An Accident of Circumstance: Chapter 11
Chapter 11
A/N: Warning for homophobic language
December 2012
Somehow, Mike went from being his friend to his best friend in a matter of weeks. After that first meeting, there was barely a day where they didn’t see each other or talk for at least a few minutes. Kurt was grateful. What he had been the most afraid of after the breakup was the gaping hole left by the loss of Blaine’s companionship. Sure, they still talked occasionally, but the break up was still too raw for much contact. Their conversations felt stilted and awkward in a way that was completely foreign in their relationship. So it was easier to put some space between them. Sometimes. Blaine had always been the one he went to with any exciting news, right after his dad, of course. But now, every time he caught himself thumbing through his contacts to text Blaine about one thing or another, he went to Mike instead. He tried to reassure himself that he wasn’t using his new friend just to fill the void. But Mike seemed genuinely interested, and seemed to enjoy their conversations, so he didn’t worry about it too much.
Finn and Rachel loved him too, and as far as Kurt could tell, for Mike the feeling was mutual. Mike didn’t seem to have made too many other friends at school, which surprised Kurt. When he asked his new friend about it, he just said that he was sort of shy around new people.
“You weren’t shy when you met me.”
“Kurt, I spent almost two months working up the courage to talk to you. If it wasn’t for that project I still probably wouldn’t have said anything. You’re sort of intimidating, you know. Until someone gets to know you.”
Frowning, Kurt crossed his arms over his chest protectively. “That bad? Really? I don’t mean to scare people off...”
Mike shook his head. “No, not in a bad way. It’s just you’re so...confident, so sure of who you are. It’s powerful.”
Kurt reached for his hand. The gesture had become normal by now. “I wasn’t always like that, you know. And sometimes it’s just some pretty darn good acting.”
“Really?”
“Really. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.”
That was how they ended up at a party the last weekend before finals. Mike had heard some guys in one of his classes talking about it and had started asking questions. He seemed to have taken it as a good sign that they invited him to come along and bring some friends. He had asked Finn and Rachel to come as well, but they had some random anniversary that they were celebrating by going out to see a late night showing of a movie or something.
Kurt was nervous. This was his first college party (Mike’s too for that matter). It was a lot bigger than he expected, with students apparently there from a number of area schools. And it was ear splittingly loud. Within minutes of entering, beers were thrust into both his and Mike’s hand. He was torn. He really didn’t want to drink. If he was at home, with a few close friends and a bottle of wine, maybe he could forget the fact that he was underage. But here, surrounded by strangers and cheap beer, hell to the no.
He smiled, thinking of Mercedes. He couldn’t wait to see her when he went back to Ohio over break. Kurt was pulled from his thoughts as a rather intoxicated individual spilled some beer on his coat. His fairly expensive I-saved-up-my-last-few-paychecks-for-this coat. “Hey! Watch what you’re doing!” he called out angrily.
“Probably not a wise idea to get a drunk linebacker angry with you, just saying.” Mike whispered, taking a sip from his beer. “Come on, relax Kurt, we’re here to have fun. Put ourselves out there.”
Kurt sighed. “You do know this isn’t what I meant.”
Mike shrugged. “It’s something, though, isn’t it?”
“Fine,” Kurt opened his beer and took a tiny sip. He was thankful for his discretion when he spit it out a second later. “This tastes like urine. I simply don’t how else to describe it.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Yes it is. I don’t know how you can drink it.”
Mike shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”
“You drink a lot?” Kurt asked with a frown.
Mike shook his head. “Nah. But once back home, this past summer one of my friends got some from his brother and we tried it. The first one was awful, but by the time you were on the second you were too buzzed to care about the taste anymore.”
“Well, I’ll pass.” Kurt wasn’t entirely sure why he was getting so grumpy all of a sudden.
Mike rolled his eyes. “You know I don’t care if you don’t drink.”
“I know.”
Mike took Kurt’s mostly untouched beer and put in on the table. Taking another sip of his own, he placed it down as well. He grabbed for Kurt's hand. “Come on, let’s dance! You don’t have anything against that, now do you?”
Kurt let Mike drag him to the dance floor. Normally he’d be all gung ho about dancing, he loved it actually. He glanced around warily. These weren’t people he knew; he didn’t know how they’d react to two guys dancing together. Because even though they were just friends, Kurt just knew that they’d look like a couple. It didn’t help that Mike hadn’t let go of his hand. Not that he really wanted him too.
