The Alpha and the Omegle [1/?]
anonymous
September 3 2009, 00:43:12 UTC
America was in a good mood. Far too good of a mood, in fact. His whole body was jittering with pent up energy, and he had to let it out now. Usually when the self proclaimed Hero was in such high spirits, he would log onto his faithful computer, Liberty Bell, or Libby for short, and troll the ever loving Hell out of his fellow nations over one instant messenger service or another.
Tonight though, as he eagerly clicked on a spare account he had set aside for occasions such as this, already chortling to himself as he thought of the conversations he would be having, he was shocked to find no one online. Oh his friends list. Dammit, he was America, even if no one knew that he and Fidel Castronaut were one in the same. Nor did they know he was also the one behind Panic at Nabisco, HE ON THE TOILET, and Large Hardon Collider. In America's defense, he had been quite drunk when he made that last username. Once Canada had even joined in, using the screen name Big Bong Theory. If America hadn't known any better, he could have sworn the person behind a certain troll named Chairman Meow was in fact China. But China was such an old fogey, so completely computer illiterate.
On this night though, there was no one. This meant he would have to resort to his trusty steed of Trollitude, Omegle. It was always a risky way to get his kicks, very hit and miss, but oh the fruits of rage that could be reaped! They were more delicious than any mana man had ever tasted in his time on the Earth.
America made a mental note about to ask The Boss Man if they could add a fifth horseman to the Bible, one for Trolling.
Omegle is a brand-new service for meeting new friends. When you use Omegle, we pick another user at random and let you have a one-on-one chat with each other. America felt laughter stirring in his gut once more as he saw those all too familiar words written across his screen. He cracked his fingers while his face bore an over the top smirk that only villains were seen to sport. If only he had an exotic cat to stroke while he worked his magic, then it would be like one his his multi million dollar movies.
Start a Chat. America held his breath as he clicked the blue button that would make or break his night.
Connecting to server... Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on. You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about! Stranger: gay? You: ONLY FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE. Your conversational partner has disconnected. Start a new conversation or save this log or send us feedback.
15 - Love.
Maybe the caps lock, or as America had relabeled it in memoriam, the Billy Mays key had been too much to start with. He wasn't too bothered by his initial loss, there were only so many responses you could give to a stranger on the internet wanting to know if you were gay or not. Most of them started with something along the lines of, "Hi, I'm Chris Hansen. Why don't you take a seat?"
Yet the night was young, and America would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than give up. He crossed his middle and index finger of his left hand for luck as he clicked the option to start a new conversation, closing his eyes tightly for a moment in anticipation.
--- A/N: Due to the fact it would make this fill has ridiculous amount of extra characters, I'm going to leave out italics/bolding/color changes for text between people. When I de-anon and post it on the com though, it was have all the visual bells and whistles though.
The Alpha and the Omegle [2/?]
anonymous
September 3 2009, 00:46:55 UTC
Stranger: Hey You: Howdy! You: How do you feel about America? Stranger: Well, i live in north america, so i like it You: USA or Canada? Stranger: Canada You: Even better! You: So I have this fantastic idea. You: How would you like to JOIN FORCES and become Americanada? You: (I'm doing this for a science project) Stranger: Your in school? You: I mean, we already have maple flavored McDonald's food, it's the natural next step. You: Yes, for my school. You: Freedom U. Stranger: Its still summer vacation for me You: I hear the Winter in Canada is very cold. You: If you join with America we'll send you tropical fruits & dancers. You: (But only during the Winter) Stranger: Ya. We get about 2 meters of snow here Stranger: No dancers during the summer? You: AS IF. We need them for the fourth of July festivities. You: Also for Christmas in July. You: You can have, like, half a dancer on July first if it makes you feel any better. Stranger: Lol. Ok ill take half a dancer You: Do you want the top half or the bottom half? You: Because I don't think the top half is very good at dancing. You: Or do you want it split down the middle? You: BIBLE STYLE? Your conversational partner has disconnected. Start a new conversation or save this log or send us feedback.
