Shining Through [1.2]
anonymous
August 3 2009, 02:27:22 UTC
“Alfred -” Matthew started, kneeling to take Alfred into his arms.
Alfred was faster.
His hand snapped out before Matthew could even touch him, closing around the delicate flesh of his neck. His eyes were wild as he shoved Matthew to the ground. “You knew,” he rasped, his voice thick and raspy (and oh God, now he knew why). “You fucking knew what was going on and you didn’t stop me from - from -”
Toris felt feeling surge into his limbs at Matthew’s soft suffocating noises, and he realized that if this didn’t stop, Alfred was going to make a big mistake. “Alfred, please, stop,” he called, his voice soft and delicate with tears.
Alfred’s head snapped up, his eyes burning bright and mad with anger, and oh, it hurt to look at. Toris walked over, knelt down, and tried to take Alfred’s head into his arms. “Alfred,” he murmured, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.”
Alfred snarled and pulled away, releasing his grip on Matthew’s throat. “Don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch me -”
Alfred stopped as he jerked and seized up. His body heaved once, twice, and then he bent over Matthew’s shoulder and vomited, eyes squeezed shut as his body shook and expunged the filth.
Matthew scrambled out from underneath him, and Toris could see the tears streaming down his face. “Alfred,” he murmured, looking far beyond heartbroken.
“We’ll need help,” Toris said, reaching for Alfred’s shoulder. “To…to get him away from here.”
Matthew’s hand shook as he nodded, reached into his pocket, and pulled out his BlackBerry. It almost fell out of his hands, but he tightened his grip, turned away, and started dialing.
Toris looked back down at Alfred as his body retched one last time, emptying his stomach. As he panted, Toris reached over and ran a hand over gold hair.
Alfred flinched, his head snapping up, and Toris felt a new wave of nausea at the sheer terror in those eyes, at the “GUILTY” they’d written on his forehead.
“T…T-Toris,” Alfred stuttered, beginning to tremble again, “please…please, I’m sorry, I’m trying my best please no more -”
Toris tried to see Alfred’s shine, his warmth. But those eyes showed nothing but terror and numbness.
They had not just taken Alfred’s body, Toris realized. They broke open his strength and stole his shining light.
Toris’ fingers came down to curve and cup around Alfred’s face, to cradle him in the curve of his neck. Alfred heaved in one choppy, sobbing breath, and let it out in a wail of pain and absolute surrender.
Toris held Alfred close and shut his eyes, trying to keep his own tears at bay until help came.
The next day went like the end to any other meeting of countries.
(Eduard could not quite believe Matthew’s e-mail, had trouble reading the words on the page. But he followed the request. He sent it to all the Nations except those Matthew had indicated, all bundled up in encryptions and firewalls to make sure it couldn’t be traced.)
Ivan smiled at his fellow Nations and congratulated them all for a very successful meeting; they smiled back and waved, and he couldn’t help but wonder why their smiles were so tense.
(Katyusha cried, and her sobs made her body jerk so hard she thought she’d pull herself apart with the force of it. Natalia held her, yes, but the arms were a numb, heavy weight over her shoulders, her eyes still fixed on the screen, unwilling to acknowledge the terrible, terrible actions of her beloved brother as anything but a horrible nightmare.)
Feliciano laughed, lifting a forkful of pasta up to Ludwig’s face; and he laughed loud enough to drown out Ludwig’s lectures that it was unsanitary, over Lovino’s shouting to stop encouraging the potato bastard. But Feliciano couldn’t help but hear Gilbert’s laughter, quiet and dark and easy and not forced, like his.
(Roderich knew that his wife was sleeping when he walked into her house and saw Elizaveta sharpening her sword; he saw her green eyes filled with dark and flint and fire - and also sadness. Oh, boys, he though, shutting his eyes, what have you done?)
Kiku and Yao parted ways in the airport, walking to opposite terminals. And so it goes, they both think; they were united in this one purpose, this one attempt to reeducate Alfred and teach him a lesson. Tomorrow, nothing would be changed.
(Khîm chewed the skin of her cheek and felt tears trickling down her cheekbones. Already she knew that Yong-Soo and her brother back in Hong Kong would reject the news, maybe even delete the message without reading it. But she remembered Alfred’s kindness from long ago, his warm smiles and his help in maintaining her democracy, and she couldn’t help but ask her ancestors to watch over him.)
Francis leaned back in his chair, waiting for his number and zone to be called, and sorted through his e-mail with his cell phone. He smirked and stopped himself from looking at his photos. There’d be plenty of time for that later.
(Carolien didn’t cry, but rather sat at her table and waited for Leone to contact her. Her eyes were narrowed and her lips pursed; she was not happy, but she was not surprised, and it saddened her because Leone would be. And Carolien had a sinking feeling that the first words she would say to Leone would be, “I told you so.”)
England leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes, letting peace and a sort of satisfaction wash over him. Alfred had to learn, he thought, he can’t go on believing we’ll support his every screw-up. I’m sure he’ll thank us for this someday. With that cheering thought in mind, he lifted his hand to buy a drink.
(Peter threw his ball, watching Hana-Tamago bolt after it on short legs, and it broke Tino’s heart, knowing that his happiness would be shattered so soon when he’d found out what his “jerk brother” had done. He looked up into Sweden’s eyes, and he felt his own resolve harden at what he saw. This could not go unpunished.)
The sun shone, and life went on as usual.
(Beneath the surface, the shock and sadness shifted to anger, to a thirst for justice.) ___
“Toris, I…I brought you some food.”