Once they got moving, he finally started to have some fun. It was nice, dancing with Mike. I wasn’t intimate like dancing with Blaine had been, but it was its own sort of amazing. Kurt couldn’t believe the affect this guy had on him, even only knowing him for such a short time. There was something unique about college friendships he was quickly discovering, something that made them very intense in spite of their infancy.
And that was when it happened. Mike had just twirled him around, just a bit too hard so that they slammed into each other, laughing. Someone cleared their throat nearby. “Excuse me, can you take this faggy crap someplace else?”
Kurt froze. Shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied as calmly as he could with a little bit of a bite in his voice, turning to face their attacker. He was at least a foot taller than both of them. Great. “This was just two friends platonically dancing.”
“Looked like fags to me,”
“Shut up!” Mike yelled. “Don’t you dare call him that again or I’ll-”
“You’ll turn me gay? Because I was talking to you too, sister.” Mike looked like he was about to cry. Then he plunged toward the guy towering in front of them.
Kurt’s reflexes responded quickly. He caught Mike’s arm in a vise-like grasp, pulling him back. “He’s not worth it,” he whispered in his friend’s ear. “He and his pea brain aren’t worth it,” he repeated, this for the whole room to hear.
Their attacker leered at them. “Get the fuck out of my sight, you fucking queers.”
“With pleasure,” Kurt replied tersely. “Come on, Mike, we’re leaving.” He practically had to drag Mike away, it was as if he was on a different planet all of a sudden. His friend was clearly in shock. He’d probably never had anything like that happen before. But Kurt had. He was used to it. Sort of. It still hurt. A lot. And it made him furious. But he couldn’t do anything more than call them out on it. But he knew how to handle the emotional overload an incident like that triggered. Mike clearly didn’t.
His friend looked extremely tense as they walked down the street, walking back to Kurt’s apartment. “How the hell are you so calm right now?” he asked suddenly, his voice agitated.
Kurt shrugged. “Acting.” He held out his hands. “See, I’m shaking. I can’t really control it. This always happens after a bad incident like that.”
Mike looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Incident? Kurt, that guy was just verbally attacking us!”
“I know,” Kurt sighed. “And I hate it. And I hate that you had to deal with this.”
Mike reached out as if to take his hand, but froze. “Is this okay?” Kurt nodded. “Good.” He slipped his hand into Kurt’s, giving it a small squeeze. “I just hate that you seem so...used to this.”
Kurt shrugged. “Like I told you, high school was rough.”
They walked in silence for a while. “You’re awfully brave, you know Kurt. Probably the bravest person I know.”
“Shucks, you’re making me blush.” Kurt replied, trying to keep the tone playful. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about Mike’s comment. Sure, he’s faced a lot with his head held high, he supposed that was bravery. But the little boy inside of him was currently cowering in a corner somewhere bawling his eyes out. He didn’t feel very brave.
“Seriously, though. I don’t know how you do it. Wouldn’t it be easier to just be someone else?”
Kurt shook his head. “No. Because then I’d be admitting that they were right, that there is something wrong with me. But I have nothing to be ashamed of. I like me the best. If they don’t like it, tough.”
Mike didn’t say anything else the rest of the way home. Thankfully Rachel and Finn were still out. He didn’t want to deal with them right now. Something was off with Mike. Obviously he was still upset about what happened at the party. But there was something else that was going on, he just knew it. Mike sat down tentatively on the couch and looked up at Kurt.
“Kurt,” Mike’s voice was quiet, cracking slightly. “Would it be weird if we cuddled?”
Unusual, yes, but not weird. With any other straight guy it would have been vaguely strange, but Mike had been physical from day one, especially with all the hand holding. And Kurt felt something for him. Not feelings feelings, but there was some sort of undeniable bond that drew him towards Mike. And right now, he wanted nothing more than to hold his friend in his arms. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, cuddling would probably be cathartic for him as well.
Kurt shook his head. “Not at all.” He sat carefully next to his friend, draping his arms around his body, and pulling them closer. He fit perfectly. “Can I ask why? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay,” he muttered. “I’m just still upset. And you seem to help calm me down somehow.”
Kurt waited. “Is there more?”
Mike nodded, taking a shaky breath. “I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel to you, Kurt. You’re just so amazing and sweet and...” he trailed off, blushing. “Sorry.”
