(no subject)
In need of a vacation to my chosen vocation (oh wait--I still have yet to start).
or "Stupid life and its lousy crossroads!
In the last two months, anyone who has read this here thing*** has seen how much hair pulling and self-doubt encompasses the life of the student teacher. The fact that I still have yet to return to being a smoker amazes me daily. Actually, I'm pretty amazed that I haven't become a raging drunkard, either. I commend anyone who goes through these trials and tribulations. FOR THOSE ABOUT TO TEACH: (FIRE) WE SALUTE YOU!!!!
This has been proabably the hardest week for me. My school has had fires five times between Monday and Wednsesday. Add this to the fact that we just got back from Spring (anything but a)Break and you get a real losing equation. To put things in simple terms: I was a shit-ass teacher all week. I did not know which way was up half the time. I had a visit from my supervisor in the middle of the week (she visited one of the days we had 2 fires- in fact, her observation was during both ot them). Luckily, the twenty minutes of class she did see was one of the very few effective and engaging lessons I taught this week.
Today was my last day with my juniors. I decided to have have them fill out anonymous surveys as to my effectiveness as a teacher. They all seemed pretty positive, even the one from the student who failed the quarter (you know handwriting after 7 weeks). Most of the criticism was about my assertiveness and confidence in front of a class. I know this is something I need to work on, but I don't think its really that much of a pedagogical thang.
This is one of my great contradictions. I have no problem being the center of attention in social situations. When I'm with people that I am comfortable with, I am usually one of the biggest loudmouths. I often am shy around new people and especially when I'm in a new environment. I need some kind of security blanket to feel at ease. This usually comes in the form of a good friend, being in my own home or a place that I know very well, or the abilitly to talk openly about anything.
Although I may have known the material well, the actual teaching of it is a new thing to me. I can talk for hours about the novels I taught, but to teach them is a new creature entirely. I am working in a school that I had known a week prior to teaching (I still don't really) know my way around the school).I am working with students who have had the same teacher for most of the year and have acheived a particular dynamic. These factors contributed to my lack of confidence. They each had told me that I had many very confident moments, but I would often find myself back at that first rung all over again.
These contributions are mere excuses, though. What I need to do is beat the shit out of the inner-Linus in me and let my abilities shine. I know I can be a great teacher, and I should allow myself to embody this. That is why I am considering NOT looking for teaching positions next year.
I need to work on myself more before I plunge into the realm of molding young minds. I may go into publishing, editing, test prep, begin on my Master's, or maybe even mix drinks. I don't know. I just know that I need time living out of the house where I can work on my own damn head. In a year or two, I may get my ass back into this thang, or I may not.
Then again, this may just be me rambling because I have had a bad week and next week I will want nothing more than to begin teaching.
Get back to me next Thursday.
***This was originally meant for my Web Log, I decided to post it here instead
or "Stupid life and its lousy crossroads!
In the last two months, anyone who has read this here thing*** has seen how much hair pulling and self-doubt encompasses the life of the student teacher. The fact that I still have yet to return to being a smoker amazes me daily. Actually, I'm pretty amazed that I haven't become a raging drunkard, either. I commend anyone who goes through these trials and tribulations. FOR THOSE ABOUT TO TEACH: (FIRE) WE SALUTE YOU!!!!
This has been proabably the hardest week for me. My school has had fires five times between Monday and Wednsesday. Add this to the fact that we just got back from Spring (anything but a)Break and you get a real losing equation. To put things in simple terms: I was a shit-ass teacher all week. I did not know which way was up half the time. I had a visit from my supervisor in the middle of the week (she visited one of the days we had 2 fires- in fact, her observation was during both ot them). Luckily, the twenty minutes of class she did see was one of the very few effective and engaging lessons I taught this week.
Today was my last day with my juniors. I decided to have have them fill out anonymous surveys as to my effectiveness as a teacher. They all seemed pretty positive, even the one from the student who failed the quarter (you know handwriting after 7 weeks). Most of the criticism was about my assertiveness and confidence in front of a class. I know this is something I need to work on, but I don't think its really that much of a pedagogical thang.
This is one of my great contradictions. I have no problem being the center of attention in social situations. When I'm with people that I am comfortable with, I am usually one of the biggest loudmouths. I often am shy around new people and especially when I'm in a new environment. I need some kind of security blanket to feel at ease. This usually comes in the form of a good friend, being in my own home or a place that I know very well, or the abilitly to talk openly about anything.
Although I may have known the material well, the actual teaching of it is a new thing to me. I can talk for hours about the novels I taught, but to teach them is a new creature entirely. I am working in a school that I had known a week prior to teaching (I still don't really) know my way around the school).I am working with students who have had the same teacher for most of the year and have acheived a particular dynamic. These factors contributed to my lack of confidence. They each had told me that I had many very confident moments, but I would often find myself back at that first rung all over again.
These contributions are mere excuses, though. What I need to do is beat the shit out of the inner-Linus in me and let my abilities shine. I know I can be a great teacher, and I should allow myself to embody this. That is why I am considering NOT looking for teaching positions next year.
I need to work on myself more before I plunge into the realm of molding young minds. I may go into publishing, editing, test prep, begin on my Master's, or maybe even mix drinks. I don't know. I just know that I need time living out of the house where I can work on my own damn head. In a year or two, I may get my ass back into this thang, or I may not.
Then again, this may just be me rambling because I have had a bad week and next week I will want nothing more than to begin teaching.
Get back to me next Thursday.
***This was originally meant for my Web Log, I decided to post it here instead