[fanfiction] Hello Daddy - 5
Title: Hello Daddy
Warnings: CRACK filled, sort of AU-ness (for twisting of history), mind numbness, spawn theorisms, some language, repressed love, reference-filled, fail plot
Pairings: Piri-pimpage
Rated: T
Characters: OC!Piri, the 3 Island-groupings of the Philippines, America, Canada, England and Australia mainly
Summary: Maria cannot imagine what the world would be like if she didn’t have her three beloved sons by her side. One day, it struck her on how different her little angels looked from each other. Dying of curiosity, she calls for help of a few trustworthy men to investigate on just how they came to exist.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except this little idea, which may or may not make you want to kill me. OTL
Preview: Sitting together, they excitedly talked of the upcoming show. They weren’t the only ones eager to watch it, seeing as all UN board members sitting in the room seemed to be buzzing about it as well.
“Oh, by the way boys,” Maria began, “I’ve made a tiny modification to that.”
They looked at her, puzzled. The five men would have never expected what was in store for them as Maria deviously smiled. A knot formed in their guts, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.
Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
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“Why?”
With a great sniff, he said in a broken voice “My brothers... They’re always in the spotlight when it came to you. They had flashy tactics to win you over, while the best I could do was blend with the shadows.”
She listened carefully. He went on.
“You are one of the only people that remember who I am--”
“Matt, I’m pretty sure you’re overreacting. There are tons of people who know Canada!” Maria cut in, trying to disprove him.
“Really now?” he asked, raising a sarcastic eyebrow. “Then how come whenever your Asian siblings see me, they would always ask ‘Oh, who’s this?’ huh.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again when she couldn’t find anything to retort with. He removed his glasses and wiped them on his jacket. She took his arm and hugged him tightly, stroking his head while gently rocking him back and forth.
“I had tons of competition,” he murmured into her hair. “I’ve always wanted to secure a place in your heart. But no, Alfred, the great hero, made sure he marked you permanently. And now, even Daniel’s trying his luck with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Arthur harbored feelings too...” he said with slight venom.
“And the fact that you act so kind towards everyone... I couldn’t take it. The way you fuss over the injured makes me wish over and over that you would do the same for me.”
“I tried distracting myself. I turned to Katyusha instead, to ease the pain I felt. At first, I thought it worked. I genuinely liked her. She was a kind woman and she treated me well. But...” he pulled away and brought his face close, making his lavender eyes stare at hers. “I couldn’t forget you.”
“Then I felt guilty for using her. My insides were writhing from all the emotions flying around. My mind pulled me one way, my heart the other. In the end, I broke up with her.”
Here, he bowed his head in guilt; the image of the Ukrainian looking completely heartbroken flashed before his eyes. “She took it quite well. She understood, and I owe her so much for that. Katyusha and I are still good friends, luckily.”
He finished, his breathing slower now.
She raised her hands to wipe the tear stains off his pink cheeks. Then, she placed both her hands on his face delicately, looked him straight in the eyes and said “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to prove anything. Just be yourself, and I will love you with all I have.” she told him.
He took in deep breaths, letting her heavenly jasmine scent flow through his nostrils. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself smiling.
“... I’m sorry Maria. I got carried away earlier, didn’t I?” he apologized sheepishly.
"It's alright Matt, I understand," Maria said, noticing they way he started swaying.
"I'm really sorry..." he trailed off, losing consciousness.
The tiny female caught the man in her arms and started carrying him back to his hotel room; something that seemed quite unfeasible to a person her size.
“Thanks again, Matthew,” she whispered to his snoring face.
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Matthew got up slowly, rubbing his temples. He glanced around the room then spotted the glass of water beside him. A small smile fell on his lips.
He dug into his memory, trying to recall the events of the previous night. Fuzzy images floated within; going down to the bar, Arthur singing Brit Rock songs shirtless, Daniel throwing up, Juan joining Arthur onstage, Maria’s face and his forceful kiss.
Shaking his head, he got up and proceeded to the bathroom, stripped off and started showering. He paused for a moment, wondering what happened to the others.
Afterwards, Canada pulled on a crisp new shirt and pants, threw his jacket on and headed out the door.
After a few moments in the elevator, he searched the lobby. To his surprise and slight amusement, Arthur and Daniel were strewn across the couches, the exact same ones Greece, Turkey and Egypt were sitting on the previous night.
He scanned the rest of the area, looking for his loud and obnoxious brother. He entered the bar and found it deserted; bottles and confetti littering the floor. Deducing the only other place that Alfred would go to when he got much too drunk, he glanced over to Australia and England. Murmuring an apology, he ran to the elevator and rapidly pushed the button to his floor.
When he had arrived before their door, he calmed his breathing. Matthew knocked, knowing yet hoping against what Alfred was capable of doing when his brain wasn’t connected to his body.
Luzon poked his sleepy head out, rubbing his eyes. “Morning, Tito Matt,” he greeted, sidestepping to allow the blonde in.
“Morning, Luz. Sorry to disturb you this early, but I was wondering if your Uncle Alfred was here,” he asked, looking around.
“Yeah, he is. Apparently, he passed out in front of our door early this morning. Tay was too tired to carry him, so we just let him sleep here,” the boy explained, stifling a yawn.
And surely enough, loud snores could be heard coming from within. The purple-eyed male peered around the door frame; lo and hold, there was America, sleeping on the sofa, mouth slightly agape. He walked over to him and shook him awake, much to the American's indignation.
“Mhhmf. C’me on, five m’re minut’s,” the blonde grumbled, rolling onto his stomach. Matt sighed before rolling him out of the couch onto the floor, making him land with a thud.
“Gurgh, why’d you d’ t’at?” he slurred, rubbing his back before curling up into the ball. Another sigh as Matthew bent down and whispered to him “Don’t make me do this, Al.”
He grabbed a glass, filled it ice cold water from the tap and poured it over the blue-eyed male’s face. Alfred jumped and sputtered, crying out “Cold! Cold! Oh sweet San Francisco, cooooold!” In an instant, he was on in his feet, glaring at his nearly identical-looking brother.
