25 Haiku all for Challenge #6
These range from vaguely serious to complete and utter crack. More towards the latter tbqh.
Title: Generally self explanatory. I'll title it if it needs~ it.
Summary: WHY SUMMARIZE HAIKU
Characters/Pairings: Do you really care? LET'S BE HONEST HERE.
Rating/Warnings: Um. Language, crack, sexual innuendo/discussion of alternate uses of wands.
Chocolate Frogs
They jump and they hop
With their collectible cards
Right into your heart.
Flap flap goes Hedwig
Then a fucking Death Eater
Went and killed her dead
Pink hair or purple?
Normal nose, Snape nose, pig snout?
Welcome to Tonk's life.
Fucking Pettigrew
I squeak and I sniff
Around sewers, around shit
I sold out my friend.
What Keeps Snape Awake At Night
Look at her red hair
And her alabaster skin
But does she sparkle
Shrieking Shack Observations
I always hear screams
And see broken furniture
Someone likes it rough.
Mandrakes whine and cry
Like annoying baby plants
But they knock you out
Oh, engorgio
Seen you in my spam folder
But in a kids book??????
Oh Oliver Wood
Last name is a dirty joke
Begging to be told.
Weasley twins use maps
To smuggle in butterbeer.
I fucking approve.
Some find it vexing
But the truth is...Gryffindor,
Capslock is canon
Poor bb Cedric
All he wanted was glory
But he was the spare
Ministry workers
Hasn't anyone complained?
Entrance via loo :cc
Sup Hermione,
Just so you know, Ron liked SPEW
to get in your pants.
Poor alkie Winky
I don't care you're a House Elf
You are a lightweight.
Ok Death Eaters
Be real; how many of you
Joined for the tattoo?
Ok Nagini
Does it make you feel awkward
When Peter milks you?
Versus a tube map,
Harry your scar is useless.
Sorry, Dumbles wins.
An ode to Snape's nose.
Well, you have your own zip code.
It won't get you laid.
Oh bb DanRad
It only made people laugh,
being in Equus.
Fanon and canon
In one Hermione begs
In other he pays
His hair so greasy
You can fry bacon in it.
Birth of Snapebacon.
Fuck yeah Fleur is hot
Her wedding will be flawless.
Veela plus McQueen!
Moody reminds us,
No wands in your back pockets.
What about your twat?
Voldy hates Muggles
Except for his one secret.
He's hooked on Farmville.
25 poems under 30 words = 25 points
25 challenges = 125
150 points for Father Gryffindor
Title: Generally self explanatory. I'll title it if it needs~ it.
Summary: WHY SUMMARIZE HAIKU
Characters/Pairings: Do you really care? LET'S BE HONEST HERE.
Rating/Warnings: Um. Language, crack, sexual innuendo/discussion of alternate uses of wands.
Chocolate Frogs
They jump and they hop
With their collectible cards
Right into your heart.
Flap flap goes Hedwig
Then a fucking Death Eater
Went and killed her dead
Pink hair or purple?
Normal nose, Snape nose, pig snout?
Welcome to Tonk's life.
Fucking Pettigrew
I squeak and I sniff
Around sewers, around shit
I sold out my friend.
What Keeps Snape Awake At Night
Look at her red hair
And her alabaster skin
But does she sparkle
Shrieking Shack Observations
I always hear screams
And see broken furniture
Someone likes it rough.
Mandrakes whine and cry
Like annoying baby plants
But they knock you out
Oh, engorgio
Seen you in my spam folder
But in a kids book??????
Oh Oliver Wood
Last name is a dirty joke
Begging to be told.
Weasley twins use maps
To smuggle in butterbeer.
I fucking approve.
Some find it vexing
But the truth is...Gryffindor,
Capslock is canon
Poor bb Cedric
All he wanted was glory
But he was the spare
Ministry workers
Hasn't anyone complained?
Entrance via loo :cc
Sup Hermione,
Just so you know, Ron liked SPEW
to get in your pants.
Poor alkie Winky
I don't care you're a House Elf
You are a lightweight.
Ok Death Eaters
Be real; how many of you
Joined for the tattoo?
Ok Nagini
Does it make you feel awkward
When Peter milks you?
Versus a tube map,
Harry your scar is useless.
Sorry, Dumbles wins.
An ode to Snape's nose.
Well, you have your own zip code.
It won't get you laid.
Oh bb DanRad
It only made people laugh,
being in Equus.
Fanon and canon
In one Hermione begs
In other he pays
His hair so greasy
You can fry bacon in it.
Birth of Snapebacon.
Fuck yeah Fleur is hot
Her wedding will be flawless.
Veela plus McQueen!
Moody reminds us,
No wands in your back pockets.
What about your twat?
Voldy hates Muggles
Except for his one secret.
He's hooked on Farmville.
25 poems under 30 words = 25 points
25 challenges = 125
150 points for Father Gryffindor