well, that's that.
I didn't get the eighteenth-century lecturer position and will thus not be teaching the Gothic novel course.
Let's see. Anger: check. Disappointment: check. Hurt: check.
I know I need to not take this personally, because if I start taking not-getting-hired personally I might as well just shoot myself now before next year's job search gets under way. But I just... look, I know what my abilities are and are not. There are a lot of things I can't do well, or do at all, however much my pride wishes it were otherwise. This is one of the few things I can do, that I am in fact very good at, and it's hard to be passed over for a colleague whom I genuinely like but who will not teach this class as well as I could. I'm not the only one to whom this is not fair.
I was glad, at least, to get the call, because the stress of not-knowing was getting to me, but... I could wish it had been almost any other day. My reaction to the Angel finale last night really threw me. This is the first year I've watched the show with any regularity, and although I've gotten quite fond of it I didn't expect to feel so broken about the fact of its ending. I realized last night that for a whole year I've avoided grieving for the end of BtVS. Suddenly it's over for real, and I'm not ready.
There's a much longer post's worth of emotion embedded in that last paragraph, but I am just too wiped out to process and articulate it right now.
I was going to work on the Wonderfalls vid this afternoon but I'm in pretty much exactly the wrong headspace. Looks like I'll be working on sockkpuppett's mix instead, which is already called Into Darkness and is getting darker by the minute.
Let's see. Anger: check. Disappointment: check. Hurt: check.
I know I need to not take this personally, because if I start taking not-getting-hired personally I might as well just shoot myself now before next year's job search gets under way. But I just... look, I know what my abilities are and are not. There are a lot of things I can't do well, or do at all, however much my pride wishes it were otherwise. This is one of the few things I can do, that I am in fact very good at, and it's hard to be passed over for a colleague whom I genuinely like but who will not teach this class as well as I could. I'm not the only one to whom this is not fair.
I was glad, at least, to get the call, because the stress of not-knowing was getting to me, but... I could wish it had been almost any other day. My reaction to the Angel finale last night really threw me. This is the first year I've watched the show with any regularity, and although I've gotten quite fond of it I didn't expect to feel so broken about the fact of its ending. I realized last night that for a whole year I've avoided grieving for the end of BtVS. Suddenly it's over for real, and I'm not ready.
There's a much longer post's worth of emotion embedded in that last paragraph, but I am just too wiped out to process and articulate it right now.
I was going to work on the Wonderfalls vid this afternoon but I'm in pretty much exactly the wrong headspace. Looks like I'll be working on sockkpuppett's mix instead, which is already called Into Darkness and is getting darker by the minute.