A better start than before, America had to admit to himself. Still not what he was looking for, though. He needed an opponent with a fiery wit, or at least a willingness to mash at the keyboard and debate the most ridiculous of things. Like how the Moon landing was faked, or about the New World Order being in charge of the Council on Foreign Relations.
America wondered if Glenn Beck used Omegle.
Third time's the charm, America assured himself as he yet again clicked to start a new conversation.
Connecting to server... Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on. You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: A/S/L?
Screw the rules, America was going to start with the time tested ASL right from the start.
Stranger: Too fuckin' old/G/British Empire.
Yes, yes, YES. America cheered in his head. While he didn't know what in the Hell 'G' could stand for, he knew people who used hokey terms like 'British Empire' were easy to bait.
You: whats a G? does that mean gay/ Stranger: Don't be a numpty, it stands for gentleman.
America wasn't completely sure what numpty meant, but when he tested the word aloud he rather liked it. It felt like a noise one would make if they tried to speak after having a mouth full of novocaine shots.
You: d'aww, there aren't enough of those around these days.
Ply the stranger with gentle words, make them more comfortable before starting the game.
Stranger: And you? You: 19/f/Jamaica
19 was the age America had noticed was best for making conversational partners stay. If you were 18 or under they usually passed you off as a stupid kid, or worse- wanted to talk to you specifically because of how young you were. Guys liked to talk with girls as well, so that was a given. Jamaica, well, Jamaica was exotic and exciting, not to mention it had a long past with the British. The neat accent was also a plus.
Stranger: Ah, so good to hear from a former colony of mine.
A shudder passed through America, he rolled his shoulders to get any shivers waiting in the wings out. This creep reminded him of England. Maybe the English had some freakish trait in their genes that made them dwell over their past colonies like how a spurned lover dotes over their ex while watching them through the window with binoculars. You: ahaha, yes. how is the grand old british empire these days? Stranger: *British Empire Stranger: Couldn't be better.
Mister Stranger didn't seem like he wanted to elaborate much on the state of his location, so America figured it was time to test the waters.
You: how are you guys and america getting along these days? Stranger: That bloody wanker of a nation? Same as always, can't make him go away.
America couldn't help but note how the English 'Gentleman' had made no attempt to correct the typo in his ex-Colony's name, unlike how he had so quickly fixed the British Empire.
The Alpha and the Omegle [3/3]
anonymous
September 3 2009, 00:48:48 UTC
You: i like Americans, they're so fun and chatty :( Stranger: CAN ANYONE HERE PLEASE DIRECT ME TO THE NEAREST MACDONALDS. I HOPE IT HAS A DRIVE THROUGH lol. That is a 'fun' and 'chatty' American.
That was low, really low. Grinding his teeth slightly, America quickly started to tap away at the keyboard.
You: wtf that's so WRONG
America paused, he didn't want to chase away the stranger just yet, he had to find a way to play off his knee-jerk response.
You: they wouldn't say please, lol! Stranger: Ha, true enough. I give them too much credit as it is.
What.
You: plus they only shout because the whole world listens to them when they speak, so they're just doing everyone a favor. Im sure you can remember a time when people used to actually consider britain as not a joke. You: PSYCHE, MON.
Adding 'mon' was an elegant touch, America felt, a perfect compliment to his passive-aggressive lowercase b in 'Britain'.
Stranger: Oh, so now you're best buds with America, is that it? After everything I've done for you! You: you sound exactly like the embodiment of england, and that's not a compliment. Stranger: *England Stranger: And you sound exactly like the embodiment of America, right down to the smarmy insults even a grade schooler could do better than.
England had in fact made that same remark to America at the last G8 meeting. This was getting too weird.
