Grown Up?
Today was just another mundane day. I began my computer routine by popping open my browser and surfing to my Hotmail. There was the usual couple of notices from Facebook and some other random things in the inbox, nothing special. I waded to the junk folder to browse and ensure that nothing important was put in there, and something certainly was! A notice that I had a comment on my blog here from an old friend.
It's so interesting how something so seemingly simple can spur all sorts of different thoughts in the mind. I began to reminisce about old friends and old time, things that happened so long ago, or so it seemed. I read a lot of my entries and re-learned a great deal about my previous self that I had forgotten, or changed from if you will. I also had forgotten how free blogging makes me feel, and in a place that few know about so I can speak truly and without censorship. A blog for me isn't a blog if all who know me get to read it, but without anyone I wonder what's the point? Do I write to fill some internal void that I have, do I write because I want my children to be able to read about my life someday, do I write to free myself of the occasional burden of over thinking and analyzing things? Likely it's all and more, but each blog has its own reason and purpose behind it. I don't mean to sound so 'deep', but its provocative to wander.
So much has changed in my life. That statement makes me think about all the times I have conversations with those I see regularly and how we always ask "how are you" or "what's new", but we always reply with "fine" and "nothing", which just doesn't seem to fit. I officially graduated from Michigan State University as a Bachelor of the Arts in Social Work. My job searching has left me empty handed. This economy, especially in Michigan, is so terrible. I hear a lot of radio ads from colleges talking about employment rates for those with degrees and can't help but wonder if those claims aren't so very true currently. In any case, I'm not entirely unemployed. I work a midnight shift two nights a week (Friday and Saturday of all days...) doing a security detail at a homeless shelter within a veterans housing program. It's enough to pay the bills and leave a little extra left over, but not too much.
My Dad passed away unexpectedly on August 2nd, and has been the worst thing to ever happen to me. Dad was my rock. He was the man that I knew understood when my world was crumbling because the world seemed to be out to get him too. There is so much I could say about him and how losing him has forever changed me and will continue to as my life moves forward. I still have the love of my Mom and brother, but you don't recover so easily from someone who means as much to you as my Dad did to me. It's been just over 10 months now, I can't hardly believe it has been that long already. It makes me truly sad to think about. But, I get to look in the mirror every day and see a solid resemblance of that man. I get the honor of living my life not only for myself, but for him. I will strive for his pride and to bring him great honor as his son. I miss you Dad.
I'm a single fellow. I can't help but maintain it as I watch the relationships of my friends crumble around them, seemingly sucking the life right out of them. Relationships take work, dedication, time, care, and so much more, and sometimes I wonder if my friends get in relationships because they're bored. I don't want to be with someone out of boredom, I want to be with someone because I care for them, because I want to live to make their life better, because they make my life better. Single life isn't lacking anything for me, and I'm happy to be as I am currently. On a side note, one of the guys (John) just started dating my brother's ex-girlfriend Kellie. It's complicated for the group dynamic to handle all of these girlfriend passes as I like to call them. It is a very real fact that the more you physically see a person the more you like them, even if you don't know them, and that if you see your friend's girlfriend a lot you probably get that effect. Really it doesn't matter as people have to make their choices and handle any and all consequences that come with them, I just hope this doesn't cause any problems because I can see it doing so.
I don't feel like an adult, nor do I really act like one. I don't act like a child, unless you consider playing hide and go seek at night in the city park with a bunch of your peers childish :) That was a great night.
I can't think of too much more to divulge really, and I don't want to force myself to write so this is all for now. I can't truly say whether or not this will be a 'new' routine for me or not, but I can say that it feels really good to type it all out. I have a lot of down time right now and frequently a lot running through my mind. I'll probably take a nap because I have to work 14 hours tonight, midnight to 2pm tomorrow. I forgot to mention that I do that every other weekend. It sucks, but bills have to be paid.
Take care all,
Donavan
It's so interesting how something so seemingly simple can spur all sorts of different thoughts in the mind. I began to reminisce about old friends and old time, things that happened so long ago, or so it seemed. I read a lot of my entries and re-learned a great deal about my previous self that I had forgotten, or changed from if you will. I also had forgotten how free blogging makes me feel, and in a place that few know about so I can speak truly and without censorship. A blog for me isn't a blog if all who know me get to read it, but without anyone I wonder what's the point? Do I write to fill some internal void that I have, do I write because I want my children to be able to read about my life someday, do I write to free myself of the occasional burden of over thinking and analyzing things? Likely it's all and more, but each blog has its own reason and purpose behind it. I don't mean to sound so 'deep', but its provocative to wander.
So much has changed in my life. That statement makes me think about all the times I have conversations with those I see regularly and how we always ask "how are you" or "what's new", but we always reply with "fine" and "nothing", which just doesn't seem to fit. I officially graduated from Michigan State University as a Bachelor of the Arts in Social Work. My job searching has left me empty handed. This economy, especially in Michigan, is so terrible. I hear a lot of radio ads from colleges talking about employment rates for those with degrees and can't help but wonder if those claims aren't so very true currently. In any case, I'm not entirely unemployed. I work a midnight shift two nights a week (Friday and Saturday of all days...) doing a security detail at a homeless shelter within a veterans housing program. It's enough to pay the bills and leave a little extra left over, but not too much.
My Dad passed away unexpectedly on August 2nd, and has been the worst thing to ever happen to me. Dad was my rock. He was the man that I knew understood when my world was crumbling because the world seemed to be out to get him too. There is so much I could say about him and how losing him has forever changed me and will continue to as my life moves forward. I still have the love of my Mom and brother, but you don't recover so easily from someone who means as much to you as my Dad did to me. It's been just over 10 months now, I can't hardly believe it has been that long already. It makes me truly sad to think about. But, I get to look in the mirror every day and see a solid resemblance of that man. I get the honor of living my life not only for myself, but for him. I will strive for his pride and to bring him great honor as his son. I miss you Dad.
I'm a single fellow. I can't help but maintain it as I watch the relationships of my friends crumble around them, seemingly sucking the life right out of them. Relationships take work, dedication, time, care, and so much more, and sometimes I wonder if my friends get in relationships because they're bored. I don't want to be with someone out of boredom, I want to be with someone because I care for them, because I want to live to make their life better, because they make my life better. Single life isn't lacking anything for me, and I'm happy to be as I am currently. On a side note, one of the guys (John) just started dating my brother's ex-girlfriend Kellie. It's complicated for the group dynamic to handle all of these girlfriend passes as I like to call them. It is a very real fact that the more you physically see a person the more you like them, even if you don't know them, and that if you see your friend's girlfriend a lot you probably get that effect. Really it doesn't matter as people have to make their choices and handle any and all consequences that come with them, I just hope this doesn't cause any problems because I can see it doing so.
I don't feel like an adult, nor do I really act like one. I don't act like a child, unless you consider playing hide and go seek at night in the city park with a bunch of your peers childish :) That was a great night.
I can't think of too much more to divulge really, and I don't want to force myself to write so this is all for now. I can't truly say whether or not this will be a 'new' routine for me or not, but I can say that it feels really good to type it all out. I have a lot of down time right now and frequently a lot running through my mind. I'll probably take a nap because I have to work 14 hours tonight, midnight to 2pm tomorrow. I forgot to mention that I do that every other weekend. It sucks, but bills have to be paid.
Take care all,
Donavan