It's Like History, But With a Twist! Part 1[4/6]
anonymous
March 3 2010, 07:32:07 UTC
This was my favorite episode, I'm such a history nerd. It's also rushed because I'm super busy and I might not get the next one up until next week due to the super busy thing.Sorry *** “Live! From Timmy’s tree house…it’s, the Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off. And now, heeere’s Timmy!”
“Thank you, thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight. Here to help me with my report are three of the founder fathers themselves…”
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“Hey, Washington,” America said as he approached the man who was currently chopping up a wooden table in the far corner of Independence Hall, “I know you’re all about to sign the Declaration in a bit, but I was wondering if I could talk to you…”
“Hm? Of course Alfred. I’ll always have time for you.” And with that he vanished.
America gave himself five seconds to let it sink in before panicking and running off to find Franklin.
“Beeeeeeeen!!!” He shouted as he screeched to a halt in front of him. “Washington mysteriously disappeared mysteriously!”
“That’s odd. I was just-” and then he vanished too.
“J-Jefferson!!”
“What are you shouting about now, Alfred?”
“Washington and Franklin just-” but before he could finish that thought, Jefferson was gone as well.
“Why me, why today?!?! This is England’s fault…somehow.”
Meanwhile, in the present…
“You guys can’t just run away like that,” Timmy said as he got his guests seated once more, “If you get lost that could really mess things up, but more importantly I’ll never get my report done!”
“Sorry…” the three founders said in unison as they took their respective seats and Franklin got struck by lightning.
“Timmy!” Cosmo shouted as he flew in from the window, “Air Force Zero is coming in fast!”
“Air Force Zero?! Wait, I thought that was for the president!”
“That’s Air Force One, sweetie.” Wanda corrected.
“Then who’s in Air Force Zero?”
That question was answered five seconds later when a muscular blond man came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHAHA!” He laughed loudly as he stood up, seemingly unharmed with his trip through the quadruple-pain glass. “Not to worry, the HERO has arrived!”
“Who…?” Timmy started to ask, but was interrupted by a cry of “Alfred!” from the men on the couch.
“You can’t just crash through windows like that!” Franklin exclaimed.
“You need to use your head boy,” Jefferson fussed as he brushed stray glass from the man’s hair.
“What if you had gotten hurt?” Washington added.
“But guuys, I’m fiine…” the man whined.
“Would someone explain to me what the heck’s going on?!” Timmy shouted.
The founders blanched, blushed, and stood around awkwardly for a bit before Washington caught sight of a wooden post off to the side and ran over to chop it.
“You might want to stop him…” the man said.
“I’ll go get him.” Wanda poofed off after him.
“Who are you? How do you know them? Why are you here? Answer my questions, or I’ll…do something…”
“Alfred F. Jones, I’m with the government. Long story. I sensed a…disturbance and came to investigate, and may I ask, what the heck are you doing with my founding fathers in a tree house talk show studio thing?” “Uh…well, wait a minute, your founders?”
“Well you see lad,” Franklin explained, “Alfred is sort of the personification of America.”
“What? Is that possible?”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I? Now why are they here, and not signing my Declaration of Independence?!”
“Relax Al,” Jefferson said, scribbling something on his parchment, “Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help. We’ll go right back when we’re done.”
“…is that safe?”
“Yeah sure why not?” Timmy offered.
“Well, okay, I’ll allow it, but I need to stay right here to make sure you put them back when you’re done.”
“When did you become all grown-up?” Washington commented when Wanda dragged him back. Alfred shrugged.
“It must be the new bifocals,” Franklin added, “they are quite nice…where did you get them lad?”
“Oh, I got them from Mexico in 1845. It was pretty sweet.”
“Okay, this whole catching up thing is great and all, but I’ve still got a report to do, so focus back here, ‘kay?” Timmy said as he sat behind his desk. Alfred found a seat in the audience and the Founders sat back on the couch.
It's Like History, But With a Twist! Part 2 [4/6]
anonymous
March 3 2010, 07:35:55 UTC
Everything was going great…until it stopped being so great.
“Timmy, we need to take a break,” Wanda nagged. “We need to get these guys back to their time period; they’ve been here too long all ready!”
“Relax Wanda. Besides, I think if history had changed, we’d have noticed now, right?”
As if on cue, everything started changing, and everyone left the safety of the tree house to investigate. Electricity vanished and everything became more, well…
“You bloody wanker!” A now specs-less Alfred charged, grabbed Timmy by the shirt and started shaking him, “I ought to sock you one for this, git!”
“I say, don’t get your knickers in a twist now, old bean!” Timmy said, grappling against Alfred’s strength. He let him drop to the ground.
“Oh, piss off!” Everything became more British.
“What’s going on?” Jefferson asked as he and the rest of the founders wandered over.
“Because you guys have been gone to long, America is still a British Colony, and deprived of electricity.” Timmy explained.
“Don’t forget about taxation without representation!” Washington added.
“Huh?”
“’Ello ‘ello! Tax man here!” A random guy said, snatching Cosmo and Wanda’s wands right out of their hands. “Wand tax.” He explained, tipping his hat and leaving as suddenly as he’d shown up.
“I bloody hate taxation without representation…” Alfred lamented. “And core blimey I miss Texas. I can’t see a thing!”
“Whine whine whine,” Timmy taunted, “why don’t you do something about it!” “You git!” He lunged forward and started strangling the boy. “This is your bleeding fault!”
Jefferson and Washington managed to pull the nation off before he did lasting damage.
“You better have a way to fix this…”
“Ooh! I know!” Cosmo flew back up to the tree house and came back down, riding on a scooter. “We can take everyone back on the Time Scooter!” “That’s a great idea Cosmo…that was weird.”
“Almost as weird as me speaking British.” As everyone else scrambled on the scooter, Alfred jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Timmy. “Give this to Colonial me, and no bloody peaking! I think you’ve messed up enough already, savvy?”
He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket before starting the scooter and blasting off into the past.
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“AAAAARGH!!!”
“Calm down Alfred! Just because three of the most important people in this revolution mysteriously vanished at the same time to god knows where doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck as a Colony for life!”
“Yeah, England could decide he’d rather just kill you for defying him…”
“Now that I think about it, we’ll all be hung for treason as well…”
“Not helping guys!” Alfred snapped. He spotted Benedict Arnold off in a corner all by himself, plotting and decided to ask him if he’d had any progress.
“Hey Benny! Any luck on finding the others?”
“Gah! Um, no, not yet…I’m not plotting betrayal or anything…and it’s Benedict. Benedict Arnold.”
“Whatever Benny…” he sighed and turned around to walk away, but remembered something else he wanted to ask, and turned back to find George Washington in his place instead.
“Georgie! There you are!” Alfred grabbed the man into a tight bear hug. “You had me worried! Where are Jefferson and Franklin?”
“Can’t…breathe…” the nation let him go. “There, um, around…somewhere. Check over there while I go talk to Hancock…”
“Wait a second, something seems off…are you sure you’re Washington?”
