(no subject)
So, I just got done writing some stuff in my dilly profile. I got to thinking about some stuff and had to pour my heart out somewhere, and that was the first place I was at. Well, when I got done writing it, I decided that it needed to be put in here... so that's what I'm going to do. I may or may not add to it, I haven't decided just yet. We'll see.... ANYWAYS, here it goes....
There's this guy. He knows who he is, and if he doesn't… he will when he reads this, if he reads it. He's my everything. Him and I connect on so many levels, it's not even funny. It's actually unbelieveable. I never thought that I could have these kinds of connections with someone, let alone so many of them. He's everything I've ever wanted in someone. He literally is. No this isn't one of those e-crushes. Him and I have been talking for over two years. I personally think that the best way to get to know someone is online. It a lot easier to learn about that person. Only because you don't really have to worry about the whole honesty thing. I think it's a lot easier to be honest with someone if you aren't face to face. You are a lot more comfortable about what you say and a lot more confident. Not as self conscious and not as worrysome about what that person thinks about you. I just think it's an easier way to be able to get to know them. To learn everything you can about them. Everything that they'll let you learn. Anyways, to make a long long story a little bit shorter. I love this kid more than anything in the world. He's everything I've ever dreamed of. I'm not even being sarcastic or extending the truth. This is all straight honesty. I know that eventually him and I will go somewhere.. we'll be together. I just have to wait for the time to come. I know this because there's only a few things that are stopping us now. And 400-500 miles is what it is, so far. That will all change sooner or later. I can feel it. Anyways, his name is Joshua… and he is my everything.
I truly think that he is the one for me. He's the best person in the world to me. He's there for me when I need it the most, and no matter what the situation, even if it may affect him in one way or another, he's there. He forgives me if I hurt him... unintentionally. Him and I talk about what it'd be like for us to be together and it all feels like a big dream. Everytime him and I get to talkin about it all.... all I do is smile. It's not even just a little smile. It's an all out grin from ear to ear, and it's constant. It doesn't stop either. It gives me the best feeling ever and I love the way he makes me feel. I don't know what it is about him... but the things he says and all that make me feel the best I could ever feel. No one else has ever made me feel that way before. I can't really explain it. I just know that there isn't anything or anyone else that could ever make me feel the same way. I've never felt so close to someone... never had anyone understand me even close to the way he does. Or the way I THINK he does anyways. What can I say other than that I love him. Have, for a long, long time. And he knows it.
The other night him and I were talking about the "future." Like about 2 years from now. Him and I were talking about when he gets outta the community colleges he's going to, in 2 years, that maybe he'd try and find a college up near me to go to to finish what he wants to do. I told him that it'd be cool... but it'd definately be more than just cool. I'd love it more than anything in the world. I would give anything for him and I to be together. Seriously. I seriously don't know how to explain any of this. I just know that I love him. I really, truly do. No one could ever take his spot. And if I have to wait 2 more years to be able to have anything to do, physically, with him.. then I will. I've waited a little over 2 years so far, I can wait 2 more. He is definately worth it and I don't care what anyone says. I love that kid more than life itself. I really don't know what I'd do without him now.
Joshua Lukas - YOU are my everything. I don't care how many times I say it.... I'll say it 2398342501 more and I'll be honest everytime I do say it. I don't know what I'd do without you and I don't ever want to find out. Just know that every minute that you aren't here talking to me, I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about us. I dream about the day that we'll be able to have something between us. Something real. Something that no one else can interrupt. Seriously. I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you. I loves you.
Love Always And Forever,
Michelle Marie