(no subject)
so much fucking time has passed and this damn sickening disheartening feeling can never pass i was so in love and sadly i still am and thats the worst part no matter how hard i can try no matter how much i pray or sacrifice nothing can ever change the fact that the odds are always stacked against me it always seemed like destiny and a dream come true to find that perfect half and the girl that was you every day i woke up feeling wonderful and blessed knowing that no matter what happened no matter how bad or awful life got jenny loved me and would be there for me i always that hope and aspiration each year it dies out more and more to the point that what little she would care for a few hours or a few days out the year this has officially been the worst and lowest point of my life despite my injuries the pain of rehabilitation fighting of addiction again and knowing that in a month ill be condemned to a bed ridden state after surgery nothing has made me feel as futile and hopeless as not having you has i triy and try with every last bit of my heart to make things right and nothing could ever get through and even when it did with one other person showing all my dreams are ruined and crushed i really dont know what to do anymore except to kill myself and just finally forget all this pain that i carry around since your loss its been 6 years and i cant stop loving you and a lifetime of feeling this way is more scary than being stuck in a chair for eternity tu memoria la tengo en mi piel y en mi corazon pero ya ni la memorias me pueden animar a seguir viviendo im not hiding my suicidal emotions anymore i just dont give a shit all i want to do is drink myself to sleep and not wake up instead of being with family on christmas i was passed out on morphine and vodka i tried to tell you how much i love you and im not ashamed of how i feel te amo oy mañana y siempre pero ya esto dias se convertien mas y mas duros sin ti si no te pude borrar de mi mente y alma mejor me borro de toda existencia y ya no te molesto i know ill never make it to heaven but no torture that awaits my dead soul in hell can be as wretched as anotherday without you cuidate mocosa y acuerdate pansis siempre siempre te amo