(no subject)
So I will be the first to admit it... I am an emotional wreck.
Something has happened at the beginning of my Kalamazoo life.. something that has made me over emotional about everything. Basically I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely. I want a boy, I want my friends, I want my mom... none of which I could have last week and it made me go crazy.
I keep telling myself I don't want any kind of comitment, which I don't.. but then you end your day and you want to call someone and you can't. Then I do want one... it's so hard playing the single card when you're not used to it at all. Then this past week I lived alone. It sucked. Roomates were busy as hell, can't blame them.. but I was really lonely and it didn't help I felt like I had no one to talk to... not even my mom.
My mom is in California dealing with my granparents. My grandma (a.k.a. Gran)has Pulmonary fibrosis which basically means her lungs are hardening and she is slowly losing her ability to breathe on her own. There is no cure. She recently got pneumonia and now cannot breathe on her own. I guess her oxygen level is suppose to be up in the 90s and it is in the 60s and dropping. My mom is a wreck and we have always been eachothers shoulder to lean on and I have no idea what to do. I want to be sad about it but I feel like I can't so that I can be there for my mom. It sucks so bad that she is out there going through this alone. It's the worst thing to hear your mom crying on the phone and you simply can't do a damn thing. I was holding it together pretty well until my mom put my Gran on the phone and it was the worse thing to hear. I couldn't understand her because each word came out as air and after every word she gasped for air. Yeah, that was pretty hard. I just hate the idea that now that this is all going down I can't call her at all because she can't talk anymore. ughhh.... I have never lost anyone in my family before and I really don't think I'm okay with this.
Life can really suck sometimes.
Something has happened at the beginning of my Kalamazoo life.. something that has made me over emotional about everything. Basically I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely. I want a boy, I want my friends, I want my mom... none of which I could have last week and it made me go crazy.
I keep telling myself I don't want any kind of comitment, which I don't.. but then you end your day and you want to call someone and you can't. Then I do want one... it's so hard playing the single card when you're not used to it at all. Then this past week I lived alone. It sucked. Roomates were busy as hell, can't blame them.. but I was really lonely and it didn't help I felt like I had no one to talk to... not even my mom.
My mom is in California dealing with my granparents. My grandma (a.k.a. Gran)has Pulmonary fibrosis which basically means her lungs are hardening and she is slowly losing her ability to breathe on her own. There is no cure. She recently got pneumonia and now cannot breathe on her own. I guess her oxygen level is suppose to be up in the 90s and it is in the 60s and dropping. My mom is a wreck and we have always been eachothers shoulder to lean on and I have no idea what to do. I want to be sad about it but I feel like I can't so that I can be there for my mom. It sucks so bad that she is out there going through this alone. It's the worst thing to hear your mom crying on the phone and you simply can't do a damn thing. I was holding it together pretty well until my mom put my Gran on the phone and it was the worse thing to hear. I couldn't understand her because each word came out as air and after every word she gasped for air. Yeah, that was pretty hard. I just hate the idea that now that this is all going down I can't call her at all because she can't talk anymore. ughhh.... I have never lost anyone in my family before and I really don't think I'm okay with this.
Life can really suck sometimes.