Love's Labours Lost in Space (1/??)
anonymous
August 11 2009, 15:23:24 UTC
[Anon!Author would like to point out this is her first time doing this. D: I tried.]
Tony hates a lot of things about Earth.
He hates the shitty food they have (Especially food from England...fucking limey has no sense of taste, how could Al stand to eat that shit at one time?). He hates the ways that people act together (Makes not fucking sense, Men don't come from Mars, women don't come from Venus, he'd know if they did. Why can't they just fucking get along?). He hates how humans view aliens (Just because he looks like a little green man with big eyes doesn't mean they all do, read a fucking book you morons!).
But Tony hates England most of all. Bastard. Trying to steal his Al away from him, how dare he? Who does he think he is?
Oh, it's always been like this. Tony and England competing for Al's friendship and affection. For the most part, Tony wins. Of course. England never seems to agree with Al's ideas, so every time he visits the two Nations end up bickering about something trivial. Tony loves to watch them, if only because England always loses.
But then, things started changing....
England's visits became more frequent. Al visited him more than he used to. Whenever they fought now, they didn't duke it out like they used to, but instead go off to Al's room, mumbling about 'settling this like men' or some bullshit. Oh, he had his suspicions. Just because he doesn't really get sex (As an asexually reproductive species, it just makes no sense.) doesn't mean he didn't know what was going on. But he could ignore it, because he could be wrong.
But then the final straw came.
Tony had simply been rooting through Al's mail (What, doesn't everybody do that?), when he came upon a letter. A disgusting piece of sentimental tripe, laced with sexual overtones and pent up frustration.
Signed, with 'wuv', from Arthur Kirkland.
The limey bastard!
What the hell was 'wuv', anyway? He must've meant love, not even England was stupid enough to make up words like that...
...Well, that was it. Something had to be done.
In some way or another, Tony was determined to end this....this farce of a relationship between his best friend and the limey. Regardless of the cost, England was going to pay.
Love's Labours Lost in Space (2/3)
anonymous
August 11 2009, 16:23:25 UTC
He started small, little things to piss off England and ruin his relationship with Al.
Sending him anonymous threatening letters, warning him off. I know what you're doing. End it or face destruction. And similar things along the same vein, in drippy red ink made to look like blood. (Tony wouldn't use his own blood, of course, because that would just be fucking insane.)
England ignored them. He was either very brave or very stupid. Probably stupid.
(In reality, Arthur ignored the threats because he was so used to getting death threats that they just didn't bother him anymore. Also, the ink made them difficult to read.)
When that didn't work, Tony moved up to more....extreme measures.
(Which, considering he hardly ever left the house, was rather difficult.)
Sending him chocolates laced with laxatives, using Al's name. All that did was make him sick and angry. Damn.
Throwing rotten eggs at his house....rotten ostrich eggs. All that did was make him angry and covered with goo (Which Al ended up liking, so that DEFINITELY didn't work.)
He couldn't go out and just kill England...that would make Al sad. And as much as Tony hates that limey fish loving bastard, he doesn't want to make Al sad. Just single again, so they can hang out more.
Tony tried everything, ranging from minor annoying pranks to using nonlethal alien technology to drive England insane. Paralysis ray guns, defabricators (as horrifying as the sigh of a naked England was), sonic based microexplosives, EVERYTHING.
He even managed to get a brain slug, a goddam brain slug into England's home and onto his head.
The poor creature died a few days later of starvation....Tony thought that might happen.
Ok, no big deal. I've still got one surefire way to end this...
A few days later, Arthur got a package in the mail. It contained the head of a plush unicorn, fuzzy stuffing seeping out of the rip in its neck, and a note:
'THE REAL THING WILL BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T END IT WITH AL.'
Arthur's screams of horror could be heard all the way in Russia.
Love's Labours Lost in Space (3/3)
anonymous
August 11 2009, 22:55:02 UTC
"Do you know what this is?"
