Comments | herbailiwick: Poem, 2/20/11 B

herbailiwick

Poem, 2/20/11 B

Feb 21, 2011 02:01

(B refers to the fact I made another tonight that is also untitled, but it is not posted here.)

( 2/20/11 B )

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deth_pinion February 21 2011, 15:55:53 UTC

Don't tell anyone... but poetry is my therapist too.
I think it's a great way to get your feelings out onto paper.

I'll assume this is a personal poem. If so, I hope you start feeling better soon. Spring is just around the corner!

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 17:39:05 UTC

I have felt horribly on-edge, tense, unable to relax, stressed, upset and depressed and angry, very very lonely for the past couple weeks. I was keeping a handle on it at the beginning of the semester. That fandom thing I said happened and did not describe really pushed everything over the edge. I have been bipolar my whole life, so it's not like I haven't felt like this before, but I've never felt like this while having so many responsibilities ( ... )

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 17:46:52 UTC

But it does help that two of the most important men in my life, Wulff and my Dad, both got weird vibes from C and liked Kyle even when I didn't like him. So things probably turned out for the best. I have no idea if they found internships yet (and they need to have 90 hours by the end of the semester).

Kyle has done more for me as a friend than practically any friend I've had in real life, and I've learned so much from him and he's learned from me too. He's a friend worth losing 3 people over who never, I guess, cared much for me, if this happened so easily. Unfortunate. But I still have him.

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 17:57:40 UTC

I only started driving this summer, and I had SO MUCH anxiety starting that, and I am at least able to keep pretty calm, but I'm still kind of dumb on the road, but I try. I like it when Kyle's in the car, he's awesome with directions and helps point things out that I might miss if he wasn't there.

deth_pinion February 21 2011, 21:40:58 UTC

And driving will always be stressful.
I'm "the driver" in my group of roommates... it always stresses me out.
I have to watch out for my own life as WELL as theirs.

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 22:21:44 UTC

It's gotten better. The first time I drove over 10 MPH in a parking lot I cried and cried.

deth_pinion February 21 2011, 21:39:42 UTC

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. Unnecessary friend drama is always way more stressful than it should be. It sounds like they have personal issues though, because from what you described, the only way they could really derive that kind of attitude is through their own festering rumors ( ... )

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 21:53:14 UTC

Luckily, I don't miss them as people all that much, but I do miss having more friends than just Kyle. He's very special to me, but it's always nice to have more friends. I'm not terribly social on a good semester when I have time and good emotional control, but at this point I'm only worrying about this semester alone. I may take a break after this semester or start a really light grad school semester in the fall.

deth_pinion February 21 2011, 22:36:51 UTC

I think taking a break would be a good idea.

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 21:54:02 UTC

Oh, and thanks for the offer.

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 22:41:42 UTC

Also...I've really enjoyed both my internships (wasn't gonna get enough hours with just the one) so far. I wouldn't be scared if I were you. I am enjoying myself.

deth_pinion February 22 2011, 00:40:45 UTC

Fwew... ok. Haha. That's good to hear.

herbailiwick February 21 2011, 22:53:56 UTC

I have plenty of quotes and shit. I make little motivational posters and stick them EVERYWHERE, which, I actually am almost out of tape. I even have some wallet-sized versions of some in my wallet.

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