A moment of angst for the leper.

[name_of_thorn]

*When the tutor arrives at the house, Thorn is nowhere in the house. He is in fact, not even on the grounds, as any immediate search will reveal. He knew what time the tutor was coming, and was very excited about it the day before, albeit understandably nervous. His earlier question to the Nexus might have something to do with his absence, but even

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[name_of_thorn]

*He winces slightly at the first sentence, then nods and gives her a very weak smile. Thorn seems ready to follow her, cold and hungry himself despite the fact he has ignored it all day.* "'S still wrong of me... I din't mean to upset ye." *He worries his lip still as they move into the garden and towards the warmth and light the house exudes.* "I... Miss Leela, one of the people wot I wos talking to, 'e..." *He is struggling with the effort of keeping his voice calm, and choosing his words very carefully.* "'E said 'e went to school... wos going to school... with Miss Trüble." *There is a slight pause as he braces himself to continue.* "Not like in the past, but right now. A younger 'er, somewheres... wot 'asn't... 'M sorry Miss Leela. I just... I reckon I went a bit spare." *He shivers and wraps his arms around himself, studying the ground very intently as he walks.*

((I meant to say something to the effect that I understand on the previous post... your sleep is more important than RP ;-) I'm letting Courtney's player have the computer and just checking here periodically.))

[leela1]

"Annie, alive?" She stops and stares at him a moment in confusion. "But.. no wait, this is the nexus. Only makes sense that there would be an alternate of her someplace, Thorn."

"Hell, wouldn't be surprised if there's another you out there someplace." She relaxes once she hits the garden, slows down her walk. "And I told you before, you're only human Thorn. Emotions come with the package, you know? You should see me when I get going. Trust me, you aren't a .. it's ok Thorn. Really."

((AIM or Yahoo me, poke all you want!! I totally forgot this and I appologize, hon!))

[name_of_thorn]

"I... I know that, but... I just never thought of... I never ran into it like that before. And a younger 'er, so's she could make the same mistake and go through all that again... 's too 'orrible to think about..." *He trails off a bit hoarsely, and takes a moment to compose himself. He squints as they enter the pool of light from the house.* "Wot if 'm not human...?"

((I got distracted myself, as I said. No apologies needed!))

[leela1]

"Ok, so what if you're not? What I mean by human Thorn.. um, lemme try to put this the right way." She opened the back door leading into the sunroom. "If you aren't human, you still have the same emotions as the rest of us, right? The way I see it, humanity isn't a race, it's... oh hell. I guess it's the ability to feel, the ability to love, and make mistakes and learn from them and all that."

((supperime! LAters! *hugs*))

[name_of_thorn]

"...Oh." *He follows her in, worrying his lip and squinting while his eyes adjust to the light. His voice is husky with repressed emotion.* "I never criedfor 'er... 'aven't cried since I wos disowned as a kid. Wot's that mean?" *He slumps into a chair and belatedly notices the grass stains on the knees of his new jeans.* "Oh... mmm... 'M sorry... I'll scrub the clothes really well..."

[leela1]

"Thorn?" She sneaks glances at him under her eyelashes, not wanting to invade his personal space. She bites her inner cheek, hesitant then reaches out to slowly put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"Not sure what it means, really. Maybe you didn't have time, maybe you felt it made you vulnerable, maybe.. maybe you didn't feel safe enough then." She ignores his comments about the clothes. "Not gonna hurt you Thorn, not gonna make fun of you, or get mad at you.. " She reaches out her other hand, rests it on his other shoulder.

"You're safe here, Thorn. And it's ok to cry, if you feel like it. We're family. No one's gonna hurt you here. "

[name_of_thorn]

"'S not... well mebbe it is. Partly. But... Allus figured crying wos for children and ladies, and... well it don't change nothing, do it?" *He begins to curl up a bit, then leans tentatively into the touch.* "'M not so worried about being hurt, been beat up plenty and it never killed me yet. I just... don't never want to do nothing wot gets me kicked out. It's... 'S scary 'aving people wot I care about, or care wot they think. 'S easier to 'ave nobody." *He continues to lean into her hands slightly, as if unsure whether or not it's the right thing to do.*

[leela1]

"Crying is human. It's how we deal with some emotions. At least it's how I deal with some emotions. It's not just for children, or women.. it's human. A release valve for .. whatever it is." She takes a step closer to his chair, feeling him lean in but still not wanting to push him. Quietly she speaks, and stands there waiting for him to decide whether to invite her in.

"You're right, it is easier to do that. Makes you vulnerable, open to attack.. open to pain and heartache, Thorn. But it also gives you someone to lean on when you aren't feeling strong. They hold you, they are there for you until you can get back up again."

[name_of_thorn]

"But 've never 'ad that, and I made it so far... 'M older than I look. I wish everybody wouldn't keep thinking I wos a kid." *He sighs and leans against her, wary and gentle.* "Din't say I don't want friends, 's just... 's hard letting anyone in, now. 'S all new and I don't even know quite 'ow 'm s'posed to be a friend, or how I fit in. 'M sorry. Just tired. 'M not making sense anymore. I wos already angry when I went in the Nexus, but I did mean to be back 'ere before the tutor, and I'm sorry about the clothes, really. I'll scrub 'em out best I can. And... I didn't mean to worry ye." *He risks a look up at her, apologetic and worn out.* "Failed ye already as a friend, running off like that and worrying ye."

