(no subject)
Five Things He Never Managed To Say
The first thing is little, really, and he thinks it so many times that he’s sure he’s told her at least once. But then fate smacks him over the head and suddenly he’s doomed, bleeding essence into the sky, and he realizes that he never did tell her.
So instead he says it in his mind again, exactly as he would say it to her. “Naminé,” he tells himself, imagining she’s in front of him, “I love your eyes. I think they’re the most beautiful things in the world, except that they’re always sad because you’re always sad.” He bites his lip, looks down, all mentally. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy. I tried, I really did.” Insistent. “But I couldn’t be real enough for you, right? Sora’s better anyways.” A wry grin. “He’s nicer than I am. And his eyes are happy. Your eyes were happy when you looked at him, I think, and I hope you can look happy again, even if it’s for him and not me.” Slight sigh, then another grin. “I hope you can be happy, Naminé. I do. I just...wanted you to know...that I love your eyes...” and his last words come out slower than the rest because that’s it, he’s really dying, this is really it.
His mouth said something completely different to Riku, and he can’t quite remember what it is but he knows he’s smiling sadly as he goes, and for some reason Riku looks like he’s about to cry. Whatever. If Riku wants to feel bad now, that’s his business.
Maybe he should have told Riku what he was thinking, though, if the guy was going to feel so bad about killing him. Maybe then Naminé would have known...
&&
The second thing is a little bigger, and he almost says it but stops himself. It’s not to Naminé, because he tells her (mostly) everything he wants her to know.
“You’re not such a bastard after all,” he almost says. “I thought you were, I really did. I thought you were as bad as the others. And you know what? You’re still an ass and I know you don’t give a shit about me, but you’re no Larxene.” He figures he would smirk then. “Really, you’re nowhere close. And you’re not as selfish as you want everyone to think, either. Otherwise you wouldn’t help so much. You could finish Zexion on your own, but you’re helping me.” And then he thinks he might grin, or smirk again, or something similar.
But he doesn’t, he doesn’t do any of it. He just nods and follows Axel down the basements, to the room where Zexion will be or is already.
&&
Riku’s not such a jerk, really. He’s just confused. Confused and angry and far, far too quick to hit things.
His replica doesn’t hate him, not really. In fact, he’s the person his replica admires most.
The replica admires the way his original can keep going on. Riku doesn’t give up, not really. He doesn’t take well to losing (his replica thinks he never has), and he doesn’t like being wrong.
The replica admires his strength. Riku is amazingly strong, both physically and mentally, and his replica knows that, envies that.
The replica admires, most of all, his charisma. People like Riku. People are drawn to Riku. People believe Riku. Beyond that, Sora likes Riku, and even if Riku’s replica absolutely hated his original, Sora liking Riku would be enough for him.
But the replica never tells him any of that. It would be weak, unnecessary; it might stop what he knows will come.
There can only be one Riku, and the best Riku will win. The replica is sure of that.
&&
“You know, I think I would have been a good friend. I always kinda respected you, y’know? And there was that one time, when Larxene was yakking about how weak you were, and I just. I don’t know. I guess I snapped. Said something about how wrong she was - I don’t really remember now.
“I’ve still got that scar. I’ve got it, not him, and I kinda like it. Just for that, you know? Because it makes me different.
“Heh, bet you don’t even care about the stupid scar. Just as long as I’m alright, right? Because that’s your MO: make sure everyone is alright, everyone is happy, everything is taken care of.
“You try too hard, Sora. Sometimes, you can’t win. Sometimes, people have to die.
“I’m just sorry I’m such a bad best friend. I can’t even tell you this straight to your face. Talking to a wall... I really am pathetic, aren’t I? I just wanted you to know that I would’ve liked being your friend. I would have liked it a lot. I think you’re the only one who believed in me, Sora. I mean, I don’t, and Naminé doesn’t, and Real Thing doesn’t either, but you do.”
The replica pauses, stops pacing, and frowns.
“Why?”