“Of course I am! Can’t you tell by my white hair, wooden teeth, and love of all things free?”
“Well, good enough for me!” He followed him over to where Hancock was busy signing stuff.
“Hey Hancock, you mind signing this Declaration of Surrenderpendence for me, your friend, George Washington?”
“Sure-wait, isn’t that bad?”
“What?! You’re giving up!?”
“Yes Alfred. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think you have what it takes to beat England. It’s best if we give up now.”
Tears started to form in the young nation’s eyes as Washington coerced Hancock into signing his document, when all of a sudden a blinding flash of light appeared in the middle of the room, revealing the missing founders and some kid on some wheeled contraption of some kind.
Washington jumped up and shot his teeth out, hitting Hancock’s hand and preventing the demise of America before he even had a chance to begin.
It's Like History, But With a Twist! Part 3 [4/6]
anonymous
March 3 2010, 07:38:39 UTC
“Don’t listen to him! I cannot tell a lie I am the real George Washington! Can’t you tell by the white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?”
“Oh no you didn’t…” the two Washingtons prepared for what would probably have been an epic fistfight if Alfred hadn’t interrupted by hugging the new Washington.
“I knew it! I knew he was a fake! Don’t you ever leave me again ever! None of you!” He shot a look at the other two over Washington’s shoulder.
“Can’t…breathe…”
“Sorry!”
Jefferson had, meanwhile, unmasked the villain to be none other than Benedict Arnold.
“And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren’t for that-”
“Yeah yeah, we’ve heard it all before,” Timmy waved him off. “Well, all you have to do now is sign the Declaration of Independence and we’ll be on our way.”
“We can’t!” Hancock said, “Washington’s wooden teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we’re one signature short!”
“Dude there’s like, twenty other people in the room. Can’t they sign it?”
“Oh yeah…” he wandered off to find another signature.
“Oh! I almost forgot, Alfred,” the nation turned and Timmy handed him the piece of paper. “What is it? Finical tips for when you get the stock market started? Secret British military plans for an easy victory? The suspense is killing me!”
Alfred read the note and whacked Timmy upside the head.
“Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?!”
“Sorry, but the note said it was all your fault and that I should whack you upside the head,” he handed Timmy the note so he could read if for himself. “I don’t know who this Usa is, but the handwriting’s similar to mine, so I trust him. Or her. Or it.”
“Figures…” Timmy started up the Time Scooter and he and his fairies went back home.
Meanwhile, in class the next day…
“You know Turner, most teachers would find this style of delivering a report creative and deserving of reward,” Mr. Crocker said, scribbling Timmy’s grade down. “I however am not one of them. You fail!”
Timmy sighed dejectedly at his grade when the sound of a plane swooping low was heard throughout the classroom.
“It’s Air Force Zero!” one of the children exclaimed when they ran over to the window.
“Oh no…”
Sure enough, five seconds later Alfred Jones came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHA!” He laughed after standing up and brushing the glass off.
“You! Who are you? And you better be paying for those windows!” Crocker shouted.
“Sorry sorry, put it on my tab. I’m Alfred F. Jones and I’m with the Department of Education. I have it under good authority that you just failed one Timmy Turner, correct?”
“Yes, but I don’t see how that’s-”
“Well, the higher-ups want me to come and make that an A. Since there government bigwigs, you understand, right?”
“You can’t just-”
“Sure I can!” He grabbed the F and pulled out a giant stamp that changed it to an A. “See? Just did.” Alfred handed the paper back to Timmy. “Let’s just say we’re even now, git.”
Re: It's Like History, But With a Twist! Part 3 [4/6]
anonymous
March 3 2010, 20:50:04 UTC
What, I dont even... British!Al, The declaration of Surrenderpendnce, Air Force Zero, Al's note to his past self!!! Im flabbergasted this is just amazing!!!!
(and this was on of my fav eps as well haha must... chop... wood!!!!)
These are getting more hilarious by every sentence anon i love it so much.
OP says HAI~! * waves american flag before her own country-tan jumps and mauls her*
anonymous
March 4 2010, 02:28:44 UTC
And to think I hadn't see the original version of this chapter in full form... but your version is way better! also, the Air Force Zero and the windows Smashing! (By the way, now we need Hetalia fan art in FOP style. Because, really) *hugs Author!Anon and feeds with their favourite foods*
The recaptcha says "has nobles". This recaptcha is very smart indeed.
That's What Happened to That Atlantis Chick Part 1 [5/6]
anonymous
March 6 2010, 06:23:38 UTC
Veneciano and Romano were wandering around Venice one day, without a care in the world, talking about where they wanted to eat lunch.
“Oh! That’s right, Fratello, I forgot to tell you Germany’s coming over for dinner tonight.”
“Che, why do you keep inviting him over? Your house is going to start smelling like potatoes soon.”
Before Veneciano could say his comeback to that (which definitely didn’t have anything to do with pasta…) a loud splash came from the canal they were walking by, causing both Italians to scream and duck for cover behind an abandoned fruit stand.
After a few moments of nothing happening, they poked their heads out from behind the fruit stand to see a blond mermaid wearing a bikini top lounging around on the sidewalk, dipping her fins in the canal from whence she came.
“Finally after like thousands of years or something I made it back to the surface! They like, thought they could keep my down, but like, they were so wrong!”
“~Ve, she’s pretty cute Romano…”
“I saw her first!”
Their eyes locked, Veneciano’s uncharacteristically open for once. Family was family, and as true Italians they knew that family came first, unless you were dealing with the last of the pasta on the table or a cute mermaid that just popped up out of the water, then it was every man for himself.
Romano landed a fierce stomp on his brother’s foot and took a starting dash for the mermaid. Veneciano recovered quickly and pinched his brother’s ankle, causing him to trip and fall and giving him the lead. Romano fought back by jumping up and tackling him from behind, both of them falling to the ground, where they continued to wrestle for dominance.
While they were fighting, the mermaid had turned around. “Hey, can you two like, help me with something?”
“Si!” both Italians sprang up from the ground.
“Anything for someone as lovely as you,” Romano said, offering a rose he somehow had on him.
“~Ve, ask us anything!”
“It’s been like a very long time since I was in the area, so like I was wondering if Rome was still around here.”
“~Ve, you’re in Venice. Rome’s further south.”
“My house is in Rome. I’d be more than happy to take you there.”
“Hm? Your house? But like what happened to the empire?”
The Italian brother blinked, and then laughed. “That’s a good one!”
“I don’t think we’ve ever had an empire, right Fratello?”
“But there like totally was one! The Roman Empire! What like happened to it?”
“Oh? Are you talking about Grandpa?” Romano asked, “You really haven’t been to Italy in a long time…”
“G-grandpa?!”
“Si, Grandpa Rome. ~Ve, he…fell, a very long time ago.” Veneciano sniffled before burying his facing into his brother’s shirt and crying, “Why does everything I touch die?!”
