Hilarity does, in fact, ensue
Part Three of this meme Special thanks to rokko_chan and first_seventhe for being amazing.
For the record, here's my list:
1 Percy Jackson
2 Nanami Kiryuu
3 Baltheir Bunansa
4 Marik Ishtar
5 The Big O
6 Zeromus
7 Fighter McWarrior
8 Darth Vader
9 Haruhara Haruko
10 Harley Quinn
11 Quistis Trepe
12 Pikachu
13 King Leonidas
14 Seifer Almasy
15 Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca
(I put links to Wiki entries with character bios, in case we have readers who aren't familiar with everyone on the list. I'm so considerate.)
If Fighter McWarrior, Pikachu, and Seifer Almasy were stranded on a deserted island for a month, who would eat who first?
-Pikachu would get eaten first, hands down. Fighter would probably spout something about "the cute little yellow mouse guy" try to make it his pet, but would immediately join in when a hungry, irate Seifer starts getting stab-happy. Fighter loves anything that involves swords, and it is likely this includes the hunting of Pikachus.
That said, Seifer would be the next to die, driven to suicide by Fighter's infuriating stupidity. Fighter would starve to death.
If Percy Jackson walked in on Baltheir Bunansa naked, how would he react?
-He'd get all adorably embarrassed and junk, blushing and covering his eyes and sputtering apologies. He probably wouldn't leave the room however, because c'mon, it's Balthier. Naked. Balthier would mumble something snarky about nosy children and invasions of privacy, but would still invite Percy to join him for a bath, because Balthier fucks everyone. Everyone. The experience would be forever burned in Percy's mind, and no sexual encounter after that would ever measure up. Annabeth would be crushed.
If Marik Ishtar faced off with the Burger King, who would win?
-I'd put my money on the Burger King. Marik would ramble on about foolish fools and middrifts, stop mid-rant to fix his eye-liner, then thrust his Millennium Rod menacingly at the King. But there is no stopping the King. He is coming to fuck you in the butt, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
...though, in all honesty, Marik would probably enjoy a good butt-fucking after a long day of playing children's card games, so in the end, they both win, right?
If The Big O and Quistis Trepe starred in a porno together, what would the title of it be?
-The Big O. Obviously. Or maybe The Time My Giant Robot Had Sex With That Super-Hot Teacher/Mercenary, The One With The Whip, which Robert Smith would film himself because we all know he totally gets off on that.
I imagine the opening dialogue would go something like this:
Quistis: "My, that's a big piece of machinery you've got there."
O: "..."
Quistis: "I see you have really...really big hands. You know what they say about big hands..."
O: "..."
Quistis: "Ah. The strong silent type. I like that. Very...er, strong."
O: "..."
Quistis: "..."
O: "..."
Quistis: "I can shoot laser beams from my eyes-"
O: "LET'S GET IT ON."
If Darth Vader were to be arrested and sent to prison for something, what would it be?
-The vicious slaughtering of thousands, possibly millions of innocent people (and non-human people) throughout the galaxy, maybe? And the blowing-up of at least one planet, probably more. And the truly atrocious acting of Hayden Christensen in Episodes II and III. That last one alone is deserving of at least one life sentence.
Just how long do you think Darth Vader would last in prison, anyway?
-4.07 seconds. Because that's how long it would take him to Force Choke the living shit out of every guard within a fifty yard radius and break the fuck out of there. No one imprisons James Earl Jones and lives.
If Haruhara Haruko were to come into possession of a Death Note, who would they kill first?
-Sweet baby Jesus, who wouldn't Haruko kill if she had a Death Note? She'd probably just write down the words "Medical Mechanica," but I'm not sure how effective that would be, because, I mean, are there even any people at Medical Mechanica to kill? Are they aliens? Robots? Can a Death Note kills aliens or robots? And honestly, does Haruko even need a Death Note to kill people? She's pretty good at leveling entire cities on her own. She'd probably insist that it was junk, toss it in the river, and let Mamimi find it, at which point we would all be fucked.
What would Ashe's pimp name be?
-Princess PantyShot
Nanami Kiryuu is forced to watch the American dubbed version of Naruto. How would she prefer to end her misery?
-She wouldn't. She'd end someone else's misery. She'd probably invite Naruto to a party, loan him a dress, and hire someone to spray wine on it to make it dissolve in front of everyone, shaming him and forcing him to commit sepukku. Hopefully.
Ashe wants to hire a prostitute. Who does he/she/it pick, Nanami, Zeromus, or Haruko?
-Zeromus, because no one can resist the Bleeding Cock of Doooooom. NO ONE.
