Constraints [6/6]
anonymous
November 17 2009, 02:57:31 UTC
Alfred woke with a neckache. Small wonder, since he'd spent all night sleeping in a chair. Also, his back hurt and he had a headache. But Ivan seemed to be sleeping okay, so he smiled and stood and stretched quietly before slipping out of the room.
Arthur was waiting uncomfortably in the hall, shifting from foot to foot and looking like he'd rather be naked and tied to Francis's bed than here.
“How... how is he?” He asked quietly, not meeting Alfred's eyes.
“As well as can be expected, considering he's been raped by one of his own citizens and you spread that fact around like it's fucking funny.”
Arthur at least had the decency to wince. “It's... not a citizen, Alfred.” He said after a moment, biting his lip. “It's his... his boss.”
Alfred stared at him for a long moment, face blank, before backhanding him into the wall.
“You absolute ass.” He snarled, glaring down at Arthur. “I swear to fucking God, when I'm done with Stalin, I'm coming after you.”
Ivan didn't return to Russia, after all. Not immediately, at least. Instead, he found himself bundled off to Arthur's house, because according to Alfred, “anyone with half a brain would look for you at my place, but no one would expect Arthur to take you in, right?”
And surprisingly, Arthur seemed to believe now. He was awkward, timid, and walked on eggshells around Ivan.
But Ivan was content, because there was no Stalin here to haunt him, and he was warm. He saw no one but Arthur and occasionally Alfred. There was no window and he was not allowed to leave the room, and Arthur's cooking was terrible and tasteless, but Ivan did not mind in the least. He ate the bland meals he was provided, wished they were made as well as the tea he was given to drink, and let time pass without even attempting to keep track of it.
It could have been a year, a century, a month, before Alfred appeared one day and smiled at him.
“You can go home, Ivan.” The blond said. “Stalin croaked. He's dead.”
Ivan stared at him for a long moment, and Alfred met his gaze unwaveringly, his ever fiber radiating sincerity.
“How?” He found the wit to ask.
“The doctors say a stroke.” Alfred said with a wink. “And hey, maybe they're right. Or maybe not.” He took Ivan's hand, pulling him to his feet, and hugged him gently.
“If they are wrong?” Ivan asked, shivering, daring to believe. Humans died. Stalin was not immortal, so he might really be gone. Ivan might truly be free of him.
“Well,” Alfred said, leading him out of the room, hand holding his gently. “A Nation can't harm his people and all, but Stalin sure as hell wasn't one of my people.”
Ivan blinked, then smiled. He felt as though he hadn't smiled in decades. He smiled, and gently squeezed Alfred's hand, surprised and gratified when his fellow Nation squeezed back, tossing a smile of his own over his shoulder.
A Nation cannot harm his people. When it comes to the demons of other Nations, however, they suffer under no such constraints.
It feels so fail, but I know me, and it's probably better than I think it is. Still.
I'm sorry it's a bit of a rush job, but like Trigger!Anon, I'm doing NaNo *thinks he said that already* and that story's a Hetalia fanfic dealing with the aftereffects of rape, among other tortures, so I probably should have waited to fill this, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone.
Hope you guys like it even a little. Maybe it won't seem so fail if I write a sequel... *kills self*
Trigger!Anon
anonymous
November 17 2009, 03:11:37 UTC
Oh, Ivan...
Your Alfred gets several Crowning Moments of Awesome. Especially the part about Lithuania. While I will admit I felt some parts were rushed, I can't wait to see what you do with this when you de-anon - this feels as though it could be extended into a multi-chaptered story.
But take time with your NaNo, and then come back and play with this a bit, if you feel the need. Well done, Anon, everything considered.
I feel as though you're someone I know on my f-list....
Re: Trigger!Anon
anonymous
November 17 2009, 03:24:05 UTC
I don't think I'll ever de-anon, at least not on lj. If anything, I'll probably wind up posting anything here that I rewrite on dA. I just don't feel comfortable on lj yet, since I've only been here for a week.
Yet this is my fifth fill on the kink meme. I'm such a meme-whore. ;-;
*ahem*
Any tips on what can be improved for when I come back to this story? Effusive praise is nice and all, but I like advice better.
Re: Trigger!Anon
anonymous
November 17 2009, 03:36:12 UTC
Advice...hmm. Let me think.
When you come back to this, the first thing I'd suggest is writing out more scenes between Arthur and Ivan - particularly when Ivan comes to stay with Arthur. It doesn't even have to be talking - just show us that Arthur is walking on eggshells with Ivan, rather than telling us. And maybe experiment with using flashbacks as well, instead of telling us all about the abuse in the beginning. Reveal what happened in pieces - that will allow you to get to the meeting - and the conflict there - faster.
...I hope that made sense, at least, and that it helps you when the time comes. Good luck!
Ah, never mind, I just thought I knew you from somewhere. An F-list is a friendslist.
Re: Trigger!Anon
anonymous
November 17 2009, 03:43:26 UTC
It made perfect sense, and I'll definitely take it into account later, although I made a conscious decision to start with the abuse and work from there.
The lack of flashbacks is due to the abundance of them in my NaNo project (poor Alfred ;-; ), and when I'm writing two similar stories at once, they tend to bleed over and I feel like I'm overusing something if I use it in both stories. Hence why I said I should probably have waited to write this.
