FIC: Brother's Keeper, pairing Nathan/Peter, NC-17, chapter 35

[henrika_amanda]

Title: Brother's Keeper

Authors: henrika_amanda  &  pilar_sama

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Nathan/Peter… and more in future chapters

Summary: The year Peter graduates high school, his big brother Nathan takes him out on a 3-week long camping trip… which will forever change the lives of them both.

Disclaimer: No rights, no income. We’re just a pair of poor students anyway.
Warnings: Incest, dark themes, violence.

*


Chapter 35

Nathan arrived home from work with one hell of a persistent headache. Normally he preferred to ride headaches out rather than dash for the painkillers, but the throbbing ache in his head had been plaguing him for the last two hours. All he wanted to do was get home and relax, but then he remembered the paperwork he had brought with him and the headache seemed to mockingly intensify.

Opening the door, Nathan was too distracted by his stress to remember how Peter often greeted him after coming home from work.

“Nathan!” a gleeful voice cried out, and Peter was on his older brother in an instant.

“Hey bud,” Nathan addressed him, but much of the joy that was usually present was absent from his voice today. He gave his brother a quick hug and then made a beeline for the bathroom where the medicine was kept. Where the hell was that Naproxen?

When Nathan finally found the container - buried deep underneath everything else - he discovered that only two tablets remained. Three was what he usually took to chase away a persistent headache like this one, and that only worked if he was lucky.

Taking only two seemed like a mockery, but what choice did he have? Naproxen was a prescription drug, and in case he wanted to renew his prescription, he had to see a doctor, and the only way to get a hold on one on such a short notice was visiting the ER.

The mere idea of waiting for hours in a crowded waiting room nearly made Nathan throw up in his mouth. Besides, he had work to do. Perhaps when it was done, he would be feeling better.

Swallowing the two remaining Naproxen pills with some water from the tap, Nathan exited the bathroom and went to sit in the living room with his papers. He immediately loosened his tie and unbuttoned the first two buttons in his dress shirt, but that hardly helped make him feel more relaxed.

Just as Nathan had started reading up on the documents from his case, Peter entered the living room, carrying his Game Boy.

“Can I sit here with you?” he asked.

Nathan lifted an eyebrow at the handheld game. Truly Peter just wanted to be with his big brother, and the lawyer could not hold that against him. Sighing, he shrugged.

“Yeah, do what you want,” Nathan said with a wave of the hand. “Just try not to make too much noise. You know the drill.”

Nodding, Peter took a seat right beside him and got comfortable. Trying to focus on his work was difficult for Nathan when his headache caused everything to distract him on a grand level. He could only hope that the pain would finally let him go, but he very much doubted that.

Meanwhile, Peter was fidgeting, something Nathan had not taken much notice in until now. He had risen several times, first to get a drink, then to use the toilet, then a few times more to get comfortable on the cushion.

Taking a deep breath and reminding himself that it was the pressures of work and the headache that was the real problem, Nathan tried to focus on his work.

Then the Game Boy turned on.

The high-pitched, very annoying bleeping of the Game Boy caused a new explosion of pain behind Nathan’s eyes, and for a moment his entire range of vision blackened. Fortunately his eyesight returned within moments, but his already fragile self control did not.

Nathan spun around in his seat, tore the device clean out of Peter’s hands and threw it on the floor. Pieces of plastic, together with the two batteries contained within it, flew from it.

“I am working, Peter! What the fuck were you thinking?!” Nathan roared at the boy now shrinking away from him in fear. Nathan did not see this right then. All he could focus on was expressing his anger. “I told you not to make noise, and yet you had to turn that fucking thing on? What’s your agenda? Are you deliberately trying to sabotage for me?!”

Peter was in too much shock to react much. The game system had been yanked out of his grip and now lay broken on the floor. And now Nathan was yelling at him. Of course Nathan had yelled at him in annoyance throughout the years, but those moments were few and far in between. And Nathan had certainly never cursed at him before, or caused damage to anything in his possession. The boy could barely speak, too frozen in fear and utter confusion.

“... I...”

“WELL?!”

Peter flinched violently at the outburst, and he was truly terrified. He seemed to go somewhere else in his state of upset, and felt as though he were a small child once again. Following the confrontation, Peter would be surprised he had not wet himself, “gone wee in his pants” like he would have said so many years ago.

“I’m sorry,” Peter managed to choke out, his voice nearly lost.

