I'll feed you stupid lines all about cleaning up my act...

[hesgonenow]

I'm having an edgy night...I really feel like cutting and cutting bad like a long deep one....But not so bad I have to go to the hopsicle. But I just gah...I don't know whats going on with my head...I was fine earlier....Went to Taylors and left at about 645...hmm. It was okay...nothing bad happened. BUt I got home and ate and read a note from

Comments

*sigh*

[ladyhumbert]

I had hoped that you would grow past some of this angst in my absence. Losing almost everything at a shot(because you can't ever lose everything all at once)has showed me how much time I've wasted with my anger. Your scars wont ever go away. They will always be there at least a little and you'll know. I learned to make art to show my pain instead.... because the simple fact of the matter is that when people see you cut like you cut they know you can't control yourself and it kills your credibility.
If you want to get emancipated don't bitch about losing your summer. You'll never have a summer agian.
And as for love... I'm a bit jaded granted but at your age it's as fleeting as the tide. You couldn't possibly belive me now - but you'll remeber when you're older that someone tried to tell you. Your heart can heal so easy now. Might as well take advantage. By the time you're my age I'll probably be a distant shadow of a memory and photograph.

I'd love to ride truck. God what an oppourtunity.... I'll admit that it's not something you could apreciate right now - but if you could you would take so much out of it.
You're being given all the makings of a strong interesting and independant woman.
Stop looking at what you'll lose and look at what you stand to gain.
It's a lot I promise.

Re: *sigh*

[hesgonenow]

Hmm...angst huh? I saw you tried to call tonight, I was at driver's ed...Call me after 8 our time 7 yours...You sound like you've changed a lot and gotten more in touch with the world. Either that or you're just growing up and finally accepting adulthood. Nice choice of words for your description and feelings for love...Very nice description...And you're right I don't believe you. MY beliefs have been changing. I am starting to realize that anything is possible and there are so many dimensions to the world that we can't even see. It is possible for me to quit cutting, I have to remember the times when I didn't cut and the circumstances of my mood. If I remember it I can reenact it.
I don't believe that my heart heals easy as I am still paining over something that happened over 2 1/2 years ago...I will never be completely healed of it either. I won't heal for a while probably with how simultaneously the bad events happened. It's not easy at all. But I try and think, "Anything's possible."
I hope that by the time I'm your age that we can still be in contact. Even if it's little like the internet or whatever. You have taught me a lot of lessons and I want to thank you for that. I learned things such as caring, sex ed :), experience and learning, (yes I learned how to learn from experience and learned how to learn), I learned a lot and too many things to keep listing and too many to sit and think of cuz i have no brain right now...(I ate some "chicken" and it kills my brain even a couple days later.)
I would like to ride truck but I can be very social. When I have friends it is usually a close relationship that has been there for a while and progressed onto trust. I'd appreciate the learning of different cultures and such if i did go on truck. It is still hard for me to keep my head up high as you kinda said but I keep trying to tell myself, ANYTHING is possible. It's what I make of life. It can be a feast or it can be just another event...Again I want to thank you for guiding me in part of my life. I hope we can still maintain a friendship however. You're a strong, intelligent, impressive woman and I would hate to not know you. I miss you a ton and have actually been thinking about you daily for maybe the past 4-5 days. But anyways, I shall stop here. Please call me at like 9 your time...I get out of Driver's ed about then. I thank you so much for everything.
I love you whether you believe it or not (in a strict good friend way)...*hugs and squishes* Keep in touch Eggy..:)