“You can come in, Matthew, he’s still asleep.” Toris ran his fingers through Alfred’s hair, squeezing one of Alfred’s hands with his other, trying to soothe and smooth the hurt away as best he can.
Matthew nodded, walking into the room with his head down, and Toris looked up to see a plate of pancakes, a bowl filled with plain vanilla yogurt, and more syringes filled with sedatives. Toris watched as Matthew took a seat on the opposite side of the bed, setting the tray down on the bedside table. “How is his fever?”
Shining Through [2.2]
anonymous
August 3 2009, 14:39:43 UTC
Matthew nodded, and Toris saw his purple eyes take on a wet shine as he lifted his hand to stroke his brother’s cheek with his knuckles, soothing a soft hand over flushed and heated cheeks. Toris watched as he moved his hand up to Alfred’s forehead, soothing back the bangs and making a soft, barely-there sound as his thumb traced the faded black “G” still staining the skin of his forehead.
We tried to wash it away, Toris thought, dear Lord, Alfred, we tried. But the mark couldn’t erase what happened - even if they had managed to scrub it all off.
“Al,” Matthew choked out, bending his head and planting a kiss to his brother’s brow. “Alfred, God, I’m so sorry.”
Toris dropped his eyes just in time to see Alfred’s hand twitch, and then clench.
“Matthew, watch out!”
Matthew yelped as Toris shoved him back, purple eyes widening as a fist connected with empty air. Toris grabbed that wrist and pinned it to the bed. “Alfred!” he called, tightening his grip as Alfred struggled. “Alfred, it’s okay!”
“Fucking bastard!” America shouted, and the look in his eyes was hurt and wild and just wrong. “Let me go, let me go he’s one of them, he gave me up-”
“Matthew, we need a sedative!” Toris said, desperation in his voice as he locked his tiring arms and looked up at Matthew.
Matthew’s tears dropped off his chin and onto his red hoodie, purple eyes wide and hurt. “No,” he said. “No, Alfred, I -”
Alfred snarled and bucked; Toris grimaced and braced. “Matthew!” he snapped, sounding much harsher than he intended. “Sedative! Please!”
Matthew shook his head and fluttered back to himself, bolting to the side of the bed and uncapping one of the hypodermic needles.
Alfred gave up trying to escape, merely slumping back on the sheets and crying as Matthew slid the needle in. “It hurts,” he whimpered, and the gaze he gave Toris broke his heart. “It hurts.”
“I know,” Toris said, bending down and kissing the bridge of his nose. “I know, Alfred. Shhh. Rest.”
Toris pet and soothed Alfred until the sobs petered out into hiccoughs, and then silence. He pressed a cheek to Alfred’s head, sighed when he felt the gentle, persistent burn of sickness against his skin. “He’s still hot,” Toris said, straightening and adjusting the sheets around Alfred. “I think we’re going to need some more water to keep his temperature down -”
Toris jolted at the sound of a pained, pathetic sob. His head jerked up to focus on Matthew, whose head was bowed and whose tears were coming faster, more.
“It’s my fault,” he whispered. “This…oh, Alfred, this is all my fault....”
Toris’ eyes widened, and he moved to the other side of the bed to hug him. “No, no Matthew. It’s not your fault.”
“I - I sh-should have b-been with him…sh-should have r-realized -”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“It’s my fault….”
“Hush. Come here, Matthew.”
Matthew did not break. He crumbled, allowing Toris to hold him in the crook of his neck and smooth a hand over his back as he sobbed.
“You should go calm down and freshen up,” Toris said, gentle and without bite as he stepped back. “I’m sure - I’m sure Australia will be here soon.”
“Asher,” Matthew murmured, sniffling and rubbing at his wet eyes.
“Yes. Matthew, be strong for him. Steve might need you.”
“Alfred….”
“I’ll stay by his side.”
Matthew frowned a little. “Are you sure? You haven’t -”
“I’ll be fine.” Toris firmed his voice, though he kept his face gentle and understanding. There would be no debate on that issue. “Go now. You’ll need some time to calm down.”
Matthew sniffled one more time before nodding and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Toris closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning back to the bed.
“You haven’t….”
“I haven’t left Alfred’s side,” Toris murmured, sitting down on Alfred’s left side and taking his hand. “And I’m not going to until he’s better.”
Alfred’s hand started to tremble in his. Toris squeezed back, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to let Alfred know through the haze of nightmares that he would be there when he woke up. ___
Asher arrived around noon, though Matthew had been standing there longer than that.
Re: Shining Through [2.2]
anonymous
August 3 2009, 17:46:08 UTC
Not!OP loves how you included nations that weren't at the meeting, because she thinks they need more recognition in this kind of sitch (it's nice seeing that not /everyone/ felt this was the way to go, and serves as lovely contrast for the nations so warped they feel okay with what they did; here's to hoping the rapist-jerks realize what happened isn't quite-so-secret anymore, and what they did was not a celebrated event... >>).
And Toris and Matthew, you sweethearts! It's great seeing Toris' strength really shine through in this; he's portrayed as weak far too much DX I'm really curious about Asher too, haha (that is, what he thinks)~
Your writing is lovely, and I will be waiting patiently for the next installment
Re: Shining Through [2.2]
anonymous
August 3 2009, 19:50:33 UTC
OP here- I absolutely love this~ Especially how you brought the other nations into it, and I can't wait to see how they get revenge for America. >3 In any case, your writing is lovely, and your characterization is spot on (particularly Toris- you really capture his strength and compassion ♥). Thank you so much for the work you're doing, and I'm looking forward to the next installments~ ^_^
Shining Through [2.3]
anonymous
August 4 2009, 00:06:40 UTC
Gah, anon just realized she is made of FAIL. I originally wanted Australia’s name to be Steve, then decided to change it to Asher. I missed one Steve. I’m sorry for that. His name is actually Asher.
