FIC: Brother's Keeper, pairing Nathan/Peter, NC-17, chapter 34
Alright folks, just be warned, you might see a different side of Nathan in this chapter... :)
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Title: Brother's Keeper
Authors: henrika_amanda & pilar_sama
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nathan/Peter… and more in future chapters
Summary: The year Peter graduates high school, his big brother Nathan takes him out on a 3-week long camping trip… which will forever change the lives of them both.
Disclaimer: No rights, no income. We’re just a pair of poor students anyway.
Warnings: Incest, dark themes, violence.
*
Chapter 34
In Nathan's opinion, his return to the office was relatively smooth, both professionally and privately. His colleagues acted as though he'd never been gone in the first place, and Nathan was determined to work hard and prove to the DA that letting him come back had been the right choice.
Peter clung to him almost obsessively when he returned home from his part time work days, and even though that was a behaviour Nathan had gotten used to, Peter at least didn't get any panic attacks or mental breakdowns during his absence. Perhaps the kid was going to get through this, despite all.
Two weeks after Nathan had resumed his job as a prosecutor, Peter began to realize how much he was looking forward to the weekends and having his big brother all to himself for two whole days at the end of the week. Peter was particularly needy one night when the two brothers settled into bed. The moment Nathan was under the covers, he felt little hands on him and a nose nuzzling into his shoulders.
"Hey, bud!" He exclaimed, amused but at the same time puzzled. "What's with all the attention? Not that it bothers me, but you're particularly... affectionate tonight."
"I just... miss you during the day."
Nathan chuckled. "If you say so. You wanna talk about anything?"
Peter did not have the nerve to admit he had been feeling particularly frustrated in the sexual department. Even with this on his mind almost all the time, he was clinging to his big brother for sexual satisfaction. He had been unable to stimulate himself presently, and the boy thought that perhaps the talk concerning the porn videos - despite no ill feelings coming between them - had been to blame for it. Now he just simply wanted things to be back the way they were before the talk.
Nathan was tired; it was Friday night, and he had gotten up around six to be at his desk at 7:30. Still, if his baby brother needed to talk, he would take time to listen. Being there for Peter was particularly important now that he was away during much of the day.
But Peter merely shook his head. "It's nothing..." he murmured quietly. "I just love you so much, that's all."
The statement was punctuated with a small kiss to the lawyer's collar bone.
"Are you sure, Pete? You know that if there's something...-"
"I know, Nathan. I'd tell you." Peter smiled, but it was a sad smile. "You must be tired. Let's go to sleep."
"You sure, bud?"
"I'm sure, Nathan. C-can you hold me?"
"You bet. It's really cold, even in here, and two bodies are warmer than one."
"Like chicks."
Nathan's eyebrows went up. "Pardon?"
Peter blushed just the slightest bit. "You ever seen baby chicks? When their mom isn't around they all huddle up together."
"Oh!" Nathan replied with a laugh. "So are we two chicks or am I the mother hen?"
Peter giggled. "I think that sounds right. You're like my mother hen.”
It seemed more like something to do when Peter was much smaller, but Nathan made a few clucking noises and Peter smiled, cuddling against him under the covers. The lawyer switched off the light, and soon they were both asleep.
*
Nathan awoke later that night to the feeling of his little brother's body squirming against him. Was Peter having a nightmare?
"Nafan..."
Though slurred, there was no mistaking that Peter was calling out his big brother's name in his sleep. Just as Nathan was about to switch the night lamp on and wake Peter up, he heard his name again, pronounced slightly more clearly this time. However, it sounded nothing like Peter was in distress. Rather it sounded... It took Nathan's sleepy mind a few attempts to find the right word for it, but once he did, there was no denying it. Peter sounded lecherous.
Nathan switched the night lamp on, wanting to see if his suspicions were correct. Peter was on his back only inches away from him, clearly still asleep. The boy's face was flushed, and his pink, slightly swollen lips were halfway parted. Nathan could also see the blanket peaking at a blatantly obvious area below Peter's mid. His baby brother had an erection, and from what he was able to tell, he was having a wet dream. About Nathan himself.
Deciding between ignoring Peter and waking the boy up, curiosity got the better of Nathan, and he carefully lifted the blankets to glance at Peter's erection. Heat rose in his own face, and he felt almost like a peeping tom, but still he could not help himself.
Peter shivered when his flushed skin came in contact with the chilly bedroom air, but he did not awaken. His erection, dark pink and swollen against his belly, twitched all of a sudden, and Nathan could spot a tiny droplet of pre-come leaking from the slit. Peter’s back arched slightly as he writhed once more, whispering something unintelligible.
Nathan felt extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing. At this point he had become used to his little brother becoming instantly ashamed should he even get so much as faintly aroused in front of him. Now Peter was completely in the dark that he had an audience, so much as experienced a wet dream. One of his thin hands drifted against his front during his ministrations and Nathan heard the words “here we go” in his mind when the hand brushed up against a previously undisturbed nipple.
“Oooohh hmmm...” Peter squirmed again as if an invisible lover was atop him. Essentially one was, if only in dreams. And it was Nathan himself. Soon the lawyer found himself blushing, something he did not often do.
If Peter woke up now and found his big brother staring down at him, the poor boy would be devastated. Nathan knew Peter well enough to know this would happen, and he did not want to be caught staring at his own brother like some... like some goddamn pervert.
Nathan slowly inched away from the sleeping young man, thinking that he should simply lie back down, go to sleep, and forget what he'd seen tonight. Or at least try his best. He did none of these things. Suddenly Nathan was painfully aware that he was being watched and glancing down at Peter, he could see the boy's large, sleepy eyes regarding him.
"Nathaannn..." Peter whispered, reaching for his brother's face. The dreamy expression did not vanish from his face.
Relieved but also disturbed, Nathan realized that Peter was still dreaming in some capacity.
"Nath... please help me, I... it won't... it won't go away..."
Nathan was at a loss for words. No matter what he did now, he would feel some level of guilt over it. If he ignored his brother, Peter might wake up and realize what was going on. If he helped him, he would feel like some kind of monster. Possibly even worse than the evil people who had abducted them, as Nathan was someone Peter trusted.
