“Everything is fine. No one is hurt, but we’re getting out of here now. Be as quiet as possible. Let’s go. Forget about shoes for now.” She ushered them out the door and moved down the hall to Alaska’s room, where Alaska was already peeking out the door. He hadn’t fallen back asleep after all.
“New Jersey, something bad is happening, isn’t it? That’s why Arizona ran away and Uncle Mattie and Daddy are fighting.” New Jersey looked down at him, biting her lip. She glanced at Alfred’s door, which was still ajar, and reached down to scoop him up in her arms.
“Everything will be fine, Alaska. Now come on.” She ushered the girls downstairs with them and out the door to her car.
Ivan watched Matthew closely from where he stood, gripping his pipe tightly. He wanted to beat Matthew with it for every one of his transgressions against his brother, but he could see plainly that’s not what Alfred wanted. He could hear the desperate plea that went unspoken. It doesn’t have to be like this. It doesn’t have to end this way. We could be a family again. Alfred loved all of his family, even if they didn’t always love him. If it were anyone else, Ivan would not have hesitated to dispose of them without a second thought. Here, however, he mouthed his own silent plea to Matthew, not to hurt Alfred anymore; not physically, not emotionally. As Alfred finished speaking, looking up at Matthew and waiting for some kind of reply, Ivan was waiting with him. At the first sign that plea was ignored, he would have to end this.
Matthew’s hands shook as he locked eyes with Alfred. His words rang like dull echoes in his mind. He was hurting Alfred. He was hurting their family. Their family? Alfred did not have a family with him. Families lived and worked together; they loved each other. Alfred did not love him. He never did. He never will. He was sitting in front of Matthew telling him those very words. His chest ached. This was wrong. He didn’t do things like this. He was used to being ignored and forgotten. Wasn’t that the joke about Canada? Everyone always forgot it was there; forgot he was. You don’t care about the feelings of someone you always forget and you certainly don’t love them. Matthew had always known this. He had always accepted it as inevitability. He cherished the time he had with Alfred, and went home alone to a dark, cold house.
Alfred.
His eyes met the clouded blue below him. Clouded. Had he done that to the clear skies he admired? Had he destroyed what he loved? Who he loved? He watched his love, practically groveling at his feet. Alfred’s grip, once firm and sure, was barely present around his ankle. Was this what he had reduced him to? The thought sickened him. He had caused so much suffering for the one he loved the most. He swallowed heavily.
“Al…I…I’m so sorry…I…” He felt his voice catch more than he heard it. A drop of water landed on his hand. As he brought his hand up, realizing he was crying, he remembered the gun he was holding. “I…I’ve hurt you so much…” He brought the gun away from his face. Alfred stared blankly as Matthew slowly moved until he was holding the barrel between his eyes. “I’ve destroyed you, and now you’re suffering. I’ll end your pain, Al, and then…” His thumb moved to the hammer. “And then, I’ll join yo-“ He cut off as something hard glanced the back of his head. The world turned dark as he fell forward, the gun dropping harmlessly to the ground as something warm cushioned his fall. There was a muffled yell in the distance, but it faded to nothing as he let the darkness overtake him.
Oh America you and your big heart are just breaking my heart here. Loved the bits with the kids and Russia restraining himself in order to do what America clearly wants but ready at a moments notice should that go sour.
“I don’t know. New Jersey took the kids and brought them out to see Texas for a while. Apparently he completely snapped. Dad won’t say anything, and she won’t confirm, but I heard he killed New York, too.”
“I don’t understand why he would do that, though. He’s usually so levelheaded.”
The low drone of voices around him drew Matthew out of his slumber. It took a while before he recognized the airy tone of Ontario’s voice and the louder voice that could only be Michigan. Why had they come to…wherever he was? The familiar smells and warmth of Alfred’s house were gone, replaced with something sterile and cold. Was he in a hospital? There was a pounding sensation in the back of his head, and he was fairly certainly he wasn’t ready to deal with light. Instead, he continued listening.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about all this. I mean, I don’t know what happened. Dad said it’s nothing to worry about, but have you seen him? They still haven’t gotten whatever it was out of his system.”
“They haven’t figured it out yet?”
“No, and Pops hasn’t been awake to tell them. They’re doing what they can now, and making him stay awake. Otherwise, it’s just running its course.” The door opened and the voices quieted. Footsteps approached his bed and chairs scuffled to the side. Matthew’s eyes fluttered open finally as fabric crinkled to his side and a cool breath fell on his face. He was face to face with Ivan.
