POOR ANONS, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO *YOU*?
anonymous
February 28 2010, 20:11:00 UTC
The Remarkable Franco-German Friendship (1/?)
i: in which France keeps getting off topic and connections are being made... sort of
Being immortal cuts, as with many other things, both ways-it's all swings and roundabouts, really-but unlike many other things you'll find no greater hazard to a man's sanity than boredom. Eternal, life consuming boredom: that's what gets you in the end. Forget all the crap about solitude and loneliness (it's a lie) and start to imagine you are sitting in front of a television screen, flipping through prime time in search of angry, testosterone-fueled action films and suddenly: bam! One cheaply produced soft porn after another. Did I mention cheaply produced soft porn on every channel as well? Non? There you go, then. You are sitting in front of a television screen and zapping around a crapload of shitty soft porn with background music so bad it makes your ears cringe, and sex so pathetically executed it makes your eyes bleed and your heart shatter.
Well. Your heart will only shatter if you are French, receiving foreign TV channels, and realizing for the very first time: Sacrebleu! The smut is French! And if you've survived that horrible, terrible, sorry excuse of a bad, bad joke rest assured; your heart will shatter no more-from now on, your heart will get crushed by a Spanish-or Pornish, how I like to call it-boot. Figuratively, of course. J'adore-excusez-moi-I meant to say I love euphemisms. Always enriching one's life, always adding a little color, a little wit to it, non. Un petit peu de philosophie, I always say, I does not hurt. Ah, but I shall digress no more. If you are French your heart will shatter and be crushed, and if you are not French then I will pity you all the more because mon dieu! How can one not to be French! As everyone knows the French are the most refined people in the world, non. Poor unfortunate souls that are not French. (Why Angleterre, I almost wish you were here so that I could prove my sneer is real. And elegant. My sneers are always elegant.)
As I said boredom is indisputably the greatest hazard of immortality, and that's exactly how I ended with Germany. Interpret that as you wa I mean, don't ask me I don't know! I can't tell you what it was that made me seek out the company of boredom incarnated. Yes, yes, I know, Germany of all peo... nations, pardon me, nations. One moment I find myself wandering aimlessly along the border of Strasbourg and in the other I'm suddenly. Well. Nevermind. No, wait, actually, do mind. I am just enjoying a good old walk in the calmness of the night, see, only to find myself virtually falling over un sac de German piteousness. Of course I didn't know it was a living thing I just stumbled over until the moment that... thing's face connected with my foot and a series of slurred insults and swears was aimed at me that I realized the thing obviously seemed to be alive.
It took me another set of Fuck fuck fuck die Scheisse du Wichser''s to notice who I just fell over. Believe me, the thing with epiphanies is they hit you really hard. As does Prussia's fist once it finally found where it wanted to go. Which was-mais no, some things are better left in the dark. It was Prussia, that's all you need to know. Prussia, who, sloshed or not, makes a point of seizing your vital regions.
...
The pain. Mon dieu.
___________________________
France kept digressing so much that he hasn't even actually met Germany yet, le derp. More to come tomorrow, bed's calling. Sorry for the serious lack of slutty!Germany and the overall shortness OTL'
OP LOVES YOU
anonymous
February 28 2010, 21:46:24 UTC
I believe I promised my soul. *hands over soul happily*
OH GOD. Anon, the way you write France is amazing. Seriously, I was actually hearing his voice in my head as I read this. I'm so excited to see where this is going!
is there more????
anonymous
August 26 2010, 16:14:23 UTC
Pfff, your France voice. IT'S IN MY HEAD, DOING WONDERUFL THINGS <3<3<3 I don't think I've ever seen a better France in any fic ever. Have you written more fics about him, authoranon? What about this? Is there more of it? Bloody hell, it's FAN-TAS-TIC ♥ also, I now understand why Germany was able to invade France; if the guy spends so long with everything, it's a wonder he can do anything at all. Especially when he gets on about his beautyXD
J'adore-excusez-moi-I meant to say I love euphemisms. Always enriching one's life, always adding a little color, a little wit to it, non. Un petit peu de philosophie, I always say, I does not hurt. Ah, but I shall digress no more. If you are French your heart will shatter and be crushed, and if you are not French then I will pity you all the more because mon dieu! How can one not to be French! As everyone knows the French are the most refined people in the world, non. Poor unfortunate souls that are not French. (Why Angleterre, I almost wish you were here so that I could prove my sneer is real. And elegant. My sneers are always elegant.)
