aw
you think you know me. but do you really? Even if you spend lots of time with me, chances are, you don’t. you don’t know whats really running through my mind when you talk to me or what I do when I’m home alone. Maybe I’m thinking about being in your arms. Maybe I’m wishing we were never friends. You don’t know the millions of emotions you could be causing me. I could be in love with you, in lust with you, or hating your guts at this very moment. i might have problems of my own; maybe I’m breaking down inside while you waste your time trying to make your problems my own. Maybe they are my own, because maybe I really don’t have any life other than you see. You can call me slow, but you will never know what is really going on inside my head. My mind could be so complicated and full of life that I simply don’t have time to process what you are saying. Really I'm a very smart girl; you just can’t see that. maybe even smarter than you’ll ever be. or maybe I actually am stupid; and it will take me twice as much work to get somewhere that you could be with little or no effort. But who would it be more worthwhile for? I appear to be happy go lucky most of the time, but what if I’m not? What if deep down, I worry? Maybe I have more feelings than you would know what to do with if you were in my shoes; more emotions than just love and happiness. Or maybe they’re all I’m capable of. i might be wishing at this very moment that I were someone else, someone more beautiful and fun, just to get your attention. Or maybe I’m truly happy with who I am and I just want you to see me differently? I don’t necessarily like the way you judge me; no matter what you’ve heard, you don’t know if I’m a bitch or not ‘til we’ve really met and talked. I promise I’m a nice person. Or maybe the rumors are true; that I’m full of shit and it flies out of my mouth nonstop. You don’t know that yet. honestly, if you push me, I can be the biggest bitch you will ever meet. Maybe it’s because I think I’m too good for you. Or maybe it’s because I know I’m not and I want to prevent you from putting me down, because I’m so vulnerable to it. Deep down I’m really very insecure. I know who I am, yes, but I don’t want you to find out. Or maybe I’m in love with myself and I don’t care if you are or not. But are you? ask yourself that before you make me think so; I just might want you to be a part of my life. I hope that’s not too much to ask; I hope I’m good enough for you. or I could be thinking that I am too good for you. + just so you know, I might push you away. For my own good- I want to see if you love me enough to come back, and I will especially do this when I need you the most. Because maybe I’ve been hurt before, and I put walls up just to see if you will break them down. You think you’d be there for me. but when I need you the most you might not know it, but a good friend would. If you’re not up to that, don’t try to become a part of my life. You just might hurt me. do you even know what it takes to make my day? Maybe I’m the kind of girl where a genuine “I love you,” a long hug, or sincere compliment will do the trick. Other times it will take more- all of the affection you have to give me. I hope I’m worth it to you; because if I need that from you, know that I’d be yours in a second. Do you know that I’d do anything for you? would I? Maybe I’m hard to read; acting like I love you doesn’t necessarily mean I do. but if you take the time to figure that out; most likely; your one of the few I take strongly to. and don’t you know it, when I really like someone, I get attached to them very easily. Maybe you’re one of the people I need the most. I might think about you nonstop; or losing you could be my biggest fear. You might not realize how I only light up when I’m around you, the look in my eyes when you talk to me, or the way I collapse into you when you give me a hug. I could be waiting for a phone call or IM from you constantly, or a sincere “I love you.” but maybe I hope we grow apart- regardless of how much fun we have had together, I need to move on from you. because maybe you cause me so much constant pain that the bad times outweigh the good ones. Maybe I’m scared to approach you, despite all the fun we have together when you finally talk to me. you can choose to love me, hate me, despise the very thought of me, whatever. I wish I could say that I don’t care, but for some people, I do. especially you. the truth is, all other things aside, I’m longing to be yours forever or at least mean something to you right now and you don’t see it. No matter what happens, who I grow up to be, or what you end up doing is completely irrelevant- our past has made me so emotionally attached to you that the thought of living without you is impossible to bear. And honestly, that’s all you need to know