[leela1]

Her hands move from his shoulders to around his back, very lightly resting there. "It's ok, it's ok. Don't appologize, Thorn. It's ok. I'm not mad, not at all. Stop, Thorn. It's alright. You don't have to appologize to me, don't have to.. No." She pulls away, looks him straight in the eyes.

"No. You did not fail me, not as a friend, not as anything. You get that out of your mind now. You've done nothing wrong, Thorn. Not to me. If you want to appologize to your tutor, fine. But you have done nothing to say sorry for. Not to me, you've never hurt me, never done anything to me."

She pulls him into a loose hug and lightly rests her head on his shoulder.

[name_of_thorn]

*He looks surprised by her words, blinking in startled confusion. His first impulse is to apologize again, but he manages to cut himself off while what she's said slowly sinks in. Biting his lip, he nods very slowly in response, eyes still wide. He accepts the hug, feeling too lost just now to do anything else. Very carefully, he puts his arms around her. It is clear from his mannerisms that hugs are very unfamiliar, but he's been taking lessons from Courtney. When he does speak again, it is in a mumble.* "I just... I figured clothes wos expensive. But these take scrubbing better than the old ones..." *Thorn has yet to discover the invention of the washing machine, and scrubs his clothes out in the bathtub.*

[leela1]

"Just throw them in the washer, Thorn. And if they're ruined, or you want new ones, we'll just get you new ones. They aren't that important. People are important, things can get replaced." She mumbles it while she continues to hug him gently. Giving a last light squeese, she pulls away.

"Thorn, I just.." She looks around, lost. "I don't have all the answers, you know? I mean, I know a lot for my age and all, but I don't know everything. Just what I feel. But what I can do for you is to listen, when you want to talk. Or maybe even just be here when you don't. Sometimes it's good just to be around someone, you know?"

[name_of_thorn]

"The...?" *He blinks a little blankly, as it dawns on him that he is probably about to find out there's another piece of commonplace technology he's missed. He shakes his head and decides to ask later, embarrassed now.* "'M just... a bit out of sorts just now. I don't want to... to ramble at ye if ye're busy... just din't sleep at all last night, and 'aven't eaten... and I feel like me 'ead's so full it'll fall off. Dr. Octavius got me thinking and then I got angry, I mean, not at 'im, at... well at the world, and it's nothing new really 's just I tries not to let on and 'm not so angry as I used to be so it's less of an act, but it just all came up again... and then... and then that boy said 'e knew Miss Trüble... it felt kind of like... like a flash flood when I wos already standing in a downpour, if that makes any sense..." *He cuts himself off as he realizes he is already rambling. He is also smelling the faint scents lingering in the air from dinner, and his now-accustomed-to-being-full stomach is sharply reminding him he hasn't eaten all day.*

[leela1]

She nods, and slowly moves back, giving him a little space finally. "It gets overwhelming, yea I know... " She cocks her head, listening.

"Like I said, Thorn. Its all part of being human. And yea, being human kinda sucks some times. But I am certainly not busy, and I'm more than willing to listen while you ramble, if that's what you want." Moving close to him, she gives him another quick hug then steps away again. "That's part of being friends. Part of being family."

She raised a hand. "Not gonna leave, honest. And if you wanna talk some more, go for it. I'm here now, meant what I said" She looks at him, decides to ask. "You gonna go see Anna?"

[name_of_thorn]

"See 'er? she don't know me from nobody." *He heaves a long sigh, eyeing the fridge now.* "But I... I sent a message, with the boy. I asked 'im to give 'er this message so she wouldn't make the mistake wot she did... Wos it wrong? It don't make a difference, does it." *He frowns at the floor, trying to put into words what he's been thinking all day. He is far from stupid, but he sometimes lacks the vocabulary to express what he thinks.* "Either 's gonna happen 'cos it already did, or else she's a different version anyway and wot I might try to do don't really affect wot's already 'appened 'cos... 'cos 's not the same her. No. 'M not sure wot I'd do if I did actually meet 'er. I already went spare on the boy, just 'cos 'e knew 'er. I... know lots of people 'ave other versions there of 'em, I just... I never thought there'd be one of her. It's... 's... wot's the word. Naive? of me... I 'ope there's no more of me around. Sorry bastard if there wos... I... din't mean to worry ye with the other question, either. I wos in the Sanctuary again, and Dr. Octavius brought up how there wos all kinds of poor people in nearly every world, and it just... it got me so mad that people can make computers and microwaves and refridgerators and know 'ow the world is front to back and all this grand smart stuff, and they can't figure out a simple thing like making sure the people around 'em 'as enough to eat. I let meself think it wos fixed, 'cos it wos easier than questioning me own good fortune. I can't forgive meself for that."

[leela1]

She listens quietly, keeping her eyes on him as much as possible while casually pulling some fresh baked bread out of the fridge. "Thorn, all I can say is.. oh hell if I know. What I do? I just try to do my best for others, and hope that they feel the same way about helping more people that they know. One of those 'gifts that keep on giving' kind of things."

She shrugs, at a loss for words. "I really don't know what else to do. I can't change the world, but I can help change my corner of it, you know? But other than that.. and no, I think that people come to the nexus for a reason. If this other Anna did? Maybe we can keep her from making .. keep her from having the same things happen to her that happened to our Anna."