Also: “Seppo” here refers to the Australian slang for an American, as septic tank rhymes with “Yank”. While it can be derogative, it is not meant to be offensive in this context. ___
Asher arrived around noon, though Matthew had been standing there longer than that.
Toris watched from the window as the taxi pulled up to Canada’s house and slowed to a stop. He saw the door open; a leg emerged, and then the rest of Asher followed, his green eyes bright and solid. Toris did not know Asher well, but he’d heard that he had Arthur’s infamous eyebrows, had even seen it in pictures - so he blinked when Asher walked closer, thinking they looked normal enough.
Unless he shaved them for…oh.
Toris watched as Matthew held out his arms to embrace Asher. The hat fell from his head, revealing blond hair and green eyes, and for a moment Toris saw Alfred all over again. But…no. Alfred’s smile and energy had been childlike and innocent; Asher’s energy was wild and raw, the kind of smile that could go from cheerful to cruel in the blink of an eye.
“…ah….”
Toris tore his eyes from the window and rushed to Alfred’s side, picking his hand up and lacing their fingers together. “You’re all right, Alfred. I’m right here.”
“Ah…!”
Toris watched that brow furrow as Alfred’s breathing picked up, as he started to shift on the bed. “Shh,” Toris coaxed, reaching up to soothe a hand through Alfred’s hair. “It’s all -”
“STOP!”
Alfred’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, panting, blue eyes whirling around the room until he caught sight of Toris. “No,” he whispered, leaning away and trying to reclaim his hand. “Please….”
“Alfred -”
“Please don’t….”
“It’s me.” Toris took both of Alfred’s shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes. “Alfred, it’s me, Toris. Lithuania.”
Here, the fear in Alfred’s eyes seemed to clear a bit, enough for Alfred himself to seep back into those blue eyes. “Tor…Toris,” he repeated to himself, blinking.
“Yes, Alfred. It’s just me.”
Instead of relief, Toris saw the panic coming back into his eyes. He watched Alfred shy away from his touch and curl into a ball, his arms around his knees.
“No more,” he whimpered, and Toris felt his own heart break. “Please, no more. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Alfred,” Toris whispers, and runs his fingers through gold hair. “Oh, Alfred, no, it’s all right -”
“Al…?”
Alfred and Toris froze and looked towards the doorway. Asher stood there, his hand on the doorknob, mouth open a little as he stared at his brother with something like shock and sadness.
Asher’s presence somehow broke the spell on Alfred’s mind; thank God, Toris thought, as Alfred seeped back into himself and overrode the poison in his system.
“…Ash,” Alfred said, and laughed, a little broken, a little fragile. He bowed his head to his knees. “S…sorry that you have to see your big brother like this. I’m not really a hero now, am I?”
“Ah, fuck,” Asher said, and crossed the room in three quick strides to take Alfred into his arms. “Al…” he whispered, and Toris saw those sad green eyes grow sadder, “what ‘ave they done?”
Alfred struggled, weak and half-hearted. “I’m dirty, Ash,” he protested. “I’m filthy, please, don’t touch me -”
Asher let go, but he held Alfred’s tearing eyes with his own.
“Ya daft Seppo,” Asher said, “yer not filthy. I mean, they gave ya a bath ‘n all, right?” He tried to chuckle at his own lame joke, tapering off when Alfred didn’t join in. “C’mon, Al, please,” he said, speaking in earnest now, “smile, just a li’l?”
Alfred ducked his head, and after a moment his shoulders started to hitch. Toris felt his spirits lift; if Alfred could laugh, then surely -
It wasn’t until the first sob that they both realized Alfred was crying again.
“I - I t-t-trusted them,” Alfred whispers, and his body shakes, threatens to come apart at the joints.
“Jus’ relax, Al,” Asher murmurs, running a hand up and down Alfred’s arm. “I’m righ’ ‘ere, if y’ need me.”
Re: Shining Through [2.4]
anonymous
August 4 2009, 01:38:59 UTC
It wasn’t until Alfred grew still again that Asher addressed Toris. “I don’t understand,” he said, looking up at him. “I don’t get it. Why? Why this?”
Toris said nothing, preferring to drop his gaze and forget about the many nights he’d asked himself that same question.
“Thanks, mate.”
“Ah - huh?” Toris jerked his head up, blinking.
“For…for bein’ ‘ere for Al.”
Toris looked away and nodded.
“You’re welcome.” ___
When Alfred woke next, Asher had left to talk to Matthew and Toris was reading a book and eating an apple.
“Toris,” he heard Alfred say, and dog-eared the page he’d been on, shutting the book and smiled at Alfred.
“You’re awake! How are you feeling, Alfred?”
“My throat still hurts,” Alfred said, “and I have a bit of a headache.”
“I have some yogurt,” Toris replies, picking up a bowl and offering it to Alfred.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Alfred,” Toris said, reaching over and turning Alfred’s face towards his. “Al, please, eat something.”
Alfred rests his cheek on his knees. “I’ll just throw it all back up,” he murmurs, not looking at Toris. “And my throat hurts.”
“That’s why you should eat it, Alfred! It’s good for your stomach, and it won’t hurt your throat!”