“Save mmmeee...” his little brother muttered, eyes closing again for a long time as he reached for the older man’s hand. Nathan could definitely figure out the reason for the gesture. Peter wanted help for his throbbing erection. Even now, there hung the trust that Peter felt for his older brother, no matter what. Peter trusted Nathan to help him with anything he needed, and he trusted the utmost confidence between them.
Slowly, as though about to touch some dangerous animal, Nathan reached out and very carefully tapped at his little brother’s erect penis. He pulled away when the boy moaned sharply, but soon realized the sound was of pleasure rather than fear or pain.
Nathan closed his hand around the hot, throbbing organ and slowly began moving it up and down. Peter’s shaft was both shorter and so much more slender than his own, and the feeling was slightly odd. He had, after all, not held another man’s cock in his hand for over ten years.
Peter immediately started writhing against the stimulation offered, practically thrusting into his brother’s strong fist. As predicted, the teenager did not last long. Peter’s whole body, now glistening with sweat, bucked off the mattress, and he spilled his release all over Nathan’s hand and his own lower abdomen. Some also leaked onto the mattress when Nathan slowly withdrew his hand.
Peter quickly relaxed into post-orgasmic bliss with a happy and sated smile on his flushed face. He was beautiful, even in his current decadent, disheveled state. Nathan’s eyes raked over Peter’s slender, pliant form, now completely relaxed, and he felt something stir in his loins.
“Fuuuck,” he quietly cursed. Peter moaned a little in response but otherwise remained asleep. Not wanting to wake him, Nathan carefully got out of bed and retreated to the bathroom, closing the door before turning on the light to inspect himself.
Yes, he was developing an erection of his own.
“No...” he whispered. “No, no, no...”
For a brief moment, Nathan had a notion that he knew just a little bit how Peter felt in present times. Heat spread into his face and he actually felt frightened, ashamed, melancholic... lost.
How dare he, how dare he react to his own little brother. Nathan had insisted that he did not need help after the torture he had endured, as well as witnessing the torture of his brother.’
His baby brother, God damn it!
Nathan did not want to touch himself, but his erection sat plain as day upon his figure, and he covered his eyes with a shaking hand.
He was sexually frustrated, that had to be it. There was simply no other explanation. Not having gotten any for the past six or seven months, Nathan Petrelli’s sexual release had been limited to quick jerk-off sessions in the shower, often during early mornings when Peter was still asleep. Besides, he was heterosexual. A male, even one as effeminate and beautiful as Peter, should not cause this reaction in him. Granted, he had done his fair share of experimenting in college, but those days were over, and he had always preferred women.
Yet he was here, sporting a boner that would surely frighten the wits out of Peter should the kid happen to see it. He had to take care of it before returning to sleep next to his little brother.
Nathan lowered his pajama bottoms and took his nearly rock-hard cock in his hand, which still held traces of Peter’s release. Nathan’s face burned with shame as he jerked his cock with quick, hard pulls. He had practically molested Peter in his sleep, and here he was, jerking off to it.
Panic was not something that Nathan often felt, but he certainly felt it now. Maybe he did need professional help.
“C’mon, come on...” he begged to himself, desperate to be free of the hard-on as soon as possible. “Please...”
The lawyer could only hope that his actions were not making too much noise to wake Peter. The last thing he needed was his little brother wondering - and then maybe finding out why - the reason for all of this.
Giving a strangled moan, Nathan wasted no time with being gentle on himself. He bit into his bottom lip as he yanked one final time and felt a great, white-hot release, but he did not cry out. In the overload of the orgasm combined with the fury of all the emotions he felt upon the discovery of his erection, he held back a sob.
God, he felt like some kind of monster. He deserved to go to jail for this, Nathan thought. Being a prosecutor, he had dealt with cases of incestuous sexual abuse, and the intense desire to get those perpetrators behind bars had motivated him to win most of those cases.
Dear God, why had he done this to Peter? He was supposed to take care of the boy, look out for him. Peter trusted him, and Nathan had repaid his trust by… molesting his brother.
The lawyer stood up on shaky legs, pajama bottoms still around his ankles. When pulling them up, he could see that they were stained with his own jizz. Quickly stepping out of the pants and throwing them into the laundry basket, Nathan looked at the state of himself. At least his cock was soft now, but he could not crawl in naked beside Peter. Last time he had tried - totally innocently nonetheless - the poor boy had not had a positive reaction.
Glancing at himself in the mirror and seeing nothing he liked, Nathan briefly considered sleeping on the couch, but Peter would not have liked that either. He needed his big brother in order to sleep well, and suddenly avoiding him in their daily activities would do more harm than good. Sighing, he left the bathroom and returned to his bed.
Peter was sleeping so peacefully, one would not be able to tell from first glance that he had experienced such horrors which left him so fragile now. Nathan had the urge to caress the still face, but he refused. He felt too much like one of the people he so often persecuted in court.
As quietly as possible, the older man removed a clean pair of pajama bottoms from the bureau, slipped them on, and eased himself into bed. He still felt shameful of sharing a bed with his little brother now, but not nearly as much as he would by avoiding him.
Nathan was surprised at how easily sleep reclaimed him despite what had just happened with him and Peter. Fifteen minutes after laying his head on the pillow, he was already asleep and did not wake up until sunlight from outside fell on his face and made him see through the tender network of blood vessels in his own eyelids. Nathan opened his eyes and found himself looking at the ceiling instead. He did not look at the clock, but judging from the light, it had to be past nine.
Sometime during the night, Peter had snuggled up against his side, and the kid was still blissfully asleep, his mop of dark hair on Nathan’s shoulder. Part of the tension from last night dissipated inside Nathan. If Peter still sought body contact with him, it had to mean - at least from Peter’s perspective - that things were alright between them.
Nathan wrapped his left arm around Peter’s small frame and kissed the top of the boy’s dark crown. “Love you so much, baby…” he whispered.
“Hmmmff…” Peter grunted, his limbs slowly uncurling from their previous position.
Nathan watched as the boy crept on top of him, eyes still closed as he spoke.
“Morning.”
“Good morning,” the older man replied. “Sleep well?”