“Oh, so you’re sorry?” Nathan ground out, still enraged but at least he had stopped yelling. At that moment he looked so much like Arthur Petrelli to Peter that the boy felt an instinctive urge to recoil from him.

“I’m sorry, Nathan…” Peter managed to repeat, but his attempts at an apology did not seem to appease his big brother.

Once the immediate fury had gone away, Nathan felt deflated and ashamed of his actions. Leaning forth with his head in his hands, he silently counted to ten before speaking again. Dear Lord, he must have nearly frightened the life out of Peter. However, that was something he could not deal with right now. In fact, his brother’s presence only made him feel worse.

“Peter, just please… go. Leave me alone for a bit. I just need some time by myself…”

Without looking up, Nathan could hear the boy practically running out of the living room. His footsteps became audible, padding through the kitchen, then became muffled again as they went back through the hallway. Nathan head pounded again at the sound of a door slamming, but he frankly was not surprised. He had to have scared his brother half to death, and the kid was just trying to leave as quickly as possible. Glancing at his paperwork, he begrudgingly returned to it, but not before pouring himself a glass of scotch to distract him from the mixture of aggravation, anger and now guilt that he felt.

Peter did not know why, but wished he could have locked the door to the guest bedroom once he was inside. His fear inspired it and fear often made people do strange things. He did not dare go to the room where he and his brother slept. What if Nathan got angry at the very sight of him, especially on his bed?

Sitting down on the mattress of the guest room, Peter limply fell backwards onto the bed and curled into a ball. He cursed himself for resorting to tears, but he could not help it.

Nathan hated him, he was certain of it. All this time that his big brother had been acting so strange, it had to be because Peter’s presence was slowly getting on his nerves more and more.

After two hours of trying to concentrate on his paperwork, Nathan gave up altogether. If it had been difficult before, it was downright impossible now. After hearing a door slamming somewhere in the hallway, Nathan had not heard anything from Peter. What was the kid doing?

Knowing Peter, Nathan could easily guess that Peter had curled up in bed and lay there crying, most likely blaming himself for what happened.

God, he’d been such an asshole. Peter was just a kid, and though the Game Boy had worsened Nathan’s headache, his violent outburst had been completely uncalled for and out of order. The lawyer glanced at the broken game device on the floor and felt another stab of guilt through his heart. He had bought that particular game for the kid’s thirteenth birthday, and now he had smashed it in anger.

He had to talk to Peter and set things right. The longer he waited, the worse the damage would be. Rising from his seat, Nathan Petrelli walked towards the bedroom he shared with his little brother, not without a certain amount of dread.

The door was still open a crack and when he carefully opened it without a sound, he found the room empty. Slightly puzzled, he listened, and he soon knew where Peter was. The weeping could be heard through the walls, just next door.

Indeed, the guest room door was closed, and Nathan felt it appropriate to knock first. Though the knock was quiet, he heard the sobbing beyond the door go deathly silent.

“Can I come in, Petey?”

No answer. Peter remained silent. Nathan thought he heard some sniffling, deep and desperate. Briefly Nathan considered that his brother was waiting for him to give up and return to his paperwork, but the older man was not giving in that easily.

“I’m coming in, bud,” he announced quietly, and upon entering, he saw Peter sitting on the floor, curled up with his knees to his chest in the corner where the bed and the wall met. Trixie was in the boy’s arms, his hold looking both protective and desperate for protection for himself.

There was - to Nathan’s horror - fear in Peter’s eyes when he saw Nathan appear in the doorway and take a step towards him. Had he been able to recoil, Peter most certainly would have done it. Since it was physically impossible, he simply buried his tear-streaked face in Trixie’s soft plush skin.

“Pete…?” Nathan asked, his own voice trembling. His own little brother was afraid of him. How much worse could this get? “Pete, don’t be afraid. I would never hurt you,” Nathan assured, kneeling before the boy, but not reaching out to him yet. It was better to let Peter take that step.

The boy slowly raised his head to look at Nathan. The fear was gone from his eyes, but his gaze was still apprehensive and grief-stricken. “Are you going to send me away?” he asked in a thick voice.

“No, no, baby,” Nathan said, his voice almost pleading in tone, as if he was the one afraid to be sent away. “I would never do that. Please, look at me, Peter...?”

The boy hesitated, but he finally looked up and saw the pain in his big brother’s eyes.