“There there,” Romano comforted, “it’s not everything. Just Grandpa…and Holy Roman Empire…and that squirrel we found last week. But really, that could have happened to anyone.”
“Everything I touch dies!!”
“Um, like, you wouldn’t happen to know if he like, mentioned me at all, do you?”
The crying stopped instantly. “~Ve, who are you?”
“Atlantis. The (now undersea) Utopia of Atlantis.”
“Italy Romano, the southern half of the Italian Republic,” he pushed his brother off to kiss Atlantis’s hand, “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“I’m Italy Veneciano, the northern half of the Italian Republic!” he sprung up from the ground to hug her tightly, “Oh, I know! Since you’re new in town, you can come to my house for dinner!”
“But you’re having that potato bastard over. I’m sure Atlantis doesn’t want to associate with-”
“Well,” she said, cutting Romano off, “the only things I had planned on my return trip were to meet Rome again and get my revenge on the Accursed One, but since Rome is gone, I could always just hang out with you, Italy, before that.”
“We’re both Italy…” Romano muttered, but backed off all the same. As a true Italian man, he knew when he had lost.
“Really? You can meet Germany! He’s my best friend so I’m sure you’ll get along great.”
“You’re too cute. Since I can’t exactly walk anymore…you wouldn’t mind carrying me would you?”
“His house is right over there, you can just swim.” Yes, Romano knew he had lost, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be bitter about it.
That's What Happened to That Atlantis Chick Part 2 [5/6]
anonymous
March 6 2010, 06:27:27 UTC
“~Ve, hurry up! I’m making my special pasta tonight Atlantis!”
“Just for me Italy? You shouldn’t have.”
“Well, technically I’m making it for Germany, but you can have some too!”
Veneciano was to ecstatic to notice the slightly darker look on her face as he prattled on about what good friends he and Germany were, but Romano caught it, having to deal with very similar and equally frightening looks from members of the Mafia when he was dealing with them (aka they were beating the crap out of him for one reason or another). It was jealousy, and whenever that look graced a lady’s face, well, Romano always took the initiative to get the heck out.
And as much as he hated the potato bastard and would like to see what Atlantis would do to him, he’d also seen what Belarus does to Russia, and no way was he letting anyone do that to his baby brother.
***
It was about halfway through the second course when Romano heard the knock on the door. Veneciano was too busy being Veneciano, causing Germany to be Germany and fuss over him, causing Atlantis to be Atlantis and secretly plot ways to get Germany out of the picture, so Romano excused himself (not that anyone noticed) and answered the door. He came back a few moments later, England in tow.
“Hey everyone look! England just happened to be in the area and just happened to want to stop by,” he announced, “isn’t that weird?”
Veneciano and Germany looked shocked, but greeted him in their own ways, whether by nodding slightly or giving the man a hug, a peck on the cheek, and offering him a place on the table. Atlantis just looked confused.
“So, you must be Atlantis,” England said as he sat down next to Romano on the other side of the table, “I heard from…someone who isn’t in this room right now, that you might be here…”
“That’s like the Utopia of Atlantis to you. And like who are you?”
“The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, but you can just call me England.”
“What are you doing here England?” Germany asked, getting to the point.
“Can’t a nation just randomly decide to holiday in Italy and randomly stop by an acquaintance’s house when he just so happens to have a mythical nation that sunk to the bottom of the sea millenniums ago over for dinner? Is that so odd?”
“Seriously why are you here?”
“Romano called me.”
“Bastard! You said you wouldn’t sell me out!”
“No one was buying it anyway!”
“Y-yeah, it was like, totally obvious from the get go…”
“~Ve, so England didn’t stop by because he wants my cooking?”
“I’m just here to help with Atlantis, but not because Romano asked! I’m doing this for my own reasons!”
“Like, help me with what?”
“As a member of the EU, I can’t just let you obliterate Germany off the face of the earth. He has most of the money.”
“You’re just like, trying to stand in the way of true love!”
“No, I’m trying to maintain peace. I’ve already talked it over with the Fairy Council, and apparently they decided a very long time ago that the world would be a better place if you were underwater.”
“I’d like to see you try to put me back! I’ve been waiting millennia to take my revenge and see my one true love! Like I’d let your eyebrows stop me!” She snatched Veneciano and held him close. “Just try and stop us!” “Germany! Germany help! I’m being held hostage by a cute girl again!”
“Germany this, Germany that…why can’t you just accept my love?!”
“Let my brother go you-” England held up a hand to stop him.
“I know how you feel…over two hundred years ago the most important person in the world to me left me behind for his own stupid ideals and went on to bigger and better things. It…still hurts, when I think about it, but sometimes letting go of the ones we love is the only way to set us free.”
“You and America made up ages ago,” Romano interjected. England started choking him.
“I was trying to connect with her so she would let your brother go!”
“Well it was a stupid plan!”
“I don’t see you coming up with anything!”
“Um guys…”
“What now Germany?!”
“While you were fighting I knocked Atlantis out, tied her up, and got Ita-Veneciano to safety,” he said, gesturing to her unconscious form on the couch and the Italian eating at the table, “so you can do what you want with her now England.”
That's What Happened to That Atlantis Chick Part 3 [5/6]
anonymous
March 6 2010, 06:29:52 UTC
“D-don’t make me sound like a pervert!” He grabbed Atlantis and left after a quick good-bye to Veneciano. Romano and Germany took their seats at the table and continued on with dinner as if nothing happened.
“Why can’t I ever have a normal dinner at your house?” Germany asked.
“~Ve, but isn’t it more fun this way?”
“No. Not really.”
“Well no one asked you to come!” Romano snapped.
“Italy did.”
“Damnit, we’re both Italy!”
They fought well into the night, forcing Germany to spend the night, which was just fine by Veneciano.
All in all, he considered it a good day.
A/N: Stupid character limit. I'll try to have the last one up by the end of the weekend, but I've been known to disappoint. Captcha: end macho. Captcha wants more females...
Re: That's What Happened to That Atlantis Chick Part 3 [5/6]
anonymous
March 9 2010, 23:11:46 UTC
There's moar?! *_* I luv you, anon! *o*
“Germany! Germany help! I’m being held hostage by a cute girl again!” I almost died from lack of oxygen, anon. I hope you're happy. Because you should be.
I'm still kinda surprised that Atlantis didn't consider Romano as her Rome-replacement. Then again, she had an excuse to kill Germania's grandson by going after Veneciano, so...yeah
They've had it too good for too long... Part 1 [6/6]
anonymous
March 13 2010, 07:06:26 UTC
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Naturally, he wiped the dust off, never expecting that a genie would pop out.
“Hey hey, it’s your lucky day!” the genie exclaimed. “You, my friend, have found your very own genie! The name’s Norm and you get three wishes.”
“Uh…”
“It’s fine, take your time. I’m not in a rush to get back in there, you know…”
“…”
“You have no idea what to wish for do you?”
“Sorry, is it alright if I think about it for a few days?”
“Sure, take all the time you need. If you need me, I’ll be raiding your fridge.” With a snap of his fingers he was gone.