No response. Toris felt something inside of him firm up a bit - not enough to be cruel, but enough to straighten his back and drop his smile for a more serious expression.
“Alfred, if you don’t eat this, I’m going to spoon-feed it to you,” he said. “You have a fever, and you haven’t eaten in three days.” His eyes softened a little bit. “…We’re all worried about you,” he says. “Please.”
Alfred stared for a moment more, then sighed and held out his hands to take the bowl. “I guess so,” he said without much conviction or protest, and slipped one delicate spoonful into his mouth.
Toris beamed and stood, running a hand through his hair. “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Alfred didn’t answer, too busy with his bowl, and Toris was halfway across the room before he heard Alfred speak.
“You haven’t been sleeping, have you? Not well, at least.”
Toris froze, but he didn’t refute this.
“Toris, I’m sure Matthew -” he heard a pause, and a sigh, “has some guest rooms that you can use.”
Toris took a breath, let it out in a slow rush. He turned back to Alfred. “Alfred, you’ve had a fever,” Toris said, keeping his voice low and quiet. “You’ve been having nightmares, hysteria - you haven’t been acting well.” A thread of worry crept into his voice. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Alfred, it hurts.”
Alfred didn’t reply, so Toris walked back to his bed and held out his hand. “You accepted me when I outsourced,” Toris said, “and you let me live with you in your home and were kind to me. I want to be here for you.”
He turned his head away, dropping his eyes to a stain on the wall. “I want to see you shine again,” he murmured.
“Huh?”
“Ah - it’s nothing.” Toris’ grin widened. “But I’m serious, you know. I’m going to be by your side until you get better, at least.”
Alfred looked at him with bright blue eyes, then bowed his head as he took Toris’ hand and pressed his cheek against it.
Re: Shining Through [2.4]
anonymous
August 4 2009, 16:54:26 UTC
I think you might know who this anon is when I say that I almost couldn't read this; I got a few lines into the first part after the prologue and started to feel uncomfortable (not because it was badly written but because it was too well-written). So I gave myself permission to skip over that and read the rest, and I'm so happy I didn't stop because this is beautiful. I mean, it's really painful--but seeing how much so many others care, sincerely care...oh, Author!anon, that does this anon's heart so much good! I think that was my favorite part, seeing the reactions of the other nations as they found out.
And of course, the way Toris sees Alfred, that shining light--that fits so well with how I see Alfred in my head, myself. I want to see that shining light again, too. ♥
Re: Shining Through [2.4]
anonymous
August 6 2009, 07:14:21 UTC
I'm loving how beautiful this fill is, and Toris is so strong <333 We don't see him from that light much but he has to be strong to deal with Russia all those years right?
And this will be me just blabbering about my head canon, but it fits in so well with why Toris is perfect for Al's recovery. Having been raped and hurt by Ivan he can be strong for Alfred who's never experienced anything like this before.*ends rambling*
Shining Through [3.1]
anonymous
August 6 2009, 21:35:43 UTC
On his eyelids, Toris saw little light, and a great, bulging shadow a bit like pus.
He blinked, and then suddenly he was with Alfred, sitting in the garden and drinking coffee with him.
“An adult, huh?” Alfred asked, holding his cup and laughing. “I like the sound of that.”
And Toris opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t even move as the blackness bubbled out of Alfred’s cup and onto the bench and ground, and suddenly everything just seemed to die.
Toris felt helpless as Alfred sat there, smiling and laughing, and let the darkness seep into and over him. And superimposed over this all was the light and the shadow, and the light winking pitifully before going out. ___
Toris was used to nightmares, so he did not jerk awake from this one; he surfaced to waking as he usually did, and felt that his cheeks and eyelashes were wet.
Sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, Toris blinked himself to full wakefulness and looked at Alfred.
Alfred was curled on his side, a hand twined with Toris’; his eyelids twitched as he breathed in, out, a slow and steady rhythm. So much steadier than before, and better.
So brave, he thought and felt his heartstrings pull. Alfred, I’m so sorry.
He jumped at the sound of two knocks on the door, and Alfred shifted in the bed and groaned a little before relaxing again, nuzzling into the pillow and giving a great sigh.
“He’s asleep,” he calls to the door, and watches Matthew slide in and shut the door behind him.
“Any further answers from the other Nations?” Toris asked, leaning in and lowering his voice to keep Alfred asleep.
“I got a response from Antonio, finally.” Matthew sighed, leaning against the wall and running his fingers through his hair.
“What’d he say?”
“Well, it was all polite and stuff, but I don’t think he believes us - I do remember reading something about how he said he didn’t think the Vargas brothers or Francis would do something like that. Asher nearly threw my Macbook across the room when he saw the e-mail.” Matthew rubbed his temples and then dropped his hands with a sigh.
“Matthew, it’s okay - we have the support of other Nations, right?”
Matthew thought about this for a moment. “That’s true. Berwald’s maintaining his neutrality, but we have Tino’s support. Katyusha’s standing behind us on this too - and Carolien as well.”
“That’s good,” Toris said with a grin. “That’s a whole lot of names, that might hold clout at the next UN meeting -”
“I wish it were that simple.” Matthew pressed his hands together and raised them to his lips. “I don’t think it’s going to be.”
Toris frowned, confused. “But…if so many Nations oppose their actions, then -”
“Toris, do you know how much clout and prestige these guys carry in their respective groups?” Matthew laughed, a little sardonic, and let his hands fall back down to his side. “They can pay off anyone they want to wash their hands clean of this - to get rid of, fabricate, or invalidate evidence.”
