I hate being in love

[hersheyxkishez]

Wow. Where to start. The last week and a half has been HELL. So much fucking shit has happened. January 7th, Ricky comes online and tells me that we need to talk. He told me that we need to take a break. So, yeah we broke up. And I'm heartbroken. Like my heart is in pieces. I am so in love with him. I have been since day one. But I'm taking his word for it that this is just a break. Because if it's not I don't think I will be able to handle it very well. We've gone through so much just within the last year. But we always seem to get through it. I can't just throw away almost 3 years like he can. I'm not like that. People tell me I'm stupid that I'm waiting around on something that may not come back. But I dont care. It's what my heart is telling me to do. And if he doesn't come back that's my own damned fault. I'm in love with him. Nothing is gonna change that. And no one is gonna change my mind about waiting around for him. I guess a break right now is what's good for us though. It gives me time to get my life on the right track. I need a job, a car and another place. And maybe after that we can work on shit. Who knows. Only time will tell. No one understands why I can't let go. And I am saving that for an entry for later. It all basically just happened the first day we met. But that's all I can say about that subject until I write it up later on. But yeah I feel like I lost my whole world. Ricky means everything to me. And now it's just gone. I hate bein in love. I misshim so fucking much and I know we belong together.He can say how much we're never gonna be together again but I know that ain't true because he says that everytime but sometimes I get scared that we're not gonna be together. I aint buggin him about it I'm done doin that. I'm just lettin it go and when he's ready to talk again and be friends than we'll see what happens. But I dont want to lose him forever. I just want us to work our shit and be together the way we're supposed to be together. And hopefully in time we will. I know he's the person I'm supposed to be with. I dont know how but I know. Ever since that first day I knew we were meant to be. And eventually in time we will be. But ANYWAY
Nothin really goin on at all. Bustin my ass trying to find a fucking job. There's nothing in this fucking valley at all!!! And it pisses me off so fucking bad. Oh well though. Hmmm what else? I refuse to tell anyone anything anymore because no one wants to listen to me vent to them anymore. The only person that I trust telling shit to anymore is Meghan. She's been there for me since day one. I love her. She's my best fucking friend. Aint nothin gonna change that. She's the only one that I can trust telling shit to anymore. She really is. She's the only one that will actually sit down and listen to me vent to her. I Love you suga!!! But that's all for now. I'll write up my "little" thing later about that first day and how I figured it all out. It's gonna be like a fucking novel. But I know it needs to get out. Than people will realize why I can't let go of home and I can't move on. And all you people that don't know will understand. But I'm out for now. Be good kiddoz