“Thanks Matt,” he spat out sarcastically. Matthew returned it with a small smirk, satisfied that he was finally able to pay back for the time in the Philippines, “No problem, bro.”
Maria opened the door to the bathroom, fully dressed already. “Oh good, he’s awake. Good morning you two!” said the woman, beaming.
“Good morning Maria” Matt replied, grinning at her. She stepped out of the bathroom and surveyed the place. Juan was still sound asleep on their bed, drooling onto the pillow.
She chuckled before walking over to hug Matthew. After that, she turned to Alfred, looked him up and down then said “Come on now, we have a busy day ahead of us. You better hurry up.”
Alfred stared bewilderedly at her retreating figure. “Let’s go, Al. We gotta go help Dan and Arthur. They’re still downstairs, you know,” Matthew explained, leading the still shocked blond out of the door.
Once back at the lobby, Matthew heaved Arthur onto his shoulder while Alfred grabbed Daniel by the waist and carried them to their respective rooms, waking them in the process.
“Ugh, I feel horrible,” Arthur muttered begrudgingly
“You can say that again,” Daniel whispered.
After taking the respective medications, showering and changing into fresh clothes, the four men headed back downstairs, meeting the Filipinos halfway to the buffet for breakfast.
Sitting together, they excitedly talked of the upcoming show. They weren’t the only ones eager to watch it, seeing as all UN board members sitting in the room seemed to be buzzing about it as well.
“Oh, by the way boys,” Maria began, “I’ve made a tiny modification to that.”
They looked at her, puzzled. The five men would have never expected what was in store for them as Maria deviously smiled. A knot formed in their guts, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.
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“Mama, why are we doing this again?” Vi asked for the umpteenth time.
“Anak, stop moving around so much,” Maria commanded.
“Tay, why are you avoiding our questions?” Luz inquired.
“Mijo, there are somethings that you can only understand when you’re older,” Juan explained vaguely as he shifted uncomfortably in his shoes.
“There is no way in hell I am going out in public like this,” Minda hissed, scratching at his neck. Maria reprimanded him for his language.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Alfred squinted at Maria, who merely smiled.
Earlier on...
As soon as the elevator, carrying her three sons, shut it’s doors, Maria briskly walked over to the receptionist and asked for some things she had left the night before.
The man behind the counter pulled out paper bags of all sizes and handed them to her. She thanked him then walked back to the group of men. Juan raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I told Sonja about our little plan, and she seemed really interested in it. Then I told her a joke, and she sort of took it seriously. I explained that I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have the funds, so she offered to buy half of these, in exchange for being there to watch it unfold.”
The five of them stared at her, determining what her purpose is in all this.
“You see, I figured that some of the nations would be able to recognize them as our sons,” here she nodded at Juan, “so I thought we would dress them up as girls.”
They could tell that Maria enjoyed this idea. Arthur slapped his forehead and ran his hands through his hair while Daniel eyed the amount of bags suspiciously. “So, the other bags are...”
“For you guys!” she declared, chocolate eyes twinkling.
A pause.
“What?!” Juan screamed, making his outburst echo around the lobby. Guests glared at him.
“Oh good Lord, help us all,” Arthur pleaded, looking upwards
“We’re screwed,” Alfred said, removing his glasses.
“Why didn’t I see this coming?” Matthew said, lips twitching.
“Please just let me get trampled on by a boomer now,” Daniel muttered, pinching his bandaged nose.
The male Philippines stepped in front of her and said “Maria, listen. Don’t you think you’re going a bit too far with this idea?” placing both his hands on her small shoulders.
“Ay nako Juan, if we don’t do this, how are we supposed to get the boys to do it? We want to find their father’s, diba? This is the only way they won’t be recognized,” she explained, ending the discussion with finality.
“And don’t worry, I’ll be crossdressing too. That way, you guys wouldn’t have to feel too bad,” she added.
Back in the room...
And so, here they were, five men and three boys, all in women’s clothing. Maria tended to all of them, making sure they fit in their dresses, skirts and shorts.
Just then, someone knocked on the door. Maria clapped her hands excitedly as she sprinted to answer it. Before the entrance stood a familiar turquoise-eyed female.
“Good morning Sonja!” she sang, giving the tall woman a massive hug.
“Haha, good morning to you too, dear Maria. You sound exuberantly happy today,” she chortled, closing the door behind her.
“That’s cause I already managed to get them into their clothes,” the petit woman answered, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh~ I wanna see! I wanna see!” the Yugoslavian exclaimed.
“Maria, who knocked-” Juan faltered as he entered the foyer. “Oh Diyos...” he murmured, running back inside.
“You are one very lucky woman, Maria,” Sonja said, turning to face her with her lips curling up in a Cheshire-cat way. “Was that your counterpart, the male Philippines that you talk so fondly off?” she inquired.
Maria nodded, smiling. Suddenly, a thud and a grunt resounded, making both snap their heads.
“Gah! Alfred, don’t do that man!” Daniel shouted.
“Hehe, why not?” the American countered.
The two females walked further and saw America apparently trying to pull stockings up his Australian brother’s legs.
“Oh God, this has got to be the most emasculating thing that’s ever happened to me,” he muttered, beet red in the face, either from the blood rushing to his head or absolute humiliation. He then turned his head towards them and paled. “Rack off, Al! Now! Dammit, there are women in the room, for Chrissake!” he screamed, kicking the blue-eyed man off his legs.
The men in the room snapped their heads to the door, facial expressions completely hilarious. The female Philippines and Yugoslavia savored the memory of their faces, imprinting the image in their heads.
“Oh do not worry boys, the show is not until later tonight, so you do not have to worry about your make-up... Yet.” Sonja said, leaning on the door frame.
“Wait! Nearly forgot...” Maria remembered, searching through the numerous baggage, pulling out a mop of hair and a pair of contacts; two of the many packed.
“You guys have to put these on. The thicker the disguises, the better,” she said.