A week passed and Canada still couldn’t think of a wish. Norm had been living in his house the whole time, basically being the worst housemate ever in an attempt to get him to make a wish.
“Who?” Kumajiro asked as Canada feed him.
“Canada.”
“Doesn’t that ever get you down?” Norm asked, pigging out on pancakes. “I know, since you have a magic genie at your disposal and still haven’t used any of your wishes yet, you can wish that your bear thing remembered you!”
“But then he might remember me for all the wrong reasons,” the nation replied, “Besides, I know he’s just kidding. It’s just our little inside joke I suppose.”
“Sheesh, does anything get you down? While you’re thinking of a wish, make me more pancakes.” Just then there was a knock on the door. “Get that after you make me pancakes.”
“Hold on, it could be important.” Canada left the kitchen and opened the door, revealing his brother.
“Hey, guess what?” America said, letting himself in, “I’ve found a way to stop global warming!”
“…really?”
“Why so skeptical? This time it’ll work for sure! Are you making pancakes?” He wandered into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Norm at the table. “Who’s the floaty guy?”
“His name’s Norm. He’s a genie I found in the basement.”
“Cool! So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“He hasn’t wished for anything yet, or else I would have blown this Popsicle stand ages ago! Did you know nothing ever happens in Canada? All it does is snow!”
“Hahaha! That is so true. Except that one time in Vancouver when it didn’t snow. Anyway, about those pancakes…”
“They’re almost done. Why don’t you take a seat at the table?”
“And maybe you can help Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect think of some decent wishes, hm?”
“Well, if it were me, I’d wish for the Middle East to sort itself out.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Canada explained, giving them both pancakes, “but then conflict would just pop up somewhere else. You know it always does.”
“Hmmmm…how about several trillion dollars so I can fix the economy?”
“That sounds good. I do love money wishes!”
“The money has to come from somewhere, so you either have to steal that large sum from the people or print it off, and if you print that much at once, inflation will happen.”
“How about world peace? You can’t go wrong with world peace.”
“Then we’ll probably get attacked by aliens or something.”
“…That sounds awesome!”
“You’re brother is kinda…” Norm made a vague hand gesture, “I know! You can wish him better! Make him smarter, faster, stronger, and more concerned with his actions!”
“What?! You wanna change me?” America looked at Canada like he was about to cry.
“No no! You’re family and I love you the way you-”
“Of course he does! You’re annoying.” Norm butted in. “Seriously, I can change him no problem. Just say the word.”
America hid his eyes under his bangs and went silent, which Canada knew was definitely not a good thing.
“Sorry for wasting your time.” Without another word, he left.
“Why would you say that?! I don’t hate him!”
“What? I’m just saying…”
“Now he probably won’t talk to me for a while…he can get so paranoid and defensive.”
A few more weeks passed in which Canada continued with his life as normal while Norm at all his food and bugged him to make a wish.
They've had it too good for too long... Part 2 [6/6]
anonymous
March 13 2010, 07:10:36 UTC
“Why don’t you wish for a vacation? Or at least go somewhere! I’m tired of being cooped up in this house all day.”
“Well, I haven’t been to Cuba in a while…”
“Perfect, wish for a Cuban vacation! And take me with you!”
“Why would I wish for it when Cuba already invited me? He’s been bugging me to come down for a while…you can come too if you want…”
“…sometimes I hate you…”
Norm and Canada had a fantastic time in Cuba as soon as he figured out that it wasn’t America trying to invade his shores with some floaty guy. Ice cream and good times were had by all when that misunderstanding was cleared up, until Norm got them kicked out of the country…
“Seriously, I didn’t know she was actually a guy. Anyway, about those wishes…”
“I can’t think of anything yet.”
“What about socks? Who doesn’t love socks? Can’t have enough socks.”
“I have plenty of socks…”
“You could always use more!”
“I don’t need more…”
“That you know of.”
“…What did you do to my socks Norm?”
“You need to wish for something, I’m just trying to speed things up a bit.”
“Norm…”
“Hey Canada!” A voice shouted from the hallway, “I haven’t seen you in weeks and I’m out of maple syrup, which is not awesome!” Prussia found his way into the living room where Canada and Norm were talking. “What’s with the floaty guy?”
“This is Norm, the genie.”
“So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“Nothing! It’s been almost a month and he hasn’t made one wish yet!” Norm sighed, “Most clients are done by the end of the day, but you…”
“I don’t really need anything I can’t get myself…sorry.”
“S’not your fault kid,” Prussia slung an arm around his shoulder, “You’re friends with me after all, what else could you possibly want out of life? How about you wish us up some beer?”
“I have some in the fridge; I don’t need to wish for it…”
“Well then how about-”
“I can’t make you your own country again. I’d have to get the land from somewhere.”
“I don’t see the problem there…”
“Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?”
“That land would most likely come from Germany…”
“…never mind. I don’t want it.”
“What!? C’mon guys I need some wishes here!”
“I’m sorry Norm…I just can’t think of anything.”
“Then why don’t you just let him go?” Prussia asked.
“Hm?”
“What?”
“If you don’t need him, then get rid of him! He’s cramping your style anyway.”
“Whoa there Mr. I-Just-Showed-Up, it doesn’t work like that!” Norm explained, “I can’t go away until I get there wishes out of him.”
“Then just wish him away.”
Canada and Norm stared at him. “Pardon?”
“Yeah, if you don’t need him then just wish that he’d go away, unless you like having him around?”
“Not really, he kind of just yells at me and eats my food…”
“Hey! No need to go that far, the genie union doesn’t look too kindly on being wished away…wouldn’t you rather have a pony or something instead?”
“I don’t think a pony would do very well in Canada…”
“Then wish for a snow pony! Something, anything!”
“He is getting annoying, even with someone as awesome as me being here,”
Prussia sighed, “Just wish him away and out of your hair. Let him be someone else’s problem.”
“What? No! You can’t do this to me! There has to be something you want, anything at all! No strings attached, I swear!”
“Bull. There’s always a catch. Toss ‘im out, Canada.”
“I don’t remember when you started making all of Canada’s decisions for him.”
“What?”
“I mean, he is a grown nation, I think he can decide this on his own…”
“I’m not deciding anything! I’m just giving him some of my awesome advice!”
Their shouting grew louder and louder until Canada couldn’t take it anymore.
They've had it too good for too long... Part 3 [6/6]
anonymous
March 13 2010, 07:12:57 UTC
Prussia and Norm both stopped and stared at the blond, who was panting and quite angry.
“That counts, even if I didn’t use magic.”
“I said shut up! Count it if you want, I don’t care! My life was fine until you showed up in it! I don’t need any wishes!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. No one’s life is perfect.”
“Yeah, most of the time people forget about me or confuse me for my brother. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I like it just the way it is, or more accurately the way it was before you showed up. Now I’ve been banned from Cuba and my brother won’t talk to me!”
“Well, you can’t change the past you know…you could wish it all better. You still have two left!”