Peter hesitated, but stayed put, unmoving from his brother. “I had a dream. It was weird... I was in a room, all blue walls and stuff... and it changed to reds and purples.”
Nathan smiled, patting his little brother’s head. “That does sound weird.”
“It didn’t stop there,” Peter continued. “This is where it gets really weird. I dreamt that I was... having sex.”
Trying not to be outwardly surprised at his brother’s memory, Nathan continued to stroke Peter’s hair.
“You know how you said that I can share anything with you?” Peter asked.
“Of course, bud.”
“Well... I think in my dream... actually I know it. I was dreaming you were with me.”
It took all of Nathan’s practiced self control to remain outwardly unfazed when Peter continued to tell him about his dream. Though being spared the most vivid details, Nathan had no trouble recognizing their little ‘escapade’ from last night. Hell, his little escapade. Peter hadn’t even been properly awake and able to consent.
//But he liked it// a voice said inside Nathan’s head. //More than that - he loved it. He was in his own private heaven with your hand around his dick//
Nathan could remember watching Peter writhe in ecstasy and how it had ultimately aroused him as well. What kind of man was he, having such thoughts about his own baby brother?
“It felt so real, Nathan,” Peter said, his voice almost imploring. “Like it really happened.”
“It was a dream, sweetheart,” the lawyer said, fighting to keep his voice from trembling. “Wet dreams are not uncommon at your age.”
“It… it’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Peter asked, and now he sounded defeated rather than excited. “I can tell it is. Do you… do you think I’m disgusting?”
“No, far from it.”
Peter looked up in response to the harshness of his older brother’s voice. Nathan grimaced, realizing his need to convince both Peter and himself had brought out a tone which did not sound at all convincing or gentle.
“Sweetheart...” Feeling uncomfortable, Nathan sat up, leaving his brother no choice but to rise as well. Peter looked at him, his large doe eyes filled with uncertainty. Nathan sighed and gently grasped Peter’s thin shoulders. The boy seemed frail enough to break if he held him too firmly.
“Don’t ever worry about what you feel. You’re not disgusting. You’re not the bad person.”
‘The’, not ‘a’. Damn it. Nathan hoped his brother had not noticed the slip, and he quickly moved his hands to Peter’s neck, cupping the place where it met the jaw. Peter gave a hopeful smile, wrapping his fingers around the lawyer’s wrists in encouragement as thought attempting to seem cheerful.
“Let’s have some breakfast,” Nathan suggested, and his offer was met with an enthusiastic nod.
Since today was a Saturday, Nathan decided to make something a little extra for his brother’s breakfast. Ever since the lawyer had gone back to work, Peter had had to cope with mostly cereal and milk, as it was all he could prepare for himself. Nathan tried to remember to make the boy a sandwich or two the previous evening, but he too often forgot.
“Would you like pancakes with maple syrup?” Nathan asked with a grin, and Peter nodded eagerly from his seat at the kitchen table.
While Nathan started preparing the ingredients, Peter watched him, deep in thought. Something was off about Nathan today, and Peter wanted to ask him what it was. His brother seemed to be acting too cheerful, as though he were struggling hard to cover up his true mood.
“Would you like to do something fun today, Pete? Go see a movie, perhaps?” Nathan asked, mixing sugar with flour in a large container.
“Could we… just stay home? I want to just relax today."
“What?” Nathan said, his voice perhaps a little too eager. “Why stay inside? It’s a beautiful day!”
Where was the butter? Nathan wondered. Of course: they had only recently used it up. Figuring there had to be another container in the nearby cabinet, he opened it, only to find that it sat on the highest shelf.
Damn.
Nathan could plainly see the packaging peeking just over the edge of the shelf, as though it was mocking him from such a height. Standing on tiptoe, he stretched his arm upwards to try and reach it without the assistance of a stool.
“Well... we can stay here and... enjoy the day...” Peter knew it was a lame excuse, but he was hardly in the mood to go outside. “Besides, I don’t think there are any movies I want to go see right now.”
“We can be together if we get outside though, Pete,” Nathan insisted, straining to reach upward.
“Yeah, but... oh, I dunno...” Peter looked aside. “Maybe you’re right... I just want to be able to relax, you know?”
“I guess I understand...” the older man replied, his hand so close, yet so far away. If he could only just... “Got it!” he exclaimed, fingers firmly around the container.
Nathan was just about to withdraw his hand now gripping the package of butter when got the eerie and yet impossible feeling that his feet were not touching the ground. Face twisted in a typical “what the fuck” grimace, he looked down at his feet to check what was really going on, and suddenly, after experiencing something very similar to a short drop, there was indeed ground beneath his feet. Or his toes, to be precise.
Nathan’s left ankle twisted painfully beneath him when all his weight was placed on his unsuspecting toes, and he lost his balance, tumbling to the floor in a heap. The container of butter flew out of his grasp and slid across the floor in under the table where Peter sat. Nathan could only cry out in pain from the stab of pain radiating from his sprained ankle.
Peter’s already large eyes went wide and he stared incredulously at the spectacle. He had not been fully looking at Nathan while speaking to him, and so by the time he looked up at the commotion, Nathan had disappeared behind the table.
“Nathan??” The young man stood up from his seat and hurried to his brother’s side.
Nathan was attempting to sit up from where he had fallen, his own face a similar mask of utter bewilderment. “Fuck,” he cursed. “What the hell?”
“Yeah, what the hell for me too,” Peter said in agreement, putting his arms around his big brother. “What happened?”
Nathan felt like asking the same thing. He had to have been seeing things, but for a brief moment he could have sworn that he was... levitating?
“I don’t know,” he finally answered, and for the most part he was being truthful. “Lost my balance reaching for the butter I guess... where’d it go anyway?”
Peter immediately reached under the table, grabbing the container where it had slid to a halt. “You okay, Nate?” he asked, worry clear in his voice.
Nathan’s face screwed into discomfort when he wiggled his foot, a twinge of pain making itself known. “I may have twisted my ankle,” the older man said after trying to wiggle his foot a second time. “I kind of… landed on it.”
