Re: Bellisima [2/?]
anonymous
August 6 2009, 05:07:05 UTC
...Okay, this is the above anon that just commented on this yesterday, but I read it again just now and I have more to comment on.
To elaborate on "this is written well," I love when she kisses his neck and you compare it to kissing tea. I love that image to death. And wondering if people had trained themselves not to look down alleys? Nice detail.
And this fill starts out so well. Diving right in to the story, no dawdling. Kind of a hook.
Saying she looks like clouds, sugar, sand on a beach, warm sheets...? That's lovely. Poetic, even. And strangely enough it strikes me as something Spain might actually say, which is even better.
Your style is so... to the point. No purple prose here. There's a sort of concise manner to your writing and that's an excellent quality for writing, imo -- even better for short stories (which this pretty much is). It's choppy, but not to the point where it's all that noticeable, I think, and this "choppy" style fits this subject well anyway.
Overall, yeah, passerby!anon loves this with all her heart and can't wait for the next parts.
and sorry, author!anon. i kind of got carried away and this is more like a review than a comment... excuse me while i go bang my head against a wall a few million times. also, could some anon that isn't as retarded as i am please tell me what "bellisima" means?
To elaborate on "this is written well," I love when she kisses his neck and you compare it to kissing tea. I love that image to death. And wondering if people had trained themselves not to look down alleys? Nice detail.
And this fill starts out so well. Diving right in to the story, no dawdling. Kind of a hook.
Saying she looks like clouds, sugar, sand on a beach, warm sheets...? That's lovely. Poetic, even. And strangely enough it strikes me as something Spain might actually say, which is even better.
Your style is so... to the point. No purple prose here. There's a sort of concise manner to your writing and that's an excellent quality for writing, imo -- even better for short stories (which this pretty much is). It's choppy, but not to the point where it's all that noticeable, I think, and this "choppy" style fits this subject well anyway.
Overall, yeah, passerby!anon loves this with all her heart and can't wait for the next parts.
and sorry, author!anon. i kind of got carried away and this is more like a review than a comment... excuse me while i go bang my head against a wall a few million times. also, could some anon that isn't as retarded as i am please tell me what "bellisima" means?
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