Prussia smirked and took a seat, choosing to simply watch the show rather than get involved.
“Yes…I think I will just wish it better.” Canada looked Norm in the eye and smiled in a way that would creep even Russia out. “I wish I never found you.”
Norm blinked, “Ah smoof, the Union isn’t going to like this…” and snapped his fingers.
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Instead of wiping it off, he simply threw it out with the rest of the trash and went about his completely normal day.
Recaptcha: that upsets. I'm sorry recaptcha. I'll do better next time.
Re: They've had it too good for too long... Part 3 [6/6]
anonymous
March 14 2010, 00:49:48 UTC
Brilliant, Canada, brilliant. The one Nation Norm gets stuck with and it's a levelheaded one who recognizes all the catches involved with wishing. The world got super lucky there. XD
OP REWARDS THE GENRE SAVVYNESS... WITH FANCERVICE *cue the chippendales*
anonymous
March 15 2010, 00:58:13 UTC
So... such a good ending... and now we know why Norm hates poor Canada too much. And Canada pwns everyone with the power of normalcy and genre savvyness. Ah, Prussia, you're a good big brother... *melts* Good job writer!anon! ♥ Never thought I would be rewarded so generously!
(Recaptcha says "and grannies". Well, don't deny that everybody and their grandmother would enjoyed this fill)
***
“Live! From Timmy’s tree house…it’s, the Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off. And now, heeere’s Timmy!”
“Thank you, thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight. Here to help me with my report are three of the founder fathers themselves…”
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“Hey, Washington,” America said as he approached the man who was currently chopping up a wooden table in the far corner of Independence Hall, “I know you’re all about to sign the Declaration in a bit, but I was wondering if I could talk to you…”
“Hm? Of course Alfred. I’ll always have time for you.” And with that he vanished.
America gave himself five seconds to let it sink in before panicking and running off to find Franklin.
“Beeeeeeeen!!!” He shouted as he screeched to a halt in front of him. “Washington mysteriously disappeared mysteriously!”
“That’s odd. I was just-” and then he vanished too.
“J-Jefferson!!”
“What are you shouting about now, Alfred?”
“Washington and Franklin just-” but before he could finish that thought, Jefferson was gone as well.
“Why me, why today?!?! This is England’s fault…somehow.”
Meanwhile, in the present…
“You guys can’t just run away like that,” Timmy said as he got his guests seated once more, “If you get lost that could really mess things up, but more importantly I’ll never get my report done!”
“Sorry…” the three founders said in unison as they took their respective seats and Franklin got struck by lightning.
“Timmy!” Cosmo shouted as he flew in from the window, “Air Force Zero is coming in fast!”
“Air Force Zero?! Wait, I thought that was for the president!”
“That’s Air Force One, sweetie.” Wanda corrected.
“Then who’s in Air Force Zero?”
That question was answered five seconds later when a muscular blond man came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHAHA!” He laughed loudly as he stood up, seemingly unharmed with his trip through the quadruple-pain glass. “Not to worry, the HERO has arrived!”
“Who…?” Timmy started to ask, but was interrupted by a cry of “Alfred!” from the men on the couch.
“You can’t just crash through windows like that!” Franklin exclaimed.
“You need to use your head boy,” Jefferson fussed as he brushed stray glass from the man’s hair.
“What if you had gotten hurt?” Washington added.
“But guuys, I’m fiine…” the man whined.
“Would someone explain to me what the heck’s going on?!” Timmy shouted.
The founders blanched, blushed, and stood around awkwardly for a bit before Washington caught sight of a wooden post off to the side and ran over to chop it.
“You might want to stop him…” the man said.
“I’ll go get him.” Wanda poofed off after him.
“Who are you? How do you know them? Why are you here? Answer my questions, or I’ll…do something…”
“Alfred F. Jones, I’m with the government. Long story. I sensed a…disturbance and came to investigate, and may I ask, what the heck are you doing with my founding fathers in a tree house talk show studio thing?”
“Uh…well, wait a minute, your founders?”
“Well you see lad,” Franklin explained, “Alfred is sort of the personification of America.”
“What? Is that possible?”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I? Now why are they here, and not signing my Declaration of Independence?!”
“Relax Al,” Jefferson said, scribbling something on his parchment, “Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help. We’ll go right back when we’re done.”
“…is that safe?”
“Yeah sure why not?” Timmy offered.
“Well, okay, I’ll allow it, but I need to stay right here to make sure you put them back when you’re done.”
“When did you become all grown-up?” Washington commented when Wanda dragged him back. Alfred shrugged.
“It must be the new bifocals,” Franklin added, “they are quite nice…where did you get them lad?”
“Oh, I got them from Mexico in 1845. It was pretty sweet.”
“Okay, this whole catching up thing is great and all, but I’ve still got a report to do, so focus back here, ‘kay?” Timmy said as he sat behind his desk. Alfred found a seat in the audience and the Founders sat back on the couch.
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“Timmy, we need to take a break,” Wanda nagged. “We need to get these guys back to their time period; they’ve been here too long all ready!”
“Relax Wanda. Besides, I think if history had changed, we’d have noticed now, right?”
As if on cue, everything started changing, and everyone left the safety of the tree house to investigate. Electricity vanished and everything became more, well…
“You bloody wanker!” A now specs-less Alfred charged, grabbed Timmy by the shirt and started shaking him, “I ought to sock you one for this, git!”
“I say, don’t get your knickers in a twist now, old bean!” Timmy said, grappling against Alfred’s strength. He let him drop to the ground.
“Oh, piss off!” Everything became more British.
“What’s going on?” Jefferson asked as he and the rest of the founders wandered over.
“Because you guys have been gone to long, America is still a British Colony, and deprived of electricity.” Timmy explained.
“Don’t forget about taxation without representation!” Washington added.
“Huh?”
“’Ello ‘ello! Tax man here!” A random guy said, snatching Cosmo and Wanda’s wands right out of their hands. “Wand tax.” He explained, tipping his hat and leaving as suddenly as he’d shown up.
“I bloody hate taxation without representation…” Alfred lamented. “And core blimey I miss Texas. I can’t see a thing!”
“Whine whine whine,” Timmy taunted, “why don’t you do something about it!”
“You git!” He lunged forward and started strangling the boy. “This is your bleeding fault!”
Jefferson and Washington managed to pull the nation off before he did lasting damage.
“You better have a way to fix this…”
“Ooh! I know!” Cosmo flew back up to the tree house and came back down, riding on a scooter. “We can take everyone back on the Time Scooter!”
“That’s a great idea Cosmo…that was weird.”
“Almost as weird as me speaking British.” As everyone else scrambled on the scooter, Alfred jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Timmy. “Give this to Colonial me, and no bloody peaking! I think you’ve messed up enough already, savvy?”
He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket before starting the scooter and blasting off into the past.
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“AAAAARGH!!!”
“Calm down Alfred! Just because three of the most important people in this revolution mysteriously vanished at the same time to god knows where doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck as a Colony for life!”