Peter’s youthful face showed instant concern. “C-Can you stand up?” he asked, tugging slightly on Nathan’s arm, as if to encourage him.
The lawyer let out a humourless bark of laughter. “I better, or I’ll have to stay on the floor all day. Since you can’t exactly carry me, right, baby brother?”
Peter’s heart sank at the words. Of course Nathan was right. He couldn’t carry Nathan, or help him in many ways at all. Nathan was always helping him, not vice versa. Had he twisted his ankle, Nathan could have simply scooped him up and carried him to bed. The opposite was just physically impossible.
“Help me stand up, Pete,” Nathan urged. “I need to bandage my ankle.”
“Are you sure?”
Nathan gripped a chair and tried to steady himself before standing. “What’s that?”
“Are you sure I can help you stand?” Peter clarified. “What if I’m not strong enough and I slip?” His voice became a mutter. “Then you’ll fall on me and we’ll both be screwed.”
Nathan chuckled, amused by the idea. “I’m not that much heavier than you.”
Alright, so he was, but he was not going to tell Peter that.
“I have faith in you. I can get up pretty well on one leg; I just need someone to help me keep my balance. I don’t need a repeat of a couple of minutes ago. Come on.” He held up an arm, smiling. “Pull, buddy.”
Nibbling at his bottom lip, Peter complied, tugging as Nathan struggled to stand up. Once he was standing, Nathan leant back against the kitchen counter. “Well, pancakes are gonna be a little late this morning,” he said with a smile. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, I’ll help,” Peter objected, grabbing his brother’s arm and placing it around his own shoulders, encouraging Nathan to put some weight on him.
“Sure you can manage, buddy?”
Peter nodded. “I’m sure.”
A brief mental image of Nathan falling again and breaking something worse than his ankle made him want to stay at his brother’s side. Nathan’s fall had been a freak accident, and something about it concerned Peter.
“Bathroom…” the lawyer panted, amazed at how hard it was only putting weight on one leg. “Medicine cabinet… I need some gauze to tie my ankle.”
Peter complied, struggling hard not to let it show how difficult it was coping with the extra weight.
Once the roll of gauze was securely in Nathan’s hand, the older man limped, still supported by Peter, to the living room, where he collapsed in an armchair, face dripping with sweat.
“Wow,” Peter said, trying to be in good humour. “You’re way outta shape, Nate. No wonder you were so heavy!”
“Haw, haw, haw,” Nathan sneered at him, pretending to be grouchy but amused by Peter’s attempts to keep the situation light. He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm and proceeded to wrap his ankle.
“Well, there goes our plans for going out today,” he stated, a little disappointed.
“That’s alright,” Peter responded, sounding earnest. “Like I said, we can just stay home, relax... as long as you’re here, I don’t mind if we don’t go out.”
Nathan cocked an eyebrow at his little brother, continuing to wrap his ankle as he thought over the day.
“Well, we’ll stay here for now, let my ankle heal some, give it rest... and then maybe this evening we can go do something. I just don’t like the idea of staying indoors all the time.”
Peter smiled sweetly. “I don’t mind.”
Nathan let one of his hands free of the work to pat Peter on the head. “I do. You need some fresh air once in a while.”
“I’m not going outside by myself…” Peter muttered. “And you can’t even walk.”
“I’ll be doing better after the pain meds start working,” Nathan replied, doing his best to still sound optimistic. “It’s just a sprained ankle. Nothing’s broken, bud.”
Peter said nothing and simply regarded his big brother for a moment. Nathan was still putting up an act, and he obviously thought Peter would not be able to see through it.
//I may be pathetic, but I’m not stupid// the younger man thought. Something was going on with Nathan. Something not-good.
“Just tell me if there’s anything I can do to help,” Peter offered, squeezing himself in next to his brother even though Nathan was seated in an armchair meant for one individual. It was a tight fit, but it worked, and he craved to be near Nathan right now. Maybe if Peter got better, whatever that was bothering Nathan would go away, and things could go back to normal? Well, not ‘normal’ but at least something resembling normalcy.
Nathan embraced the teenager’s slender body pressed so tightly against his. Thoughts were running rampant in his head, and he was beginning to suspect that Peter was picking up on things.
If he kept going like this, it was only a matter of time before he totally lost it. Molesting his sleeping brother, then actually thinking he could levitate… what was next? Nathan hardly dared to think about it. Had the added pressure of everything lately - Peter, his job, his sexual frustration - caused him to head towards a psychotic breakthrough?
The idea of not being able to take care of himself - or Peter - frightened Nathan more than anything else. He had to keep his shit together. What would happen to Peter if Nathan was left unable to care for him?
“You zoning out again?” he heard Peter ask him, and he snapped out of his worrisome trance. Looking at Peter, Nathan could tell the facade was beginning to wash away.
“Thinking about the good old days again?” his little brother asked hopefully. To say yes would have been a lie though.
“No, I’m okay, bud,” Nathan said, but the dishonesty tasted bad in the back of his throat.
The silence which followed for nearly a full minute was disquieting, and both brothers felt it.
“Nate...?”
“Yeah, Peter?”
Peter bit at his lip, looking uncertain and just a little bit nervous. “You said that I can share anything with you, because we’re brothers.”
“That’s correct.”
“Then...” Peter hesitated, but finally spoke his mind. “Doesn’t that mean the same for you?”
“That’s correct,” the lawyer dutifully repeated, though the lump in his throat was arguing otherwise.
The boy’s hand gripped a little tighter on his big brother’s shoulder, and he gazed into Nathan’s brown, soulful eyes. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? Something’s bothering you and you’re not hiding it very well.”
Nathan sighed. He’d been an idiot, thinking he could hide his state of mind from Peter for a longer period. His brother might not be able to take care of himself, but he was a born empath, and this had not and would never change, no matter what happened.
“Just give me a little time, Peter,” Nathan said gravely. “That’s all I need. You needn’t be worried. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Nathan, you’re scaring me,” Peter said in a quiet voice, and he shivered despite being pressed against the older man’s warm body. “I… I don’t like when you talk like that. Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Is it me? Have I done something to upset you?”
