Buttsex: The Musical [1/9]
anonymous
November 25 2009, 03:59:23 UTC
I ended up making fun of not only Hetalia fics but fanfiction in general. ALSO THERE’S A LOT OF CURSING so prepare yourself.
“GUYS,” America says, bursting into the meeting room with all the vigour of a cacophonous wildebeest, “I have a great idea!”
“You bloody git,” says England immediately. “You always have bloody stupid ideas, why is this one going to be any bloody different?”
The other nations in the room nodded, which in this case included Italy, Germany, Spain, Romano, Sweden, Finland, Russia and Lithuania. There was France too, but he would probably end up being in a threesome anyway since there wasn’t an even number of people. There were also America and England whom were already mentioned, in case you forgot.
“Hey guys I just-well howdy!” says Prussia, moving into the room behind America and conveniently bringing the total of nations in this parody up to twelve. “Are we having another plot device meeting or something? Anyway, I was just out seizing people’s VITAL REGIONS with my FIVE METERS if you know what I mean. I hope you all still find that as funny as I do.”
“What est your idée, mon ami?” France asks, for some reason switching back and forth between languages with every other word. The real reason was because the author took five years of French in school and wanted to use it for something, not that this would seem awkward or alienate a large part of the audience or anything.
“Well,” says America, “since we never get anything done at these meetings anyway, I thought we’d play a game!”
“A game?” asks Italy, excitedly.
“Excuse me, my desperate plea for attention is being ignored,” says Prussia. “I said I was just out seizing-”
“Okay, before I say what the game is, I’m going to draw names out of a hat so we can pick partners,” America says.
“Why can’t we all just pair up with someone with whom we have unresolved sexual tension?” Japan suggests. “That would be more convenient.”
“Good thinking Japan,” says America. “Okay, instead, everyone just pair up with someone you’re sexually awkward with! England, you come stand over here with me.”
“We are not bloody fucking sexually awkward, hell!” England snaps, but eagerly gets up from his chair and runs over. Everyone else moves into familiar pairings, except for France and Prussia, but there was historical basis for it so it wasn’t as cracktastic and TTLY RANDOM as it could have been.
“Everyone paired up? Okay! Now here’s the game-everyone go with their partner into another room, alone! For an hour!”
There is a murmur of shock throughout the meeting room: who would have expected such a twist? Several nations begin to blush in a moe fashion.
“Su-san!” cries a visibly pregnant Finland. “Tell America that this is a terrible idea!”
“Ng,” Sweden grunts.
“Well now that that’s settled,” says America, rubbing his hands together, “let the games begin!"
“GUYS,” America says, bursting into the meeting room with all the vigour of a cacophonous wildebeest, “I have a great idea!”
“You bloody git,” says England immediately. “You always have bloody stupid ideas, why is this one going to be any bloody different?”
The other nations in the room nodded, which in this case included Italy, Germany, Spain, Romano, Sweden, Finland, Russia and Lithuania. There was France too, but he would probably end up being in a threesome anyway since there wasn’t an even number of people. There were also America and England whom were already mentioned, in case you forgot.
“Hey guys I just-well howdy!” says Prussia, moving into the room behind America and conveniently bringing the total of nations in this parody up to twelve. “Are we having another plot device meeting or something? Anyway, I was just out seizing people’s VITAL REGIONS with my FIVE METERS if you know what I mean. I hope you all still find that as funny as I do.”
“What est your idée, mon ami?” France asks, for some reason switching back and forth between languages with every other word. The real reason was because the author took five years of French in school and wanted to use it for something, not that this would seem awkward or alienate a large part of the audience or anything.
“Well,” says America, “since we never get anything done at these meetings anyway, I thought we’d play a game!”
“A game?” asks Italy, excitedly.
“Excuse me, my desperate plea for attention is being ignored,” says Prussia. “I said I was just out seizing-”
“Okay, before I say what the game is, I’m going to draw names out of a hat so we can pick partners,” America says.
“Why can’t we all just pair up with someone with whom we have unresolved sexual tension?” Japan suggests. “That would be more convenient.”
“Good thinking Japan,” says America. “Okay, instead, everyone just pair up with someone you’re sexually awkward with! England, you come stand over here with me.”
“We are not bloody fucking sexually awkward, hell!” England snaps, but eagerly gets up from his chair and runs over. Everyone else moves into familiar pairings, except for France and Prussia, but there was historical basis for it so it wasn’t as cracktastic and TTLY RANDOM as it could have been.
“Everyone paired up? Okay! Now here’s the game-everyone go with their partner into another room, alone! For an hour!”
There is a murmur of shock throughout the meeting room: who would have expected such a twist? Several nations begin to blush in a moe fashion.
“Su-san!” cries a visibly pregnant Finland. “Tell America that this is a terrible idea!”
“Ng,” Sweden grunts.
“Well now that that’s settled,” says America, rubbing his hands together, “let the games begin!"
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Not the OP, but this was great. ♥
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THAT LINE JUST KILLED ME. And it totally deserves Caps Lock.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed that Japan popped up out of nowhere, only to disappear again?
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