A moment of angst for the leper.

[name_of_thorn]

*When the tutor arrives at the house, Thorn is nowhere in the house. He is in fact, not even on the grounds, as any immediate search will reveal. He knew what time the tutor was coming, and was very excited about it the day before, albeit understandably nervous. His earlier question to the Nexus might have something to do with his absence, but even

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[leela1]

Leela had sent the tutor away hours ago, and had helped Tom pick up the dishes after supper. Then she'd walked down to the lake to sit and think some more about things. Worried about Thorn, missing Kadaj, even the conversation with Deacon running through her head. Finally cold, she begins walking back up to the chateau, anxious to get to the warmth of the sheltered garden. Just off the path, in the light of the dying sun she sees him curled up and quiet. She hesitates, torn between wanting to comfort him and not wanting to interupt his solitude. Finally, she whispers. "Thorn? Hey, are.. are you alright?"

[name_of_thorn]

*He looks up very slowly, his expression flat apart from his eyes, which are intense with emotion. He does not appear to have been crying, but he looks very tired. His voice comes out a bit choked and he has to clear his throat to make himself sound more normal.* "Oh... 'M sorry... I wos just... I din't want to 'urt nothing in the garden and... 'm sorry..." *He looks down again, guilt creeping into his face as he recalls today's appointment.*

[leela1]

"Hey, it's ok Thorn. Really. She'll be back, not a problem. Just kinda.." She hesitated. "Thorn, you missed dinner. We.. that is I, I mean Tom and Matthew and I.. we was worried about you." She takes a hesitant step forward, trying to see him better, trying to sort of his face from the deep shadows surrounding him.

"Come on Thorn, come in side. Please? It's getting cold out here." And almost in response to her words the wind whistles through the trees, sending a flurry of fresh snow off the branches onto the ground nearby.

((must clean room and sleep early tonight, unfortunately. Responses are prob going to be spotty. Sorry!))

[name_of_thorn]

"'M sorry..." *He sighs and gets to his feet wearily, rubbing his face.* "I... I din't mean to snap at ye earlier, if I did... don't remember... in the Nexus..." *He worries his lip, where there is already dried blood. He seems to be struggling to hold back his own emotions, striving to be nothing more than apologetic and formal. The struggle is quite clear, and even when he studies the ground to avoid her gaze she can see the turbulent emotions in his eyes. This is the man who did not cry for Anna, who waited by her bedside, who did what he felt needed to be done without regard for himself.* "'M sorry... 's ungrateful of me, not coming back like that, I din't mean no disrspect to ye, or the teacher."

[leela1]

She crossed her arms, rubbed her upper shoulders swiftly, trying to get warmer. "It's ok, Thorn; really. We're all just human, you know? Can't expect you to have all good days all the time." Her heart ached for him, wanting to help and not knowing what to do, feeling helpless.

She looked for a place to sit, to talk with him but everything was too exposed, too cold, ice covered and blanketed in snow. "Come on Thorn, don't care about the garden as much as I care about us not freezing to death." She said it with a smile, pointing to the other side of the clearing.

[name_of_thorn]

*He winces slightly at the first sentence, then nods and gives her a very weak smile. Thorn seems ready to follow her, cold and hungry himself despite the fact he has ignored it all day.* "'S still wrong of me... I din't mean to upset ye." *He worries his lip still as they move into the garden and towards the warmth and light the house exudes.* "I... Miss Leela, one of the people wot I wos talking to, 'e..." *He is struggling with the effort of keeping his voice calm, and choosing his words very carefully.* "'E said 'e went to school... wos going to school... with Miss Trüble." *There is a slight pause as he braces himself to continue.* "Not like in the past, but right now. A younger 'er, somewheres... wot 'asn't... 'M sorry Miss Leela. I just... I reckon I went a bit spare." *He shivers and wraps his arms around himself, studying the ground very intently as he walks

[leela1]

"Annie, alive?" She stops and stares at him a moment in confusion. "But.. no wait, this is the nexus. Only makes sense that there would be an alternate of her someplace, Thorn."

"Hell, wouldn't be surprised if there's another you out there someplace." She relaxes once she hits the garden, slows down her walk. "And I told you before, you're only human Thorn. Emotions come with the package, you know? You should see me when I get going. Trust me, you aren't a .. it's ok Thorn. Really."

((AIM or Yahoo me, poke all you want!! I totally forgot this and I appologize, hon!))

[name_of_thorn]

"I... I know that, but... I just never thought of... I never ran into it like that before. And a younger 'er, so's she could make the same mistake and go through all that again... 's too 'orrible to think about..." *He trails off a bit hoarsely, and takes a moment to compose himself. He squints as they enter the pool of light from the house.* "Wot if 'm not human...?"