“No, Peter, it’s not you. I’m sorry if I’m giving off that impression. This has nothing to do with you, baby brother.” Nathan tried to force a smile, but it was more difficult than he’d thought. “What happened---” He interrupted himself. “What was done to us was terrible, and you’ve been needing time to process things, right, Pete?”
The younger man nodded.
“I’ve been lying to myself, baby. I said I didn’t need help, that I was okay and that everything was as it should. I’ve come to realize now that I was wrong. I need time to heal my soul, just like you. And I haven’t allowed myself any.”
Peter’s eyes were sad, but slightly unreadable. Something was going on behind those eyes, as though Peter was trying to solve an unsolvable riddle. He parted his lips a few times, trying to figure out something to say.
“Have... have I been making it worse?”
“No,” Nathan instinctively replied, though in a sense, perhaps the boy had. Nathan only had himself to blame if that were the case, and to put any sort of blame on his little brother made that awful taste come back.
“You never make things worse, buddy,” he said, stroking at the younger man’s dark hair. It was still so soft, as though Peter were a child again. The thought made Nathan resist a shudder, considering the reason for his state of upset.
“Can I help in any way? I’d like it if I could help. I like to help.”
Nathan could not resist smiling warmly at his little brother. “You’re such a sweetheart, Peter.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad, Nathan,” Peter said compassionately and continued to gaze intensely at his big brother, as though he could will Nathan to feel well. Knowing that Nathan might be feeling the same way he had much too often after the abduction was nearly killing Peter inside. No one should ever have to go through something like that, least of all his brave and courageous big brother.
Nathan looked down when he felt Peter place a hand on his chest, just above his heart. It was a symbolic gesture that Peter sometimes did as a display of affection. Nathan responded naturally by cupping his hand over Peter’s cheek, and they leant against one another in the chair, heads touching peacefully, though peace was the last thing going on within Nathan’s mind.
TBC...
---
Title: Brother's Keeper
Authors: henrika_amanda & pilar_sama
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nathan/Peter… and more in future chapters
Summary: The year Peter graduates high school, his big brother Nathan takes him out on a 3-week long camping trip… which will forever change the lives of them both.
Disclaimer: No rights, no income. We’re just a pair of poor students anyway.
Warnings: Incest, dark themes, violence.
*
Chapter 34
In Nathan's opinion, his return to the office was relatively smooth, both professionally and privately. His colleagues acted as though he'd never been gone in the first place, and Nathan was determined to work hard and prove to the DA that letting him come back had been the right choice.
Peter clung to him almost obsessively when he returned home from his part time work days, and even though that was a behaviour Nathan had gotten used to, Peter at least didn't get any panic attacks or mental breakdowns during his absence. Perhaps the kid was going to get through this, despite all.
Two weeks after Nathan had resumed his job as a prosecutor, Peter began to realize how much he was looking forward to the weekends and having his big brother all to himself for two whole days at the end of the week. Peter was particularly needy one night when the two brothers settled into bed. The moment Nathan was under the covers, he felt little hands on him and a nose nuzzling into his shoulders.
"Hey, bud!" He exclaimed, amused but at the same time puzzled. "What's with all the attention? Not that it bothers me, but you're particularly... affectionate tonight."
"I just... miss you during the day."
Nathan chuckled. "If you say so. You wanna talk about anything?"
Peter did not have the nerve to admit he had been feeling particularly frustrated in the sexual department. Even with this on his mind almost all the time, he was clinging to his big brother for sexual satisfaction. He had been unable to stimulate himself presently, and the boy thought that perhaps the talk concerning the porn videos - despite no ill feelings coming between them - had been to blame for it. Now he just simply wanted things to be back the way they were before the talk.
Nathan was tired; it was Friday night, and he had gotten up around six to be at his desk at 7:30. Still, if his baby brother needed to talk, he would take time to listen. Being there for Peter was particularly important now that he was away during much of the day.
But Peter merely shook his head. "It's nothing..." he murmured quietly. "I just love you so much, that's all."
The statement was punctuated with a small kiss to the lawyer's collar bone.
"Are you sure, Pete? You know that if there's something...-"
"I know, Nathan. I'd tell you." Peter smiled, but it was a sad smile. "You must be tired. Let's go to sleep."
"You sure, bud?"
"I'm sure, Nathan. C-can you hold me?"
"You bet. It's really cold, even in here, and two bodies are warmer than one."
"Like chicks."
Nathan's eyebrows went up. "Pardon?"
Peter blushed just the slightest bit. "You ever seen baby chicks? When their mom isn't around they all huddle up together."
"Oh!" Nathan replied with a laugh. "So are we two chicks or am I the mother hen?"
Peter giggled. "I think that sounds right. You're like my mother hen.”
It seemed more like something to do when Peter was much smaller, but Nathan made a few clucking noises and Peter smiled, cuddling against him under the covers. The lawyer switched off the light, and soon they were both asleep.
*
Nathan awoke later that night to the feeling of his little brother's body squirming against him. Was Peter having a nightmare?
"Nafan..."
Though slurred, there was no mistaking that Peter was calling out his big brother's name in his sleep. Just as Nathan was about to switch the night lamp on and wake Peter up, he heard his name again, pronounced slightly more clearly this time. However, it sounded nothing like Peter was in distress. Rather it sounded... It took Nathan's sleepy mind a few attempts to find the right word for it, but once he did, there was no denying it. Peter sounded lecherous.
Nathan switched the night lamp on, wanting to see if his suspicions were correct. Peter was on his back only inches away from him, clearly still asleep. The boy's face was flushed, and his pink, slightly swollen lips were halfway parted. Nathan could also see the blanket peaking at a blatantly obvious area below Peter's mid. His baby brother had an erection, and from what he was able to tell, he was having a wet dream. About Nathan himself.
Deciding between ignoring Peter and waking the boy up, curiosity got the better of Nathan, and he carefully lifted the blankets to glance at Peter's erection. Heat rose in his own face, and he felt almost like a peeping tom, but still he could not help himself.
Peter shivered when his flushed skin came in contact with the chilly bedroom air, but he did not awaken. His erection, dark pink and swollen against his belly, twitched all of a sudden, and Nathan could spot a tiny droplet of pre-come leaking from the slit. Peter’s back arched slightly as he writhed once more, whispering something unintelligible.