“Yeah, England could decide he’d rather just kill you for defying him…”
“Now that I think about it, we’ll all be hung for treason as well…”
“Not helping guys!” Alfred snapped. He spotted Benedict Arnold off in a corner all by himself, plotting and decided to ask him if he’d had any progress.
“Hey Benny! Any luck on finding the others?”
“Gah! Um, no, not yet…I’m not plotting betrayal or anything…and it’s Benedict. Benedict Arnold.”
“Whatever Benny…” he sighed and turned around to walk away, but remembered something else he wanted to ask, and turned back to find George Washington in his place instead.
“Georgie! There you are!” Alfred grabbed the man into a tight bear hug. “You had me worried! Where are Jefferson and Franklin?”
“Can’t…breathe…” the nation let him go. “There, um, around…somewhere. Check over there while I go talk to Hancock…”
“Wait a second, something seems off…are you sure you’re Washington?”
“Of course I am! Can’t you tell by my white hair, wooden teeth, and love of all things free?”
“Well, good enough for me!” He followed him over to where Hancock was busy signing stuff.
“Hey Hancock, you mind signing this Declaration of Surrenderpendence for me, your friend, George Washington?”
“Sure-wait, isn’t that bad?”
“What?! You’re giving up!?”
“Yes Alfred. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think you have what it takes to beat England. It’s best if we give up now.”
Tears started to form in the young nation’s eyes as Washington coerced Hancock into signing his document, when all of a sudden a blinding flash of light appeared in the middle of the room, revealing the missing founders and some kid on some wheeled contraption of some kind.
Washington jumped up and shot his teeth out, hitting Hancock’s hand and preventing the demise of America before he even had a chance to begin.
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“Oh no you didn’t…” the two Washingtons prepared for what would probably have been an epic fistfight if Alfred hadn’t interrupted by hugging the new Washington.
“I knew it! I knew he was a fake! Don’t you ever leave me again ever! None of you!” He shot a look at the other two over Washington’s shoulder.
“Can’t…breathe…”
“Sorry!”
Jefferson had, meanwhile, unmasked the villain to be none other than Benedict Arnold.
“And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren’t for that-”
“Yeah yeah, we’ve heard it all before,” Timmy waved him off. “Well, all you have to do now is sign the Declaration of Independence and we’ll be on our way.”
“We can’t!” Hancock said, “Washington’s wooden teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we’re one signature short!”
“Dude there’s like, twenty other people in the room. Can’t they sign it?”
“Oh yeah…” he wandered off to find another signature.
“Oh! I almost forgot, Alfred,” the nation turned and Timmy handed him the piece of paper. “What is it? Finical tips for when you get the stock market started? Secret British military plans for an easy victory? The suspense is killing me!”
Alfred read the note and whacked Timmy upside the head.
“Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?!”
“Sorry, but the note said it was all your fault and that I should whack you upside the head,” he handed Timmy the note so he could read if for himself. “I don’t know who this Usa is, but the handwriting’s similar to mine, so I trust him. Or her. Or it.”
“Figures…” Timmy started up the Time Scooter and he and his fairies went back home.
Meanwhile, in class the next day…
“You know Turner, most teachers would find this style of delivering a report creative and deserving of reward,” Mr. Crocker said, scribbling Timmy’s grade down. “I however am not one of them. You fail!”
Timmy sighed dejectedly at his grade when the sound of a plane swooping low was heard throughout the classroom.
“It’s Air Force Zero!” one of the children exclaimed when they ran over to the window.
“Oh no…”
Sure enough, five seconds later Alfred Jones came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHA!” He laughed after standing up and brushing the glass off.
“You! Who are you? And you better be paying for those windows!” Crocker shouted.
“Sorry sorry, put it on my tab. I’m Alfred F. Jones and I’m with the Department of Education. I have it under good authority that you just failed one Timmy Turner, correct?”
“Yes, but I don’t see how that’s-”
“Well, the higher-ups want me to come and make that an A. Since there government bigwigs, you understand, right?”
“You can’t just-”
“Sure I can!” He grabbed the F and pulled out a giant stamp that changed it to an A. “See? Just did.” Alfred handed the paper back to Timmy. “Let’s just say we’re even now, git.”
“Fine by me.”
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(and this was on of my fav eps as well haha must... chop... wood!!!!)
These are getting more hilarious by every sentence anon i love it so much.
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(By the way, now we need Hetalia fan art in FOP style. Because, really)
*hugs Author!Anon and feeds with their favourite foods*
The recaptcha says "has nobles". This recaptcha is very smart indeed.
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That's, like, my fav episode too! :D Alfred fits so perfectly, it brings tears of joy to my eyes! You rock, anon!
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“Oh! That’s right, Fratello, I forgot to tell you Germany’s coming over for dinner tonight.”
“Che, why do you keep inviting him over? Your house is going to start smelling like potatoes soon.”
Before Veneciano could say his comeback to that (which definitely didn’t have anything to do with pasta…) a loud splash came from the canal they were walking by, causing both Italians to scream and duck for cover behind an abandoned fruit stand.
After a few moments of nothing happening, they poked their heads out from behind the fruit stand to see a blond mermaid wearing a bikini top lounging around on the sidewalk, dipping her fins in the canal from whence she came.
“Finally after like thousands of years or something I made it back to the surface! They like, thought they could keep my down, but like, they were so wrong!”
“~Ve, she’s pretty cute Romano…”
“I saw her first!”
Their eyes locked, Veneciano’s uncharacteristically open for once. Family was family, and as true Italians they knew that family came first, unless you were dealing with the last of the pasta on the table or a cute mermaid that just popped up out of the water, then it was every man for himself.
Romano landed a fierce stomp on his brother’s foot and took a starting dash for the mermaid. Veneciano recovered quickly and pinched his brother’s ankle, causing him to trip and fall and giving him the lead. Romano fought back by jumping up and tackling him from behind, both of them falling to the ground, where they continued to wrestle for dominance.
While they were fighting, the mermaid had turned around. “Hey, can you two like, help me with something?”
“Si!” both Italians sprang up from the ground.
“Anything for someone as lovely as you,” Romano said, offering a rose he somehow had on him.
“~Ve, ask us anything!”
“It’s been like a very long time since I was in the area, so like I was wondering if Rome was still around here.”
“~Ve, you’re in Venice. Rome’s further south.”
“My house is in Rome. I’d be more than happy to take you there.”
“Hm? Your house? But like what happened to the empire?”
The Italian brother blinked, and then laughed. “That’s a good one!”
“I don’t think we’ve ever had an empire, right Fratello?”
“But there like totally was one! The Roman Empire! What like happened to it?”
“Oh? Are you talking about Grandpa?” Romano asked, “You really haven’t been to Italy in a long time…”
“G-grandpa?!”
“Si, Grandpa Rome. ~Ve, he…fell, a very long time ago.” Veneciano sniffled before burying his facing into his brother’s shirt and crying, “Why does everything I touch die?!”
