promises&potentials // hope&chance

[her_crescendo]

my dreams last night were too wonderful. they were unfair.
funny how the ones you'd think i'd dream of.
are the ones that never infiltrate my sleep.
and the ones i do dream of.
are ones i know i shouldn't.
but even in sleep. just like in waking.
i remain kissless.
only hands held, lingering embraces
only promises, potentials.
i wake knowing
these are things i'll never feel.
these are the ones i'll never have.
no hope. no chance.
so they become the ones i want the most.
but at least in my dreams
there is hope.
there is a chance.
that's more than i can say about being awake
lately.

i forgot how taxing it was to always be looking
searching, meeting, trying to find.
once someone said "you won't find anyone until you stop looking"
the first time i ever took that advice was the first time i found something worth finding.
but it's so much easier said than done.
especially when you have to start over.
starting over is harder than beginning.
and that is so unfair.

i'm not looking for love.
i don't believe it's right that love is the driving force these days.
i think that's kind of sad.
i'm just looking to feel worthwhile.
i just need to feel like there is hope.
i just need to feel like there is a chance.
it's never fair, lately.