150 things Alfred F. Jones is not allowed to do at UN meetings [2/3]
anonymous
November 9 2009, 05:16:34 UTC
51. If England wanted to borrow my Twilight books, he would have said so by now.
52. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any of the Baltics.
53. England did not found the Kirkland paint, battery, or food companies.
54. I will not draw anything on anyone's foreheads, ever.
55. I will stop referring to Germany and Italy as "Laverne and Shirley."
56. I will not refer to China's office as "beyond the bamboo curtain."
57. The Nordics are not a coven of vampires, no matter how suspicious and pale they may seem.
58. Tying Romano up and telling him "Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!" is not funny at all.
59. That girl with the ponytail in "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" is not France, and I shouldn't believe him when he tells me he posed for it.
60. I will not refer to China as King of the Prudes, even though he did outlaw porn.
61. I will not paint red and blue on Italy's white flag.
62. Japan does not own a tentacle monster.
63. I should stop referring to Ludwig's dogs as O-Ren, Vernita and Elle. His name is also not Bill.
64. Ludwig's last name is not 'Jingle-heimer-schmidt.'
65. I will STOP referring to China as a futanari.
66. I am not allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Russia.
67. -Or any other former soviet states.
68. I will not "borrow" a UN membership card for Sealand.
69. -Or Gilbert.
70. I am not a superhero, nor are boring lectures my arch nemesis.
71. Panties are not an acceptable form of international currency, even if everyone wants them.
72. I will not replace England's tea with hard liquor.
73. -Nor will I replace Russia's hard liquor with tea.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
75. I will not offer to straighten the Italies' hairs.
76. I will not replace anyone's lotion with toothpaste.
77. I will NOT replace anyone's "lotion" with toothpaste.
78. I am no longer allowed in the bathroom while anyone else is in there.
79. Nor am I allowed to ever leave the bathroom without my person being searched.
80. I will not make sexual noises while my person is being searched.
81. The age of the empire has ended, and I will not hold cookie-sheets against my butt all day claiming to be afraid of being "conquered."
82. -No garbage can lids either.
83. -And that is NOT what conquered means.
84. It is generally accepted that whales and bears cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
85. I will not set up a camcorder in that broom closet down the hall from the meeting room. Yeah, that one.
86. Russian courage does not come in bottles labeled vodka, and I should not distribute them before meetings.
87. -Especially if I don't tell anyone what it is.
88. -Changing the label does not actually change anything.
89. I am not allowed to eat while I'm talking.
90. -Or while anyone else is talking.
91. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
92. When trade agreements are being negotiated, I am not allowed to hover around singing "awkwaaaaaard~"
93. Crucifixes will not ward off Muslim nations, and I should not test that.
94. -I should also stop trying to sell them to Greece on those grounds.
95. I am not allowed to tell the press that any two nations have a "special relationship" and then giggle like a little girl about it.
96. "Beebidy boobidy boppidy" is not Italian. Not even if I have a mustache on.
97. France will not "on hon hon" for me, no matter how many times I ask him to.
98. The proper way to report to my boss is "You wanted to see me, sir?", not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
99. I am not possessed by the ghost of Shakespeare.
100. Speaking in raunchy poetry is only funny if you ARE possessed by the ghost of Shakespeare.
51. If England wanted to borrow my Twilight books, he would have said so by now.
52. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any of the Baltics.
53. England did not found the Kirkland paint, battery, or food companies.
54. I will not draw anything on anyone's foreheads, ever.
55. I will stop referring to Germany and Italy as "Laverne and Shirley."
56. I will not refer to China's office as "beyond the bamboo curtain."
57. The Nordics are not a coven of vampires, no matter how suspicious and pale they may seem.
58. Tying Romano up and telling him "Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!" is not funny at all.
59. That girl with the ponytail in "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" is not France, and I shouldn't believe him when he tells me he posed for it.
60. I will not refer to China as King of the Prudes, even though he did outlaw porn.
61. I will not paint red and blue on Italy's white flag.
62. Japan does not own a tentacle monster.
63. I should stop referring to Ludwig's dogs as O-Ren, Vernita and Elle. His name is also not Bill.
64. Ludwig's last name is not 'Jingle-heimer-schmidt.'
65. I will STOP referring to China as a futanari.
66. I am not allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Russia.
67. -Or any other former soviet states.
68. I will not "borrow" a UN membership card for Sealand.
69. -Or Gilbert.
70. I am not a superhero, nor are boring lectures my arch nemesis.
71. Panties are not an acceptable form of international currency, even if everyone wants them.
72. I will not replace England's tea with hard liquor.
73. -Nor will I replace Russia's hard liquor with tea.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
75. I will not offer to straighten the Italies' hairs.
76. I will not replace anyone's lotion with toothpaste.
77. I will NOT replace anyone's "lotion" with toothpaste.
78. I am no longer allowed in the bathroom while anyone else is in there.
79. Nor am I allowed to ever leave the bathroom without my person being searched.
80. I will not make sexual noises while my person is being searched.
81. The age of the empire has ended, and I will not hold cookie-sheets against my butt all day claiming to be afraid of being "conquered."
82. -No garbage can lids either.
83. -And that is NOT what conquered means.
84. It is generally accepted that whales and bears cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
85. I will not set up a camcorder in that broom closet down the hall from the meeting room. Yeah, that one.
86. Russian courage does not come in bottles labeled vodka, and I should not distribute them before meetings.
87. -Especially if I don't tell anyone what it is.
88. -Changing the label does not actually change anything.
89. I am not allowed to eat while I'm talking.
90. -Or while anyone else is talking.
91. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
92. When trade agreements are being negotiated, I am not allowed to hover around singing "awkwaaaaaard~"
93. Crucifixes will not ward off Muslim nations, and I should not test that.
94. -I should also stop trying to sell them to Greece on those grounds.
95. I am not allowed to tell the press that any two nations have a "special relationship" and then giggle like a little girl about it.
96. "Beebidy boobidy boppidy" is not Italian. Not even if I have a mustache on.
97. France will not "on hon hon" for me, no matter how many times I ask him to.
98. The proper way to report to my boss is "You wanted to see me, sir?", not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
99. I am not possessed by the ghost of Shakespeare.
100. Speaking in raunchy poetry is only funny if you ARE possessed by the ghost of Shakespeare.
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*Dies*
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i think i died when i saw that part XD
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