“I…I…Iva--….” Terror gripped him as Ivan reached toward his neck slowly. He was going to die. He blinked as Ivan's hand reached beyond his neck, picking up the remote on the other side of his head. He said nothing, barely even sparing Matthew a glance as he pushed a bit. The bed slowly lifted to an upright position, and he could see what had happened. There, in a wheelchair near the foot of his bed, was Alfred.
“Good to see you’re awake, Pops. Me and Ontario-“
“Ontario and I! Where did you learn to speak English? Americ-…oh. Nevermind. That explains everything. We’re going to get lunch, so we’ll leave you be now.” Matthew just nodded dumbly as Ontario shoved Michigan out of the room, closing the door behind them. As soon as the door clicked shut, Ivan moved over to Alfred’s chair again, pushing him to Matthew’s side. Matthew could only stare as Alfred smiled tiredly. He thought back to what he had overheard just moments before. He had done this to his brother.
“Hey Mattie. I was hoping you’d be up by now. How’s your head?” Matthew blinked a few times. After all he had done, how was Alfred speaking to him so casually?
“It feels like Ivan went to town on it.” He glanced over at where Ivan was standing sentinel over Alfred, wary. Ivan just smiled, and in his mind it seemed darker than it probably was.
“Well, he only hit you once, but I’m sure he made it count.” Alfred’s smile was weak, and Matthew wondered how it was possible to make jokes about that kind of thing. He nodded slowly and swallowed.
“Hey, Al. I…” He trailed off. He couldn’t just say he was sorry. Things didn’t work like that in the real world. He had killed one of his states, held him prisoner in his own home, and tortured his children. He tried to manipulate them, drugged him up beyond uselessness, and raped him. You didn’t just say ‘I’m sorry,’ to that. But what did you say?
“I just want to get this out now, Mattie, before you say anything.” Alfred sighed, hesitating. Ivan moved a hand to his shoulder, squeezing lightly. He looked up at Ivan, and Matthew wondered how much the gaze between them was saying. From where he was sitting, it seemed to speak volumes. How could he not have noticed this before? They probably finished each others’ sentences, too. He was drawn from his thoughts as Alfred looked at him again. “You’re a fucking asshole.”
Alpha (10b/10)
anonymous
June 3 2010, 02:07:56 UTC
“I’ll tell you when I’m done, so let me finish.” His tone was sharp and Matthew snapped his mouth closed. He knew he deserved anything Alfred said now that his life was no longer in danger. “I should hate you for everything you’ve done. You have completely destroyed my life. You terrorized my children. You-“ He shook his head, and Matthew imagined he was pushing other memories away. “You are never allowed to visit my house again. I refuse to let you anywhere near my children.”
Matthew nodded as he listened, closing his eyes. It felt as though Alfred had punched through his chest and was squeezing his dying heart in his fist. It hurt more than the throbbing in the back of his head ever would. He opened his eyes again to see Alfred staring at him, an emotionless expression on his features.
“Al…I know that it doesn’t-“He took a shaky breath, both trying to buy time to find words and stave off the tears at the corners of his eyes. “It doesn’t come close to being enough, but, I am so sorry. I…I know I’ll never be able to take back what I did. I can’t even explain my actions. I-“Alfred reached over, taking his hand in his own, squeezing it lightly.
“You don’t have to. Your own words the whole time made it very clear what you were doing and why. I don’t like it, and it will be a long time before I ever trust you again, but I guess that’s one of the nice things about being a nation. We have that kind of time. But…there are some things I have to ask you. They aren’t easy questions, so bear with me.” Matthew nodded and sighed, leaning back against his pillow.
“You don’t have to ask. They’re all in Greenwood Lake. First, I got of New York’s car. That’s why my shoes were wet. Then, after I killed New York, I thought that would be the best way to get rid of the body. So, I put it in your car and sent it into the lake as well. No one was around. They probably haven’t discovered them yet.” He swallowed heavily as he finished. He couldn’t bear to look at Alfred after that, and instead turned his gaze to the ceiling. The conversation between Ontario and Michigan came to mind. “And it was chlorzoxazone.” He could feel Alfred’s confused expression. “That’s what I injected you with.” He opened his eyes, flinching away as Ivan reached out, grabbing the collar of his hospital robe.
