Biology 101 (2/6)
anonymous
November 6 2009, 04:10:57 UTC
Something was up with America.
It didn’t take a genius to notice it, England thought. America had been quiet throughout the entire meeting, just staring at the table, tapping a pen slowly on his notebook, looking up in surprise whenever anyone addressed him.
Once the meeting was over, he walked over to America and leaned nonchalantly against the table. When America didn’t react, he gave a little cough.
America looked up from the briefcase he had been attempting to shove a folder into sideways. “Uh, hi, Arthur.”
“Hello.” He paused and cocked his head at what he imagined was a concerned angle. “Is anything wrong?”
America blinked. “Um, uh, no?”
England stared at him blankly for a moment. Eventually, the look did its work and America sighed and buried his face in his hands.
“I need some advice, Arthur,” he said from behind his hands.
England looked up quickly around the room. It was empty except for Italy dawdling by the door. He looked back down at America. “Certainly. What’s bothering you?”
America sighed again and dropped his hands onto the table. “Arthur, you know Toris?”
“That Baltic kid you’ve been shacking up with?”
America tried to give him a glare, but couldn’t manage it. “I…” he began hesitantly. He swallowed and then said in one big rush, “I think I got Toris pregnant.”
England’s brain took a few long, hard moments to process that.
Then another few.
Then some more.
“Erm,” he said finally. “Is this Toris as in Lithuania we’re talking about?”
America nodded.
“The Lithuania in between Poland and Russia, not some other Lithuania I haven’t heard about?”
“No,” America said miserably. “I’m talking about my Lithuania, Toris. I think he’s pregnant. I don’t know if he knows yet, but he’s getting really sick all of the time, and, and… And I don’t know what to do.”
England blinked.
Well.
“Alfred,” he said gently. “Do you know how pregnancy works?”
America shook his head. “No, of course not! That’s why I’m so worried. I don’t want to hurt the baby or anything. I just… I…”
England drew in a deep, long-suffering internal sigh as he opened his mouth to explain to America just why it was impossible for Lithuania to be in a family way.
What are you doing? Are you mad? Look at what you’ve been handed!
England shut his mouth abruptly, listening closely to the evil voice whispering inside of his skull.
America’s been causing problems for you for years, parading around the world like he’s the only country that really matters. Now, he’s handed you an opportunity to show the whole world what an idiot he really is.
England loved the evil voice.
“Well, Alfred,” he began, trying to control the insane giggling that was welling up in his chest, “the first thing you’ve got to do, if you really have put young Toris in a fix, is to be an adult about it. It’s your responsibility, after all.”
America’s serious nod as he straightened his posture and listened intently was priceless. England was making a herculean effort not to burst out laughing. He continued, “I’d wait for the boy to come out with it himself, if I were you. No use pressuring him. My advice, just be patient and take good care of him.” Don’t laugh, don’t laugh. “It’ll be a long, hard slog, but you’ve got to,” don’t laugh! “take it like a man.”
America nodded slowly again. “You’re right, Arthur.” He broke into a grin. “I’m gonna be a man!” England stumbled as America jumped up and pulled him into a tight hug. “Thanks, Arthur. I feel a lot better now!” He pulled back and looked at him in slow wonder. “I’m gonna be a dad.”
Oh , for the love of all things good and decent. England was beginning to wonder if this was passing the border from funny to sad. He thought about America’s past actions for a few moments, and decided that it was still hilarious.
“Indeed,” England agreed.
America still looked deliriously cheerful. “Wow. I gotta get home. I wanna meet Toris there!” He hugged England again. When he moved away, his glasses were hanging widely askew. “Bye!”
He finished gathering up his papers and ran out of the room. England stood in stunned silence. He dropped into the nearest chair, shaking his head slowly.
Sad or not, he decided, France has to hear about this.
It didn’t take a genius to notice it, England thought. America had been quiet throughout the entire meeting, just staring at the table, tapping a pen slowly on his notebook, looking up in surprise whenever anyone addressed him.
Once the meeting was over, he walked over to America and leaned nonchalantly against the table. When America didn’t react, he gave a little cough.
America looked up from the briefcase he had been attempting to shove a folder into sideways. “Uh, hi, Arthur.”
“Hello.” He paused and cocked his head at what he imagined was a concerned angle. “Is anything wrong?”
America blinked. “Um, uh, no?”
England stared at him blankly for a moment. Eventually, the look did its work and America sighed and buried his face in his hands.
“I need some advice, Arthur,” he said from behind his hands.
England looked up quickly around the room. It was empty except for Italy dawdling by the door. He looked back down at America. “Certainly. What’s bothering you?”
America sighed again and dropped his hands onto the table. “Arthur, you know Toris?”
“That Baltic kid you’ve been shacking up with?”
America tried to give him a glare, but couldn’t manage it. “I…” he began hesitantly. He swallowed and then said in one big rush, “I think I got Toris pregnant.”
England’s brain took a few long, hard moments to process that.
Then another few.
Then some more.
“Erm,” he said finally. “Is this Toris as in Lithuania we’re talking about?”
America nodded.
“The Lithuania in between Poland and Russia, not some other Lithuania I haven’t heard about?”
“No,” America said miserably. “I’m talking about my Lithuania, Toris. I think he’s pregnant. I don’t know if he knows yet, but he’s getting really sick all of the time, and, and… And I don’t know what to do.”
England blinked.
Well.
“Alfred,” he said gently. “Do you know how pregnancy works?”
America shook his head. “No, of course not! That’s why I’m so worried. I don’t want to hurt the baby or anything. I just… I…”
England drew in a deep, long-suffering internal sigh as he opened his mouth to explain to America just why it was impossible for Lithuania to be in a family way.
What are you doing? Are you mad? Look at what you’ve been handed!
England shut his mouth abruptly, listening closely to the evil voice whispering inside of his skull.
America’s been causing problems for you for years, parading around the world like he’s the only country that really matters. Now, he’s handed you an opportunity to show the whole world what an idiot he really is.
England loved the evil voice.
“Well, Alfred,” he began, trying to control the insane giggling that was welling up in his chest, “the first thing you’ve got to do, if you really have put young Toris in a fix, is to be an adult about it. It’s your responsibility, after all.”
America’s serious nod as he straightened his posture and listened intently was priceless. England was making a herculean effort not to burst out laughing. He continued, “I’d wait for the boy to come out with it himself, if I were you. No use pressuring him. My advice, just be patient and take good care of him.” Don’t laugh, don’t laugh. “It’ll be a long, hard slog, but you’ve got to,” don’t laugh! “take it like a man.”
America nodded slowly again. “You’re right, Arthur.” He broke into a grin. “I’m gonna be a man!” England stumbled as America jumped up and pulled him into a tight hug. “Thanks, Arthur. I feel a lot better now!” He pulled back and looked at him in slow wonder. “I’m gonna be a dad.”
Oh , for the love of all things good and decent. England was beginning to wonder if this was passing the border from funny to sad. He thought about America’s past actions for a few moments, and decided that it was still hilarious.
“Indeed,” England agreed.
America still looked deliriously cheerful. “Wow. I gotta get home. I wanna meet Toris there!” He hugged England again. When he moved away, his glasses were hanging widely askew. “Bye!”
He finished gathering up his papers and ran out of the room. England stood in stunned silence. He dropped into the nearest chair, shaking his head slowly.
Sad or not, he decided, France has to hear about this.
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