Balthier/Marik or Fighter/Darth Vader and why
-Normally, I'd ship Balthier with just about anything. Balthier/Fran, Balthier/Vaan, Balthier/vest, etc. He's just that sexy. But in this case, I'd have to go with Fighter/Vader, because it's so insanely AWESOME. Think about it: Fighter likes chopping things up. Darth Vader likes chopping things up. Fighter's bumbling idiocy and childlike innocence might be just what it takes to thaw Vader's frozen, cybernetic heart. He wouldn't mind that Vader is a cruel, omnicidal maniac (he's best friend is fucking Black Mage, for Pete's sake). Hell, he probably wouldn't even notice-he'd be too distracted by Darth Vader's "Glowy Red Sword of Awesome." They would live happily ever after, slicing up Rebels and discussing various types stabby weapons. It's a match made in heaven, really. I'm happy for them.
Pikachu, King Leonidas, and Seifer Almasy want to take over the world. Big O, Zeromus, and Fighter try to stop them. Who wins?
-Nobody. Here's why:
Zeromus could easily kill everyone, but he'd probably be too busy ranting on and on about "HATRED" and "DESTRUCTION" and "WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY PLAY THE FFDQ ANYMORE RAAWRRR!"
Leonidas and Seifer are far too proud to accept the help of any squishy yellow rat to win a fight, regardless of whether or not it can belch lightning, so they'd promptly spear him and roast him over a fire instead. So, for the second time in the course of one meme, Pikachu gets eaten. So now we've got two capable (and tempermental) swordsmen up against a giant robot, a monstrous embodiment of pure loathing, and Fighter. Under normal circumstances, Fighter would try to befriend them both, because hey, they have swords, but they're bad guys and that's a bit no-no. Both Leo and Seifer are too stubborn and overconfident to admit that they're royally screwed, so they charge into baddle, guns a' blazing (er...swords a'blazing?), but eventually turn on each other, fighting over who gets to be the leader. King Leo is all "I'm the king, therefore I'm the boss and if you don't like it, you can go to the pit, blah blah blah" and Seifer's like "I don't take orders from anybody, blah blah, I don't need your help to own these lamers and put a shirt on for Hyne's sake, blah." At this point, one of three things will happen: Leo and Seifer will kill each other, Big O will step on them, killing them both, or Zeromus will give up on his rant and just kill everyone. So anyway you look at it, the world-domination team is out.
At some point, Fighter will eventually catch on that "Hey, that Zeromus guy looks like a monster" and kill him, because Fighter can kill anything that can be killed with just a sword (or two). Big O, however, is made of metal, so swords wont work on him (at least, not human-sized ones). This will do nothing to prevent Fighter from trying, however, and he'll eventually die of exhaustion trying to slay a giant robot (sorry, giant megadeuse) with a simple blade. Big O gets bored and leaves to go level buildings or whatever. The end.
Who do you ship first_seventhe with, Percy Jackson, Harley Quinn, or Quistis Trepe?
-QUISTIS. FUCKING. TREPE. Oh my God. OhmyGod. That would be so hot. Seriously. The blood just rushed away from my brain so fast, I almost fell into a coma. And I'm gay. Let me will myself to stop hyperventilating long enough to type coherent explanation.
...
Okay. So, it's like this: Percy Jackson is underage. Book!Percy is, at the oldest, 16, which is a big no. Movie!Percy is possibly of age, but he is MINE and therefore you cannot have him. Harley is awesome and fun and would greatly appreciate the company of a mad scientist, but her heart already belongs to the Joker...for better or worse. You're not quite mad enough for her. She'd get bored, kill you in your sleep, steal your cats, and move on.
But Quistis. Ooohhhh, Quistis. This is stuff of which OTP's are made. Fanfic plot-bunnies are fornicating in my head like...well, like bunnies. Two beautiful women? Check. Two beautiful, super-intelligent women? Check. Two beautiful, super-intelligent women with glasses? Check! AND THE WHIP? THE WHIP. Think of the meta! Think of the hijinks! THINK OF THE FOREPLAY.
Quistis: "Ms. Dragomire, please enlighten me. What, exactly, possessed you to set off a spell in the middle of my classroom?
Sev: "Yeah. About that..."
Quistis: "And could you also explain why, exactly, you saw fit to modify this Fire spell to burn only your target's clothing?"
Sev: "Um...you see, there is a perfectly logical explanation for this. I'll let you know as soon as I come up with one."
Quistis: "Yes, you will. In detention. See me after class."
Sev: "Wait. You don't have detention duty today."
Quistis: "Exactly..."
*then they have the sex*
I imagine the afterglow would involve coffee and lengthy discussions about para-magic and science and other things that are way over my head but would probably be sexy anyway.
SOMEONE ICON THIS SHIT. IMMEDIATELY.