Alfred F. Jones finds his reading time interrupted, as a plush unicorn head is thrust at him, dangling in front of his face. Irritatedly, he pushes it away, and looks up at Arthur Kirkland, scowling a bit. He'd just started enjoying that book too....
"Looks like a plush unicorn head to me....what, did you have a nightmare or something and destroy it?"
Alfred can't help but snicker a bit as Arthur's face goes red in embarrassment. He's so adorable when he's pissed.
"No, I did not have a nightmare, you insufferable twit! This was sent to me in the mail, along with this!" Arthur thrusts a sheet of paper into Alfred's hands, waiting for him to read the angry message written on it. Once he's done, Alfred hands the paper back to Arthur, eyebrow raised slightly.
"Ok, so somebody wants us to break up. So...?"
Arthur sighs.
"So, the package came from YOUR address. Which means that unless this is your subtle way of saying you want to end things, somebody living with you wants it to end. And this isn't the first thing to happen, either. For the past few weeks, I've been getting strange letters and weird things have been happening at my house....You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
Alfred shakes his head. Apart from Arthur being pelted with eggs (Which was still hilarious, in his opinion), he hadn't really known that anything was going on.
Somebody living with him wants their relationship to end...? But nobody was living with him right now...except....Wait a second...
"TONY!!! GET IN HERE!!!" ------- Shit. He'd been caught.
He'd hoped that the unicorn thing would have freaked limey-boy out enough for Al's relationship to end. Apparently, he was wrong.
Shit.
I'll just deny it, that's all...! Yeah, he loves me, won't suspect a thing!
And for a while, that plan seems to work out...
"Tony, have you been trying to break me and Arthur up?" "No way, man. I never leave the house, you know that. How could I mess with the limey from over here?" "See, Arthur, he says he didn't do it!" "I don't buy it. That bugger hates me and you know it." "Hey, shut up limey-boy! Wassa matter, miss your unicorn buddy too much to think straight?" "..." "..." "...Tony, how did you know Arthur's unicorn got destroyed?" "...um."
Shit. He'd been caught. Again.
He didn't really have much of a choice now, he HAD to fess up. So, he did. And at first, both Al and England seemed pissed...until Tony explained.
"You never spend any time with me anymore, you're always with HIM! What happened to us, man, I thought we were friends!"
And, just like that, Al's anger just goes away. Al apologizes for ignoring Tony, and forces Tony to apologize to England. (He didn't mean it, though.)
And after all was said and done, everything worked out....well....sort of. -------
"Tony, I think we'd better have the relationship talk again."
"Aw, again? We've tried that like, 6 times now, you're terrible at it!"
"Well, you can't learn on your own, apparently, so we're trying this again!"
"Aw, shit."
[Anon!Author hopes you liked that. ReCAPTCHA- sickness are. Sickness are what? o-o weird.]
The Op : The unicorn head in the mail! XD
anonymous
August 14 2009, 01:56:08 UTC
Poor Tony. You know he would have fired some kind of ray gun at England to get rid of him, if only Alfed didn't like him so much.
OH NOES, the poor brain slug! And LOL on the unicorn head! It probably scared Arthur more than even that Halloween strip with receptionist-from-hell!Russia. Notes written in blood, spiked sweets, being pelted with eggs - no probs for England. Decapitation of a plushie unicorn? That's just sick!
You have to sympathize with Tony though. Losing your best friend is tough. To a limey that you hate who uses "wuv"? Must be even worse.
You've had Slurm before? Lucky. Awesome song? The Robot Devil performs many awesome songs, even on fiddles made of gold and holophones. I'm sure he and Austria might get along splendidly.
Thanks for the awesome fic, writer!anon. It was fantastic to read.
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes, She'll be riding six white horses when she comes-- (talking) Hey, I'm pretty good! (singing) She'll be riding six white horses...
Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun, Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun, Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world, I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world, I'll be blastin' all the humans, I'll be blastin' all the humans, I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world, In the world!
Hey BB....wanna destroy all humans?
anonymous
August 14 2009, 13:32:22 UTC
:D Oh, I'm glad you liked it. Slurm is good, if you ever find it, grab some.
...great, now I see some sort of weird crossover where the Robot Devil and Austria get together on weekends to preform awesome music. Prussia can come too.
Tony hates a lot of things about Earth.
He hates the shitty food they have (Especially food from England...fucking limey has no sense of taste, how could Al stand to eat that shit at one time?).
He hates the ways that people act together (Makes not fucking sense, Men don't come from Mars, women don't come from Venus, he'd know if they did. Why can't they just fucking get along?).
He hates how humans view aliens (Just because he looks like a little green man with big eyes doesn't mean they all do, read a fucking book you morons!).
But Tony hates England most of all.
Bastard.
Trying to steal his Al away from him, how dare he? Who does he think he is?
Oh, it's always been like this. Tony and England competing for Al's friendship and affection. For the most part, Tony wins. Of course. England never seems to agree with Al's ideas, so every time he visits the two Nations end up bickering about something trivial. Tony loves to watch them, if only because England always loses.
But then, things started changing....
England's visits became more frequent. Al visited him more than he used to. Whenever they fought now, they didn't duke it out like they used to, but instead go off to Al's room, mumbling about 'settling this like men' or some bullshit.
Oh, he had his suspicions. Just because he doesn't really get sex (As an asexually reproductive species, it just makes no sense.) doesn't mean he didn't know what was going on. But he could ignore it, because he could be wrong.
But then the final straw came.
Tony had simply been rooting through Al's mail (What, doesn't everybody do that?), when he came upon a letter. A disgusting piece of sentimental tripe, laced with sexual overtones and pent up frustration.
Signed, with 'wuv', from Arthur Kirkland.
The limey bastard!
What the hell was 'wuv', anyway? He must've meant love, not even England was stupid enough to make up words like that...
...Well, that was it. Something had to be done.
In some way or another, Tony was determined to end this....this farce of a relationship between his best friend and the limey.
Regardless of the cost, England was going to pay.
Reply
"Wuv" the most corniest word in the dictionary.
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Sending him anonymous threatening letters, warning him off. I know what you're doing. End it or face destruction. And similar things along the same vein, in drippy red ink made to look like blood.
(Tony wouldn't use his own blood, of course, because that would just be fucking insane.)
England ignored them. He was either very brave or very stupid. Probably stupid.
(In reality, Arthur ignored the threats because he was so used to getting death threats that they just didn't bother him anymore. Also, the ink made them difficult to read.)
When that didn't work, Tony moved up to more....extreme measures.
(Which, considering he hardly ever left the house, was rather difficult.)
Sending him chocolates laced with laxatives, using Al's name. All that did was make him sick and angry. Damn.
Throwing rotten eggs at his house....rotten ostrich eggs. All that did was make him angry and covered with goo (Which Al ended up liking, so that DEFINITELY didn't work.)
He couldn't go out and just kill England...that would make Al sad. And as much as Tony hates that limey fish loving bastard, he doesn't want to make Al sad. Just single again, so they can hang out more.
Tony tried everything, ranging from minor annoying pranks to using nonlethal alien technology to drive England insane. Paralysis ray guns, defabricators (as horrifying as the sigh of a naked England was), sonic based microexplosives, EVERYTHING.
He even managed to get a brain slug, a goddam brain slug into England's home and onto his head.
The poor creature died a few days later of starvation....Tony thought that might happen.
Ok, no big deal. I've still got one surefire way to end this...
A few days later, Arthur got a package in the mail. It contained the head of a plush unicorn, fuzzy stuffing seeping out of the rip in its neck, and a note:
'THE REAL THING WILL BE NEXT IF YOU DON'T END IT WITH AL.'
Arthur's screams of horror could be heard all the way in Russia.