“There there,” Romano comforted, “it’s not everything. Just Grandpa…and Holy Roman Empire…and that squirrel we found last week. But really, that could have happened to anyone.”
“Everything I touch dies!!”
“Um, like, you wouldn’t happen to know if he like, mentioned me at all, do you?”
The crying stopped instantly. “~Ve, who are you?”
“Atlantis. The (now undersea) Utopia of Atlantis.”
“Italy Romano, the southern half of the Italian Republic,” he pushed his brother off to kiss Atlantis’s hand, “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“I’m Italy Veneciano, the northern half of the Italian Republic!” he sprung up from the ground to hug her tightly, “Oh, I know! Since you’re new in town, you can come to my house for dinner!”
“But you’re having that potato bastard over. I’m sure Atlantis doesn’t want to associate with-”
“Well,” she said, cutting Romano off, “the only things I had planned on my return trip were to meet Rome again and get my revenge on the Accursed One, but since Rome is gone, I could always just hang out with you, Italy, before that.”
“We’re both Italy…” Romano muttered, but backed off all the same. As a true Italian man, he knew when he had lost.
“Really? You can meet Germany! He’s my best friend so I’m sure you’ll get along great.”
“You’re too cute. Since I can’t exactly walk anymore…you wouldn’t mind carrying me would you?”
“His house is right over there, you can just swim.” Yes, Romano knew he had lost, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be bitter about it.
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“Just for me Italy? You shouldn’t have.”
“Well, technically I’m making it for Germany, but you can have some too!”
Veneciano was to ecstatic to notice the slightly darker look on her face as he prattled on about what good friends he and Germany were, but Romano caught it, having to deal with very similar and equally frightening looks from members of the Mafia when he was dealing with them (aka they were beating the crap out of him for one reason or another). It was jealousy, and whenever that look graced a lady’s face, well, Romano always took the initiative to get the heck out.
And as much as he hated the potato bastard and would like to see what Atlantis would do to him, he’d also seen what Belarus does to Russia, and no way was he letting anyone do that to his baby brother.
***
It was about halfway through the second course when Romano heard the knock on the door. Veneciano was too busy being Veneciano, causing Germany to be Germany and fuss over him, causing Atlantis to be Atlantis and secretly plot ways to get Germany out of the picture, so Romano excused himself (not that anyone noticed) and answered the door. He came back a few moments later, England in tow.
“Hey everyone look! England just happened to be in the area and just happened to want to stop by,” he announced, “isn’t that weird?”
Veneciano and Germany looked shocked, but greeted him in their own ways, whether by nodding slightly or giving the man a hug, a peck on the cheek, and offering him a place on the table. Atlantis just looked confused.
“So, you must be Atlantis,” England said as he sat down next to Romano on the other side of the table, “I heard from…someone who isn’t in this room right now, that you might be here…”
“That’s like the Utopia of Atlantis to you. And like who are you?”
“The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, but you can just call me England.”
“What are you doing here England?” Germany asked, getting to the point.
“Can’t a nation just randomly decide to holiday in Italy and randomly stop by an acquaintance’s house when he just so happens to have a mythical nation that sunk to the bottom of the sea millenniums ago over for dinner? Is that so odd?”
“Seriously why are you here?”
“Romano called me.”
“Bastard! You said you wouldn’t sell me out!”
“No one was buying it anyway!”
“Y-yeah, it was like, totally obvious from the get go…”
“~Ve, so England didn’t stop by because he wants my cooking?”
“I’m just here to help with Atlantis, but not because Romano asked! I’m doing this for my own reasons!”
“Like, help me with what?”
“As a member of the EU, I can’t just let you obliterate Germany off the face of the earth. He has most of the money.”
“You’re just like, trying to stand in the way of true love!”
“No, I’m trying to maintain peace. I’ve already talked it over with the Fairy Council, and apparently they decided a very long time ago that the world would be a better place if you were underwater.”
“I’d like to see you try to put me back! I’ve been waiting millennia to take my revenge and see my one true love! Like I’d let your eyebrows stop me!” She snatched Veneciano and held him close. “Just try and stop us!”
“Germany! Germany help! I’m being held hostage by a cute girl again!”
“Germany this, Germany that…why can’t you just accept my love?!”
“Let my brother go you-” England held up a hand to stop him.
“I know how you feel…over two hundred years ago the most important person in the world to me left me behind for his own stupid ideals and went on to bigger and better things. It…still hurts, when I think about it, but sometimes letting go of the ones we love is the only way to set us free.”
“You and America made up ages ago,” Romano interjected. England started choking him.
“I was trying to connect with her so she would let your brother go!”
“Well it was a stupid plan!”
“I don’t see you coming up with anything!”
“Um guys…”
“What now Germany?!”
“While you were fighting I knocked Atlantis out, tied her up, and got Ita-Veneciano to safety,” he said, gesturing to her unconscious form on the couch and the Italian eating at the table, “so you can do what you want with her now England.”
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“Why can’t I ever have a normal dinner at your house?” Germany asked.
“~Ve, but isn’t it more fun this way?”
“No. Not really.”
“Well no one asked you to come!” Romano snapped.
“Italy did.”
“Damnit, we’re both Italy!”
They fought well into the night, forcing Germany to spend the night, which was just fine by Veneciano.
All in all, he considered it a good day.
A/N: Stupid character limit. I'll try to have the last one up by the end of the weekend, but I've been known to disappoint.
Captcha: end macho. Captcha wants more females...
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“Germany! Germany help! I’m being held hostage by a cute girl again!”
I almost died from lack of oxygen, anon. I hope you're happy. Because you should be.
I'm still kinda surprised that Atlantis didn't consider Romano as her Rome-replacement. Then again, she had an excuse to kill Germania's grandson by going after Veneciano, so...yeah
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“Hey hey, it’s your lucky day!” the genie exclaimed. “You, my friend, have found your very own genie! The name’s Norm and you get three wishes.”
“Uh…”
“It’s fine, take your time. I’m not in a rush to get back in there, you know…”
“…”
“You have no idea what to wish for do you?”
“Sorry, is it alright if I think about it for a few days?”
“Sure, take all the time you need. If you need me, I’ll be raiding your fridge.” With a snap of his fingers he was gone.
A week passed and Canada still couldn’t think of a wish. Norm had been living in his house the whole time, basically being the worst housemate ever in an attempt to get him to make a wish.
“Who?” Kumajiro asked as Canada feed him.
“Canada.”
“Doesn’t that ever get you down?” Norm asked, pigging out on pancakes. “I know, since you have a magic genie at your disposal and still haven’t used any of your wishes yet, you can wish that your bear thing remembered you!”
“But then he might remember me for all the wrong reasons,” the nation replied, “Besides, I know he’s just kidding. It’s just our little inside joke I suppose.”
“Sheesh, does anything get you down? While you’re thinking of a wish, make me more pancakes.” Just then there was a knock on the door. “Get that after you make me pancakes.”
“Hold on, it could be important.” Canada left the kitchen and opened the door, revealing his brother.
