DJing Aquatic Sentences
As I drown in my own thoughts I see what is before me.
A denim chair which holds my new laptop which I make late payments on but use only as much as my cell phone. Thankfully I'm now using it for educational purposes: I had my first class at the middle school. It was delightful and scary. I felt as nervous as when I was in middle school, but only before and after the class. Soon after I find myself struggling to not die over the cuteness of these twins, 15 month old boys who really are sweet and expressive, but ultimately a frustrating duo. Still, when they smile I can't help but be joyous. I also take joy in chasing them and making their hearts race like a champion horse and almost shit their pants in excitement. Usually, they just shit their diapers routinely.
I've been thinking of past love and current excitations.
One who is full of class and I feel like I can be honest with. Honest about me. Because if I said I were to like her I wouldn't be afraid of a "yes" or a "no". However, our situation calls for an immediate holdupwaitaminute!, in that she has a boyfriend she talks about like a day job she hates (as if their "dates" are obligated). Kind of like your cousin who works in a crappy job, but can't stop talking about how crappy it is. It's like they love to hate. She obviously loves to be in the uncomfortable stage of a relationship that can never be broken but by the caring touch of an impressive young man... wait, I'm talking greatly of myself. Meaning I'm being honest.
I call myself a musician and all I have to show for it are several receipts from music stores.
I bought several things which I envy myself for.
I also have a bank account that went missing in the middle of my shopping spree.
Where's my munnnies?
There are still more things to buy... many of which I call "necessities".
For the first time in my life I was insecure about money.
This is why so many people stop. Music is something one can work at, but it's scary to think it might not go anywhere. And it might not.
But that's not how I am supposed to think. Nobody would believe that about me.
When I deposited my check it was like I was waiting for more to get my fix.
I really am nervous about it. My parents aren't much of a resource for me either. All of my independence is mine. My brothers help me out tremendously, and I won't ever hide that fact. Sure I treat them like shit a lot, but that's something I have to work on.
I still work as a Barista, but it's not enough. I seriously wonder what other job I could find from 6am to 12pm-1pm more consistently. I dare not do opening shifts as my father's construction site jobs which I tagged along and mostly stayed in the car sleeping actually made me wary of early days. What was I really supposed to do? I really need to start DJing more. Actually, there are more organizational things I need to do first. Cleaning my house, cleaning the studio... cleaning things.
One thing I can do daily is some Wii fit. My legs are killing me. I want to kill back.
I have been recording more, getting into the habit of just putting down ideas. It's kinda nice to just be able to lay down a clean track. Oh, and free VST plug-ins help my budget costs. Why should I pay a couple grand for a Waves bundle when there are different kinds of compressors and model reverb plugins I can just download for no money. Freeware is a lovely friend of mine.
I've been starting to use Google Calendar to help my life. So far, I've just slept the mornings away. So much for proactive behaviors.
Time to sleep.
(-J.)™
A denim chair which holds my new laptop which I make late payments on but use only as much as my cell phone. Thankfully I'm now using it for educational purposes: I had my first class at the middle school. It was delightful and scary. I felt as nervous as when I was in middle school, but only before and after the class. Soon after I find myself struggling to not die over the cuteness of these twins, 15 month old boys who really are sweet and expressive, but ultimately a frustrating duo. Still, when they smile I can't help but be joyous. I also take joy in chasing them and making their hearts race like a champion horse and almost shit their pants in excitement. Usually, they just shit their diapers routinely.
I've been thinking of past love and current excitations.
One who is full of class and I feel like I can be honest with. Honest about me. Because if I said I were to like her I wouldn't be afraid of a "yes" or a "no". However, our situation calls for an immediate holdupwaitaminute!, in that she has a boyfriend she talks about like a day job she hates (as if their "dates" are obligated). Kind of like your cousin who works in a crappy job, but can't stop talking about how crappy it is. It's like they love to hate. She obviously loves to be in the uncomfortable stage of a relationship that can never be broken but by the caring touch of an impressive young man... wait, I'm talking greatly of myself. Meaning I'm being honest.
I call myself a musician and all I have to show for it are several receipts from music stores.
I bought several things which I envy myself for.
I also have a bank account that went missing in the middle of my shopping spree.
Where's my munnnies?
There are still more things to buy... many of which I call "necessities".
For the first time in my life I was insecure about money.
This is why so many people stop. Music is something one can work at, but it's scary to think it might not go anywhere. And it might not.
But that's not how I am supposed to think. Nobody would believe that about me.
When I deposited my check it was like I was waiting for more to get my fix.
I really am nervous about it. My parents aren't much of a resource for me either. All of my independence is mine. My brothers help me out tremendously, and I won't ever hide that fact. Sure I treat them like shit a lot, but that's something I have to work on.
I still work as a Barista, but it's not enough. I seriously wonder what other job I could find from 6am to 12pm-1pm more consistently. I dare not do opening shifts as my father's construction site jobs which I tagged along and mostly stayed in the car sleeping actually made me wary of early days. What was I really supposed to do? I really need to start DJing more. Actually, there are more organizational things I need to do first. Cleaning my house, cleaning the studio... cleaning things.
One thing I can do daily is some Wii fit. My legs are killing me. I want to kill back.
I have been recording more, getting into the habit of just putting down ideas. It's kinda nice to just be able to lay down a clean track. Oh, and free VST plug-ins help my budget costs. Why should I pay a couple grand for a Waves bundle when there are different kinds of compressors and model reverb plugins I can just download for no money. Freeware is a lovely friend of mine.
I've been starting to use Google Calendar to help my life. So far, I've just slept the mornings away. So much for proactive behaviors.
Time to sleep.
(-J.)™