Jumbled mess
Melissa's alarm just went off. She sets it inbetween radio stations so that it sounds like (this morning, at least) a disturbing mess of static, Christmas music, and radio announcer. That's pretty much what my life feels like right now... everything is kind of a jumbled up mess. My mom is being difficult with Thanksgiving break plans, both my parents are moving in different directions with their lives and new partners, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life, and all of my friends have lives that don't include me anymore.
This whole college thing is rough; there are so many facets to being away at school that I never even considered before. I'm almost afraid to go back for Thanksgiving, because I know that I want so desperately for all of my high school friends to be just like we were last year, and I know that that can't and won't happen. Everyone's changed--I have, too--and there isn't any way for things to be exactly the same anymore.
Nevertheless, I am excited to see them. I'm eager to see how everyone has changed. Yes, I want to know who got fat and who got ugly and who got skinny and who got hot. But I'm also excited to talk to people and find out who has matured, who has mellowed out, which ones have gotten their lives under control, which ones have lost control... "growing up" seems to be such a double-edged sword these days. I'm afraid of change, but I guess there isn't anything I can do but embrace it.
All in all, I'm excited to be back in Kansas City with all my friends, though I AM a little on edge about all the crap that's been happening with my mom and OUR plans for Thanksgiving. I suppose it will all work itself out, though. And maybe if we don't see each other a lot that's not too bad, either. I guess I just feel jealous of her boyfriend that he is most definitely going to spend more time with my mom than I am, and that just pisses me off. It's something I am going to have to get over, though, and I know that.
These things just take time.
This whole college thing is rough; there are so many facets to being away at school that I never even considered before. I'm almost afraid to go back for Thanksgiving, because I know that I want so desperately for all of my high school friends to be just like we were last year, and I know that that can't and won't happen. Everyone's changed--I have, too--and there isn't any way for things to be exactly the same anymore.
Nevertheless, I am excited to see them. I'm eager to see how everyone has changed. Yes, I want to know who got fat and who got ugly and who got skinny and who got hot. But I'm also excited to talk to people and find out who has matured, who has mellowed out, which ones have gotten their lives under control, which ones have lost control... "growing up" seems to be such a double-edged sword these days. I'm afraid of change, but I guess there isn't anything I can do but embrace it.
All in all, I'm excited to be back in Kansas City with all my friends, though I AM a little on edge about all the crap that's been happening with my mom and OUR plans for Thanksgiving. I suppose it will all work itself out, though. And maybe if we don't see each other a lot that's not too bad, either. I guess I just feel jealous of her boyfriend that he is most definitely going to spend more time with my mom than I am, and that just pisses me off. It's something I am going to have to get over, though, and I know that.
These things just take time.