Aaaaand that's it. This is basically the most amazing thing ever and I love you both. With mouth.
For the record, here's my list:
1 Percy Jackson
2 Nanami Kiryuu
3 Baltheir Bunansa
4 Marik Ishtar
5 The Big O
6 Zeromus
7 Fighter McWarrior
8 Darth Vader
9 Haruhara Haruko
10 Harley Quinn
11 Quistis Trepe
12 Pikachu
13 King Leonidas
14 Seifer Almasy
15 Ashelia B'nargin Dalmasca
(I put links to Wiki entries with character bios, in case we have readers who aren't familiar with everyone on the list. I'm so considerate.)
If Fighter McWarrior, Pikachu, and Seifer Almasy were stranded on a deserted island for a month, who would eat who first?
-Pikachu would get eaten first, hands down. Fighter would probably spout something about "the cute little yellow mouse guy" try to make it his pet, but would immediately join in when a hungry, irate Seifer starts getting stab-happy. Fighter loves anything that involves swords, and it is likely this includes the hunting of Pikachus.
That said, Seifer would be the next to die, driven to suicide by Fighter's infuriating stupidity. Fighter would starve to death.
If Percy Jackson walked in on Baltheir Bunansa naked, how would he react?
-He'd get all adorably embarrassed and junk, blushing and covering his eyes and sputtering apologies. He probably wouldn't leave the room however, because c'mon, it's Balthier. Naked. Balthier would mumble something snarky about nosy children and invasions of privacy, but would still invite Percy to join him for a bath, because Balthier fucks everyone. Everyone. The experience would be forever burned in Percy's mind, and no sexual encounter after that would ever measure up. Annabeth would be crushed.
If Marik Ishtar faced off with the Burger King, who would win?
-I'd put my money on the Burger King. Marik would ramble on about foolish fools and middrifts, stop mid-rant to fix his eye-liner, then thrust his Millennium Rod menacingly at the King. But there is no stopping the King. He is coming to fuck you in the butt, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
...though, in all honesty, Marik would probably enjoy a good butt-fucking after a long day of playing children's card games, so in the end, they both win, right?
If The Big O and Quistis Trepe starred in a porno together, what would the title of it be?
-The Big O. Obviously. Or maybe The Time My Giant Robot Had Sex With That Super-Hot Teacher/Mercenary, The One With The Whip, which Robert Smith would film himself because we all know he totally gets off on that.
I imagine the opening dialogue would go something like this:
Quistis: "My, that's a big piece of machinery you've got there."
O: "..."
Quistis: "I see you have really...really big hands. You know what they say about big hands..."
O: "..."
Quistis: "Ah. The strong silent type. I like that. Very...er, strong."
O: "..."
Quistis: "..."
O: "..."
Quistis: "I can shoot laser beams from my eyes-"
O: "LET'S GET IT ON."
If Darth Vader were to be arrested and sent to prison for something, what would it be?
-The vicious slaughtering of thousands, possibly millions of innocent people (and non-human people) throughout the galaxy, maybe? And the blowing-up of at least one planet, probably more. And the truly atrocious acting of Hayden Christensen in Episodes II and III. That last one alone is deserving of at least one life sentence.
Just how long do you think Darth Vader would last in prison, anyway?
-4.07 seconds. Because that's how long it would take him to Force Choke the living shit out of every guard within a fifty yard radius and break the fuck out of there. No one imprisons James Earl Jones and lives.
If Haruhara Haruko were to come into possession of a Death Note, who would they kill first?
-Sweet baby Jesus, who wouldn't Haruko kill if she had a Death Note? She'd probably just write down the words "Medical Mechanica," but I'm not sure how effective that would be, because, I mean, are there even any people at Medical Mechanica to kill? Are they aliens? Robots? Can a Death Note kills aliens or robots? And honestly, does Haruko even need a Death Note to kill people? She's pretty good at leveling entire cities on her own. She'd probably insist that it was junk, toss it in the river, and let Mamimi find it, at which point we would all be fucked.
What would Ashe's pimp name be?
-Princess PantyShot
Nanami Kiryuu is forced to watch the American dubbed version of Naruto. How would she prefer to end her misery?
-She wouldn't. She'd end someone else's misery. She'd probably invite Naruto to a party, loan him a dress, and hire someone to spray wine on it to make it dissolve in front of everyone, shaming him and forcing him to commit sepukku. Hopefully.
Ashe wants to hire a prostitute. Who does he/she/it pick, Nanami, Zeromus, or Haruko?
-Zeromus, because no one can resist the Bleeding Cock of Doooooom. NO ONE.