I wanted more Arthur/Ivan screen time, but it's already almost my bedtime, and I wanted to be done tonight. This is why, at least in my eyes, this fill is sort of fail. -3-
As a born and raised American who's proud of his country - even when we're basically being the jackasses of the world (*does not approve of Iraq*) - I find I tend to make America very badass. I try not to fawn too much. ^^;
*hands you tissues*
I am glad you liked it, but this is definitely a fill I'll be revisiting come December.
Arthur was waiting uncomfortably in the hall, shifting from foot to foot and looking like he'd rather be naked and tied to Francis's bed than here.
“How... how is he?” He asked quietly, not meeting Alfred's eyes.
“As well as can be expected, considering he's been raped by one of his own citizens and you spread that fact around like it's fucking funny.”
Arthur at least had the decency to wince. “It's... not a citizen, Alfred.” He said after a moment, biting his lip. “It's his... his boss.”
Alfred stared at him for a long moment, face blank, before backhanding him into the wall.
“You absolute ass.” He snarled, glaring down at Arthur. “I swear to fucking God, when I'm done with Stalin, I'm coming after you.”
Ivan didn't return to Russia, after all. Not immediately, at least. Instead, he found himself bundled off to Arthur's house, because according to Alfred, “anyone with half a brain would look for you at my place, but no one would expect Arthur to take you in, right?”
And surprisingly, Arthur seemed to believe now. He was awkward, timid, and walked on eggshells around Ivan.
But Ivan was content, because there was no Stalin here to haunt him, and he was warm. He saw no one but Arthur and occasionally Alfred. There was no window and he was not allowed to leave the room, and Arthur's cooking was terrible and tasteless, but Ivan did not mind in the least. He ate the bland meals he was provided, wished they were made as well as the tea he was given to drink, and let time pass without even attempting to keep track of it.
It could have been a year, a century, a month, before Alfred appeared one day and smiled at him.
“You can go home, Ivan.” The blond said. “Stalin croaked. He's dead.”
Ivan stared at him for a long moment, and Alfred met his gaze unwaveringly, his ever fiber radiating sincerity.
“How?” He found the wit to ask.
“The doctors say a stroke.” Alfred said with a wink. “And hey, maybe they're right. Or maybe not.” He took Ivan's hand, pulling him to his feet, and hugged him gently.
“If they are wrong?” Ivan asked, shivering, daring to believe. Humans died. Stalin was not immortal, so he might really be gone. Ivan might truly be free of him.
“Well,” Alfred said, leading him out of the room, hand holding his gently. “A Nation can't harm his people and all, but Stalin sure as hell wasn't one of my people.”
Ivan blinked, then smiled. He felt as though he hadn't smiled in decades. He smiled, and gently squeezed Alfred's hand, surprised and gratified when his fellow Nation squeezed back, tossing a smile of his own over his shoulder.
A Nation cannot harm his people. When it comes to the demons of other Nations, however, they suffer under no such constraints.
It feels so fail, but I know me, and it's probably better than I think it is. Still.
I'm sorry it's a bit of a rush job, but like Trigger!Anon, I'm doing NaNo *thinks he said that already* and that story's a Hetalia fanfic dealing with the aftereffects of rape, among other tortures, so I probably should have waited to fill this, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone.
Hope you guys like it even a little. Maybe it won't seem so fail if I write a sequel... *kills self*
Reply
Your Alfred gets several Crowning Moments of Awesome. Especially the part about Lithuania. While I will admit I felt some parts were rushed, I can't wait to see what you do with this when you de-anon - this feels as though it could be extended into a multi-chaptered story.
But take time with your NaNo, and then come back and play with this a bit, if you feel the need. Well done, Anon, everything considered.
I feel as though you're someone I know on my f-list....
Reply
Yet this is my fifth fill on the kink meme. I'm such a meme-whore. ;-;
*ahem*
Any tips on what can be improved for when I come back to this story? Effusive praise is nice and all, but I like advice better.
what's an f-list?
Reply
When you come back to this, the first thing I'd suggest is writing out more scenes between Arthur and Ivan - particularly when Ivan comes to stay with Arthur. It doesn't even have to be talking - just show us that Arthur is walking on eggshells with Ivan, rather than telling us. And maybe experiment with using flashbacks as well, instead of telling us all about the abuse in the beginning. Reveal what happened in pieces - that will allow you to get to the meeting - and the conflict there - faster.
...I hope that made sense, at least, and that it helps you when the time comes. Good luck!
Ah, never mind, I just thought I knew you from somewhere. An F-list is a friendslist.
Reply
The lack of flashbacks is due to the abundance of them in my NaNo project (poor Alfred ;-; ), and when I'm writing two similar stories at once, they tend to bleed over and I feel like I'm overusing something if I use it in both stories. Hence why I said I should probably have waited to write this.
I wanted more Arthur/Ivan screen time, but it's already almost my bedtime, and I wanted to be done tonight. This is why, at least in my eyes, this fill is sort of fail. -3-
Reply
Reply
*hands you tissues*
I am glad you liked it, but this is definitely a fill I'll be revisiting come December.
Reply
Reply
Reply
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