“Alfred may forgive you for what you’ve done, but I will not. I would recommend that Matthew sleeps with one eye open, da?” Matthew nodded.
“O-okay…I-I’m sorry!” Ivan stared at him for a moment before his attention was pulled down to Alfred, who was tugging at his jacket.
“Let him go, Ivan. He’s suffering enough on his own without you terrorizing him.” Alfred sighed and looked at Matthew again as Ivan pulled away. “I am going to do what I can to keep what happened under wraps, so your own children don’t hate you.” He paused, licking his lips. “I meant everything I’ve said. I should hate you for everything you’ve done, but I don’t. You’re my brother, Mattie, and I’ll always love you, you jerk.” He squeezed Matthew’s hand. “The doctor’s are probably coming to check on you soon. After they let you out of here, we’re going to get you some help, since you obviously need it. I’m going to go though. I hate hospitals.” Matthew nodded.
“Thank you, Al. For everything. I…I would have abandoned me, after all I’ve done.” Alfred smiled.
“No, you wouldn’t have. You’re not that kind of person either.” Matthew smiled and leaned over the side of the bed, moving his arms around Alfred. He had felt it when they were talking, but now, with Alfred stiffening under his touch before moving to return the hug, Matthew knew. It would be a long time before things were ever the same between them, but Alfred was willing to try. He glanced at Ivan, who was glaring silently at him over Alfred’s shoulder. The least he could do was try for him, too.
“I won’t blame you if you say no, Al, but is that best man spot still open?”
Oh America you are far more understanding then I'd ever be in that situation. True I know they're nations and so things are different but still way to be extremely big hearted.
Russia was well and truly awesome throughout as were all the characters.
So now I'm curious...did Canada's plan work? Did America get pregnant from when he raped him? Maybe it was mentioned and I missed it I've been such a flake this week.
Anyway thank you again for the fill it was a very nice read!
I kinda wanted to leave the ending open. Like...Maybe right now, with the shock and trauma and everything, America's a little confused about how he feels. Maybe he'll end up hating Canada. Maybe he won't.
Maybe Canada will have been right all along and he'll come to his door drunk one night talking about how he and Russia were getting a divorce and he should have listened to him from the start.
As for the baby...I didn't include it, because I don't know if a hospital can tell that from just one or two nights. Maybe he'll find out later he is. Maybe he won't. He would of course keep it, but he might say that Ivan is the father instead.
Thanks for reading! I'm sooooo sorry about the hiatus, but I was working on graduating. I hope this is somewhat what you were looking for!
Hellllllll YEAH!
anonymous
June 25 2010, 16:43:36 UTC
Anon recently found this again on my list of "FUCK I REALLY NEED TO READ THIS BUT OH GOD WHERE DID THE AUTHOR!ANON GO?!?!?!!"
And can I just say it's absolutely amazing! I don't know how America even managed to be in the same room with Canada after all that. He's just too sweet ;A;
And OMG New Jersey! Russia!!! Thank god they found him in time
Summary: This is the greatest shit in the world. Have my babies.
“New Jersey, something bad is happening, isn’t it? That’s why Arizona ran away and Uncle Mattie and Daddy are fighting.” New Jersey looked down at him, biting her lip. She glanced at Alfred’s door, which was still ajar, and reached down to scoop him up in her arms.
“Everything will be fine, Alaska. Now come on.” She ushered the girls downstairs with them and out the door to her car.
Ivan watched Matthew closely from where he stood, gripping his pipe tightly. He wanted to beat Matthew with it for every one of his transgressions against his brother, but he could see plainly that’s not what Alfred wanted. He could hear the desperate plea that went unspoken. It doesn’t have to be like this. It doesn’t have to end this way. We could be a family again. Alfred loved all of his family, even if they didn’t always love him. If it were anyone else, Ivan would not have hesitated to dispose of them without a second thought. Here, however, he mouthed his own silent plea to Matthew, not to hurt Alfred anymore; not physically, not emotionally. As Alfred finished speaking, looking up at Matthew and waiting for some kind of reply, Ivan was waiting with him. At the first sign that plea was ignored, he would have to end this.
