Graduate School First Impression
I started graduate school on August 23. I'm taking 4 classes, 3 of them core-level courses that will be on my PhD qualifying exam in May. I expected them to be tough. I didn't expect them to completely rape my mind the FIRST DAY of class! Most of it is transitional and not knowing what to expect, and I knew this, but it still doesn't prepare you for listening to a 90 minute lecture where you're totally lost after 10!
When you enter a PhD program it is natural to make the assumption that everyone in the room is brilliant. The material starts on foundation material you should know. The first couple weeks are supposed to be like this. Everything your undergraduate program didn't prepare you for or covered poorly becomes an academic weakness. My understanding of calculus (theory-wise) is really weak and hurting me all around (as well as fluid operations, process control, and God-knows-what next). Likewise, busting my butt to recover my Thermodynamics grade three years ago carried over.
My underlying assumption was wrong. You will find very few brilliant people in a PhD program. The brilliant people are smart enough NOT to do something so STUPID! The core of a PhD, expanding the realm of human knowledge, is won through repeated attempts and constant failure. Geniuses and perfectionists have a real hard time in graduate school because they're not prepared for the failure. The truth is you can't be 100% right, in fact in research you're happy with "just fine".
In summary, I've joined a program akin to a monastic lifestyle filled with study. At the end I will receive a robe, just like a monk, to commemorate the achievement.
Does this sound too cynical? I think it does, but then I give it a healthy dose of perspective. I have ALWAYS learned through repeated failures, especially in my engineering classes. I was always the student who tried to grasp HOW it worked instead of reaching for the magic equation (which the brilliant students do a LOT better than me!). I've always had to settle with 'my understanding is 'good enough' and not 'perfect''. I've always had to work hard to understand the most basic of concepts and always thought of it to be a burden.
I judged most of my classmates wrong. Almost all of them are just like me. We finished school, decided to come to grad school, and struggle just to follow a single lecture. These are my fellow monks, sequestered for long hours studying the class material and referencing each other (and in my case, 8 other text books courtesy of the LSU library) over who is less wrong. We've taken our vows and we're in this whirlwind of a program.
One of my professors has an open forum. I tested some of my new perspective on him. Here's my post (the question was "Did you find this assignment too hard?"):
Me:
"Overall - did I find this too difficult? No, but it was hard and required me to use all academic avenues to finish. I'm not used to this for a first assignment, but I feel this is a lot closer to the reality of grad school and beyond.
When I first saw the question did I have any idea how to do it? No
If I add all the time I spent together it would equate to 15-18 hours. This is roughly 5-6 hours per lecture and another 5 -6 on the assignment.
I had to use multiple references including my own text, the instructor, and multiple texts from the library shelves. I still have questions on problems where I ran out of time and I fully plan on learning the problem-solving before the next assignment."
Response:
"Good. I like that determination. With that you are bound to succeed.
All the best"
........
I think I found my perfect fit for the next 5 years! This year is going to be especially long and hard (I take 8 out of my 10 courses required my first year, 5 of them the ridiculously hard ones ) - all the upperclassmen say the first year is the hardest - but I'll keep at it. This is going to be the fourth week of class and I've been studying 4-7 hours a day including weekends (yes, this is normal). I'm interested in environmental chemical engineering. Now I can learn something no one has ever studied before (and hopefully I get a project that deals with the environment). Sure, it's going to be really hard and filled with constant failure (the whole "learning one more way not to do something" method). But this is the way I learn. Everything about it just falls into place.
This can't be an accident...
When you enter a PhD program it is natural to make the assumption that everyone in the room is brilliant. The material starts on foundation material you should know. The first couple weeks are supposed to be like this. Everything your undergraduate program didn't prepare you for or covered poorly becomes an academic weakness. My understanding of calculus (theory-wise) is really weak and hurting me all around (as well as fluid operations, process control, and God-knows-what next). Likewise, busting my butt to recover my Thermodynamics grade three years ago carried over.
My underlying assumption was wrong. You will find very few brilliant people in a PhD program. The brilliant people are smart enough NOT to do something so STUPID! The core of a PhD, expanding the realm of human knowledge, is won through repeated attempts and constant failure. Geniuses and perfectionists have a real hard time in graduate school because they're not prepared for the failure. The truth is you can't be 100% right, in fact in research you're happy with "just fine".
In summary, I've joined a program akin to a monastic lifestyle filled with study. At the end I will receive a robe, just like a monk, to commemorate the achievement.
Does this sound too cynical? I think it does, but then I give it a healthy dose of perspective. I have ALWAYS learned through repeated failures, especially in my engineering classes. I was always the student who tried to grasp HOW it worked instead of reaching for the magic equation (which the brilliant students do a LOT better than me!). I've always had to settle with 'my understanding is 'good enough' and not 'perfect''. I've always had to work hard to understand the most basic of concepts and always thought of it to be a burden.
I judged most of my classmates wrong. Almost all of them are just like me. We finished school, decided to come to grad school, and struggle just to follow a single lecture. These are my fellow monks, sequestered for long hours studying the class material and referencing each other (and in my case, 8 other text books courtesy of the LSU library) over who is less wrong. We've taken our vows and we're in this whirlwind of a program.
One of my professors has an open forum. I tested some of my new perspective on him. Here's my post (the question was "Did you find this assignment too hard?"):
Me:
"Overall - did I find this too difficult? No, but it was hard and required me to use all academic avenues to finish. I'm not used to this for a first assignment, but I feel this is a lot closer to the reality of grad school and beyond.
When I first saw the question did I have any idea how to do it? No
If I add all the time I spent together it would equate to 15-18 hours. This is roughly 5-6 hours per lecture and another 5 -6 on the assignment.
I had to use multiple references including my own text, the instructor, and multiple texts from the library shelves. I still have questions on problems where I ran out of time and I fully plan on learning the problem-solving before the next assignment."
Response:
"Good. I like that determination. With that you are bound to succeed.
All the best"
........
I think I found my perfect fit for the next 5 years! This year is going to be especially long and hard (I take 8 out of my 10 courses required my first year, 5 of them the ridiculously hard ones ) - all the upperclassmen say the first year is the hardest - but I'll keep at it. This is going to be the fourth week of class and I've been studying 4-7 hours a day including weekends (yes, this is normal). I'm interested in environmental chemical engineering. Now I can learn something no one has ever studied before (and hopefully I get a project that deals with the environment). Sure, it's going to be really hard and filled with constant failure (the whole "learning one more way not to do something" method). But this is the way I learn. Everything about it just falls into place.
This can't be an accident...