Kurt gave him a small grin. “Don’t stop, I love getting compliments. You forgot handsome, charming, talented-”
Mike gave him a playful shove in the shoulder. The gesture made something deep inside Kurt stir for some reason. “Watch it, Ego Boy.”
Kurt snorted. “Ego boy? Is that my superhero name? Let me guess, you’re Mike Man, right?”
“I like the sound of that. Ego Boy and Mike Man.”
“Why am I a boy and you’re a man? I’m two months older than you.”
“Alliteration, my friend. It’s all in the alliteration.”
Kurt took his hand. “It’s really sweet that you care so much,” he told him quietly.
Mike looked at him strangely. “Of course I care. You’re my best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone like you in my life, ever.”
Kurt hugged him a little tighter. “I appreciate it. I know it looks like I know what I’m doing most of the time, but nights like tonight throw me for a bit of a loop even now.”
Mike nodded and grew silent again. They sat there for a while, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. Finally, Mike spoke again.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said about being yourself.”
“And?”
“You’re right. About it all. I guess I never really thought about it that way before.”
“Is there any reason this is hitting you so hard?”
Mike nodded. He looked terrified, vulnerable, exposed. “I’ve been lying to you, Kurt.” he began hesitantly. “To you, to everyone, even myself. I didn’t mean to, but it just happened. I was so afraid...”
Kurt gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’ve got you. Just tell me.”
Mike shook his head, tears threatening to fall. “You’re going to hate me.”
Kurt rubbed soothing circles onto Mike’s back, tightening his embrace. “I’m not going to hate you. Unless you tell me you’re some sort of serial killer or something. Then I’ll probably run for the hills.” He paused, pulling back slightly. “It’s not that, is it?”
He was proud of the chuckle his comment elicited. “No, of course not. You saw how I was with that damn spider in my room the other day.”
“I couldn’t tell which one of you was more terrified,” Kurt reminisced. Wait. “You’re trying to get me off track. Nice try, but it’s not going to work. You’re starting to worry me.”
“Sorry,” Mike sighed. “This is just really hard for me.”
“I figured as much,” Kurt knew he couldn’t push, but the suspense was killing him. He ran his thumb soothingly over Mike’s knuckles. “No judgments here, okay?”
“Okay,” Mike replied shakily. Kurt had never seen him this...lost before. “Kurt, I’m…I think...” He took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”
Whatever Kurt had been expecting, this was not it. He didn’t know how to respond. It was silly, he’d been on the other side of this, he knew how terrifying this was. But his mouth seemed to have disconnected from his brain suddenly.
“Kurt, say something, please.” Mike closed his eyes. “I knew I’d mess this up.”
“Hey,” Kurt chastised, brushing a stray lock behind Mike’s ear soothingly as his mental block passed as suddenly as it had emerged. “You didn’t mess anything up. You just took me by surprise, that's all. I guess I’m not the only one who does a good job acting.”
A dark look crossed over Mike’s face. “Yeah,” he replied bitterly.
“Don’t,”
“Don’t what?”
“Blame yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“But I’ve been hiding this my whole life. I’ve never even said it out loud before!”
Kurt smiled at him kindly, cupping his cheek, trying to wipe away the angst on his face. “Now you have. Now you can start processing everything and figure out what you’re life is going to look like. And you won’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be right here every step of the way.”
“You’re not mad?” Mike asked, looking deep into Kurt’s eyes. Something started doing somersaults in Kurt’s stomach. He’s available. No, he needs his friend right now, stop staring at those beautiful emerald eyes...
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because you thought I was just one of the guys but I’ve had a crush on you since the first day of class.” Mike looked shocked at his own audacity, that cute little blush already creeping up onto his face. Kurt’s heart fluttered. He couldn’t help it. He’s interested.
“Well, I’m flattered. But I’m not mad at you. That’d be a pretty petty thing to be mad about, in all honesty.”
Mike shrugged. “I just thought it might make things weird for us.”
“It’s sweet,” Kurt assured him. “And it doesn’t change anything for me. You’re still one of my best friends.” He stroked Mike’s hand thoughtfully. “You know, I should have been able to figure it out with all the hand holding. I just thought you were a very physical person. And straight.”
Mike winced. “Yeah, I told you about my ex-girlfriend. Sorry about that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,”
“Did this have any reason with why you two broke up?”