Sonja walked over to her and asked “What about our outfits?”
The tan woman faced her and ginned from ear to ear. “I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to secure those, with a little persuasion,” said Maria.
A ping goes off, the source sitting on a table beside the couch in the other division of the room. Maria made her way over to the laptop and scrolled through the applications, checking her e-mail. Finally, she spotted the newly received letter. From: Regina Rosales, the header read.
“Here’s the list you requested, Maria. I double checked every single one of the libraries and rechecked the facts we have at the museum. Rest assured that this is 110% accurate. Thank you again!” she read aloud to Sonja beside her.
Maria pointed the arrow at the attachment that was entitled “Philippine Foreign Interactions.pdf” and clicked it.
When the document popped up, the smile was wiped off her face instantly. Sonja whistled, eyes traveling down the screen. Maria let out a nervous laugh.
“Do not fret, Maria. There must be a way,” Sonja said. She scratched her chin thoughtfully, mulling over the list. Pointing to a random continent that contained bullet points, she said “These people all hang out together... Convenient that this woman had arranged it all.”
Yugoslavia snapped her fingers. “I know! We will have to make sure they sit together. That way, we can keep a close eye on them without having to stress about where they are going. With the plan that England thought of, that should not be much of a hassle. Problem is, we do not know who to target...”
“I think I have an idea,” Maria piped up. Sonja turned to her, eager for her idea.
“These countries,” she whispered, her finger hovering before the monitor and tracing an invisible line down the list, “are responsible for only one boy per interaction. It all depends on where they landed first...”
An epiphany struck Maria, making her gasp on impact. “Sonja, that’s it! That’s how we’re going to target them!” said the Filipina, now jumping up and down. Yugoslavia stared at her, still confused.
“Please do expound, dear Maria,” she said, arching her pale eyebrows.
The female glanced behind her, checking for her sons. “Let’s go outside first,” she murmured, eyeing the males across the room, now prying off the offending women's clothing that Maria and Sonja so happily bought.
“Don’t tear those clothes, boys! They came with quite a price,” she called out, seeing how roughly Daniel was handling his skirt. A collective grunt came from the group.
“Sonja and I will step outside for a bit, is that okay?” Maria asked. Another grunt was given in response. Maria grabbed a pad and a pen as she headed out the door, Sonja trailing behind her.
Once over the threshold, Maria started her explanation. “Okay, so there are nations from Asia, Europe, Oceania and the Americas respectively that have come into contact with the Philippines,” she said, clicking the pen and scribbling on to the paper’s surface.
Sonja nodded. “Asia can be further subdivided into South East and East, and possibly South,” here, she made plenty of bullet points.
“Then there’s North and South America. Don’t need to worry about testing Al and Matt, but my Latin siblings on the other hand...” she muttered, dotting more bullet points and marking asterisks before America and Canada.
“Then there’s Europe - Arthur excluding since he’s already had enough time with them,” she continued, making more dots and marking England with same said asterisk.
“Then there’s Daniel in Oceania,” marking Australia, “And his brother, Brian. New Zealand, that is,” she explained, writing one last name at the end of the paper.
And so, the list went like this:
Asia
America
Sonja peered at the paper, eyeing the long list of names under South America.
“The ones that I’ve crossed are female nations. We’re only trying to investigate men here, so that narrows the suspects down by a bit...” Maria said, rolling the pen between her fingers.
The platinum blonde grimaced, contemplating the number of Latin American countries they would have to scrutinize later on. She has heard of Spain’s famous... Fervor for colonies, but the sheer amount of them was ludicrous in her opinion. And here she thought she had a big family.
“People are most likely going to go by families. That is going to be really convenient if they d--” Maria stopped and turned. “What?” said Yugoslavia, her eyes widening by a bit.
The Philippines squinted at her, “What about you Sonja? Surely your family is wondering where you went,” she reasoned.
The woman waved her hand dismissively, saying “No, they see me all the time. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure they are tired of my face, beautiful as it is,” she joked, flipping her hair. Maria laughed lightly, smiling up at her.
“You’re sure? ‘Cause I feel bad that I’m taking up most of your time,” the Filipina explained. Sonja made a disparaging noise, retorting with “Of course not, my dear. Honestly, you over think things too much.”
Nodding her head, she looked back at the paper she was holding in her hand. “Oh Sonja, I’m really scared. What if the plan doesn’t turn out well? What if they reject them? Or leave them alone there? Or what if they get lost in the crowd? Or... or...” Maria rambled, slightly quickening her speed of speech with each question.
“Do not worry. Just go with the plan and they will be fine. Did you already explain to them on how tonight is going to go?” said Sonja, propping her hand on her hips.
“So far, the only thing I’ve managed to do was evade their multiple questions,” answered Maria with a sigh, “But since I am their mother, I doubt that they will keep asking once I give them my final say.”
Shrugging, Sonja said “Suit yourself. After all, this is for their benefit, so they have to go through with it," walking towards the elevator.
“Where are you going Sonja?” Maria asked. Sonja arched her brows, giving Maria a strange look.
“Why, to the theatre downstairs of course! We have to secure those outfits now. It may take a little longer than necessary to get a hold of them, so might as well be ready for it,” she explained as she continued down the hallway. Maria jogged to keep up with her quick strides.
~
The elevator slid down to the 3rd floor, which housed the main amphitheater, a few rooms and the entrance to the spectacle tonight.
Sonja turned her head here and there, inspecting the area carefully. Soon enough, they spotted a door in the back, almost impossible to distinguish from the walls. Sonja put a finger on her lips, signaling Maria to keep silent.
They pushed the door slightly ajar, peering into the room. The pair was unsurprised to see two men inside. They glanced at each other before looking back at the employees. Nodding to each other, they backed away from the door slowly, preparing to execute the plan they had formulated the night before.
Maria lay on the floor and let out a high pitched scream; loud enough for the workers inside the room to hear.
Quickly, they made their way outside and halted. Maria had her eyes squeezed shut, looking as if she was in immense pain as she clutched her midsection. Over her, Sonja expertly pulled her face into that of a panicked one.