Matthew’s hands shook as he locked eyes with Alfred. His words rang like dull echoes in his mind. He was hurting Alfred. He was hurting their family. Their family? Alfred did not have a family with him. Families lived and worked together; they loved each other. Alfred did not love him. He never did. He never will. He was sitting in front of Matthew telling him those very words. His chest ached. This was wrong. He didn’t do things like this. He was used to being ignored and forgotten. Wasn’t that the joke about Canada? Everyone always forgot it was there; forgot he was. You don’t care about the feelings of someone you always forget and you certainly don’t love them. Matthew had always known this. He had always accepted it as inevitability. He cherished the time he had with Alfred, and went home alone to a dark, cold house.
Alfred.
His eyes met the clouded blue below him. Clouded. Had he done that to the clear skies he admired? Had he destroyed what he loved? Who he loved? He watched his love, practically groveling at his feet. Alfred’s grip, once firm and sure, was barely present around his ankle. Was this what he had reduced him to? The thought sickened him. He had caused so much suffering for the one he loved the most. He swallowed heavily.
“Al…I…I’m so sorry…I…” He felt his voice catch more than he heard it. A drop of water landed on his hand. As he brought his hand up, realizing he was crying, he remembered the gun he was holding. “I…I’ve hurt you so much…” He brought the gun away from his face. Alfred stared blankly as Matthew slowly moved until he was holding the barrel between his eyes. “I’ve destroyed you, and now you’re suffering. I’ll end your pain, Al, and then…” His thumb moved to the hammer. “And then, I’ll join yo-“ He cut off as something hard glanced the back of his head. The world turned dark as he fell forward, the gun dropping harmlessly to the ground as something warm cushioned his fall. There was a muffled yell in the distance, but it faded to nothing as he let the darkness overtake him.
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Well done anon!
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“I don’t understand why he would do that, though. He’s usually so levelheaded.”
The low drone of voices around him drew Matthew out of his slumber. It took a while before he recognized the airy tone of Ontario’s voice and the louder voice that could only be Michigan. Why had they come to…wherever he was? The familiar smells and warmth of Alfred’s house were gone, replaced with something sterile and cold. Was he in a hospital? There was a pounding sensation in the back of his head, and he was fairly certainly he wasn’t ready to deal with light. Instead, he continued listening.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to think about all this. I mean, I don’t know what happened. Dad said it’s nothing to worry about, but have you seen him? They still haven’t gotten whatever it was out of his system.”
“They haven’t figured it out yet?”
“No, and Pops hasn’t been awake to tell them. They’re doing what they can now, and making him stay awake. Otherwise, it’s just running its course.” The door opened and the voices quieted. Footsteps approached his bed and chairs scuffled to the side. Matthew’s eyes fluttered open finally as fabric crinkled to his side and a cool breath fell on his face. He was face to face with Ivan.
“I…I…Iva--….” Terror gripped him as Ivan reached toward his neck slowly. He was going to die. He blinked as Ivan's hand reached beyond his neck, picking up the remote on the other side of his head. He said nothing, barely even sparing Matthew a glance as he pushed a bit. The bed slowly lifted to an upright position, and he could see what had happened. There, in a wheelchair near the foot of his bed, was Alfred.
“Good to see you’re awake, Pops. Me and Ontario-“
“Ontario and I! Where did you learn to speak English? Americ-…oh. Nevermind. That explains everything. We’re going to get lunch, so we’ll leave you be now.” Matthew just nodded dumbly as Ontario shoved Michigan out of the room, closing the door behind them. As soon as the door clicked shut, Ivan moved over to Alfred’s chair again, pushing him to Matthew’s side. Matthew could only stare as Alfred smiled tiredly. He thought back to what he had overheard just moments before. He had done this to his brother.
“Hey Mattie. I was hoping you’d be up by now. How’s your head?” Matthew blinked a few times. After all he had done, how was Alfred speaking to him so casually?
“It feels like Ivan went to town on it.” He glanced over at where Ivan was standing sentinel over Alfred, wary. Ivan just smiled, and in his mind it seemed darker than it probably was.
“Well, he only hit you once, but I’m sure he made it count.” Alfred’s smile was weak, and Matthew wondered how it was possible to make jokes about that kind of thing. He nodded slowly and swallowed.
“Hey, Al. I…” He trailed off. He couldn’t just say he was sorry. Things didn’t work like that in the real world. He had killed one of his states, held him prisoner in his own home, and tortured his children. He tried to manipulate them, drugged him up beyond uselessness, and raped him. You didn’t just say ‘I’m sorry,’ to that. But what did you say?