Mike shook his head, but the gesture fell into a nod. “I think so. I mean, not in so many words, but I think she knew I wasn’t being entirely honest. Though she thought I was interested in some other girl. If she only knew...” A strange look came to his face. “I should tell her, shouldn’t I. So she can understand...oh shit, I have to tell people now...” Mike buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“I’ll help you, remember?” Kurt replied, rubbing Mike’s hunched over back. “And you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to tell people if you don’t want to.
“My parents. How will I tell my parents?” he muttered, his voice slowly growing more and more frantic by the second.
“We’ll figure that out once you’ve had some time to process everything, don’t worry.” Kurt hesitated. “Do you think they’ll be upset?”
“I don’t know,” Mike sighed miserably. “I mean, they’re really nice people, I’ve never heard them say anything nasty about anyone. But they’re sort of traditional. They’ve always been so excited for me to settle down with some girl. That was the only reason I started dating Sarah, I figured I had to try. What if they can’t deal with this? What if they think that this is something I caught from you? What if they blame you for this?”
“Then you’ll calmly inform them that homosexuality is not a disease, which they should know, it’s the twenty-first century for crying out loud.”
“Could you come with me? Maybe it’s be easier-”
Kurt knew his answer right away. “No. If you being gay is a problem than having me around probably won’t help. But you can call me anytime, day or night. And if it gets really bad, we’ll find a way for you to get to Ohio.”
“Ohio?”
“Well, I assume this is something you’d want to do in person. And we’re going home in a week anyways.”
“A week.” Mike repeated numbly. “Right.”
“Don’t worry, We’ll get through this. Together.”
“Together.” Mike frowned. “You mean like together together?”
Kurt blushed, realizing his mistake. “No.” His heart broke a little when Mike’s face fell ever so slightly. “You just came out for the first time, Mike. It’s a lot of emotions to deal with. A relationship right now probably isn’t the best thing.”
“So, no chance of you possibly returning my feelings?”
Kurt stood up, not sure how to respond. So he ignored it. “You’re sleeping here tonight. It’s too late and you’re too emotionally raw right now to allow me to feel comfortable letting you leave on your own. I’ll go get some blankets and pillows and we can watch a movie or something.”
“Now who’s avoiding answering a question?”
Kurt smiled, relieved that Mike was starting to act more like himself again. He turned on the spot, and looked Mike right in those gorgeous eyes. The words left his mouth before he knew what he was doing.
He winked. “Never say never.”
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Kurt’s heart nearly stopped when he heard sniffling on the other end of the line when Mike called. He had hardly been home for twenty-four hours, but he must have talked to his parents already. “That bad, huh?”
Mike chuckled on the other end, but there was no bitterness in it. “No, actually.”
Kurt frowned. “Why are you crying?”
“They took it so well. I was so terrified that they wouldn’t, you know? Of course you know, that’s all I’ve been able to talk about for the past week. But they’re okay and I’m just...so happy Kurt.”
He smiled, hearing he relief in the other man’s voice. “I’m so happy for you Mike, this is great.”
“I told them about you too. I told them how awesome you’ve been with all this.”
Kurt could feel himself blushing. “I’m sure anyone would have done the same.”
“Not everyone, you know that.”
“Well they should.”
“Anyways, my dad wants to talk to you. Would that be weird? If it is, just say so, you don’t have to talk to him.”
Nerves fluttered inside Kurt’s stomach, but he pushed them aside. He wanted to leave a good impression on Mike’s parents. “No problem at all, put him on.”
There was a rustling on the other end, and soon a voice similar to Mike’s but a bit deeper asked, “Is this Kurt?”
“Yes, sir,”
“My wife and I just want to thank you. For being there for our son. We’ve known something was bothering him for a while, but we had no idea...I’m glad that he found someone he feels safe enough to confide in.”
“You’re welcome, sir. It was no trouble, really. I’ve been where he is before, it isn’t easy.”
“Just...take care of him, okay? I know he’s an adult...”
“I’ve got him, no worries.”
“Good. I look forward to finally meeting you in person at some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later.”
“I’d like that a lot, sir.”
“And Kurt?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Call me Steve.”
“Okay...Steve.”
“Here I’ll give you back to Mike. have a nice day, Kurt.”
“You too,” A pause and some more shuffling. “Mike?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“That was...”
“Yeah.”
“Have a great Christmas, Mike.”
“You too, Kurt. Call me tomorrow?”