You: Arthur? Arthur Kirkland? Stranger: What? How do you know my name!? You: Lucky guess? Stranger: Who is this!? You: Not your average bear.
Now that was a bad comeback, but America was too taken aback by surprise at finding Arthur of all people on Omegle. What a lonely old geezer, talking to 19 year old Jamaican girls over the internet! Should America spill the beans?
Nah.
The blackmailing possibilities were beautiful, and America wouldn't let them slip away. Before he closed the conversation, he made sure to part with pearls of wisdom that would leave England awake at night, tossing and turning as he tried to figure out who he had spoken to on Omegle.
You: GOBBLE GOBBLE, BITCH.
As America stood and stretched his legs, quite satisfied with his accomplishments of the night, he couldn't help but dance & sway while he made his way to the bathroom to brush his gleaming smile. Even with a brush in his mouth and the lather of toothpaste running from the side of his mouth, he couldn't help but sing a few bars from Ridin' Dirty, tweaking the lyrics to his own liking.
They see me trollin' They hatin', Patrollin' They tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
---------------------------
Author's Notes: Haaaaaa. This was fun to write, even if I don't feel like I made America a very good troll. All the screen names mentioned in the beginning are actual screen names I have seen, they truly do exist. Both the 'gay?' conversation and the one with the Canadian (who you can assume to be Canada if you so choose) were both real conversations. I went to Omegle to find out exactly what the into text and stuff was, and liked the conversations enough to incorporate them into this story. While the 'gay?' one really did end that fast, the Canadian was a total doll and we continued to keep talking for another 15 or so minutes before they had to go. They were a super good sport. :>
I love you.
anonymous
September 3 2009, 01:22:31 UTC
I seriously laughed for an entire mintue at Alfred's last line. That's right, Alfred; England is a big turkey. XD LOL.
I've never been on the Chat thing you mentioned, but it sounds absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the fun read. :3 Here, have an internet (though they're like 90% porn; sorry).
Captcha: Saturday besting; Oh Captcha, you and your pearls of wisdom.
Re: The Alpha and the Omegle [3/3]
anonymous
September 14 2009, 05:25:37 UTC
Being an Omegle fan myself,I can say this is brilliant.Absolutely brilliant.I love you. Chairman Meow,somehow is that a reference to The Mortal Instruments series,or did you just come up with it?
Tonight though, as he eagerly clicked on a spare account he had set aside for occasions such as this, already chortling to himself as he thought of the conversations he would be having, he was shocked to find no one online. Oh his friends list. Dammit, he was America, even if no one knew that he and Fidel Castronaut were one in the same. Nor did they know he was also the one behind Panic at Nabisco, HE ON THE TOILET, and Large Hardon Collider. In America's defense, he had been quite drunk when he made that last username. Once Canada had even joined in, using the screen name Big Bong Theory. If America hadn't known any better, he could have sworn the person behind a certain troll named Chairman Meow was in fact China. But China was such an old fogey, so completely computer illiterate.
On this night though, there was no one. This meant he would have to resort to his trusty steed of Trollitude, Omegle. It was always a risky way to get his kicks, very hit and miss, but oh the fruits of rage that could be reaped! They were more delicious than any mana man had ever tasted in his time on the Earth.
America made a mental note about to ask The Boss Man if they could add a fifth horseman to the Bible, one for Trolling.
Omegle is a brand-new service for meeting new friends. When you use Omegle, we pick another user at random and let you have a one-on-one chat with each other. America felt laughter stirring in his gut once more as he saw those all too familiar words written across his screen. He cracked his fingers while his face bore an over the top smirk that only villains were seen to sport. If only he had an exotic cat to stroke while he worked his magic, then it would be like one his his multi million dollar movies.
Start a Chat. America held his breath as he clicked the blue button that would make or break his night.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: gay?
You: ONLY FOR UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Start a new conversation or save this log or send us feedback.
15 - Love.