“Mademoiselle, are you alright? What happened, s’il vous plait?” the darker-haired of the pair asked.
Maria just shook her head, biting her lip in anguish. To make it even more convincing, she curled into a ball. Sonja turned her eyes to the men and requested “Oh please, dear men, my friend here is in great pain. She needs to lay down somewhere!”
“Er - well...” the second one started, only to be cut off by the first man elbowing him in the ribcage. “Of course, madame. We shall carry her into the room across the hall,” he said.
Sonja’s face broke into a relieved smile, placing her hand over her heart and saying “Thank you so much. Please do hurry, she looks like she cannot handle much more.”
Two strong arms slid under Maria and heaved her up. The dark-haired man marched into the room authoritatively, making the lighter-haired employee feel a twinge of guilt.
Once inside, he lay the Philippines onto the benches, propping her head up with a clean pillow from a freshly laundered pile. “How are you doing mademoiselle? Would you like us to call the ambulance?” the second man offered.
Maria shook her head again, clutching the fabric of the first man’s uniform. She parted her lips, lifted a shaking hand, then unexpectedly striking him hard on his shoulder blade, causing him to crumple. Sonja rapidly did the same thing to the other male.
Standing up, Maria looked down and dusted her back, saying “Do you think they’ll be okay? I think I hit mine too hard.”
“They are just unconscious," Sonja reassured her.
As Maria hurriedly closed the door, Sonja started stripping the stunned pair. She peeled their jackets and white shirts off, untied their neckties, took their caps and then took their flashlights.
Quickly, they put these into two new laundry bags, carefully folding the uniforms and making sure that no creases or crumples were made on the highly sensitive fabric.
“Wait!” Sonja whispered urgently as Maria's hand hovered over the doorknob. “What do we do when they wake up to find themselves half naked? And in this cold air conditioning too! Plus,” she added with a twinge of fear, “surely they will remember our faces and will try to search for us later on.”
The Philippines paused for a moment, forgetting about that little fact. “Just throw some blankets over them or something! And we have no time to think about that now. We’ll think about the worst case scenarios later.”
After Sonja had propped them up on the benches and wrapped them in blankets, they made their way to the elevator as fast as possible. Once inside, they breathed a sigh of relief.
“The more I think about this, the more I see how ridiculous it is,” Maria panted, clutching the plastic bag tightly.
“It was your idea, my dear Maria,” Sonja replied, looking over to the Filipina.
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It took a few hours before the job could be called satisfactory, but in the end, Maria and Sonja had finally managed to transform the five men and three boys into convincing 'females'.
“Ugh, how do women manage to walk when they have all this air flowing between their legs in these forsaken skirts?” Daniel moaned, pulling his bottom lower on his now stocking-wearing legs.
“You think you have it bad. I have to wear this ridiculous corset around my bloody torso. I thought these already went out of fashion at the end of the 19th Century!” Arthur complained, fiddling awkwardly with his tight inner wear that also held his fake breasts.
“Oh shut up you two,” Juan said, readjusting his jacket around himself and wrapping it around his body as tightly as possible. “At least you don’t have these heels. No wonder some of them call these ‘killer’ heels. Just wearing them could make you feel like you’re going to fall any second.”
“Ew, Tay. Why are we doing this again?” Minda said for the nth time, scratching his wig and raising a hand to wipe his eyes.
Maria stopped his hand just in time. She held it and said “Don’t do that anak, you’re going to smear your mascara. And I know it’s something... unusual-”
“What an understatement,” the youngest murmured to himself
“- but I want you to work with us tonight okay? After this, I promise I’ll cook all your favorite dishes when we get back home. And buy you that new Nerf Gun you were eyeing the other day."
He nodded his head slowly, willing the itch to go away. Maria surveyed the others to see if there were any last details that they missed.
Sonja tapped her shoulder. “Ready to go, Maria? The show is going to start in thirty five minutes." She then passed her something black and furry while she held an item similar, hers being pale. Sonja put on the fake mustache and a pair of dark shades over her eyes and nodded to Maria. The black-haired nation took one last sweeping look around the room before mirroring Sonja’s actions.
“Ready, Sonja,” she replied, tucking her key card in her pants pocket and glancing at Sonja’s hair to see if there were any stray strands that peeked out of the cap. Maria felt around her neck to see if anything has fallen out. Luckily, her long hair stayed tucked within.
“You remember the entire plan, boys?” she double-checked.
“Yeah, yeah. Come on, we might not have enough time to find them!” Alfred said impatiently, walking over to the door and holding it ajar to check if the coast was clear. When he beckoned to them that it was safe, he stepped outside and straightened his posture, willing his body to be as feminine as possible.
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Notes:
Hello again! Thank you so very much for taking your time to read this! 8D -bows-
This was a sufficiently awkward chapter. And probably the most disappointing after all this time. OTL
I made them crossdress. >.> Dear me, I cannot believe the ideas that I so shamefully put out there.
Up there, you see a not-so-complete family + cousins list of the Philippines. My gosh, you’d think Antonio would resist after the fourth kid, but no, he just had to make such an obscenely big family. It’s so hard to keep up with all of Maria’s siblings OTL (not that I’m complaining or anything, cause being related to the Latin people is pretty damn awesome)
The list isn't meant to be historically accurate, mind you. I -- sort of went overboard with it /understatement XD
I already have the second part to this, but I'm still working out the flow of it. A big sub-plot bunny is gonna be revealed in the next one /o/
OH, and someone raise their hand if they thought of those classic comedy shows in the 90's/early 00's when Maria and Sonja's mustache scene rolled in 8D
Warnings: CRACK filled, sort of AU-ness (for twisting of history), mind numbness, spawn theorisms, some language, repressed love, reference-filled, fail plot
Pairings: Piri-pimpage
Rated: T
Characters: OC!Piri, the 3 Island-groupings of the Philippines, America, Canada, England and Australia mainly
Summary: Maria cannot imagine what the world would be like if she didn’t have her three beloved sons by her side. One day, it struck her on how different her little angels looked from each other. Dying of curiosity, she calls for help of a few trustworthy men to investigate on just how they came to exist.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except this little idea, which may or may not make you want to kill me. OTL
Preview: Sitting together, they excitedly talked of the upcoming show. They weren’t the only ones eager to watch it, seeing as all UN board members sitting in the room seemed to be buzzing about it as well.