“But -”
“And even if we had solid evidence - what good would that do? We’re Nations, not humans. In wartime, it’s understandable as to why you’d lock one of us up - but this is peacetime, at least among the First World countries.” Matthew’s eyes met Toris’, and Toris tried to see something beneath the jaded cynicism and despair. “Do you think the bosses of those countries will let us lock them up for something that doesn’t affect civilians? We’re important, Toris. And that’s why this isn’t simple at all.”
Toris watched Matthew deflate, shoulders slumping. For a moment, he was tempted to do the same.
“…No.”
Matthew lifted his head to find Toris looking down at him with pursed lips and furrowed brow.
“There’s a way to bring them to justice. To punish them for what they’ve done. We just have to find it, or make one.”
Matthew looked over Toris’ shoulder at Alfred, and then back at Toris. “For Alfred’s sake?” Matthew asked. “Or for yours?”
Toris jerked, feeling flashes of whip and remembering high, deceptive laughter that teased and cajoled. He remembered the way the wall fell, how he just stood there and watched as Ivan turned and walked away with only the indignity of a shattered union as his punishment.
Alfred was faster.
His hand snapped out before Matthew could even touch him, closing around the delicate flesh of his neck. His eyes were wild as he shoved Matthew to the ground. “You knew,” he rasped, his voice thick and raspy (and oh God, now he knew why). “You fucking knew what was going on and you didn’t stop me from - from -”
Toris felt feeling surge into his limbs at Matthew’s soft suffocating noises, and he realized that if this didn’t stop, Alfred was going to make a big mistake. “Alfred, please, stop,” he called, his voice soft and delicate with tears.
Alfred’s head snapped up, his eyes burning bright and mad with anger, and oh, it hurt to look at. Toris walked over, knelt down, and tried to take Alfred’s head into his arms. “Alfred,” he murmured, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.”
Alfred snarled and pulled away, releasing his grip on Matthew’s throat. “Don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch me -”
Alfred stopped as he jerked and seized up. His body heaved once, twice, and then he bent over Matthew’s shoulder and vomited, eyes squeezed shut as his body shook and expunged the filth.
Matthew scrambled out from underneath him, and Toris could see the tears streaming down his face. “Alfred,” he murmured, looking far beyond heartbroken.
“We’ll need help,” Toris said, reaching for Alfred’s shoulder. “To…to get him away from here.”
Matthew’s hand shook as he nodded, reached into his pocket, and pulled out his BlackBerry. It almost fell out of his hands, but he tightened his grip, turned away, and started dialing.
Toris looked back down at Alfred as his body retched one last time, emptying his stomach. As he panted, Toris reached over and ran a hand over gold hair.
Alfred flinched, his head snapping up, and Toris felt a new wave of nausea at the sheer terror in those eyes, at the “GUILTY” they’d written on his forehead.
“T…T-Toris,” Alfred stuttered, beginning to tremble again, “please…please, I’m sorry, I’m trying my best please no more -”
Toris tried to see Alfred’s shine, his warmth. But those eyes showed nothing but terror and numbness.
They had not just taken Alfred’s body, Toris realized. They broke open his strength and stole his shining light.
Toris’ fingers came down to curve and cup around Alfred’s face, to cradle him in the curve of his neck. Alfred heaved in one choppy, sobbing breath, and let it out in a wail of pain and absolute surrender.
Toris held Alfred close and shut his eyes, trying to keep his own tears at bay until help came.
Reply
Ukraine - Katyusha
Vietnam - Khîm
Belgium - Carolien
Seychelles - Leone
___
The next day went like the end to any other meeting of countries.
(Eduard could not quite believe Matthew’s e-mail, had trouble reading the words on the page. But he followed the request. He sent it to all the Nations except those Matthew had indicated, all bundled up in encryptions and firewalls to make sure it couldn’t be traced.)
Ivan smiled at his fellow Nations and congratulated them all for a very successful meeting; they smiled back and waved, and he couldn’t help but wonder why their smiles were so tense.
(Katyusha cried, and her sobs made her body jerk so hard she thought she’d pull herself apart with the force of it. Natalia held her, yes, but the arms were a numb, heavy weight over her shoulders, her eyes still fixed on the screen, unwilling to acknowledge the terrible, terrible actions of her beloved brother as anything but a horrible nightmare.)
Feliciano laughed, lifting a forkful of pasta up to Ludwig’s face; and he laughed loud enough to drown out Ludwig’s lectures that it was unsanitary, over Lovino’s shouting to stop encouraging the potato bastard. But Feliciano couldn’t help but hear Gilbert’s laughter, quiet and dark and easy and not forced, like his.
(Roderich knew that his wife was sleeping when he walked into her house and saw Elizaveta sharpening her sword; he saw her green eyes filled with dark and flint and fire - and also sadness. Oh, boys, he though, shutting his eyes, what have you done?)
Kiku and Yao parted ways in the airport, walking to opposite terminals. And so it goes, they both think; they were united in this one purpose, this one attempt to reeducate Alfred and teach him a lesson. Tomorrow, nothing would be changed.
(Khîm chewed the skin of her cheek and felt tears trickling down her cheekbones. Already she knew that Yong-Soo and her brother back in Hong Kong would reject the news, maybe even delete the message without reading it. But she remembered Alfred’s kindness from long ago, his warm smiles and his help in maintaining her democracy, and she couldn’t help but ask her ancestors to watch over him.)
Francis leaned back in his chair, waiting for his number and zone to be called, and sorted through his e-mail with his cell phone. He smirked and stopped himself from looking at his photos. There’d be plenty of time for that later.