“I would never do that,” Nathan repeated, hoping his little brother believed him.

Tears poured down Peter’s face, his eyes glassy and constantly weeping in silence. Nathan felt even more like the monster he feared he had become.

“Do you remember when you got upset with me, after the... gonorrhea?” the lawyer asked, knowing the disease had been a touchy subject from the start. He hated to bring up such memories, but he was making a point. “You remember that you got mad and felt bad for it?”

Tentatively, Peter nodded.

“You’re allowed to get mad, Peter,” Nathan replied. “You’re allowed to show that you’re angry. But what I did was do more than show it. I took my frustrations out on you, and now you’re so upset. I never should have done that.”

“You’re not mad at me anymore?” Peter asked in a small, trembling voice while tears continued to trickle down his cheeks.

“Of course not, baby. Now I’m mad at myself,” Nathan replied truthfully.

“But… I was disturbing you. I never should have turned the Game Boy on while you were… were working.” Peter felt enough guilt knowing that Nathan went to work every morning to provide for him, and having disturbed his big brother when Nathan was working seemed almost like a mortal sin.

“Perhaps not,” Nathan agreed. “But what I did was much, much worse. I’ll buy you a new Game Boy, Peter. Or anything you want instead. Just please forgive me.”

“I… I forgive you,” Peter said instantly, but even though he could tell that Nathan was genuinely sorry for his outburst, Peter couldn’t help but believe that he was the cause of it. He had started getting on Nathan’s nerves, and his big brother was just doing his best to hide it. “Nathan…”

“Hmmm?”

“I can move out of your bedroom, if you want,” Peter said. “I don’t want to disturb you any more than I have to.”

The words were like a slap in the face to Nathan. “No… No, you really needn’t do that,” he said. “Your presence has never disturbed me at night.”

Alright, that was a lie, but it was very important now that he didn’t make Peter feel worse than he already did.

“Sweetheart…” He reached out and took one of his brother’s hands in his own. “You’re welcome to move out any time you want. But it must be because you feel ready to start sleeping on your own, not because of something I did.”

Peter did not speak for some time, and Nathan, concerned but trying to keep the mood light, nudged at his hand gently. “Whatcha thinkin’, buddy?” he asked.

“Well...” Peter wiped at his eyes with the back of his free hand. “Maybe this is a sign.”

“A sign?”

“Maybe this is a sign that I should move to the other bed.”

Nathan’s brow knitted in confusion, but he remained silent, waiting patiently for an explanation.

“I have to sleep by myself at some point... maybe the time is now.”

In his musing, he did not notice the hand near his face, but he surprisingly did not jump at the unexpected touch against his cheek. He turned to regard his big brother and saw the sympathetic glance.

“As I said... if you ever feel you’re ready. As long as it’s not because of me...”

“I know,” Peter insisted, instinctively reaching up and grabbing Nathan’s caring hand, squeezing it. “I just want to be able to do it, finally sleep by myself without being scared. I want to so badly.”

“I know you do, sweetheart,” Nathan said, planting a kiss on the hand enclosed in his. “My brave little baby boy.”

Peter tried to smile, but he found it difficult. The mere idea of sleeping on his own after all these months terrified him. Also counting the fact that his previous attempts had been everything but successful.

“Give me a hug?” Nathan opened his arms, and Peter immediately scooted into them, feeling new tears burn behind his eyelids.

//I have to be strong// he thought. //I have to at least try. Nathan can’t do everything. I have to start getting better, or my brother can’t take care of me anymore//

“Alright, sweetheart…” The lawyer held on tighter when he felt the small body tremble in his arms. In truth he did not believe Peter was ready for this step just yet, but he had to give the boy credit for trying.

Peter had told Nathan an hour later that he wanted to try sleeping alone again that very night. Of course Nathan dutifully made sure to ask if his little brother was certain and reminding him that they would only be a wall’s width apart, in case the boy got frightened. Peter however had a steely determination in his eyes to try a night alone, and so Nathan figured Peter had to either be truly ready, or far too stubborn to admit he still needed his big brother. His suspicions fell most of all on the latter, but he did not mention it. No matter the reason, if Peter wanted to try sleeping by himself again, Nathan would let him.

That evening, Peter bounded away to the guest bedroom after he had prepared for bed. When Nathan entered to wish him good night, he saw that his little brother had included Trixie under the covers with him. Hopefully this was all that the night shared with the previous attempt, and Peter would not cry out in his sleep, requiring a move to Nathan’s own bed.