“Oh, by the way boys,” Maria began, “I’ve made a tiny modification to that.”
They looked at her, puzzled. The five men would have never expected what was in store for them as Maria deviously smiled. A knot formed in their guts, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.
Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
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“Why?”
With a great sniff, he said in a broken voice “My brothers... They’re always in the spotlight when it came to you. They had flashy tactics to win you over, while the best I could do was blend with the shadows.”
She listened carefully. He went on.
“You are one of the only people that remember who I am--”
“Matt, I’m pretty sure you’re overreacting. There are tons of people who know Canada!” Maria cut in, trying to disprove him.
“Really now?” he asked, raising a sarcastic eyebrow. “Then how come whenever your Asian siblings see me, they would always ask ‘Oh, who’s this?’ huh.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again when she couldn’t find anything to retort with. He removed his glasses and wiped them on his jacket. She took his arm and hugged him tightly, stroking his head while gently rocking him back and forth.
“I had tons of competition,” he murmured into her hair. “I’ve always wanted to secure a place in your heart. But no, Alfred, the great hero, made sure he marked you permanently. And now, even Daniel’s trying his luck with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Arthur harbored feelings too...” he said with slight venom.
“And the fact that you act so kind towards everyone... I couldn’t take it. The way you fuss over the injured makes me wish over and over that you would do the same for me.”
“I tried distracting myself. I turned to Katyusha instead, to ease the pain I felt. At first, I thought it worked. I genuinely liked her. She was a kind woman and she treated me well. But...” he pulled away and brought his face close, making his lavender eyes stare at hers. “I couldn’t forget you.”
“Then I felt guilty for using her. My insides were writhing from all the emotions flying around. My mind pulled me one way, my heart the other. In the end, I broke up with her.”
Here, he bowed his head in guilt; the image of the Ukrainian looking completely heartbroken flashed before his eyes. “She took it quite well. She understood, and I owe her so much for that. Katyusha and I are still good friends, luckily.”
He finished, his breathing slower now.
She raised her hands to wipe the tear stains off his pink cheeks. Then, she placed both her hands on his face delicately, looked him straight in the eyes and said “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to prove anything. Just be yourself, and I will love you with all I have.” she told him.
He took in deep breaths, letting her heavenly jasmine scent flow through his nostrils. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself smiling.
“... I’m sorry Maria. I got carried away earlier, didn’t I?” he apologized sheepishly.
"It's alright Matt, I understand," Maria said, noticing they way he started swaying.
"I'm really sorry..." he trailed off, losing consciousness.
The tiny female caught the man in her arms and started carrying him back to his hotel room; something that seemed quite unfeasible to a person her size.
“Thanks again, Matthew,” she whispered to his snoring face.
:o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o:
Matthew got up slowly, rubbing his temples. He glanced around the room then spotted the glass of water beside him. A small smile fell on his lips.
He dug into his memory, trying to recall the events of the previous night. Fuzzy images floated within; going down to the bar, Arthur singing Brit Rock songs shirtless, Daniel throwing up, Juan joining Arthur onstage, Maria’s face and his forceful kiss.
Shaking his head, he got up and proceeded to the bathroom, stripped off and started showering. He paused for a moment, wondering what happened to the others.
Afterwards, Canada pulled on a crisp new shirt and pants, threw his jacket on and headed out the door.
After a few moments in the elevator, he searched the lobby. To his surprise and slight amusement, Arthur and Daniel were strewn across the couches, the exact same ones Greece, Turkey and Egypt were sitting on the previous night.
He scanned the rest of the area, looking for his loud and obnoxious brother. He entered the bar and found it deserted; bottles and confetti littering the floor. Deducing the only other place that Alfred would go to when he got much too drunk, he glanced over to Australia and England. Murmuring an apology, he ran to the elevator and rapidly pushed the button to his floor.
When he had arrived before their door, he calmed his breathing. Matthew knocked, knowing yet hoping against what Alfred was capable of doing when his brain wasn’t connected to his body.
Luzon poked his sleepy head out, rubbing his eyes. “Morning, Tito Matt,” he greeted, sidestepping to allow the blonde in.
“Morning, Luz. Sorry to disturb you this early, but I was wondering if your Uncle Alfred was here,” he asked, looking around.
“Yeah, he is. Apparently, he passed out in front of our door early this morning. Tay was too tired to carry him, so we just let him sleep here,” the boy explained, stifling a yawn.
And surely enough, loud snores could be heard coming from within. The purple-eyed male peered around the door frame; lo and hold, there was America, sleeping on the sofa, mouth slightly agape. He walked over to him and shook him awake, much to the American's indignation.
“Mhhmf. C’me on, five m’re minut’s,” the blonde grumbled, rolling onto his stomach. Matt sighed before rolling him out of the couch onto the floor, making him land with a thud.
“Gurgh, why’d you d’ t’at?” he slurred, rubbing his back before curling up into the ball. Another sigh as Matthew bent down and whispered to him “Don’t make me do this, Al.”
He grabbed a glass, filled it ice cold water from the tap and poured it over the blue-eyed male’s face. Alfred jumped and sputtered, crying out “Cold! Cold! Oh sweet San Francisco, cooooold!” In an instant, he was on in his feet, glaring at his nearly identical-looking brother.
“Thanks Matt,” he spat out sarcastically. Matthew returned it with a small smirk, satisfied that he was finally able to pay back for the time in the Philippines, “No problem, bro.”
Maria opened the door to the bathroom, fully dressed already. “Oh good, he’s awake. Good morning you two!” said the woman, beaming.