((I got distracted myself, as I said. No apologies needed!))

[leela1]

"Ok, so what if you're not? What I mean by human Thorn.. um, lemme try to put this the right way." She opened the back door leading into the sunroom. "If you aren't human, you still have the same emotions as the rest of us, right? The way I see it, humanity isn't a race, it's... oh hell. I guess it's the ability to feel, the ability to love, and make mistakes and learn from them and all that."

((supperime! LAters! *hugs*))

[name_of_thorn]

"...Oh." *He follows her in, worrying his lip and squinting while his eyes adjust to the light. His voice is husky with repressed emotion.* "I never criedfor 'er... 'aven't cried since I wos disowned as a kid. Wot's that mean?" *He slumps into a chair and belatedly notices the grass stains on the knees of his new jeans.* "Oh... mmm... 'M sorry... I'll scrub the clothes really well..."

[leela1]

"Thorn?" She sneaks glances at him under her eyelashes, not wanting to invade his personal space. She bites her inner cheek, hesitant then reaches out to slowly put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"Not sure what it means, really. Maybe you didn't have time, maybe you felt it made you vulnerable, maybe.. maybe you didn't feel safe enough then." She ignores his comments about the clothes. "Not gonna hurt you Thorn, not gonna make fun of you, or get mad at you.. " She reaches out her other hand, rests it on his other shoulder.

"You're safe here, Thorn. And it's ok to cry, if you feel like it. We're family. No one's gonna hurt you here. "

[name_of_thorn]

"'S not... well mebbe it is. Partly. But... Allus figured crying wos for children and ladies, and... well it don't change nothing, do it?" *He begins to curl up a bit, then leans tentatively into the touch.* "'M not so worried about being hurt, been beat up plenty and it never killed me yet. I just... don't never want to do nothing wot gets me kicked out. It's... 'S scary 'aving people wot I care about, or care wot they think. 'S easier to 'ave nobody." *He continues to lean into her hands slightly, as if unsure whether or not it's the right thing to do.*

[leela1]

"Crying is human. It's how we deal with some emotions. At least it's how I deal with some emotions. It's not just for children, or women.. it's human. A release valve for .. whatever it is." She takes a step closer to his chair, feeling him lean in but still not wanting to push him. Quietly she speaks, and stands there waiting for him to decide whether to invite her in.

"You're right, it is easier to do that. Makes you vulnerable, open to attack.. open to pain and heartache, Thorn. But it also gives you someone to lean on when you aren't feeling strong. They hold you, they are there for you until you can get back up again."

[name_of_thorn]

"But 've never 'ad that, and I made it so far... 'M older than I look. I wish everybody wouldn't keep thinking I wos a kid." *He sighs and leans against her, wary and gentle.* "Din't say I don't want friends, 's just... 's hard letting anyone in, now. 'S all new and I don't even know quite 'ow 'm s'posed to be a friend, or how I fit in. 'M sorry. Just tired. 'M not making sense anymore. I wos already angry when I went in the Nexus, but I did mean to be back 'ere before the tutor, and I'm sorry about the clothes, really. I'll scrub 'em out best I can. And... I didn't mean to worry ye." *He risks a look up at her, apologetic and worn out.* "Failed ye already as a friend, running off like that and worrying ye."

[leela1]

Her hands move from his shoulders to around his back, very lightly resting there. "It's ok, it's ok. Don't appologize, Thorn. It's ok. I'm not mad, not at all. Stop, Thorn. It's alright. You don't have to appologize to me, don't have to.. No." She pulls away, looks him straight in the eyes.

"No. You did not fail me, not as a friend, not as anything. You get that out of your mind now. You've done nothing wrong, Thorn. Not to me. If you want to appologize to your tutor, fine. But you have done nothing to say sorry for. Not to me, you've never hurt me, never done anything to me."

She pulls him into a loose hug and lightly rests her head on his shoulder.

[name_of_thorn]

*He looks surprised by her words, blinking in startled confusion. His first impulse is to apologize again, but he manages to cut himself off while what she's said slowly sinks in. Biting his lip, he nods very slowly in response, eyes still wide. He accepts the hug, feeling too lost just now to do anything else. Very carefully, he puts his arms around her. It is clear from his mannerisms that hugs are very unfamiliar, but he's been taking lessons from Courtney. When he does speak again, it is in a mumble.* "I just... I figured clothes wos expensive. But these take scrubbing better than the old ones..." *Thorn has yet to discover the invention of the washing machine, and scrubs his clothes out in the bathtub.*