Nathan felt extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing. At this point he had become used to his little brother becoming instantly ashamed should he even get so much as faintly aroused in front of him. Now Peter was completely in the dark that he had an audience, so much as experienced a wet dream. One of his thin hands drifted against his front during his ministrations and Nathan heard the words “here we go” in his mind when the hand brushed up against a previously undisturbed nipple.
“Oooohh hmmm...” Peter squirmed again as if an invisible lover was atop him. Essentially one was, if only in dreams. And it was Nathan himself. Soon the lawyer found himself blushing, something he did not often do.
If Peter woke up now and found his big brother staring down at him, the poor boy would be devastated. Nathan knew Peter well enough to know this would happen, and he did not want to be caught staring at his own brother like some... like some goddamn pervert.
Nathan slowly inched away from the sleeping young man, thinking that he should simply lie back down, go to sleep, and forget what he'd seen tonight. Or at least try his best. He did none of these things. Suddenly Nathan was painfully aware that he was being watched and glancing down at Peter, he could see the boy's large, sleepy eyes regarding him.
"Nathaannn..." Peter whispered, reaching for his brother's face. The dreamy expression did not vanish from his face.
Relieved but also disturbed, Nathan realized that Peter was still dreaming in some capacity.
"Nath... please help me, I... it won't... it won't go away..."
Nathan was at a loss for words. No matter what he did now, he would feel some level of guilt over it. If he ignored his brother, Peter might wake up and realize what was going on. If he helped him, he would feel like some kind of monster. Possibly even worse than the evil people who had abducted them, as Nathan was someone Peter trusted.
“Save mmmeee...” his little brother muttered, eyes closing again for a long time as he reached for the older man’s hand. Nathan could definitely figure out the reason for the gesture. Peter wanted help for his throbbing erection. Even now, there hung the trust that Peter felt for his older brother, no matter what. Peter trusted Nathan to help him with anything he needed, and he trusted the utmost confidence between them.
Slowly, as though about to touch some dangerous animal, Nathan reached out and very carefully tapped at his little brother’s erect penis. He pulled away when the boy moaned sharply, but soon realized the sound was of pleasure rather than fear or pain.
Nathan closed his hand around the hot, throbbing organ and slowly began moving it up and down. Peter’s shaft was both shorter and so much more slender than his own, and the feeling was slightly odd. He had, after all, not held another man’s cock in his hand for over ten years.
Peter immediately started writhing against the stimulation offered, practically thrusting into his brother’s strong fist. As predicted, the teenager did not last long. Peter’s whole body, now glistening with sweat, bucked off the mattress, and he spilled his release all over Nathan’s hand and his own lower abdomen. Some also leaked onto the mattress when Nathan slowly withdrew his hand.
Peter quickly relaxed into post-orgasmic bliss with a happy and sated smile on his flushed face. He was beautiful, even in his current decadent, disheveled state. Nathan’s eyes raked over Peter’s slender, pliant form, now completely relaxed, and he felt something stir in his loins.
“Fuuuck,” he quietly cursed. Peter moaned a little in response but otherwise remained asleep. Not wanting to wake him, Nathan carefully got out of bed and retreated to the bathroom, closing the door before turning on the light to inspect himself.
Yes, he was developing an erection of his own.
“No...” he whispered. “No, no, no...”
For a brief moment, Nathan had a notion that he knew just a little bit how Peter felt in present times. Heat spread into his face and he actually felt frightened, ashamed, melancholic... lost.
How dare he, how dare he react to his own little brother. Nathan had insisted that he did not need help after the torture he had endured, as well as witnessing the torture of his brother.’
His baby brother, God damn it!
Nathan did not want to touch himself, but his erection sat plain as day upon his figure, and he covered his eyes with a shaking hand.
He was sexually frustrated, that had to be it. There was simply no other explanation. Not having gotten any for the past six or seven months, Nathan Petrelli’s sexual release had been limited to quick jerk-off sessions in the shower, often during early mornings when Peter was still asleep. Besides, he was heterosexual. A male, even one as effeminate and beautiful as Peter, should not cause this reaction in him. Granted, he had done his fair share of experimenting in college, but those days were over, and he had always preferred women.
Yet he was here, sporting a boner that would surely frighten the wits out of Peter should the kid happen to see it. He had to take care of it before returning to sleep next to his little brother.
Nathan lowered his pajama bottoms and took his nearly rock-hard cock in his hand, which still held traces of Peter’s release. Nathan’s face burned with shame as he jerked his cock with quick, hard pulls. He had practically molested Peter in his sleep, and here he was, jerking off to it.
Panic was not something that Nathan often felt, but he certainly felt it now. Maybe he did need professional help.
“C’mon, come on...” he begged to himself, desperate to be free of the hard-on as soon as possible. “Please...”
The lawyer could only hope that his actions were not making too much noise to wake Peter. The last thing he needed was his little brother wondering - and then maybe finding out why - the reason for all of this.
Giving a strangled moan, Nathan wasted no time with being gentle on himself. He bit into his bottom lip as he yanked one final time and felt a great, white-hot release, but he did not cry out. In the overload of the orgasm combined with the fury of all the emotions he felt upon the discovery of his erection, he held back a sob.
God, he felt like some kind of monster. He deserved to go to jail for this, Nathan thought. Being a prosecutor, he had dealt with cases of incestuous sexual abuse, and the intense desire to get those perpetrators behind bars had motivated him to win most of those cases.
Dear God, why had he done this to Peter? He was supposed to take care of the boy, look out for him. Peter trusted him, and Nathan had repaid his trust by… molesting his brother.
The lawyer stood up on shaky legs, pajama bottoms still around his ankles. When pulling them up, he could see that they were stained with his own jizz. Quickly stepping out of the pants and throwing them into the laundry basket, Nathan looked at the state of himself. At least his cock was soft now, but he could not crawl in naked beside Peter. Last time he had tried - totally innocently nonetheless - the poor boy had not had a positive reaction.