“Good morning Maria” Matt replied, grinning at her. She stepped out of the bathroom and surveyed the place. Juan was still sound asleep on their bed, drooling onto the pillow.
She chuckled before walking over to hug Matthew. After that, she turned to Alfred, looked him up and down then said “Come on now, we have a busy day ahead of us. You better hurry up.”
Alfred stared bewilderedly at her retreating figure. “Let’s go, Al. We gotta go help Dan and Arthur. They’re still downstairs, you know,” Matthew explained, leading the still shocked blond out of the door.
Once back at the lobby, Matthew heaved Arthur onto his shoulder while Alfred grabbed Daniel by the waist and carried them to their respective rooms, waking them in the process.
“Ugh, I feel horrible,” Arthur muttered begrudgingly
“You can say that again,” Daniel whispered.
After taking the respective medications, showering and changing into fresh clothes, the four men headed back downstairs, meeting the Filipinos halfway to the buffet for breakfast.
Sitting together, they excitedly talked of the upcoming show. They weren’t the only ones eager to watch it, seeing as all UN board members sitting in the room seemed to be buzzing about it as well.
“Oh, by the way boys,” Maria began, “I’ve made a tiny modification to that.”
They looked at her, puzzled. The five men would have never expected what was in store for them as Maria deviously smiled. A knot formed in their guts, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.
:o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o:
“Mama, why are we doing this again?” Vi asked for the umpteenth time.
“Anak, stop moving around so much,” Maria commanded.
“Tay, why are you avoiding our questions?” Luz inquired.
“Mijo, there are somethings that you can only understand when you’re older,” Juan explained vaguely as he shifted uncomfortably in his shoes.
“There is no way in hell I am going out in public like this,” Minda hissed, scratching at his neck. Maria reprimanded him for his language.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Alfred squinted at Maria, who merely smiled.
Earlier on...
As soon as the elevator, carrying her three sons, shut it’s doors, Maria briskly walked over to the receptionist and asked for some things she had left the night before.
The man behind the counter pulled out paper bags of all sizes and handed them to her. She thanked him then walked back to the group of men. Juan raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I told Sonja about our little plan, and she seemed really interested in it. Then I told her a joke, and she sort of took it seriously. I explained that I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have the funds, so she offered to buy half of these, in exchange for being there to watch it unfold.”
The five of them stared at her, determining what her purpose is in all this.
“You see, I figured that some of the nations would be able to recognize them as our sons,” here she nodded at Juan, “so I thought we would dress them up as girls.”
They could tell that Maria enjoyed this idea. Arthur slapped his forehead and ran his hands through his hair while Daniel eyed the amount of bags suspiciously. “So, the other bags are...”
“For you guys!” she declared, chocolate eyes twinkling.
A pause.
“What?!” Juan screamed, making his outburst echo around the lobby. Guests glared at him.
“Oh good Lord, help us all,” Arthur pleaded, looking upwards
“We’re screwed,” Alfred said, removing his glasses.
“Why didn’t I see this coming?” Matthew said, lips twitching.
“Please just let me get trampled on by a boomer now,” Daniel muttered, pinching his bandaged nose.
The male Philippines stepped in front of her and said “Maria, listen. Don’t you think you’re going a bit too far with this idea?” placing both his hands on her small shoulders.
“Ay nako Juan, if we don’t do this, how are we supposed to get the boys to do it? We want to find their father’s, diba? This is the only way they won’t be recognized,” she explained, ending the discussion with finality.
“And don’t worry, I’ll be crossdressing too. That way, you guys wouldn’t have to feel too bad,” she added.
Back in the room...
And so, here they were, five men and three boys, all in women’s clothing. Maria tended to all of them, making sure they fit in their dresses, skirts and shorts.
Just then, someone knocked on the door. Maria clapped her hands excitedly as she sprinted to answer it. Before the entrance stood a familiar turquoise-eyed female.
“Good morning Sonja!” she sang, giving the tall woman a massive hug.
“Haha, good morning to you too, dear Maria. You sound exuberantly happy today,” she chortled, closing the door behind her.
“That’s cause I already managed to get them into their clothes,” the petit woman answered, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh~ I wanna see! I wanna see!” the Yugoslavian exclaimed.
“Maria, who knocked-” Juan faltered as he entered the foyer. “Oh Diyos...” he murmured, running back inside.
“You are one very lucky woman, Maria,” Sonja said, turning to face her with her lips curling up in a Cheshire-cat way. “Was that your counterpart, the male Philippines that you talk so fondly off?” she inquired.
Maria nodded, smiling. Suddenly, a thud and a grunt resounded, making both snap their heads.
“Gah! Alfred, don’t do that man!” Daniel shouted.
“Hehe, why not?” the American countered.
The two females walked further and saw America apparently trying to pull stockings up his Australian brother’s legs.
“Oh God, this has got to be the most emasculating thing that’s ever happened to me,” he muttered, beet red in the face, either from the blood rushing to his head or absolute humiliation. He then turned his head towards them and paled. “Rack off, Al! Now! Dammit, there are women in the room, for Chrissake!” he screamed, kicking the blue-eyed man off his legs.
The men in the room snapped their heads to the door, facial expressions completely hilarious. The female Philippines and Yugoslavia savored the memory of their faces, imprinting the image in their heads.
“Oh do not worry boys, the show is not until later tonight, so you do not have to worry about your make-up... Yet.” Sonja said, leaning on the door frame.
“Wait! Nearly forgot...” Maria remembered, searching through the numerous baggage, pulling out a mop of hair and a pair of contacts; two of the many packed.
“You guys have to put these on. The thicker the disguises, the better,” she said.
Sonja walked over to her and asked “What about our outfits?”
The tan woman faced her and ginned from ear to ear. “I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to secure those, with a little persuasion,” said Maria.
A ping goes off, the source sitting on a table beside the couch in the other division of the room. Maria made her way over to the laptop and scrolled through the applications, checking her e-mail. Finally, she spotted the newly received letter. From: Regina Rosales, the header read.
