I've never seen an angel, but I'm trying to believe

[her_own_monster]

Kierkegaard. Is. AMAZING.

He underscores, in Fear and Trembling, that faith isn't as easy as it seems. I never considered, in any of my experiences with Christianity, that maybe faith isn't something everyone who considers himself "Christian" has automatically (or vice versa, I guess), or just how prevalent a theme that struggle is in scripture.

Comments

[elivyre]

I'm not any better at explaining faith than any of the people who have commented here so far, and I haven't read Kierkegaard yet, but I do feel like we (we being people of your acquaintance who have managed to cling to something that looks like faith in spite of everything) have done you some great disservice if we've led you to believe that faith is a shiny, magical thing that you either just have or don't. It may be that way for some people, but it's not for any of the Christians I know. At least, not for those for whom I have the most respect. Any real relationship is the result of effort--it takes a lot of perseverance and...well...faith...to keep up a deep friendship or love even with another person--another human who can be touched and conversed with. That feeling any kind of real Closeness to God is so much more difficult is almost to be expected.

I like Mr. Mann's account that there is a point beyond which it becomes more difficult not to believe than to believe. That seems true to me. I also like a quote that I read somewhere (and now can't remember where): "Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief." I say that a lot. I am never quite certain how much of my "Faith" is the genuine, kill-me-but-I-won't-deny-it kind, and how much is just some kind of desperate effort of will, clinging to something I refuse to give up, if for no other reason, because I believe that it's Worth believing. Most of the time, I am convinced that this makes me a rather poor Christian. The rest of the time, I am resigned to the fact that that's just the way it is, being a Christian, and that the clinging...the struggle...is what makes our faith worth something. That if it were easy to believe, it might somehow be less worth the effort? I am convinced, at least, that if it were easy for me to believe, I would stand in far less need of Faith.

The point of all this is to say that I don't think you are as far from Faith as you might have thought, because you never seem to give up on it all the way. For me, Faith tends to have a lot less to do with clean and absolute certainty, and a lot more to do with a refusal to lay down a belief that frequently seems like more trouble than it could possibly be worth. The only way I can keep any at all is that the trouble I get without it seems to me worse than the trouble it brings. Either way, I'll pray for you. :)