BEST. PARAGRAPH. EVER. IN HISTORY ♥
Since 1990 rumor has it he spends most of his life and all of his day sitting in his brother's basement and terrorizing the Internet.
i: in which France keeps getting off topic and connections are being made... sort of
Being immortal cuts, as with many other things, both ways-it's all swings and roundabouts, really-but unlike many other things you'll find no greater hazard to a man's sanity than boredom. Eternal, life consuming boredom: that's what gets you in the end. Forget all the crap about solitude and loneliness (it's a lie) and start to imagine you are sitting in front of a television screen, flipping through prime time in search of angry, testosterone-fueled action films and suddenly: bam! One cheaply produced soft porn after another. Did I mention cheaply produced soft porn on every channel as well? Non? There you go, then. You are sitting in front of a television screen and zapping around a crapload of shitty soft porn with background music so bad it makes your ears cringe, and sex so pathetically executed it makes your eyes bleed and your heart shatter.
Well. Your heart will only shatter if you are French, receiving foreign TV channels, and realizing for the very first time: Sacrebleu! The smut is French! And if you've survived that horrible, terrible, sorry excuse of a bad, bad joke rest assured; your heart will shatter no more-from now on, your heart will get crushed by a Spanish-or Pornish, how I like to call it-boot. Figuratively, of course. J'adore-excusez-moi-I meant to say I love euphemisms. Always enriching one's life, always adding a little color, a little wit to it, non. Un petit peu de philosophie, I always say, I does not hurt. Ah, but I shall digress no more. If you are French your heart will shatter and be crushed, and if you are not French then I will pity you all the more because mon dieu! How can one not to be French! As everyone knows the French are the most refined people in the world, non. Poor unfortunate souls that are not French. (Why Angleterre, I almost wish you were here so that I could prove my sneer is real. And elegant. My sneers are always elegant.)
As I said boredom is indisputably the greatest hazard of immortality, and that's exactly how I ended with Germany. Interpret that as you wa I mean, don't ask me I don't know! I can't tell you what it was that made me seek out the company of boredom incarnated. Yes, yes, I know, Germany of all peo... nations, pardon me, nations. One moment I find myself wandering aimlessly along the border of Strasbourg and in the other I'm suddenly. Well. Nevermind. No, wait, actually, do mind. I am just enjoying a good old walk in the calmness of the night, see, only to find myself virtually falling over un sac de German piteousness. Of course I didn't know it was a living thing I just stumbled over until the moment that... thing's face connected with my foot and a series of slurred insults and swears was aimed at me that I realized the thing obviously seemed to be alive.
It took me another set of Fuck fuck fuck die Scheisse du Wichser''s to notice who I just fell over. Believe me, the thing with epiphanies is they hit you really hard. As does Prussia's fist once it finally found where it wanted to go. Which was-mais no, some things are better left in the dark. It was Prussia, that's all you need to know. Prussia, who, sloshed or not, makes a point of seizing your vital regions.
...
The pain. Mon dieu.
___________________________
France kept digressing so much that he hasn't even actually met Germany yet, le derp. More to come tomorrow, bed's calling. Sorry for the serious lack of slutty!Germany and the overall shortness OTL'
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OH GOD. Anon, the way you write France is amazing. Seriously, I was actually hearing his voice in my head as I read this. I'm so excited to see where this is going!
THANK YOU~ <3333
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YOU ARE MY HERO.
I need more of this. France's "voice" is PERFECT.
ReCaptcha: snobby France. Oh, this makes me smile.
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I don't think I've ever seen a better France in any fic ever. Have you written more fics about him, authoranon? What about this? Is there more of it? Bloody hell, it's FAN-TAS-TIC ♥
also, I now understand why Germany was able to invade France; if the guy spends so long with everything, it's a wonder he can do anything at all. Especially when he gets on about his beautyXD
J'adore-excusez-moi-I meant to say I love euphemisms. Always enriching one's life, always adding a little color, a little wit to it, non. Un petit peu de philosophie, I always say, I does not hurt. Ah, but I shall digress no more. If you are French your heart will shatter and be crushed, and if you are not French then I will pity you all the more because mon dieu! How can one not to be French! As everyone knows the French are the most refined people in the world, non. Poor unfortunate souls that are not French. (Why Angleterre, I almost wish you were here so that I could prove my sneer is real. And elegant. My sneers are always elegant.)
BEST. PARAGRAPH. EVER. IN HISTORY ♥
Since 1990 rumor has it he spends most of his life and all of his day sitting in his brother's basement and terrorizing the Internet.
Yes. So much yes xD
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