I'll feed you stupid lines all about cleaning up my act...
I'm having an edgy night...I really feel like cutting and cutting bad like a long deep one....But not so bad I have to go to the hopsicle. But I just gah...I don't know whats going on with my head...I was fine earlier....Went to Taylors and left at about 645...hmm. It was okay...nothing bad happened. BUt I got home and ate and read a note from my gramma which may be part of it...
She insists that I'm totally busy this summer: job, classes, chorus, and on top of that I have tons of appointments. It pisses me off cuz summer is my time to do what i want and have fun... Not get a fucking job and be dumb and all that other shit. I'm fucking pissed now. I called at school and she's all like "I got some Vitamin E oil for you. You need to start putting it on your scars cuz you're starting a job soon." And she must not understand that I like my scars and don't want them to go away. THey hold comfort. I don't give a fuck about what people think of my scars. I love them. And now Sabrina and David are screaming at each other about her waking him up and da da da da da....I just wish this fucking shit holed world would learn to fucking get along and make sense...I swear that the only thing holding me back from doing stupid shit is Taylor...If I didn't love him so much I would go ahead and pull the fucking trigger. I would do it...I honestly would. My grandma has been talking about going back to driving truck...I asked her how that would work and she told me that I would go on the truck with her and that i'd be homeschooled. IF that's the case, I think I'm gonna run. I can't do truck driving. I can't do homeschooling. And I can't leave Taylor. I'm sick of moving around all the time and having to learn different life styles. I'm sick of change. I just want this to work out how it is now...Just for a year and a half until i get emancipated. I know I can get it. It's just waiting for that time to come...And Transportation. If I can get transportation, I can get the emancipation cuz i know i can have a job for a place to live. If i room with people it'll be cheaper...Maybe things won't work out after all and I'll just get thrown into some crazy situation all over again or worse...Heartbreak. I can't see myself not being with him...today is 3 months since we started going out. It feels like so much longer. I have loved bbefore...But this one is a strong kind of pushing love. But I'll shut up now cuz i prolly sound really stupid and yea so that's all for today. Love you all...*AmBeR*
She insists that I'm totally busy this summer: job, classes, chorus, and on top of that I have tons of appointments. It pisses me off cuz summer is my time to do what i want and have fun... Not get a fucking job and be dumb and all that other shit. I'm fucking pissed now. I called at school and she's all like "I got some Vitamin E oil for you. You need to start putting it on your scars cuz you're starting a job soon." And she must not understand that I like my scars and don't want them to go away. THey hold comfort. I don't give a fuck about what people think of my scars. I love them. And now Sabrina and David are screaming at each other about her waking him up and da da da da da....I just wish this fucking shit holed world would learn to fucking get along and make sense...I swear that the only thing holding me back from doing stupid shit is Taylor...If I didn't love him so much I would go ahead and pull the fucking trigger. I would do it...I honestly would. My grandma has been talking about going back to driving truck...I asked her how that would work and she told me that I would go on the truck with her and that i'd be homeschooled. IF that's the case, I think I'm gonna run. I can't do truck driving. I can't do homeschooling. And I can't leave Taylor. I'm sick of moving around all the time and having to learn different life styles. I'm sick of change. I just want this to work out how it is now...Just for a year and a half until i get emancipated. I know I can get it. It's just waiting for that time to come...And Transportation. If I can get transportation, I can get the emancipation cuz i know i can have a job for a place to live. If i room with people it'll be cheaper...Maybe things won't work out after all and I'll just get thrown into some crazy situation all over again or worse...Heartbreak. I can't see myself not being with him...today is 3 months since we started going out. It feels like so much longer. I have loved bbefore...But this one is a strong kind of pushing love. But I'll shut up now cuz i prolly sound really stupid and yea so that's all for today. Love you all...*AmBeR*