Maybe the caps lock, or as America had relabeled it in memoriam, the Billy Mays key had been too much to start with. He wasn't too bothered by his initial loss, there were only so many responses you could give to a stranger on the internet wanting to know if you were gay or not. Most of them started with something along the lines of, "Hi, I'm Chris Hansen. Why don't you take a seat?"
Yet the night was young, and America would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than give up. He crossed his middle and index finger of his left hand for luck as he clicked the option to start a new conversation, closing his eyes tightly for a moment in anticipation.
---
A/N: Due to the fact it would make this fill has ridiculous amount of extra characters, I'm going to leave out italics/bolding/color changes for text between people. When I de-anon and post it on the com though, it was have all the visual bells and whistles though.
Reply
You: Howdy!
You: How do you feel about America?
Stranger: Well, i live in north america, so i like it
You: USA or Canada?
Stranger: Canada
You: Even better!
You: So I have this fantastic idea.
You: How would you like to JOIN FORCES and become Americanada?
You: (I'm doing this for a science project)
Stranger: Your in school?
You: I mean, we already have maple flavored McDonald's food, it's the natural next step.
You: Yes, for my school.
You: Freedom U.
Stranger: Its still summer vacation for me
You: I hear the Winter in Canada is very cold.
You: If you join with America we'll send you tropical fruits & dancers.
You: (But only during the Winter)
Stranger: Ya. We get about 2 meters of snow here
Stranger: No dancers during the summer?
You: AS IF. We need them for the fourth of July festivities.
You: Also for Christmas in July.
You: You can have, like, half a dancer on July first if it makes you feel any better.
Stranger: Lol. Ok ill take half a dancer
You: Do you want the top half or the bottom half?
You: Because I don't think the top half is very good at dancing.
You: Or do you want it split down the middle?
You: BIBLE STYLE?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Start a new conversation or save this log or send us feedback.
A better start than before, America had to admit to himself. Still not what he was looking for, though. He needed an opponent with a fiery wit, or at least a willingness to mash at the keyboard and debate the most ridiculous of things. Like how the Moon landing was faked, or about the New World Order being in charge of the Council on Foreign Relations.
America wondered if Glenn Beck used Omegle.
Third time's the charm, America assured himself as he yet again clicked to start a new conversation.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: A/S/L?
Screw the rules, America was going to start with the time tested ASL right from the start.
Stranger: Too fuckin' old/G/British Empire.
Yes, yes, YES. America cheered in his head. While he didn't know what in the Hell 'G' could stand for, he knew people who used hokey terms like 'British Empire' were easy to bait.
You: whats a G? does that mean gay/
Stranger: Don't be a numpty, it stands for gentleman.
America wasn't completely sure what numpty meant, but when he tested the word aloud he rather liked it. It felt like a noise one would make if they tried to speak after having a mouth full of novocaine shots.
You: d'aww, there aren't enough of those around these days.
Ply the stranger with gentle words, make them more comfortable before starting the game.
Stranger: And you?
You: 19/f/Jamaica
19 was the age America had noticed was best for making conversational partners stay. If you were 18 or under they usually passed you off as a stupid kid, or worse- wanted to talk to you specifically because of how young you were. Guys liked to talk with girls as well, so that was a given. Jamaica, well, Jamaica was exotic and exciting, not to mention it had a long past with the British. The neat accent was also a plus.
Stranger: Ah, so good to hear from a former colony of mine.
A shudder passed through America, he rolled his shoulders to get any shivers waiting in the wings out. This creep reminded him of England. Maybe the English had some freakish trait in their genes that made them dwell over their past colonies like how a spurned lover dotes over their ex while watching them through the window with binoculars.
You: ahaha, yes. how is the grand old british empire these days?
Stranger: *British Empire
Stranger: Couldn't be better.
Mister Stranger didn't seem like he wanted to elaborate much on the state of his location, so America figured it was time to test the waters.