“Here’s the list you requested, Maria. I double checked every single one of the libraries and rechecked the facts we have at the museum. Rest assured that this is 110% accurate. Thank you again!” she read aloud to Sonja beside her.
Maria pointed the arrow at the attachment that was entitled “Philippine Foreign Interactions.pdf” and clicked it.
When the document popped up, the smile was wiped off her face instantly. Sonja whistled, eyes traveling down the screen. Maria let out a nervous laugh.
“Do not fret, Maria. There must be a way,” Sonja said. She scratched her chin thoughtfully, mulling over the list. Pointing to a random continent that contained bullet points, she said “These people all hang out together... Convenient that this woman had arranged it all.”
Yugoslavia snapped her fingers. “I know! We will have to make sure they sit together. That way, we can keep a close eye on them without having to stress about where they are going. With the plan that England thought of, that should not be much of a hassle. Problem is, we do not know who to target...”
“I think I have an idea,” Maria piped up. Sonja turned to her, eager for her idea.
“These countries,” she whispered, her finger hovering before the monitor and tracing an invisible line down the list, “are responsible for only one boy per interaction. It all depends on where they landed first...”
An epiphany struck Maria, making her gasp on impact. “Sonja, that’s it! That’s how we’re going to target them!” said the Filipina, now jumping up and down. Yugoslavia stared at her, still confused.
“Please do expound, dear Maria,” she said, arching her pale eyebrows.
The female glanced behind her, checking for her sons. “Let’s go outside first,” she murmured, eyeing the males across the room, now prying off the offending women's clothing that Maria and Sonja so happily bought.
“Don’t tear those clothes, boys! They came with quite a price,” she called out, seeing how roughly Daniel was handling his skirt. A collective grunt came from the group.
“Sonja and I will step outside for a bit, is that okay?” Maria asked. Another grunt was given in response. Maria grabbed a pad and a pen as she headed out the door, Sonja trailing behind her.
Once over the threshold, Maria started her explanation. “Okay, so there are nations from Asia, Europe, Oceania and the Americas respectively that have come into contact with the Philippines,” she said, clicking the pen and scribbling on to the paper’s surface.
Sonja nodded. “Asia can be further subdivided into South East and East, and possibly South,” here, she made plenty of bullet points.
“Then there’s North and South America. Don’t need to worry about testing Al and Matt, but my Latin siblings on the other hand...” she muttered, dotting more bullet points and marking asterisks before America and Canada.
“Then there’s Europe - Arthur excluding since he’s already had enough time with them,” she continued, making more dots and marking England with same said asterisk.
“Then there’s Daniel in Oceania,” marking Australia, “And his brother, Brian. New Zealand, that is,” she explained, writing one last name at the end of the paper.
And so, the list went like this:
Asia
- East
- Japan
- China
- Hong Kong
- Taiwan
- Korea (South)
- Southeast
- Malaysia
- Indonesia
- Thailand
- Vietnam
- South
- India
America
- North
- *Canada
- *U.S.A.
- Mexico
- South
- Cuba
- Belize
- Uruguay
- Chile
- Paraguay
- Peru
- Colombia
- Venezuela
- Ecuador
- Brazil
- Bolivia
- Guatemala
- El Salvador
- Honduras
- Argentina
- Dominican Rep.
- Panama
- Costa Rica
- Nicaragua
- Puerto Rico
- *England
- Germany
- Spain
- Portugal
- France
- Russia
- *Australia
- New Zealand
Sonja peered at the paper, eyeing the long list of names under South America.
“The ones that I’ve crossed are female nations. We’re only trying to investigate men here, so that narrows the suspects down by a bit...” Maria said, rolling the pen between her fingers.
The platinum blonde grimaced, contemplating the number of Latin American countries they would have to scrutinize later on. She has heard of Spain’s famous... Fervor for colonies, but the sheer amount of them was ludicrous in her opinion. And here she thought she had a big family.
“People are most likely going to go by families. That is going to be really convenient if they d--” Maria stopped and turned. “What?” said Yugoslavia, her eyes widening by a bit.
The Philippines squinted at her, “What about you Sonja? Surely your family is wondering where you went,” she reasoned.
The woman waved her hand dismissively, saying “No, they see me all the time. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure they are tired of my face, beautiful as it is,” she joked, flipping her hair. Maria laughed lightly, smiling up at her.
“You’re sure? ‘Cause I feel bad that I’m taking up most of your time,” the Filipina explained. Sonja made a disparaging noise, retorting with “Of course not, my dear. Honestly, you over think things too much.”
Nodding her head, she looked back at the paper she was holding in her hand. “Oh Sonja, I’m really scared. What if the plan doesn’t turn out well? What if they reject them? Or leave them alone there? Or what if they get lost in the crowd? Or... or...” Maria rambled, slightly quickening her speed of speech with each question.
“Do not worry. Just go with the plan and they will be fine. Did you already explain to them on how tonight is going to go?” said Sonja, propping her hand on her hips.
“So far, the only thing I’ve managed to do was evade their multiple questions,” answered Maria with a sigh, “But since I am their mother, I doubt that they will keep asking once I give them my final say.”
Shrugging, Sonja said “Suit yourself. After all, this is for their benefit, so they have to go through with it," walking towards the elevator.
“Where are you going Sonja?” Maria asked. Sonja arched her brows, giving Maria a strange look.
“Why, to the theatre downstairs of course! We have to secure those outfits now. It may take a little longer than necessary to get a hold of them, so might as well be ready for it,” she explained as she continued down the hallway. Maria jogged to keep up with her quick strides.
~
The elevator slid down to the 3rd floor, which housed the main amphitheater, a few rooms and the entrance to the spectacle tonight.
Sonja turned her head here and there, inspecting the area carefully. Soon enough, they spotted a door in the back, almost impossible to distinguish from the walls. Sonja put a finger on her lips, signaling Maria to keep silent.