(Carolien didn’t cry, but rather sat at her table and waited for Leone to contact her. Her eyes were narrowed and her lips pursed; she was not happy, but she was not surprised, and it saddened her because Leone would be. And Carolien had a sinking feeling that the first words she would say to Leone would be, “I told you so.”)
England leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes, letting peace and a sort of satisfaction wash over him. Alfred had to learn, he thought, he can’t go on believing we’ll support his every screw-up. I’m sure he’ll thank us for this someday. With that cheering thought in mind, he lifted his hand to buy a drink.
(Peter threw his ball, watching Hana-Tamago bolt after it on short legs, and it broke Tino’s heart, knowing that his happiness would be shattered so soon when he’d found out what his “jerk brother” had done. He looked up into Sweden’s eyes, and he felt his own resolve harden at what he saw. This could not go unpunished.)
The sun shone, and life went on as usual.
(Beneath the surface, the shock and sadness shifted to anger, to a thirst for justice.)
___
“Toris, I…I brought you some food.”
“You can come in, Matthew, he’s still asleep.” Toris ran his fingers through Alfred’s hair, squeezing one of Alfred’s hands with his other, trying to soothe and smooth the hurt away as best he can.
Matthew nodded, walking into the room with his head down, and Toris looked up to see a plate of pancakes, a bowl filled with plain vanilla yogurt, and more syringes filled with sedatives. Toris watched as Matthew took a seat on the opposite side of the bed, setting the tray down on the bedside table. “How is his fever?”
Toris grimaced. “No change.”
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And Gilbert, Francis and Ivan really see nothing wrong with this at all. ._. They don't need extra convincing. That's...pretty creepy.
I also love your characterizations! I am now stalking bookmarking this fill. :P
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We tried to wash it away, Toris thought, dear Lord, Alfred, we tried. But the mark couldn’t erase what happened - even if they had managed to scrub it all off.
“Al,” Matthew choked out, bending his head and planting a kiss to his brother’s brow. “Alfred, God, I’m so sorry.”
Toris dropped his eyes just in time to see Alfred’s hand twitch, and then clench.
“Matthew, watch out!”
Matthew yelped as Toris shoved him back, purple eyes widening as a fist connected with empty air. Toris grabbed that wrist and pinned it to the bed. “Alfred!” he called, tightening his grip as Alfred struggled. “Alfred, it’s okay!”
“Fucking bastard!” America shouted, and the look in his eyes was hurt and wild and just wrong. “Let me go, let me go he’s one of them, he gave me up-”
“Matthew, we need a sedative!” Toris said, desperation in his voice as he locked his tiring arms and looked up at Matthew.
Matthew’s tears dropped off his chin and onto his red hoodie, purple eyes wide and hurt. “No,” he said. “No, Alfred, I -”
Alfred snarled and bucked; Toris grimaced and braced. “Matthew!” he snapped, sounding much harsher than he intended. “Sedative! Please!”
Matthew shook his head and fluttered back to himself, bolting to the side of the bed and uncapping one of the hypodermic needles.
Alfred gave up trying to escape, merely slumping back on the sheets and crying as Matthew slid the needle in. “It hurts,” he whimpered, and the gaze he gave Toris broke his heart. “It hurts.”
“I know,” Toris said, bending down and kissing the bridge of his nose. “I know, Alfred. Shhh. Rest.”
Toris pet and soothed Alfred until the sobs petered out into hiccoughs, and then silence. He pressed a cheek to Alfred’s head, sighed when he felt the gentle, persistent burn of sickness against his skin. “He’s still hot,” Toris said, straightening and adjusting the sheets around Alfred. “I think we’re going to need some more water to keep his temperature down -”
Toris jolted at the sound of a pained, pathetic sob. His head jerked up to focus on Matthew, whose head was bowed and whose tears were coming faster, more.
“It’s my fault,” he whispered. “This…oh, Alfred, this is all my fault....”
Toris’ eyes widened, and he moved to the other side of the bed to hug him. “No, no Matthew. It’s not your fault.”
“I - I sh-should have b-been with him…sh-should have r-realized -”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“It’s my fault….”
“Hush. Come here, Matthew.”
Matthew did not break. He crumbled, allowing Toris to hold him in the crook of his neck and smooth a hand over his back as he sobbed.
“You should go calm down and freshen up,” Toris said, gentle and without bite as he stepped back. “I’m sure - I’m sure Australia will be here soon.”
“Asher,” Matthew murmured, sniffling and rubbing at his wet eyes.
“Yes. Matthew, be strong for him. Steve might need you.”
“Alfred….”
“I’ll stay by his side.”
Matthew frowned a little. “Are you sure? You haven’t -”
“I’ll be fine.” Toris firmed his voice, though he kept his face gentle and understanding. There would be no debate on that issue. “Go now. You’ll need some time to calm down.”
Matthew sniffled one more time before nodding and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Toris closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning back to the bed.
“You haven’t….”
“I haven’t left Alfred’s side,” Toris murmured, sitting down on Alfred’s left side and taking his hand. “And I’m not going to until he’s better.”
Alfred’s hand started to tremble in his. Toris squeezed back, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to let Alfred know through the haze of nightmares that he would be there when he woke up.
___
Asher arrived around noon, though Matthew had been standing there longer than that.
