Rant....
I'm only writting this because i feel like the release ive been doing is not working as well as i would have liked it to....ive deactivated my facebook account because i want no contact...i want no pleasure or luxury in life....im not deserving of it....
Today i was taught a very important lesson.....Even if you think what your doing is slightly wrong, than mostly wrong or COMPLETELY wrong....its still wrong, and you shouldn't follow through with the action. i always felt i could compensate or justify my actions....but....i cant....when i say it out loud....it sounds like some sort of excuses i would normally critisize....something that sound so rediculous that its .....i don't even know how to describe it....but in my head ofcoures it makes sense....its a good excuse with lots of meaning behind it....what a cock and bull story. it was bound to kick me straight in the vag sooner or later...i just wish that i never had to get it from my brother.
The type of human being he is is unlike any other. he is truly special. truly a strong....well-willed being. someone i would almost....ALMOST want in a partner/significant other. someone i know has a great head on his shoulders......would take care of me....would never bring bullshit to my table. if this is what he is, why cant i see it? ive been told i've stolen over 14 thousand dollars from my own blood....i've been told i am careless....ive been told am a terrible human being....that i've put my blood in a position to be on the streets....i am a fuck up....
now take about 10 minutes to really think about this...i dont care what kinda person you are, if you are human, you will have feelings and emotions in that head of yours....so kindly....sit away from the computer key board.....place ur hands in your lap....close your eyes....and picture your sibling....(and if you dont have one, then someone who is blood relation and you atleast thought you had a civil relationship with...) and hear their voice in your head....telling you what kind of person you are.....and what kind of thoughts you think....and what kind of feelings you feel........now feel your heart crush inside....because, although you are guilty of making the wrong decision..your intentions and your heart, was never to bring ill will to your loved one. you never ever felt like what you did was deserving and was inevitable or just simply....going to happen because you wanted it to happen. you just simply got carried away in your own little world and hoped that at some point, you'd figure it out on your own how to plant your two feet on the ground before it got carried away......are you hurting yet?.....do you feel your eyes swell.?....do you all of a sudden want to bring every ounce of pain onto yourself because you feel like u deserve it???......that every pleasure and luxury you have in your life is a privilage, and you no longer have that anymore....nor deserve it?....if you dont, then give me whatever pills your on!
it will take some time and hard work to make things right.....and it will take heart ache, and life altering decisions .....ive decided to remain in vancouver....for the better....i feel ive burdened the souls of that town long enough, and ive also burdened myself long enough ....as a wise person once told me......It's Time to cut the umbilical cord..........right?
Today i was taught a very important lesson.....Even if you think what your doing is slightly wrong, than mostly wrong or COMPLETELY wrong....its still wrong, and you shouldn't follow through with the action. i always felt i could compensate or justify my actions....but....i cant....when i say it out loud....it sounds like some sort of excuses i would normally critisize....something that sound so rediculous that its .....i don't even know how to describe it....but in my head ofcoures it makes sense....its a good excuse with lots of meaning behind it....what a cock and bull story. it was bound to kick me straight in the vag sooner or later...i just wish that i never had to get it from my brother.
The type of human being he is is unlike any other. he is truly special. truly a strong....well-willed being. someone i would almost....ALMOST want in a partner/significant other. someone i know has a great head on his shoulders......would take care of me....would never bring bullshit to my table. if this is what he is, why cant i see it? ive been told i've stolen over 14 thousand dollars from my own blood....i've been told i am careless....ive been told am a terrible human being....that i've put my blood in a position to be on the streets....i am a fuck up....
now take about 10 minutes to really think about this...i dont care what kinda person you are, if you are human, you will have feelings and emotions in that head of yours....so kindly....sit away from the computer key board.....place ur hands in your lap....close your eyes....and picture your sibling....(and if you dont have one, then someone who is blood relation and you atleast thought you had a civil relationship with...) and hear their voice in your head....telling you what kind of person you are.....and what kind of thoughts you think....and what kind of feelings you feel........now feel your heart crush inside....because, although you are guilty of making the wrong decision..your intentions and your heart, was never to bring ill will to your loved one. you never ever felt like what you did was deserving and was inevitable or just simply....going to happen because you wanted it to happen. you just simply got carried away in your own little world and hoped that at some point, you'd figure it out on your own how to plant your two feet on the ground before it got carried away......are you hurting yet?.....do you feel your eyes swell.?....do you all of a sudden want to bring every ounce of pain onto yourself because you feel like u deserve it???......that every pleasure and luxury you have in your life is a privilage, and you no longer have that anymore....nor deserve it?....if you dont, then give me whatever pills your on!
it will take some time and hard work to make things right.....and it will take heart ache, and life altering decisions .....ive decided to remain in vancouver....for the better....i feel ive burdened the souls of that town long enough, and ive also burdened myself long enough ....as a wise person once told me......It's Time to cut the umbilical cord..........right?