morgan moss

Apr 11, 2011 23:37

I got the text from Bailey around 7:30 this morning. I knew what it had to be, and I didn't look at it til 8:15. I just felt empty. I was thinking all day at work, a myriad of depressing thoughts, about his family, how he'll never grow up, never have a baby, how his girlfriend's parents must feel, how his mom must feel, how Matt feels, if Cole knows, Tomas, everyone. And I just remember Morgan in Tomas's front yard one evening, Matt and I pulled up. That was when I met him. I think he high fived me. I think Cole was there, too. He was cute. It doesn't matter. I feel so terrible for his family and his friends. I sent Matt a message, I don't even know what it said now, but it made me cry and I just tried to be nice, say something nice, but what can you say? I didn't really know him, he was just Matt's really good friend, that's how I knew him. It still makes me deeply sad and a little scared.

I also thought today how it's sad how when one is sad about someone dying that they didn't really know that well that people assume they are doing it for attention. I just think death is sad and it's okay to feel bad about someone dying, even if it's a stranger or a squirrel or something. Or maybe people don't think that and I am paranoid.

I just don't think it's fair that young people die and I try not to think about it or babies getting sick and dying and when I do it just depresses me. It's hard to deal with, so I try not to on a daily basis. I forget what my coping strategy was for that, but when I was in the not-getting-out-of-bed days of 2009 I developed some answer for myself, towards the end.

I just can't believe it.
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