Glancing at himself in the mirror and seeing nothing he liked, Nathan briefly considered sleeping on the couch, but Peter would not have liked that either. He needed his big brother in order to sleep well, and suddenly avoiding him in their daily activities would do more harm than good. Sighing, he left the bathroom and returned to his bed.
Peter was sleeping so peacefully, one would not be able to tell from first glance that he had experienced such horrors which left him so fragile now. Nathan had the urge to caress the still face, but he refused. He felt too much like one of the people he so often persecuted in court.
As quietly as possible, the older man removed a clean pair of pajama bottoms from the bureau, slipped them on, and eased himself into bed. He still felt shameful of sharing a bed with his little brother now, but not nearly as much as he would by avoiding him.
Nathan was surprised at how easily sleep reclaimed him despite what had just happened with him and Peter. Fifteen minutes after laying his head on the pillow, he was already asleep and did not wake up until sunlight from outside fell on his face and made him see through the tender network of blood vessels in his own eyelids. Nathan opened his eyes and found himself looking at the ceiling instead. He did not look at the clock, but judging from the light, it had to be past nine.
Sometime during the night, Peter had snuggled up against his side, and the kid was still blissfully asleep, his mop of dark hair on Nathan’s shoulder. Part of the tension from last night dissipated inside Nathan. If Peter still sought body contact with him, it had to mean - at least from Peter’s perspective - that things were alright between them.
Nathan wrapped his left arm around Peter’s small frame and kissed the top of the boy’s dark crown. “Love you so much, baby…” he whispered.
“Hmmmff…” Peter grunted, his limbs slowly uncurling from their previous position.
Nathan watched as the boy crept on top of him, eyes still closed as he spoke.
“Morning.”
“Good morning,” the older man replied. “Sleep well?”
Peter hesitated, but stayed put, unmoving from his brother. “I had a dream. It was weird... I was in a room, all blue walls and stuff... and it changed to reds and purples.”
Nathan smiled, patting his little brother’s head. “That does sound weird.”
“It didn’t stop there,” Peter continued. “This is where it gets really weird. I dreamt that I was... having sex.”
Trying not to be outwardly surprised at his brother’s memory, Nathan continued to stroke Peter’s hair.
“You know how you said that I can share anything with you?” Peter asked.
“Of course, bud.”
“Well... I think in my dream... actually I know it. I was dreaming you were with me.”
It took all of Nathan’s practiced self control to remain outwardly unfazed when Peter continued to tell him about his dream. Though being spared the most vivid details, Nathan had no trouble recognizing their little ‘escapade’ from last night. Hell, his little escapade. Peter hadn’t even been properly awake and able to consent.
//But he liked it// a voice said inside Nathan’s head. //More than that - he loved it. He was in his own private heaven with your hand around his dick//
Nathan could remember watching Peter writhe in ecstasy and how it had ultimately aroused him as well. What kind of man was he, having such thoughts about his own baby brother?
“It felt so real, Nathan,” Peter said, his voice almost imploring. “Like it really happened.”
“It was a dream, sweetheart,” the lawyer said, fighting to keep his voice from trembling. “Wet dreams are not uncommon at your age.”
“It… it’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Peter asked, and now he sounded defeated rather than excited. “I can tell it is. Do you… do you think I’m disgusting?”
“No, far from it.”
Peter looked up in response to the harshness of his older brother’s voice. Nathan grimaced, realizing his need to convince both Peter and himself had brought out a tone which did not sound at all convincing or gentle.
“Sweetheart...” Feeling uncomfortable, Nathan sat up, leaving his brother no choice but to rise as well. Peter looked at him, his large doe eyes filled with uncertainty. Nathan sighed and gently grasped Peter’s thin shoulders. The boy seemed frail enough to break if he held him too firmly.
“Don’t ever worry about what you feel. You’re not disgusting. You’re not the bad person.”
‘The’, not ‘a’. Damn it. Nathan hoped his brother had not noticed the slip, and he quickly moved his hands to Peter’s neck, cupping the place where it met the jaw. Peter gave a hopeful smile, wrapping his fingers around the lawyer’s wrists in encouragement as thought attempting to seem cheerful.
“Let’s have some breakfast,” Nathan suggested, and his offer was met with an enthusiastic nod.
Since today was a Saturday, Nathan decided to make something a little extra for his brother’s breakfast. Ever since the lawyer had gone back to work, Peter had had to cope with mostly cereal and milk, as it was all he could prepare for himself. Nathan tried to remember to make the boy a sandwich or two the previous evening, but he too often forgot.
“Would you like pancakes with maple syrup?” Nathan asked with a grin, and Peter nodded eagerly from his seat at the kitchen table.
While Nathan started preparing the ingredients, Peter watched him, deep in thought. Something was off about Nathan today, and Peter wanted to ask him what it was. His brother seemed to be acting too cheerful, as though he were struggling hard to cover up his true mood.
“Would you like to do something fun today, Pete? Go see a movie, perhaps?” Nathan asked, mixing sugar with flour in a large container.
“Could we… just stay home? I want to just relax today."
“What?” Nathan said, his voice perhaps a little too eager. “Why stay inside? It’s a beautiful day!”
Where was the butter? Nathan wondered. Of course: they had only recently used it up. Figuring there had to be another container in the nearby cabinet, he opened it, only to find that it sat on the highest shelf.
Damn.
Nathan could plainly see the packaging peeking just over the edge of the shelf, as though it was mocking him from such a height. Standing on tiptoe, he stretched his arm upwards to try and reach it without the assistance of a stool.
“Well... we can stay here and... enjoy the day...” Peter knew it was a lame excuse, but he was hardly in the mood to go outside. “Besides, I don’t think there are any movies I want to go see right now.”
“We can be together if we get outside though, Pete,” Nathan insisted, straining to reach upward.
“Yeah, but... oh, I dunno...” Peter looked aside. “Maybe you’re right... I just want to be able to relax, you know?”
“I guess I understand...” the older man replied, his hand so close, yet so far away. If he could only just... “Got it!” he exclaimed, fingers firmly around the container.