“Count on it.”
Next
A/N: Warning for homophobic language
December 2012
Somehow, Mike went from being his friend to his best friend in a matter of weeks. After that first meeting, there was barely a day where they didn’t see each other or talk for at least a few minutes. Kurt was grateful. What he had been the most afraid of after the breakup was the gaping hole left by the loss of Blaine’s companionship. Sure, they still talked occasionally, but the break up was still too raw for much contact. Their conversations felt stilted and awkward in a way that was completely foreign in their relationship. So it was easier to put some space between them. Sometimes. Blaine had always been the one he went to with any exciting news, right after his dad, of course. But now, every time he caught himself thumbing through his contacts to text Blaine about one thing or another, he went to Mike instead. He tried to reassure himself that he wasn’t using his new friend just to fill the void. But Mike seemed genuinely interested, and seemed to enjoy their conversations, so he didn’t worry about it too much.
Finn and Rachel loved him too, and as far as Kurt could tell, for Mike the feeling was mutual. Mike didn’t seem to have made too many other friends at school, which surprised Kurt. When he asked his new friend about it, he just said that he was sort of shy around new people.
“You weren’t shy when you met me.”
“Kurt, I spent almost two months working up the courage to talk to you. If it wasn’t for that project I still probably wouldn’t have said anything. You’re sort of intimidating, you know. Until someone gets to know you.”
Frowning, Kurt crossed his arms over his chest protectively. “That bad? Really? I don’t mean to scare people off...”
Mike shook his head. “No, not in a bad way. It’s just you’re so...confident, so sure of who you are. It’s powerful.”
Kurt reached for his hand. The gesture had become normal by now. “I wasn’t always like that, you know. And sometimes it’s just some pretty darn good acting.”
“Really?”
“Really. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.”
That was how they ended up at a party the last weekend before finals. Mike had heard some guys in one of his classes talking about it and had started asking questions. He seemed to have taken it as a good sign that they invited him to come along and bring some friends. He had asked Finn and Rachel to come as well, but they had some random anniversary that they were celebrating by going out to see a late night showing of a movie or something.
Kurt was nervous. This was his first college party (Mike’s too for that matter). It was a lot bigger than he expected, with students apparently there from a number of area schools. And it was ear splittingly loud. Within minutes of entering, beers were thrust into both his and Mike’s hand. He was torn. He really didn’t want to drink. If he was at home, with a few close friends and a bottle of wine, maybe he could forget the fact that he was underage. But here, surrounded by strangers and cheap beer, hell to the no.
He smiled, thinking of Mercedes. He couldn’t wait to see her when he went back to Ohio over break. Kurt was pulled from his thoughts as a rather intoxicated individual spilled some beer on his coat. His fairly expensive I-saved-up-my-last-few-paychecks-for-this coat. “Hey! Watch what you’re doing!” he called out angrily.
“Probably not a wise idea to get a drunk linebacker angry with you, just saying.” Mike whispered, taking a sip from his beer. “Come on, relax Kurt, we’re here to have fun. Put ourselves out there.”
Kurt sighed. “You do know this isn’t what I meant.”
Mike shrugged. “It’s something, though, isn’t it?”
“Fine,” Kurt opened his beer and took a tiny sip. He was thankful for his discretion when he spit it out a second later. “This tastes like urine. I simply don’t how else to describe it.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Yes it is. I don’t know how you can drink it.”
Mike shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”
“You drink a lot?” Kurt asked with a frown.
Mike shook his head. “Nah. But once back home, this past summer one of my friends got some from his brother and we tried it. The first one was awful, but by the time you were on the second you were too buzzed to care about the taste anymore.”
“Well, I’ll pass.” Kurt wasn’t entirely sure why he was getting so grumpy all of a sudden.
Mike rolled his eyes. “You know I don’t care if you don’t drink.”
“I know.”
Mike took Kurt’s mostly untouched beer and put in on the table. Taking another sip of his own, he placed it down as well. He grabbed for Kurt's hand. “Come on, let’s dance! You don’t have anything against that, now do you?”
Kurt let Mike drag him to the dance floor. Normally he’d be all gung ho about dancing, he loved it actually. He glanced around warily. These weren’t people he knew; he didn’t know how they’d react to two guys dancing together. Because even though they were just friends, Kurt just knew that they’d look like a couple. It didn’t help that Mike hadn’t let go of his hand. Not that he really wanted him too.