“Hey, guess what?” America said, letting himself in, “I’ve found a way to stop global warming!”
“…really?”
“Why so skeptical? This time it’ll work for sure! Are you making pancakes?” He wandered into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Norm at the table. “Who’s the floaty guy?”
“His name’s Norm. He’s a genie I found in the basement.”
“Cool! So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“He hasn’t wished for anything yet, or else I would have blown this Popsicle stand ages ago! Did you know nothing ever happens in Canada? All it does is snow!”
“Hahaha! That is so true. Except that one time in Vancouver when it didn’t snow. Anyway, about those pancakes…”
“They’re almost done. Why don’t you take a seat at the table?”
“And maybe you can help Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect think of some decent wishes, hm?”
“Well, if it were me, I’d wish for the Middle East to sort itself out.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Canada explained, giving them both pancakes, “but then conflict would just pop up somewhere else. You know it always does.”
“Hmmmm…how about several trillion dollars so I can fix the economy?”
“That sounds good. I do love money wishes!”
“The money has to come from somewhere, so you either have to steal that large sum from the people or print it off, and if you print that much at once, inflation will happen.”
“How about world peace? You can’t go wrong with world peace.”
“Then we’ll probably get attacked by aliens or something.”
“…That sounds awesome!”
“You’re brother is kinda…” Norm made a vague hand gesture, “I know! You can wish him better! Make him smarter, faster, stronger, and more concerned with his actions!”
“What?! You wanna change me?” America looked at Canada like he was about to cry.
“No no! You’re family and I love you the way you-”
“Of course he does! You’re annoying.” Norm butted in. “Seriously, I can change him no problem. Just say the word.”
America hid his eyes under his bangs and went silent, which Canada knew was definitely not a good thing.
“Sorry for wasting your time.” Without another word, he left.
“Why would you say that?! I don’t hate him!”
“What? I’m just saying…”
“Now he probably won’t talk to me for a while…he can get so paranoid and defensive.”
A few more weeks passed in which Canada continued with his life as normal while Norm at all his food and bugged him to make a wish.
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“Well, I haven’t been to Cuba in a while…”
“Perfect, wish for a Cuban vacation! And take me with you!”
“Why would I wish for it when Cuba already invited me? He’s been bugging me to come down for a while…you can come too if you want…”
“…sometimes I hate you…”
Norm and Canada had a fantastic time in Cuba as soon as he figured out that it wasn’t America trying to invade his shores with some floaty guy. Ice cream and good times were had by all when that misunderstanding was cleared up, until Norm got them kicked out of the country…
“Seriously, I didn’t know she was actually a guy. Anyway, about those wishes…”
“I can’t think of anything yet.”
“What about socks? Who doesn’t love socks? Can’t have enough socks.”
“I have plenty of socks…”
“You could always use more!”
“I don’t need more…”
“That you know of.”
“…What did you do to my socks Norm?”
“You need to wish for something, I’m just trying to speed things up a bit.”
“Norm…”
“Hey Canada!” A voice shouted from the hallway, “I haven’t seen you in weeks and I’m out of maple syrup, which is not awesome!” Prussia found his way into the living room where Canada and Norm were talking. “What’s with the floaty guy?”
“This is Norm, the genie.”
“So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“Nothing! It’s been almost a month and he hasn’t made one wish yet!” Norm sighed, “Most clients are done by the end of the day, but you…”
“I don’t really need anything I can’t get myself…sorry.”
“S’not your fault kid,” Prussia slung an arm around his shoulder, “You’re friends with me after all, what else could you possibly want out of life? How about you wish us up some beer?”
“I have some in the fridge; I don’t need to wish for it…”
“Well then how about-”
“I can’t make you your own country again. I’d have to get the land from somewhere.”
“I don’t see the problem there…”
“Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?”
“That land would most likely come from Germany…”
“…never mind. I don’t want it.”
“What!? C’mon guys I need some wishes here!”
“I’m sorry Norm…I just can’t think of anything.”
“Then why don’t you just let him go?” Prussia asked.
“Hm?”
“What?”
“If you don’t need him, then get rid of him! He’s cramping your style anyway.”
“Whoa there Mr. I-Just-Showed-Up, it doesn’t work like that!” Norm explained, “I can’t go away until I get there wishes out of him.”
“Then just wish him away.”
Canada and Norm stared at him. “Pardon?”
“Yeah, if you don’t need him then just wish that he’d go away, unless you like having him around?”
“Not really, he kind of just yells at me and eats my food…”
“Hey! No need to go that far, the genie union doesn’t look too kindly on being wished away…wouldn’t you rather have a pony or something instead?”
“I don’t think a pony would do very well in Canada…”
“Then wish for a snow pony! Something, anything!”
“He is getting annoying, even with someone as awesome as me being here,”
Prussia sighed, “Just wish him away and out of your hair. Let him be someone else’s problem.”
“What? No! You can’t do this to me! There has to be something you want, anything at all! No strings attached, I swear!”
“Bull. There’s always a catch. Toss ‘im out, Canada.”
“I don’t remember when you started making all of Canada’s decisions for him.”
“What?”
“I mean, he is a grown nation, I think he can decide this on his own…”
“I’m not deciding anything! I’m just giving him some of my awesome advice!”
Their shouting grew louder and louder until Canada couldn’t take it anymore.
“I wish you both would just shut up!”
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“That counts, even if I didn’t use magic.”
“I said shut up! Count it if you want, I don’t care! My life was fine until you showed up in it! I don’t need any wishes!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. No one’s life is perfect.”
“Yeah, most of the time people forget about me or confuse me for my brother. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I like it just the way it is, or more accurately the way it was before you showed up. Now I’ve been banned from Cuba and my brother won’t talk to me!”
“Well, you can’t change the past you know…you could wish it all better. You still have two left!”
Prussia smirked and took a seat, choosing to simply watch the show rather than get involved.
“Yes…I think I will just wish it better.” Canada looked Norm in the eye and smiled in a way that would creep even Russia out. “I wish I never found you.”
Norm blinked, “Ah smoof, the Union isn’t going to like this…” and snapped his fingers.
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Instead of wiping it off, he simply threw it out with the rest of the trash and went about his completely normal day.
Recaptcha: that upsets. I'm sorry recaptcha. I'll do better next time.
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*headdesk* I'm a failure!!! ;_;
Anyway, this totally explains why Norm doesn't seem to like Canada too much. He wished him away after all.
“I can’t make you your own country again. I’d have to get the land from somewhere.”
“I don’t see the problem there…”
“Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?”
“That land would most likely come from Germany…”
“…never mind. I don’t want it.”
Aww, Prussia really is a nice older brother ♥
So yeah, this fill is made of win. :)
Recaptcha: toyota advice. I think recaptcha would have been happier if Japan had guest starred.
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Ah, Prussia, you're a good big brother... *melts*
Good job writer!anon! ♥ Never thought I would be rewarded so generously!
(Recaptcha says "and grannies". Well, don't deny that everybody and their grandmother would enjoyed this fill)
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