Sleepless Nights
Sometimes it is so hard, as all I can do is attempt to write down what I am thinking or feeling, but, of course, it can never be itterated well as no feeling or thought is ever stationary in my mind and so cannot be spoken or written or indeed communicated before I lose the original thought or feeling. After saying that though, I have to contradict myself. You can communicate a feeling or a thought very easily, but not with intent. And again, I must move on from even that statement and say that You cannot express yourself to others unless you are completely with yourself alone inside yourself, apart from yourself and being yourself.
How is it that the written word can inspire so much feeling and such belief, and can I assume as those who truly follow this thought might feel that, as I have only begun to feel this, in this way, I am a mere novice of this style of thought. Am I only beginning on the path to being at one with myself. Am I really committed. Would they look down on me (if that were their way) as just a person who has read a book, been infected by it's nonsense and will eventually receed into my original thought cycle. Is that a bad thing?? So many questions for which I don't have the answers.
It's strange that I write this here and not in my hard journal, but it seems like what I am urged to do. I don't want to move people to think like I do, I don't want to change people. I don't want to make them read what I have read, I just want to share, yet I know that even that, is going against what I now wish myself to do. I feel as though I should confine this to my journal, and that I shouldn't share this, and that is a strange and alien feeling to this. Maybe I will take this off someday, but until I understand it fully, I know I cannot truly affect another person the way I have been affected.
How is it that the written word can inspire so much feeling and such belief, and can I assume as those who truly follow this thought might feel that, as I have only begun to feel this, in this way, I am a mere novice of this style of thought. Am I only beginning on the path to being at one with myself. Am I really committed. Would they look down on me (if that were their way) as just a person who has read a book, been infected by it's nonsense and will eventually receed into my original thought cycle. Is that a bad thing?? So many questions for which I don't have the answers.
It's strange that I write this here and not in my hard journal, but it seems like what I am urged to do. I don't want to move people to think like I do, I don't want to change people. I don't want to make them read what I have read, I just want to share, yet I know that even that, is going against what I now wish myself to do. I feel as though I should confine this to my journal, and that I shouldn't share this, and that is a strange and alien feeling to this. Maybe I will take this off someday, but until I understand it fully, I know I cannot truly affect another person the way I have been affected.