Once they got moving, he finally started to have some fun. It was nice, dancing with Mike. I wasn’t intimate like dancing with Blaine had been, but it was its own sort of amazing. Kurt couldn’t believe the affect this guy had on him, even only knowing him for such a short time. There was something unique about college friendships he was quickly discovering, something that made them very intense in spite of their infancy.
And that was when it happened. Mike had just twirled him around, just a bit too hard so that they slammed into each other, laughing. Someone cleared their throat nearby. “Excuse me, can you take this faggy crap someplace else?”
Kurt froze. Shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied as calmly as he could with a little bit of a bite in his voice, turning to face their attacker. He was at least a foot taller than both of them. Great. “This was just two friends platonically dancing.”
“Looked like fags to me,”
“Shut up!” Mike yelled. “Don’t you dare call him that again or I’ll-”
“You’ll turn me gay? Because I was talking to you too, sister.” Mike looked like he was about to cry. Then he plunged toward the guy towering in front of them.
Kurt’s reflexes responded quickly. He caught Mike’s arm in a vise-like grasp, pulling him back. “He’s not worth it,” he whispered in his friend’s ear. “He and his pea brain aren’t worth it,” he repeated, this for the whole room to hear.
Their attacker leered at them. “Get the fuck out of my sight, you fucking queers.”
“With pleasure,” Kurt replied tersely. “Come on, Mike, we’re leaving.” He practically had to drag Mike away, it was as if he was on a different planet all of a sudden. His friend was clearly in shock. He’d probably never had anything like that happen before. But Kurt had. He was used to it. Sort of. It still hurt. A lot. And it made him furious. But he couldn’t do anything more than call them out on it. But he knew how to handle the emotional overload an incident like that triggered. Mike clearly didn’t.
His friend looked extremely tense as they walked down the street, walking back to Kurt’s apartment. “How the hell are you so calm right now?” he asked suddenly, his voice agitated.
Kurt shrugged. “Acting.” He held out his hands. “See, I’m shaking. I can’t really control it. This always happens after a bad incident like that.”
Mike looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Incident? Kurt, that guy was just verbally attacking us!”
“I know,” Kurt sighed. “And I hate it. And I hate that you had to deal with this.”
Mike reached out as if to take his hand, but froze. “Is this okay?” Kurt nodded. “Good.” He slipped his hand into Kurt’s, giving it a small squeeze. “I just hate that you seem so...used to this.”
Kurt shrugged. “Like I told you, high school was rough.”
They walked in silence for a while. “You’re awfully brave, you know Kurt. Probably the bravest person I know.”
“Shucks, you’re making me blush.” Kurt replied, trying to keep the tone playful. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about Mike’s comment. Sure, he’s faced a lot with his head held high, he supposed that was bravery. But the little boy inside of him was currently cowering in a corner somewhere bawling his eyes out. He didn’t feel very brave.
“Seriously, though. I don’t know how you do it. Wouldn’t it be easier to just be someone else?”
Kurt shook his head. “No. Because then I’d be admitting that they were right, that there is something wrong with me. But I have nothing to be ashamed of. I like me the best. If they don’t like it, tough.”
Mike didn’t say anything else the rest of the way home. Thankfully Rachel and Finn were still out. He didn’t want to deal with them right now. Something was off with Mike. Obviously he was still upset about what happened at the party. But there was something else that was going on, he just knew it. Mike sat down tentatively on the couch and looked up at Kurt.
“Kurt,” Mike’s voice was quiet, cracking slightly. “Would it be weird if we cuddled?”
Unusual, yes, but not weird. With any other straight guy it would have been vaguely strange, but Mike had been physical from day one, especially with all the hand holding. And Kurt felt something for him. Not feelings feelings, but there was some sort of undeniable bond that drew him towards Mike. And right now, he wanted nothing more than to hold his friend in his arms. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, cuddling would probably be cathartic for him as well.
Kurt shook his head. “Not at all.” He sat carefully next to his friend, draping his arms around his body, and pulling them closer. He fit perfectly. “Can I ask why? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay,” he muttered. “I’m just still upset. And you seem to help calm me down somehow.”
Kurt waited. “Is there more?”
Mike nodded, taking a shaky breath. “I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel to you, Kurt. You’re just so amazing and sweet and...” he trailed off, blushing. “Sorry.”