“All ready?”

Peter nodded, sinking further under the covers. Nathan smiled, and he could not help tucking his little brother in further.

“You’re not cold, are you?” Nathan asked one last time. He had even gotten his little brother an extra blanket, knowing how cold it could get inside the guest room, especially since Peter was nude under the covers.

The boy shook his head. “I’ll be fine, Nathan.”

The older man smiled. “Of course you will, baby. Just checking.”

After the two brothers had exchanged a good night kiss, Nathan left the guest room - now Peter’s room - and made sure the door was not all the way closed, as Peter did not want it to be.

Nathan spent another couple of hours watching meaningless TV shows before deciding to turn in himself. He had another early morning tomorrow, and after today, a good night’s sleep was something he truly needed.

When headed for the bathroom to get ready for the night, he passed Peter’s room and briefly peeked in through the crack. The kid was fast asleep, seemingly not plagued by nightmares. Trixie was peeking out of the covers as though casting Nathan an annoyed glance.

“Do you minnnnd?” she seemed to ask.

Allowing himself a smile, Nathan continued for the bathroom and afterward proceeded to bed. In practically no time he was asleep as well, comforted by the sight of his brother looking so at peace, and feeling at peace in kind.

*

Nathan’s dreams were anything but peaceful, though they were not necessarily bad. He found himself running along clouds as though they were nothing but midair cushions, glancing down at the world below him, and feeling not the freezing winds of such a height but the warmth of the sun. His vision soon magnified to miles ahead of him, where he could see a bird, which then realized it was being watched, and took off from its cushioned white perch. Nathan pursued it until he had it in his arms, and the creature turned within seconds into Peter.

The dream soon faded as Nathan slipped out of sleep and back into consciousness, but the lawyer hardly had time to think back on the dream as he felt himself falling into bed.

Falling??

The “fall” if it could be called that, was hard enough to knock the breath out of him, and for a moment he believed he would indeed faint. Then slowly the feeling of vertigo passed, and his fluttering eyesight stabilized.

The shock of what had just happened did not pass as easily. There was no way he could have dreamt what had just happened. He had fallen back onto his own bed, from perhaps a height of four or five feet. Jesus.

As a former fighter pilot, Nathan knew the exact feeling of being subjected to the forces of gravity. There was no mistaking this had been a similar experience. The lawyer sat up, looked down at his hands and could see they were shaking considerably.

Was he losing his mind? There was simply no way he could have actually been hovering. People didn’t fly, and last time Nathan Petrelli checked, he was still a person.

“Oh, Peter…” he muttered, immensely relieved that his brother had been in bed with him tonight. What if Nathan had, in some strange, unimaginable way, been suspended in the air and landed on Peter?

If that were the case, there would be two frightened brothers that night, and fragile little Peter would have likely been hurt in addition.

Instinctively, Nathan rose from bed to check on his little brother. Flexing his hands and fingers in an attempt to calm the shaking, he exited his bedroom and gently pushed open the door to the guest room. Sure enough, Peter was fast asleep, seemingly unbothered by any racket his brother might have made. Entering the room and gazing over his brother’s peaceful expression, a thought occurred to Nathan Petrelli.

In his state of confusion and alarm, he went to his brother. Surely, he had the immediate impulse to make sure the boy was alright, but other than that he had reacted in the same way as Peter. In any moment of distress, Peter would always come to his big brother for comfort. Nathan’s presence was a comfort to him. And now after the bizarre occurrence of his unusual awakening, the lawyer was doing the same, seeking reassurance in the presence of Peter.

Waking the boy up because he had had a traumatic experience would have been selfish, however, especially as this was Peter’s first successful night of sleeping on his own. This in mind, Nathan went no further than standing by Peter’s bedside and quietly watching his sleeping brother.

Trixie was still squeezed in the bend of Peter’s elbow, her soft-horned plush face close to Peter’s own.

//I have to get my act together// the lawyer thought. Dreams of flying were in no way unusual, but waking up to the feeling of actually levitating…? That was insane.

If this became known to anybody, a life in a straightjacket would not be far away. Not to mention that he would be deemed unfit to care for his little brother, and this frightened Nathan more than anything else.

“I won’t let you down, buddy…” the man whispered, bending over the sleeping form and pressing a gentle kiss to Peter’s slightly creased brow.

TBC...