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And Toris and Matthew, you sweethearts! It's great seeing Toris' strength really shine through in this; he's portrayed as weak far too much DX I'm really curious about Asher too, haha (that is, what he thinks)~
Your writing is lovely, and I will be waiting patiently for the next installment
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Also: “Seppo” here refers to the Australian slang for an American, as septic tank rhymes with “Yank”. While it can be derogative, it is not meant to be offensive in this context.
___
Asher arrived around noon, though Matthew had been standing there longer than that.
Toris watched from the window as the taxi pulled up to Canada’s house and slowed to a stop. He saw the door open; a leg emerged, and then the rest of Asher followed, his green eyes bright and solid. Toris did not know Asher well, but he’d heard that he had Arthur’s infamous eyebrows, had even seen it in pictures - so he blinked when Asher walked closer, thinking they looked normal enough.
Unless he shaved them for…oh.
Toris watched as Matthew held out his arms to embrace Asher. The hat fell from his head, revealing blond hair and green eyes, and for a moment Toris saw Alfred all over again. But…no. Alfred’s smile and energy had been childlike and innocent; Asher’s energy was wild and raw, the kind of smile that could go from cheerful to cruel in the blink of an eye.
“…ah….”
Toris tore his eyes from the window and rushed to Alfred’s side, picking his hand up and lacing their fingers together. “You’re all right, Alfred. I’m right here.”
“Ah…!”
Toris watched that brow furrow as Alfred’s breathing picked up, as he started to shift on the bed. “Shh,” Toris coaxed, reaching up to soothe a hand through Alfred’s hair. “It’s all -”
“STOP!”
Alfred’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, panting, blue eyes whirling around the room until he caught sight of Toris. “No,” he whispered, leaning away and trying to reclaim his hand. “Please….”
“Alfred -”
“Please don’t….”
“It’s me.” Toris took both of Alfred’s shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes. “Alfred, it’s me, Toris. Lithuania.”
Here, the fear in Alfred’s eyes seemed to clear a bit, enough for Alfred himself to seep back into those blue eyes. “Tor…Toris,” he repeated to himself, blinking.
“Yes, Alfred. It’s just me.”
Instead of relief, Toris saw the panic coming back into his eyes. He watched Alfred shy away from his touch and curl into a ball, his arms around his knees.
“No more,” he whimpered, and Toris felt his own heart break. “Please, no more. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Alfred,” Toris whispers, and runs his fingers through gold hair. “Oh, Alfred, no, it’s all right -”
“Al…?”
Alfred and Toris froze and looked towards the doorway. Asher stood there, his hand on the doorknob, mouth open a little as he stared at his brother with something like shock and sadness.
Asher’s presence somehow broke the spell on Alfred’s mind; thank God, Toris thought, as Alfred seeped back into himself and overrode the poison in his system.
“…Ash,” Alfred said, and laughed, a little broken, a little fragile. He bowed his head to his knees. “S…sorry that you have to see your big brother like this. I’m not really a hero now, am I?”
“Ah, fuck,” Asher said, and crossed the room in three quick strides to take Alfred into his arms. “Al…” he whispered, and Toris saw those sad green eyes grow sadder, “what ‘ave they done?”
Alfred struggled, weak and half-hearted. “I’m dirty, Ash,” he protested. “I’m filthy, please, don’t touch me -”
Asher let go, but he held Alfred’s tearing eyes with his own.
“Ya daft Seppo,” Asher said, “yer not filthy. I mean, they gave ya a bath ‘n all, right?” He tried to chuckle at his own lame joke, tapering off when Alfred didn’t join in. “C’mon, Al, please,” he said, speaking in earnest now, “smile, just a li’l?”
Alfred ducked his head, and after a moment his shoulders started to hitch. Toris felt his spirits lift; if Alfred could laugh, then surely -
It wasn’t until the first sob that they both realized Alfred was crying again.
“I - I t-t-trusted them,” Alfred whispers, and his body shakes, threatens to come apart at the joints.
“Jus’ relax, Al,” Asher murmurs, running a hand up and down Alfred’s arm. “I’m righ’ ‘ere, if y’ need me.”
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Toris said nothing, preferring to drop his gaze and forget about the many nights he’d asked himself that same question.
“Thanks, mate.”
“Ah - huh?” Toris jerked his head up, blinking.
“For…for bein’ ‘ere for Al.”
Toris looked away and nodded.
“You’re welcome.”
___
When Alfred woke next, Asher had left to talk to Matthew and Toris was reading a book and eating an apple.
“Toris,” he heard Alfred say, and dog-eared the page he’d been on, shutting the book and smiled at Alfred.
“You’re awake! How are you feeling, Alfred?”
“My throat still hurts,” Alfred said, “and I have a bit of a headache.”
“I have some yogurt,” Toris replies, picking up a bowl and offering it to Alfred.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Alfred,” Toris said, reaching over and turning Alfred’s face towards his. “Al, please, eat something.”
Alfred rests his cheek on his knees. “I’ll just throw it all back up,” he murmurs, not looking at Toris. “And my throat hurts.”
“That’s why you should eat it, Alfred! It’s good for your stomach, and it won’t hurt your throat!”
No response. Toris felt something inside of him firm up a bit - not enough to be cruel, but enough to straighten his back and drop his smile for a more serious expression.
“Alfred, if you don’t eat this, I’m going to spoon-feed it to you,” he said. “You have a fever, and you haven’t eaten in three days.” His eyes softened a little bit. “…We’re all worried about you,” he says. “Please.”
Alfred stared for a moment more, then sighed and held out his hands to take the bowl. “I guess so,” he said without much conviction or protest, and slipped one delicate spoonful into his mouth.