“I just want to get this out now, Mattie, before you say anything.” Alfred sighed, hesitating. Ivan moved a hand to his shoulder, squeezing lightly. He looked up at Ivan, and Matthew wondered how much the gaze between them was saying. From where he was sitting, it seemed to speak volumes. How could he not have noticed this before? They probably finished each others’ sentences, too. He was drawn from his thoughts as Alfred looked at him again. “You’re a fucking asshole.”
“I-“ Alfred brought up a hand, cutting him off.
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Matthew nodded as he listened, closing his eyes. It felt as though Alfred had punched through his chest and was squeezing his dying heart in his fist. It hurt more than the throbbing in the back of his head ever would. He opened his eyes again to see Alfred staring at him, an emotionless expression on his features.
“Al…I know that it doesn’t-“He took a shaky breath, both trying to buy time to find words and stave off the tears at the corners of his eyes. “It doesn’t come close to being enough, but, I am so sorry. I…I know I’ll never be able to take back what I did. I can’t even explain my actions. I-“Alfred reached over, taking his hand in his own, squeezing it lightly.
“You don’t have to. Your own words the whole time made it very clear what you were doing and why. I don’t like it, and it will be a long time before I ever trust you again, but I guess that’s one of the nice things about being a nation. We have that kind of time. But…there are some things I have to ask you. They aren’t easy questions, so bear with me.” Matthew nodded and sighed, leaning back against his pillow.
“You don’t have to ask. They’re all in Greenwood Lake. First, I got of New York’s car. That’s why my shoes were wet. Then, after I killed New York, I thought that would be the best way to get rid of the body. So, I put it in your car and sent it into the lake as well. No one was around. They probably haven’t discovered them yet.” He swallowed heavily as he finished. He couldn’t bear to look at Alfred after that, and instead turned his gaze to the ceiling. The conversation between Ontario and Michigan came to mind. “And it was chlorzoxazone.” He could feel Alfred’s confused expression. “That’s what I injected you with.” He opened his eyes, flinching away as Ivan reached out, grabbing the collar of his hospital robe.
“Alfred may forgive you for what you’ve done, but I will not. I would recommend that Matthew sleeps with one eye open, da?” Matthew nodded.
“O-okay…I-I’m sorry!” Ivan stared at him for a moment before his attention was pulled down to Alfred, who was tugging at his jacket.
“Let him go, Ivan. He’s suffering enough on his own without you terrorizing him.” Alfred sighed and looked at Matthew again as Ivan pulled away. “I am going to do what I can to keep what happened under wraps, so your own children don’t hate you.” He paused, licking his lips. “I meant everything I’ve said. I should hate you for everything you’ve done, but I don’t. You’re my brother, Mattie, and I’ll always love you, you jerk.” He squeezed Matthew’s hand. “The doctor’s are probably coming to check on you soon. After they let you out of here, we’re going to get you some help, since you obviously need it. I’m going to go though. I hate hospitals.” Matthew nodded.
“Thank you, Al. For everything. I…I would have abandoned me, after all I’ve done.” Alfred smiled.
“No, you wouldn’t have. You’re not that kind of person either.” Matthew smiled and leaned over the side of the bed, moving his arms around Alfred. He had felt it when they were talking, but now, with Alfred stiffening under his touch before moving to return the hug, Matthew knew. It would be a long time before things were ever the same between them, but Alfred was willing to try. He glanced at Ivan, who was glaring silently at him over Alfred’s shoulder. The least he could do was try for him, too.
“I won’t blame you if you say no, Al, but is that best man spot still open?”
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Russia was well and truly awesome throughout as were all the characters.
So now I'm curious...did Canada's plan work? Did America get pregnant from when he raped him? Maybe it was mentioned and I missed it I've been such a flake this week.
Anyway thank you again for the fill it was a very nice read!
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Maybe Canada will have been right all along and he'll come to his door drunk one night talking about how he and Russia were getting a divorce and he should have listened to him from the start.
As for the baby...I didn't include it, because I don't know if a hospital can tell that from just one or two nights. Maybe he'll find out later he is. Maybe he won't. He would of course keep it, but he might say that Ivan is the father instead.
Thanks for reading! I'm sooooo sorry about the hiatus, but I was working on graduating. I hope this is somewhat what you were looking for!
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And can I just say it's absolutely amazing! I don't know how America even managed to be in the same room with Canada after all that. He's just too sweet ;A;
And OMG New Jersey! Russia!!! Thank god they found him in time
Summary: This is the greatest shit in the world. Have my babies.
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