role reversal.

[her_crescendo]

i have so much inside me right now.
i feel like throwing it all up.
just to get it out. make it go away. anything.
just so it's not here anymore.

you know, i had walls. protection. security.
to make sure things like this didn't happen.
and you were the one that made me tear them down.
you said feeling things and expressing feelings is necessary.
you gave me a diary because you said i didn't get things out well enough, or at all.
so now i get it out. i deal by expression.
because when you are standing alone, vulnerable, naked, exposed
in the rubble of your former protective barriers
all you can do is put your feelings out there.
because there is no hiding them anymore.
you taught me that was ok.
and now you are trying to make me stop.
stop being honest. stop feeling things.
start hiding things away again. keeping things to myself.
it's role reversal and it's not fucking fair, you bastard.

i didn't need fixing. i was better off then you.
but you sucked me in and let me fix you.
i didn't realize that fixing you was leaving me vulerable.
you used to be insecure, scared, weak, love-beaten.
so now you are fixed, confident, in control, stable.
so you gave me the kick, and left me in the state you once were.
when i used to be one who was fixed. who was never broken to begin with.

the one who fixed you is the one you broke.
the one who fixed you is the one you broke.
the one who fixed you is the one you broke.
the one who fixed you is the one you broke.
the one who fixed you is the one you broke.

i fucking resent you for that.
it's unfair. it's cruel. it's not you.
i guess people change.

you're welcome.

fuck.
it's cold out here in the rubble.
i want my walls back.