&&
“I don’t want to die.”
The first thing is little, really, and he thinks it so many times that he’s sure he’s told her at least once. But then fate smacks him over the head and suddenly he’s doomed, bleeding essence into the sky, and he realizes that he never did tell her.
So instead he says it in his mind again, exactly as he would say it to her. “Naminé,” he tells himself, imagining she’s in front of him, “I love your eyes. I think they’re the most beautiful things in the world, except that they’re always sad because you’re always sad.” He bites his lip, looks down, all mentally. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy. I tried, I really did.” Insistent. “But I couldn’t be real enough for you, right? Sora’s better anyways.” A wry grin. “He’s nicer than I am. And his eyes are happy. Your eyes were happy when you looked at him, I think, and I hope you can look happy again, even if it’s for him and not me.” Slight sigh, then another grin. “I hope you can be happy, Naminé. I do. I just...wanted you to know...that I love your eyes...” and his last words come out slower than the rest because that’s it, he’s really dying, this is really it.
His mouth said something completely different to Riku, and he can’t quite remember what it is but he knows he’s smiling sadly as he goes, and for some reason Riku looks like he’s about to cry. Whatever. If Riku wants to feel bad now, that’s his business.
Maybe he should have told Riku what he was thinking, though, if the guy was going to feel so bad about killing him. Maybe then Naminé would have known...
&&
The second thing is a little bigger, and he almost says it but stops himself. It’s not to Naminé, because he tells her (mostly) everything he wants her to know.
“You’re not such a bastard after all,” he almost says. “I thought you were, I really did. I thought you were as bad as the others. And you know what? You’re still an ass and I know you don’t give a shit about me, but you’re no Larxene.” He figures he would smirk then. “Really, you’re nowhere close. And you’re not as selfish as you want everyone to think, either. Otherwise you wouldn’t help so much. You could finish Zexion on your own, but you’re helping me.” And then he thinks he might grin, or smirk again, or something similar.
But he doesn’t, he doesn’t do any of it. He just nods and follows Axel down the basements, to the room where Zexion will be or is already.
&&
Riku’s not such a jerk, really. He’s just confused. Confused and angry and far, far too quick to hit things.
His replica doesn’t hate him, not really. In fact, he’s the person his replica admires most.
The replica admires the way his original can keep going on. Riku doesn’t give up, not really. He doesn’t take well to losing (his replica thinks he never has), and he doesn’t like being wrong.
The replica admires his strength. Riku is amazingly strong, both physically and mentally, and his replica knows that, envies that.
The replica admires, most of all, his charisma. People like Riku. People are drawn to Riku. People believe Riku. Beyond that, Sora likes Riku, and even if Riku’s replica absolutely hated his original, Sora liking Riku would be enough for him.
But the replica never tells him any of that. It would be weak, unnecessary; it might stop what he knows will come.
There can only be one Riku, and the best Riku will win. The replica is sure of that.
&&
“You know, I think I would have been a good friend. I always kinda respected you, y’know? And there was that one time, when Larxene was yakking about how weak you were, and I just. I don’t know. I guess I snapped. Said something about how wrong she was - I don’t really remember now.
“I’ve still got that scar. I’ve got it, not him, and I kinda like it. Just for that, you know? Because it makes me different.
“Heh, bet you don’t even care about the stupid scar. Just as long as I’m alright, right? Because that’s your MO: make sure everyone is alright, everyone is happy, everything is taken care of.
“You try too hard, Sora. Sometimes, you can’t win. Sometimes, people have to die.
“I’m just sorry I’m such a bad best friend. I can’t even tell you this straight to your face. Talking to a wall... I really am pathetic, aren’t I? I just wanted you to know that I would’ve liked being your friend. I would have liked it a lot. I think you’re the only one who believed in me, Sora. I mean, I don’t, and Naminé doesn’t, and Real Thing doesn’t either, but you do.”
The replica pauses, stops pacing, and frowns.
“Why?”
&&
“I don’t want to die.”