(no subject)

[heroedelkaos]

o jsut woke up from a nightmare im not even sure why i recall a really good dream ive been in shock for the pasy 15 minutes since i woke up i sat straight up screamong and in tears adn my heartbeat hasnt eased it feels 5 times faster and my chest is at the point where i think its going collapse its been past the three day recovery and my bak feels worse than ever every second that passes im more and more scared that surgery will be the only solution all this is weighing heavily on my mind puede ser la razon por el temor but its a grim revelation sinc ethe last time i woke up in such a state was because of jennys night terorrors i was so scared and confused but still my reaction was to hold and comfort you however i could WHO IS GOING TO COMFORT ME WHEN THE PROMISES YOU MADE TO ME ARE THE ONLY ONES UNKEPT i was always worried youd leave me if something would happen to me funny way that life works you left and then something bad happened but you returned to someone on the rumor they were dead heare i am with a fever scared shivering and an undesscriable pain and as i look around your in no way there my nightmaares used to be not being there for you and unable to be there when you needed now my nightmares is waking up and you not caring enough to be there sinti la vida me mata and all you said to me is your too many headaches but yet everyone else was worth it and i never am

at times like this i would lay in the datk and listen to the following words over and over till i was at ease "i love you ruben eres mi todo" a tape being played cant hold me as my body convulses and my back wants to snap

the future is unwritten not even those words can give hope once i know your heart is shut and the only decisions you can ever make is to be in someone else arms

cada dia me quiero morrir mas y mas