Balthier/Marik or Fighter/Darth Vader and why
-Normally, I'd ship Balthier with just about anything. Balthier/Fran, Balthier/Vaan, Balthier/vest, etc. He's just that sexy. But in this case, I'd have to go with Fighter/Vader, because it's so insanely AWESOME. Think about it: Fighter likes chopping things up. Darth Vader likes chopping things up. Fighter's bumbling idiocy and childlike innocence might be just what it takes to thaw Vader's frozen, cybernetic heart. He wouldn't mind that Vader is a cruel, omnicidal maniac (he's best friend is fucking Black Mage, for Pete's sake). Hell, he probably wouldn't even notice-he'd be too distracted by Darth Vader's "Glowy Red Sword of Awesome." They would live happily ever after, slicing up Rebels and discussing various types stabby weapons. It's a match made in heaven, really. I'm happy for them.
Pikachu, King Leonidas, and Seifer Almasy want to take over the world. Big O, Zeromus, and Fighter try to stop them. Who wins?
-Nobody. Here's why:
Zeromus could easily kill everyone, but he'd probably be too busy ranting on and on about "HATRED" and "DESTRUCTION" and "WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY PLAY THE FFDQ ANYMORE RAAWRRR!"
Leonidas and Seifer are far too proud to accept the help of any squishy yellow rat to win a fight, regardless of whether or not it can belch lightning, so they'd promptly spear him and roast him over a fire instead. So, for the second time in the course of one meme, Pikachu gets eaten. So now we've got two capable (and tempermental) swordsmen up against a giant robot, a monstrous embodiment of pure loathing, and Fighter. Under normal circumstances, Fighter would try to befriend them both, because hey, they have swords, but they're bad guys and that's a bit no-no. Both Leo and Seifer are too stubborn and overconfident to admit that they're royally screwed, so they charge into baddle, guns a' blazing (er...swords a'blazing?), but eventually turn on each other, fighting over who gets to be the leader. King Leo is all "I'm the king, therefore I'm the boss and if you don't like it, you can go to the pit, blah blah blah" and Seifer's like "I don't take orders from anybody, blah blah, I don't need your help to own these lamers and put a shirt on for Hyne's sake, blah." At this point, one of three things will happen: Leo and Seifer will kill each other, Big O will step on them, killing them both, or Zeromus will give up on his rant and just kill everyone. So anyway you look at it, the world-domination team is out.
At some point, Fighter will eventually catch on that "Hey, that Zeromus guy looks like a monster" and kill him, because Fighter can kill anything that can be killed with just a sword (or two). Big O, however, is made of metal, so swords wont work on him (at least, not human-sized ones). This will do nothing to prevent Fighter from trying, however, and he'll eventually die of exhaustion trying to slay a giant robot (sorry, giant megadeuse) with a simple blade. Big O gets bored and leaves to go level buildings or whatever. The end.
Who do you ship first_seventhe with, Percy Jackson, Harley Quinn, or Quistis Trepe?
-QUISTIS. FUCKING. TREPE. Oh my God. OhmyGod. That would be so hot. Seriously. The blood just rushed away from my brain so fast, I almost fell into a coma. And I'm gay. Let me will myself to stop hyperventilating long enough to type coherent explanation.
...
Okay. So, it's like this: Percy Jackson is underage. Book!Percy is, at the oldest, 16, which is a big no. Movie!Percy is possibly of age, but he is MINE and therefore you cannot have him. Harley is awesome and fun and would greatly appreciate the company of a mad scientist, but her heart already belongs to the Joker...for better or worse. You're not quite mad enough for her. She'd get bored, kill you in your sleep, steal your cats, and move on.
But Quistis. Ooohhhh, Quistis. This is stuff of which OTP's are made. Fanfic plot-bunnies are fornicating in my head like...well, like bunnies. Two beautiful women? Check. Two beautiful, super-intelligent women? Check. Two beautiful, super-intelligent women with glasses? Check! AND THE WHIP? THE WHIP. Think of the meta! Think of the hijinks! THINK OF THE FOREPLAY.
Quistis: "Ms. Dragomire, please enlighten me. What, exactly, possessed you to set off a spell in the middle of my classroom?
Sev: "Yeah. About that..."
Quistis: "And could you also explain why, exactly, you saw fit to modify this Fire spell to burn only your target's clothing?"
Sev: "Um...you see, there is a perfectly logical explanation for this. I'll let you know as soon as I come up with one."
Quistis: "Yes, you will. In detention. See me after class."
Sev: "Wait. You don't have detention duty today."
Quistis: "Exactly..."
*then they have the sex*
I imagine the afterglow would involve coffee and lengthy discussions about para-magic and science and other things that are way over my head but would probably be sexy anyway.
SOMEONE ICON THIS SHIT. IMMEDIATELY.
Aaaaand that's it. This is basically the most amazing thing ever and I love you both. With mouth.