They pushed the door slightly ajar, peering into the room. The pair was unsurprised to see two men inside. They glanced at each other before looking back at the employees. Nodding to each other, they backed away from the door slowly, preparing to execute the plan they had formulated the night before.
Maria lay on the floor and let out a high pitched scream; loud enough for the workers inside the room to hear.
Quickly, they made their way outside and halted. Maria had her eyes squeezed shut, looking as if she was in immense pain as she clutched her midsection. Over her, Sonja expertly pulled her face into that of a panicked one.
“Mademoiselle, are you alright? What happened, s’il vous plait?” the darker-haired of the pair asked.
Maria just shook her head, biting her lip in anguish. To make it even more convincing, she curled into a ball. Sonja turned her eyes to the men and requested “Oh please, dear men, my friend here is in great pain. She needs to lay down somewhere!”
“Er - well...” the second one started, only to be cut off by the first man elbowing him in the ribcage. “Of course, madame. We shall carry her into the room across the hall,” he said.
Sonja’s face broke into a relieved smile, placing her hand over her heart and saying “Thank you so much. Please do hurry, she looks like she cannot handle much more.”
Two strong arms slid under Maria and heaved her up. The dark-haired man marched into the room authoritatively, making the lighter-haired employee feel a twinge of guilt.
Once inside, he lay the Philippines onto the benches, propping her head up with a clean pillow from a freshly laundered pile. “How are you doing mademoiselle? Would you like us to call the ambulance?” the second man offered.
Maria shook her head again, clutching the fabric of the first man’s uniform. She parted her lips, lifted a shaking hand, then unexpectedly striking him hard on his shoulder blade, causing him to crumple. Sonja rapidly did the same thing to the other male.
Standing up, Maria looked down and dusted her back, saying “Do you think they’ll be okay? I think I hit mine too hard.”
“They are just unconscious," Sonja reassured her.
As Maria hurriedly closed the door, Sonja started stripping the stunned pair. She peeled their jackets and white shirts off, untied their neckties, took their caps and then took their flashlights.
Quickly, they put these into two new laundry bags, carefully folding the uniforms and making sure that no creases or crumples were made on the highly sensitive fabric.
“Wait!” Sonja whispered urgently as Maria's hand hovered over the doorknob. “What do we do when they wake up to find themselves half naked? And in this cold air conditioning too! Plus,” she added with a twinge of fear, “surely they will remember our faces and will try to search for us later on.”
The Philippines paused for a moment, forgetting about that little fact. “Just throw some blankets over them or something! And we have no time to think about that now. We’ll think about the worst case scenarios later.”
After Sonja had propped them up on the benches and wrapped them in blankets, they made their way to the elevator as fast as possible. Once inside, they breathed a sigh of relief.
“The more I think about this, the more I see how ridiculous it is,” Maria panted, clutching the plastic bag tightly.
“It was your idea, my dear Maria,” Sonja replied, looking over to the Filipina.
:o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o:
It took a few hours before the job could be called satisfactory, but in the end, Maria and Sonja had finally managed to transform the five men and three boys into convincing 'females'.
“Ugh, how do women manage to walk when they have all this air flowing between their legs in these forsaken skirts?” Daniel moaned, pulling his bottom lower on his now stocking-wearing legs.
“You think you have it bad. I have to wear this ridiculous corset around my bloody torso. I thought these already went out of fashion at the end of the 19th Century!” Arthur complained, fiddling awkwardly with his tight inner wear that also held his fake breasts.
“Oh shut up you two,” Juan said, readjusting his jacket around himself and wrapping it around his body as tightly as possible. “At least you don’t have these heels. No wonder some of them call these ‘killer’ heels. Just wearing them could make you feel like you’re going to fall any second.”
“Ew, Tay. Why are we doing this again?” Minda said for the nth time, scratching his wig and raising a hand to wipe his eyes.
Maria stopped his hand just in time. She held it and said “Don’t do that anak, you’re going to smear your mascara. And I know it’s something... unusual-”
“What an understatement,” the youngest murmured to himself
“- but I want you to work with us tonight okay? After this, I promise I’ll cook all your favorite dishes when we get back home. And buy you that new Nerf Gun you were eyeing the other day."
He nodded his head slowly, willing the itch to go away. Maria surveyed the others to see if there were any last details that they missed.
Sonja tapped her shoulder. “Ready to go, Maria? The show is going to start in thirty five minutes." She then passed her something black and furry while she held an item similar, hers being pale. Sonja put on the fake mustache and a pair of dark shades over her eyes and nodded to Maria. The black-haired nation took one last sweeping look around the room before mirroring Sonja’s actions.
“Ready, Sonja,” she replied, tucking her key card in her pants pocket and glancing at Sonja’s hair to see if there were any stray strands that peeked out of the cap. Maria felt around her neck to see if anything has fallen out. Luckily, her long hair stayed tucked within.
“You remember the entire plan, boys?” she double-checked.
“Yeah, yeah. Come on, we might not have enough time to find them!” Alfred said impatiently, walking over to the door and holding it ajar to check if the coast was clear. When he beckoned to them that it was safe, he stepped outside and straightened his posture, willing his body to be as feminine as possible.
:o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o:
Notes:
Hello again! Thank you so very much for taking your time to read this! 8D -bows-
This was a sufficiently awkward chapter. And probably the most disappointing after all this time. OTL
I made them crossdress. >.> Dear me, I cannot believe the ideas that I so shamefully put out there.
Up there, you see a not-so-complete family + cousins list of the Philippines. My gosh, you’d think Antonio would resist after the fourth kid, but no, he just had to make such an obscenely big family. It’s so hard to keep up with all of Maria’s siblings OTL (not that I’m complaining or anything, cause being related to the Latin people is pretty damn awesome)
The list isn't meant to be historically accurate, mind you. I -- sort of went overboard with it /understatement XD
I already have the second part to this, but I'm still working out the flow of it. A big sub-plot bunny is gonna be revealed in the next one /o/
OH, and someone raise their hand if they thought of those classic comedy shows in the 90's/early 00's when Maria and Sonja's mustache scene rolled in 8D