Kurt gave him a small grin. “Don’t stop, I love getting compliments. You forgot handsome, charming, talented-”
Mike gave him a playful shove in the shoulder. The gesture made something deep inside Kurt stir for some reason. “Watch it, Ego Boy.”
Kurt snorted. “Ego boy? Is that my superhero name? Let me guess, you’re Mike Man, right?”
“I like the sound of that. Ego Boy and Mike Man.”
“Why am I a boy and you’re a man? I’m two months older than you.”
“Alliteration, my friend. It’s all in the alliteration.”
Kurt took his hand. “It’s really sweet that you care so much,” he told him quietly.
Mike looked at him strangely. “Of course I care. You’re my best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone like you in my life, ever.”
Kurt hugged him a little tighter. “I appreciate it. I know it looks like I know what I’m doing most of the time, but nights like tonight throw me for a bit of a loop even now.”
Mike nodded and grew silent again. They sat there for a while, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. Finally, Mike spoke again.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said about being yourself.”
“And?”
“You’re right. About it all. I guess I never really thought about it that way before.”
“Is there any reason this is hitting you so hard?”
Mike nodded. He looked terrified, vulnerable, exposed. “I’ve been lying to you, Kurt.” he began hesitantly. “To you, to everyone, even myself. I didn’t mean to, but it just happened. I was so afraid...”
Kurt gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’ve got you. Just tell me.”
Mike shook his head, tears threatening to fall. “You’re going to hate me.”
Kurt rubbed soothing circles onto Mike’s back, tightening his embrace. “I’m not going to hate you. Unless you tell me you’re some sort of serial killer or something. Then I’ll probably run for the hills.” He paused, pulling back slightly. “It’s not that, is it?”
He was proud of the chuckle his comment elicited. “No, of course not. You saw how I was with that damn spider in my room the other day.”
“I couldn’t tell which one of you was more terrified,” Kurt reminisced. Wait. “You’re trying to get me off track. Nice try, but it’s not going to work. You’re starting to worry me.”
“Sorry,” Mike sighed. “This is just really hard for me.”
“I figured as much,” Kurt knew he couldn’t push, but the suspense was killing him. He ran his thumb soothingly over Mike’s knuckles. “No judgments here, okay?”
“Okay,” Mike replied shakily. Kurt had never seen him this...lost before. “Kurt, I’m…I think...” He took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”
Whatever Kurt had been expecting, this was not it. He didn’t know how to respond. It was silly, he’d been on the other side of this, he knew how terrifying this was. But his mouth seemed to have disconnected from his brain suddenly.
“Kurt, say something, please.” Mike closed his eyes. “I knew I’d mess this up.”
“Hey,” Kurt chastised, brushing a stray lock behind Mike’s ear soothingly as his mental block passed as suddenly as it had emerged. “You didn’t mess anything up. You just took me by surprise, that's all. I guess I’m not the only one who does a good job acting.”
A dark look crossed over Mike’s face. “Yeah,” he replied bitterly.
“Don’t,”
“Don’t what?”
“Blame yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“But I’ve been hiding this my whole life. I’ve never even said it out loud before!”
Kurt smiled at him kindly, cupping his cheek, trying to wipe away the angst on his face. “Now you have. Now you can start processing everything and figure out what you’re life is going to look like. And you won’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be right here every step of the way.”
“You’re not mad?” Mike asked, looking deep into Kurt’s eyes. Something started doing somersaults in Kurt’s stomach. He’s available. No, he needs his friend right now, stop staring at those beautiful emerald eyes...
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because you thought I was just one of the guys but I’ve had a crush on you since the first day of class.” Mike looked shocked at his own audacity, that cute little blush already creeping up onto his face. Kurt’s heart fluttered. He couldn’t help it. He’s interested.
“Well, I’m flattered. But I’m not mad at you. That’d be a pretty petty thing to be mad about, in all honesty.”
Mike shrugged. “I just thought it might make things weird for us.”
“It’s sweet,” Kurt assured him. “And it doesn’t change anything for me. You’re still one of my best friends.” He stroked Mike’s hand thoughtfully. “You know, I should have been able to figure it out with all the hand holding. I just thought you were a very physical person. And straight.”
Mike winced. “Yeah, I told you about my ex-girlfriend. Sorry about that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,”
“Did this have any reason with why you two broke up?”
