even know they could do that, but apparently, they can so now I won't have internet access but every other week.
• I skipped bowling practice this week because I didn't have the 8.50 and my mom had just enough gas money for the week, and I was to proud to ask Scott for the money. I also had to start taking my lunch everyday and it got stepped on 3 out of the 5 days this week. Plus, my mom owes hundreds of dollars in legal fees now thanks to Melissa and we haven't even gone to court yet.
• Toe's hand is getting worse. A right hand is kind of a neccessity when you're a maintenance man and ya know, right handed. The surgery is eleven hundred dollars so he tries to act like it dosen't bother him but I can tell it does every morning when he gets up and can barely operate the coffee pot because his hand is so stiff in directions that make it look deformed.
• My toilet overflowed the other day and Toe had to fix it for me. Sitting there watching him stick his hand down a toilet and mop up the water on his hands and knees made me feel so bad because even though in this case it was just water, it was still gross. When I told him I was sorry, he laughed and shook his head saying 'Is no big deal, I do it every day!' and made some joke about being the best toilet guy ever and I just wanted to cry because he said it in such a proud way and I couldn't help but feel so bad that he's cleaning up crack houses and mold-infestations and I was down because I couldn't watch the new Bones episode right away.
• Brandon got put on the list to go to Iraq. If a platoon goes in the next year a half it's suppose to be his. Of course his specialty is number one on the most killed in action list. And when he told me I was trying not to cry but I just couldn't. I can't loose him too, I just can't.
• My dad got two job offers, good ones. They pay almost double what he usually makes now, and my dad is definately not hurting for money. I mean, yeah it's a good thing but god. It makes me so mad that the bad guy gets all the breaks, while the good guys suffer. I mean, he's the most emo person I've ever met and literally has nothing to complain about. At the same time, my mom is trying to be strong while I pretend I don't hear her cry herself to sleep everynight and Toe's cleaning up poop overflows ten hours a day without a single complaint.
• Everytime my dad puts on this concerned face and asks if I'm okay, I just want to hit him as hard as I can, right in the eye. Everytime he talks to me, I can't help but zone out and just imagine hitting him over and over for everything he's done to my family. Because mom and Toe? Jeanna and Casey and Brandon? THEY are my family. Because I know without a doubt that they will always be there for me and willing to do whatever they can to help. But he just makes things worse to a point where I don't even know what to do anymore. And he makes me want my meds again. It took me forever to get off those fucking things and it was so hard and scary and he just makes me want to run and hide and cry everytime he smiles at me and it's all I can do not to flinch when he touches me.
02. Okay, so I just needed that out of my system, we're NOT going to talk about it okay? We're just not. So don't.
03. If you didn't give me your address for your Christmas card .... GIVE IT TO ME YA BIG SCROOGE lol.
04. Pimp-mobile:
• super_oth: Because Holli is a very random spaz but we love her ideas her anyway.
• choco_cherries: Because round two is starting and is in need of major pimpage.
05. I'm bored and need something to take my mind off all the crap listed above. So I'm taking fic/drabble prompts because ever since that night I wrote random Peter/Claire fic, I feel like writing. So below are the fandoms and ships I would love to write (though I might do others if I know them). So pick one and then gimme some kind of prompt. Cool lryics, awesome quotes (random or tv voiceovers, etc), or even random objects would be cool. Did I mention that I would really appreciate it? 'Cause I would.
• Heroes (Peter/Claire, Zach/Claire)
• Veronica Mars (Mac/Dick, Gia/Leo, Cassidy/Lily, etc)
• Gilmore Girls (Literati, Marty/Lucy, Paris/Finn)
• Supernatural (Dean/Jo)
• The OC (Ryan/Taylor, Seth/Marissa, Seth/Anna)
• Bones (Booth/Brennan, Angela/Hodgins)
• One Tree Hill (Brooke/Mouth, Brooke/Jake)
• The Class (Kat/Ethan)
• Crossovers + Random-UC ships (Dean/Peyton, Seth/Brooke, Jess/Anna, etc)