Re: Multiple/Canada & Canada/Fem!America If U Seek Alfred 10/?
anonymous
October 15 2010, 07:44:05 UTC
Oh lord, Alfred's "funstopper gland," Austria reading a novel while England's dominating Canada, England being taller than Canada... ♥ And even though I lol'd at Sealand, I cringed. Poor Canada, getting dub-conned by a 60 year-old. D:
Last update you said you didn't mind concrit, so I've some whited out: I do really enjoy this fic, so much, but sometimes the way the paragraphs are written is a little hard to read. A new paragraph should begin with each new speaker (and thinker), since that a) makes it clearer who's speaking, and b) makes the story less of a wall-of-text. I can give you some examples, if you'd like?
There are also a few minor grammar errors ("to" vs "too"), which a grammar checker in a word processor should be able to fix.
But seriously, I love this fic. There was an anon back on Cherry Pie who said it better than I am, but you're turning out some beautifully filthy work here. So much of the porn fic I've read is, idk, sanitised - come neatly disappears into throats or washcloths without being skicky/gooey/smearing on things, nothing ever has a smell, and god forbid the characters sweat. Thank you for this deliciously dirty piece of wonderful. ♥
So yeah, definitely looking forward to the next update! :D
Re: Multiple/Canada & Canada/Fem!America If U Seek Alfred 10/? author!anon
anonymous
October 15 2010, 13:40:10 UTC
Hi, and thanks for the feedback! I love writing dirty sex. It's fun.
I tend to forget things are easier to follow for me when I'm reading over since I know exactly what's going on. I think I might need to brush up on some of my basic grammar too (typos aside). The proper way to format speech/thoughts still gets me; I think I've read about 3 totally contradictory ways about how to do it *falls over*
If you could give an example or two that'd be great! It'd help me know what's what :)
Last update you said you didn't mind concrit, so I've some whited out: I do really enjoy this fic, so much, but sometimes the way the paragraphs are written is a little hard to read. A new paragraph should begin with each new speaker (and thinker), since that a) makes it clearer who's speaking, and b) makes the story less of a wall-of-text. I can give you some examples, if you'd like?
There are also a few minor grammar errors ("to" vs "too"), which a grammar checker in a word processor should be able to fix.
But seriously, I love this fic. There was an anon back on Cherry Pie who said it better than I am, but you're turning out some beautifully filthy work here. So much of the porn fic I've read is, idk, sanitised - come neatly disappears into throats or washcloths without being skicky/gooey/smearing on things, nothing ever has a smell, and god forbid the characters sweat. Thank you for this deliciously dirty piece of wonderful. ♥
So yeah, definitely looking forward to the next update! :D
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*facepalm*
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I tend to forget things are easier to follow for me when I'm reading over since I know exactly what's going on. I think I might need to brush up on some of my basic grammar too (typos aside). The proper way to format speech/thoughts still gets me; I think I've read about 3 totally contradictory ways about how to do it *falls over*
If you could give an example or two that'd be great! It'd help me know what's what :)
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