Mike shook his head, but the gesture fell into a nod. “I think so. I mean, not in so many words, but I think she knew I wasn’t being entirely honest. Though she thought I was interested in some other girl. If she only knew...” A strange look came to his face. “I should tell her, shouldn’t I. So she can understand...oh shit, I have to tell people now...” Mike buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“I’ll help you, remember?” Kurt replied, rubbing Mike’s hunched over back. “And you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to tell people if you don’t want to.
“My parents. How will I tell my parents?” he muttered, his voice slowly growing more and more frantic by the second.
“We’ll figure that out once you’ve had some time to process everything, don’t worry.” Kurt hesitated. “Do you think they’ll be upset?”
“I don’t know,” Mike sighed miserably. “I mean, they’re really nice people, I’ve never heard them say anything nasty about anyone. But they’re sort of traditional. They’ve always been so excited for me to settle down with some girl. That was the only reason I started dating Sarah, I figured I had to try. What if they can’t deal with this? What if they think that this is something I caught from you? What if they blame you for this?”
“Then you’ll calmly inform them that homosexuality is not a disease, which they should know, it’s the twenty-first century for crying out loud.”
“Could you come with me? Maybe it’s be easier-”
Kurt knew his answer right away. “No. If you being gay is a problem than having me around probably won’t help. But you can call me anytime, day or night. And if it gets really bad, we’ll find a way for you to get to Ohio.”
“Ohio?”
“Well, I assume this is something you’d want to do in person. And we’re going home in a week anyways.”
“A week.” Mike repeated numbly. “Right.”
“Don’t worry, We’ll get through this. Together.”
“Together.” Mike frowned. “You mean like together together?”
Kurt blushed, realizing his mistake. “No.” His heart broke a little when Mike’s face fell ever so slightly. “You just came out for the first time, Mike. It’s a lot of emotions to deal with. A relationship right now probably isn’t the best thing.”
“So, no chance of you possibly returning my feelings?”
Kurt stood up, not sure how to respond. So he ignored it. “You’re sleeping here tonight. It’s too late and you’re too emotionally raw right now to allow me to feel comfortable letting you leave on your own. I’ll go get some blankets and pillows and we can watch a movie or something.”
“Now who’s avoiding answering a question?”
Kurt smiled, relieved that Mike was starting to act more like himself again. He turned on the spot, and looked Mike right in those gorgeous eyes. The words left his mouth before he knew what he was doing.
He winked. “Never say never.”
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*
Kurt’s heart nearly stopped when he heard sniffling on the other end of the line when Mike called. He had hardly been home for twenty-four hours, but he must have talked to his parents already. “That bad, huh?”
Mike chuckled on the other end, but there was no bitterness in it. “No, actually.”
Kurt frowned. “Why are you crying?”
“They took it so well. I was so terrified that they wouldn’t, you know? Of course you know, that’s all I’ve been able to talk about for the past week. But they’re okay and I’m just...so happy Kurt.”
He smiled, hearing he relief in the other man’s voice. “I’m so happy for you Mike, this is great.”
“I told them about you too. I told them how awesome you’ve been with all this.”
Kurt could feel himself blushing. “I’m sure anyone would have done the same.”
“Not everyone, you know that.”
“Well they should.”
“Anyways, my dad wants to talk to you. Would that be weird? If it is, just say so, you don’t have to talk to him.”
Nerves fluttered inside Kurt’s stomach, but he pushed them aside. He wanted to leave a good impression on Mike’s parents. “No problem at all, put him on.”
There was a rustling on the other end, and soon a voice similar to Mike’s but a bit deeper asked, “Is this Kurt?”
“Yes, sir,”
“My wife and I just want to thank you. For being there for our son. We’ve known something was bothering him for a while, but we had no idea...I’m glad that he found someone he feels safe enough to confide in.”
“You’re welcome, sir. It was no trouble, really. I’ve been where he is before, it isn’t easy.”
“Just...take care of him, okay? I know he’s an adult...”
“I’ve got him, no worries.”
“Good. I look forward to finally meeting you in person at some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later.”
“I’d like that a lot, sir.”
“And Kurt?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Call me Steve.”
“Okay...Steve.”
“Here I’ll give you back to Mike. have a nice day, Kurt.”
“You too,” A pause and some more shuffling. “Mike?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“That was...”
“Yeah.”
“Have a great Christmas, Mike.”
“You too, Kurt. Call me tomorrow?”
“Count on it.”
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