Toris beamed and stood, running a hand through his hair. “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Alfred didn’t answer, too busy with his bowl, and Toris was halfway across the room before he heard Alfred speak.
“You haven’t been sleeping, have you? Not well, at least.”
Toris froze, but he didn’t refute this.
“Toris, I’m sure Matthew -” he heard a pause, and a sigh, “has some guest rooms that you can use.”
Toris took a breath, let it out in a slow rush. He turned back to Alfred. “Alfred, you’ve had a fever,” Toris said, keeping his voice low and quiet. “You’ve been having nightmares, hysteria - you haven’t been acting well.” A thread of worry crept into his voice. “I don’t like seeing you like this, Alfred, it hurts.”
Alfred didn’t reply, so Toris walked back to his bed and held out his hand. “You accepted me when I outsourced,” Toris said, “and you let me live with you in your home and were kind to me. I want to be here for you.”
He turned his head away, dropping his eyes to a stain on the wall. “I want to see you shine again,” he murmured.
“Huh?”
“Ah - it’s nothing.” Toris’ grin widened. “But I’m serious, you know. I’m going to be by your side until you get better, at least.”
Alfred looked at him with bright blue eyes, then bowed his head as he took Toris’ hand and pressed his cheek against it.
“…Thank you.”
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Seriously, America/Lithuania stuff always makes my heart smile.
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And of course, the way Toris sees Alfred, that shining light--that fits so well with how I see Alfred in my head, myself. I want to see that shining light again, too. ♥
Thank you for writing this.
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Wait..yeah...the style is so familiar..
Let's see if this works..
I offer nothing but my deep gratitude and praise for you~
Yeah that's basically it. I LOVE LIET.
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And this will be me just blabbering about my head canon, but it fits in so well with why Toris is perfect for Al's recovery. Having been raped and hurt by Ivan he can be strong for Alfred who's never experienced anything like this before.*ends rambling*
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He blinked, and then suddenly he was with Alfred, sitting in the garden and drinking coffee with him.
“An adult, huh?” Alfred asked, holding his cup and laughing. “I like the sound of that.”
And Toris opened his mouth to answer, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t even move as the blackness bubbled out of Alfred’s cup and onto the bench and ground, and suddenly everything just seemed to die.
Toris felt helpless as Alfred sat there, smiling and laughing, and let the darkness seep into and over him. And superimposed over this all was the light and the shadow, and the light winking pitifully before going out.
___
Toris was used to nightmares, so he did not jerk awake from this one; he surfaced to waking as he usually did, and felt that his cheeks and eyelashes were wet.
Sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, Toris blinked himself to full wakefulness and looked at Alfred.
Alfred was curled on his side, a hand twined with Toris’; his eyelids twitched as he breathed in, out, a slow and steady rhythm. So much steadier than before, and better.
So brave, he thought and felt his heartstrings pull. Alfred, I’m so sorry.
He jumped at the sound of two knocks on the door, and Alfred shifted in the bed and groaned a little before relaxing again, nuzzling into the pillow and giving a great sigh.
“He’s asleep,” he calls to the door, and watches Matthew slide in and shut the door behind him.
“Any further answers from the other Nations?” Toris asked, leaning in and lowering his voice to keep Alfred asleep.
“I got a response from Antonio, finally.” Matthew sighed, leaning against the wall and running his fingers through his hair.
“What’d he say?”
“Well, it was all polite and stuff, but I don’t think he believes us - I do remember reading something about how he said he didn’t think the Vargas brothers or Francis would do something like that. Asher nearly threw my Macbook across the room when he saw the e-mail.” Matthew rubbed his temples and then dropped his hands with a sigh.
“Matthew, it’s okay - we have the support of other Nations, right?”
Matthew thought about this for a moment. “That’s true. Berwald’s maintaining his neutrality, but we have Tino’s support. Katyusha’s standing behind us on this too - and Carolien as well.”
“That’s good,” Toris said with a grin. “That’s a whole lot of names, that might hold clout at the next UN meeting -”
“I wish it were that simple.” Matthew pressed his hands together and raised them to his lips. “I don’t think it’s going to be.”
Toris frowned, confused. “But…if so many Nations oppose their actions, then -”
“Toris, do you know how much clout and prestige these guys carry in their respective groups?” Matthew laughed, a little sardonic, and let his hands fall back down to his side. “They can pay off anyone they want to wash their hands clean of this - to get rid of, fabricate, or invalidate evidence.”
“But -”
“And even if we had solid evidence - what good would that do? We’re Nations, not humans. In wartime, it’s understandable as to why you’d lock one of us up - but this is peacetime, at least among the First World countries.” Matthew’s eyes met Toris’, and Toris tried to see something beneath the jaded cynicism and despair. “Do you think the bosses of those countries will let us lock them up for something that doesn’t affect civilians? We’re important, Toris. And that’s why this isn’t simple at all.”
Toris watched Matthew deflate, shoulders slumping. For a moment, he was tempted to do the same.
“…No.”
Matthew lifted his head to find Toris looking down at him with pursed lips and furrowed brow.
“There’s a way to bring them to justice. To punish them for what they’ve done. We just have to find it, or make one.”
Matthew looked over Toris’ shoulder at Alfred, and then back at Toris. “For Alfred’s sake?” Matthew asked. “Or for yours?”
Toris jerked, feeling flashes of whip and remembering high, deceptive laughter that teased and cajoled. He remembered the way the wall fell, how he just stood there and watched as Ivan turned and walked away with only the indignity of a shattered union as his punishment.
“Both."
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