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AHAHAHA BRAIN SLUG!
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Alfred F. Jones finds his reading time interrupted, as a plush unicorn head is thrust at him, dangling in front of his face. Irritatedly, he pushes it away, and looks up at Arthur Kirkland, scowling a bit. He'd just started enjoying that book too....
"Looks like a plush unicorn head to me....what, did you have a nightmare or something and destroy it?"
Alfred can't help but snicker a bit as Arthur's face goes red in embarrassment. He's so adorable when he's pissed.
"No, I did not have a nightmare, you insufferable twit! This was sent to me in the mail, along with this!"
Arthur thrusts a sheet of paper into Alfred's hands, waiting for him to read the angry message written on it. Once he's done, Alfred hands the paper back to Arthur, eyebrow raised slightly.
"Ok, so somebody wants us to break up. So...?"
Arthur sighs.
"So, the package came from YOUR address. Which means that unless this is your subtle way of saying you want to end things, somebody living with you wants it to end. And this isn't the first thing to happen, either. For the past few weeks, I've been getting strange letters and weird things have been happening at my house....You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
Alfred shakes his head. Apart from Arthur being pelted with eggs (Which was still hilarious, in his opinion), he hadn't really known that anything was going on.
Somebody living with him wants their relationship to end...?
But nobody was living with him right now...except....Wait a second...
"TONY!!! GET IN HERE!!!"
-------
Shit. He'd been caught.
He'd hoped that the unicorn thing would have freaked limey-boy out enough for Al's relationship to end. Apparently, he was wrong.
Shit.
I'll just deny it, that's all...! Yeah, he loves me, won't suspect a thing!
And for a while, that plan seems to work out...
"Tony, have you been trying to break me and Arthur up?"
"No way, man. I never leave the house, you know that. How could I mess with the limey from over here?"
"See, Arthur, he says he didn't do it!"
"I don't buy it. That bugger hates me and you know it."
"Hey, shut up limey-boy! Wassa matter, miss your unicorn buddy too much to think straight?"
"..."
"..."
"...Tony, how did you know Arthur's unicorn got destroyed?"
"...um."
Shit. He'd been caught. Again.
He didn't really have much of a choice now, he HAD to fess up. So, he did. And at first, both Al and England seemed pissed...until Tony explained.
"You never spend any time with me anymore, you're always with HIM! What happened to us, man, I thought we were friends!"
And, just like that, Al's anger just goes away. Al apologizes for ignoring Tony, and forces Tony to apologize to England. (He didn't mean it, though.)
And after all was said and done, everything worked out....well....sort of.
-------
"Tony, I think we'd better have the relationship talk again."
"Aw, again? We've tried that like, 6 times now, you're terrible at it!"
"Well, you can't learn on your own, apparently, so we're trying this again!"
"Aw, shit."
[Anon!Author hopes you liked that. ReCAPTCHA- sickness are. Sickness are what? o-o weird.]
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OH NOES, the poor brain slug! And LOL on the unicorn head! It probably scared Arthur more than even that Halloween strip with receptionist-from-hell!Russia. Notes written in blood, spiked sweets, being pelted with eggs - no probs for England. Decapitation of a plushie unicorn? That's just sick!
You have to sympathize with Tony though. Losing your best friend is tough. To a limey that you hate who uses "wuv"? Must be even worse.
You've had Slurm before? Lucky. Awesome song? The Robot Devil performs many awesome songs, even on fiddles made of gold and holophones. I'm sure he and Austria might get along splendidly.
Thanks for the awesome fic, writer!anon. It was fantastic to read.
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes,
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes--
(talking) Hey, I'm pretty good!
(singing) She'll be riding six white horses...
Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
In the world!
(shouting) One more time!
...^_^; We both need a hobby.
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...great, now I see some sort of weird crossover where the Robot Devil and Austria get together on weekends to preform awesome music. Prussia can come too.
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