Hmm...
I went to therapy and med review today...had some conversations with my grandmother. Kind of painful ones. I guess the doctors are trying to prevent me from becoming a skizo. That's why they're using the hard meds on me. I hate this. Why can't I have a normal fucking brain? I wish I could just *poof* disappear. I feel so....crazy lately. But my grandma is trying to get me to choose, do I want my teenage years to go good, or my adult life. I hate it. My choices are, go on meds now and maybe not be skizo by the time im 17, or for me to take the risk of it developing and then treating it for the rest of my life. And to me, that's a pretty big decision. I've been feeling more out of control or out of touch lately. I just am so confused about everything and I wish taylor would call bakc already...i don't know what to do with myself. My mood changed in a period of an hour...Fucking grr!!%$&*@ And i wish Dana would call me already...Or email me or something. And I wish that this room full of people that I'm in would turn and look cuz im screaming....