You: how are you guys and america getting along these days?
Stranger: That bloody wanker of a nation? Same as always, can't make him go away.
America couldn't help but note how the English 'Gentleman' had made no attempt to correct the typo in his ex-Colony's name, unlike how he had so quickly fixed the British Empire.
Reply
Stranger: CAN ANYONE HERE PLEASE DIRECT ME TO THE NEAREST MACDONALDS. I HOPE IT HAS A DRIVE THROUGH lol. That is a 'fun' and 'chatty' American.
That was low, really low. Grinding his teeth slightly, America quickly started to tap away at the keyboard.
You: wtf that's so WRONG
America paused, he didn't want to chase away the stranger just yet, he had to find a way to play off his knee-jerk response.
You: they wouldn't say please, lol!
Stranger: Ha, true enough. I give them too much credit as it is.
What.
You: plus they only shout because the whole world listens to them when they speak, so they're just doing everyone a favor. Im sure you can remember a time when people used to actually consider britain as not a joke.
You: PSYCHE, MON.
Adding 'mon' was an elegant touch, America felt, a perfect compliment to his passive-aggressive lowercase b in 'Britain'.
Stranger: Oh, so now you're best buds with America, is that it? After everything I've done for you!
You: you sound exactly like the embodiment of england, and that's not a compliment.
Stranger: *England
Stranger: And you sound exactly like the embodiment of America, right down to the smarmy insults even a grade schooler could do better than.
England had in fact made that same remark to America at the last G8 meeting. This was getting too weird.
You: Arthur? Arthur Kirkland?
Stranger: What? How do you know my name!?
You: Lucky guess?
Stranger: Who is this!?
You: Not your average bear.
Now that was a bad comeback, but America was too taken aback by surprise at finding Arthur of all people on Omegle. What a lonely old geezer, talking to 19 year old Jamaican girls over the internet! Should America spill the beans?
Nah.
The blackmailing possibilities were beautiful, and America wouldn't let them slip away. Before he closed the conversation, he made sure to part with pearls of wisdom that would leave England awake at night, tossing and turning as he tried to figure out who he had spoken to on Omegle.
You: GOBBLE GOBBLE, BITCH.
As America stood and stretched his legs, quite satisfied with his accomplishments of the night, he couldn't help but dance & sway while he made his way to the bathroom to brush his gleaming smile. Even with a brush in his mouth and the lather of toothpaste running from the side of his mouth, he couldn't help but sing a few bars from Ridin' Dirty, tweaking the lyrics to his own liking.
They see me trollin'
They hatin',
Patrollin'
They tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.
---------------------------
Author's Notes: Haaaaaa. This was fun to write, even if I don't feel like I made America a very good troll. All the screen names mentioned in the beginning are actual screen names I have seen, they truly do exist. Both the 'gay?' conversation and the one with the Canadian (who you can assume to be Canada if you so choose) were both real conversations. I went to Omegle to find out exactly what the into text and stuff was, and liked the conversations enough to incorporate them into this story. While the 'gay?' one really did end that fast, the Canadian was a total doll and we continued to keep talking for another 15 or so minutes before they had to go. They were a super good sport. :>
Reply
I've never been on the Chat thing you mentioned, but it sounds absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the fun read. :3 Here, have an internet (though they're like 90% porn; sorry).
Captcha: Saturday besting; Oh Captcha, you and your pearls of wisdom.
Reply
Reply
GLORIOUS LULZ
words cannot
I don't even
yes.
Just freaking yes.
I love you author!Anon
Reply
I love you Author!Anon!
Here~ Have an internet.
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Chairman Meow,somehow is that a reference to The Mortal Instruments series,or did you just come up with it?
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Also, nice tidbit with naming the Caps Lock key after Billy Mays.
Now, I'm off to investigate this Omegle thing...
Reply
reCAPTCHA: brunches George, oh really..?
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This fill was a great find, definitely.
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