Nathan was just about to withdraw his hand now gripping the package of butter when got the eerie and yet impossible feeling that his feet were not touching the ground. Face twisted in a typical “what the fuck” grimace, he looked down at his feet to check what was really going on, and suddenly, after experiencing something very similar to a short drop, there was indeed ground beneath his feet. Or his toes, to be precise.
Nathan’s left ankle twisted painfully beneath him when all his weight was placed on his unsuspecting toes, and he lost his balance, tumbling to the floor in a heap. The container of butter flew out of his grasp and slid across the floor in under the table where Peter sat. Nathan could only cry out in pain from the stab of pain radiating from his sprained ankle.
Peter’s already large eyes went wide and he stared incredulously at the spectacle. He had not been fully looking at Nathan while speaking to him, and so by the time he looked up at the commotion, Nathan had disappeared behind the table.
“Nathan??” The young man stood up from his seat and hurried to his brother’s side.
Nathan was attempting to sit up from where he had fallen, his own face a similar mask of utter bewilderment. “Fuck,” he cursed. “What the hell?”
“Yeah, what the hell for me too,” Peter said in agreement, putting his arms around his big brother. “What happened?”
Nathan felt like asking the same thing. He had to have been seeing things, but for a brief moment he could have sworn that he was... levitating?
“I don’t know,” he finally answered, and for the most part he was being truthful. “Lost my balance reaching for the butter I guess... where’d it go anyway?”
Peter immediately reached under the table, grabbing the container where it had slid to a halt. “You okay, Nate?” he asked, worry clear in his voice.
Nathan’s face screwed into discomfort when he wiggled his foot, a twinge of pain making itself known. “I may have twisted my ankle,” the older man said after trying to wiggle his foot a second time. “I kind of… landed on it.”
Peter’s youthful face showed instant concern. “C-Can you stand up?” he asked, tugging slightly on Nathan’s arm, as if to encourage him.
The lawyer let out a humourless bark of laughter. “I better, or I’ll have to stay on the floor all day. Since you can’t exactly carry me, right, baby brother?”
Peter’s heart sank at the words. Of course Nathan was right. He couldn’t carry Nathan, or help him in many ways at all. Nathan was always helping him, not vice versa. Had he twisted his ankle, Nathan could have simply scooped him up and carried him to bed. The opposite was just physically impossible.
“Help me stand up, Pete,” Nathan urged. “I need to bandage my ankle.”
“Are you sure?”
Nathan gripped a chair and tried to steady himself before standing. “What’s that?”
“Are you sure I can help you stand?” Peter clarified. “What if I’m not strong enough and I slip?” His voice became a mutter. “Then you’ll fall on me and we’ll both be screwed.”
Nathan chuckled, amused by the idea. “I’m not that much heavier than you.”
Alright, so he was, but he was not going to tell Peter that.
“I have faith in you. I can get up pretty well on one leg; I just need someone to help me keep my balance. I don’t need a repeat of a couple of minutes ago. Come on.” He held up an arm, smiling. “Pull, buddy.”
Nibbling at his bottom lip, Peter complied, tugging as Nathan struggled to stand up. Once he was standing, Nathan leant back against the kitchen counter. “Well, pancakes are gonna be a little late this morning,” he said with a smile. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, I’ll help,” Peter objected, grabbing his brother’s arm and placing it around his own shoulders, encouraging Nathan to put some weight on him.
“Sure you can manage, buddy?”
Peter nodded. “I’m sure.”
A brief mental image of Nathan falling again and breaking something worse than his ankle made him want to stay at his brother’s side. Nathan’s fall had been a freak accident, and something about it concerned Peter.
“Bathroom…” the lawyer panted, amazed at how hard it was only putting weight on one leg. “Medicine cabinet… I need some gauze to tie my ankle.”
Peter complied, struggling hard not to let it show how difficult it was coping with the extra weight.
Once the roll of gauze was securely in Nathan’s hand, the older man limped, still supported by Peter, to the living room, where he collapsed in an armchair, face dripping with sweat.
“Wow,” Peter said, trying to be in good humour. “You’re way outta shape, Nate. No wonder you were so heavy!”
“Haw, haw, haw,” Nathan sneered at him, pretending to be grouchy but amused by Peter’s attempts to keep the situation light. He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm and proceeded to wrap his ankle.
“Well, there goes our plans for going out today,” he stated, a little disappointed.
“That’s alright,” Peter responded, sounding earnest. “Like I said, we can just stay home, relax... as long as you’re here, I don’t mind if we don’t go out.”
Nathan cocked an eyebrow at his little brother, continuing to wrap his ankle as he thought over the day.
“Well, we’ll stay here for now, let my ankle heal some, give it rest... and then maybe this evening we can go do something. I just don’t like the idea of staying indoors all the time.”
Peter smiled sweetly. “I don’t mind.”
Nathan let one of his hands free of the work to pat Peter on the head. “I do. You need some fresh air once in a while.”
“I’m not going outside by myself…” Peter muttered. “And you can’t even walk.”
“I’ll be doing better after the pain meds start working,” Nathan replied, doing his best to still sound optimistic. “It’s just a sprained ankle. Nothing’s broken, bud.”
Peter said nothing and simply regarded his big brother for a moment. Nathan was still putting up an act, and he obviously thought Peter would not be able to see through it.
//I may be pathetic, but I’m not stupid// the younger man thought. Something was going on with Nathan. Something not-good.
“Just tell me if there’s anything I can do to help,” Peter offered, squeezing himself in next to his brother even though Nathan was seated in an armchair meant for one individual. It was a tight fit, but it worked, and he craved to be near Nathan right now. Maybe if Peter got better, whatever that was bothering Nathan would go away, and things could go back to normal? Well, not ‘normal’ but at least something resembling normalcy.
Nathan embraced the teenager’s slender body pressed so tightly against his. Thoughts were running rampant in his head, and he was beginning to suspect that Peter was picking up on things.
If he kept going like this, it was only a matter of time before he totally lost it. Molesting his sleeping brother, then actually thinking he could levitate… what was next? Nathan hardly dared to think about it. Had the added pressure of everything lately - Peter, his job, his sexual frustration - caused him to head towards a psychotic breakthrough?
The idea of not being able to take care of himself - or Peter - frightened Nathan more than anything else. He had to keep his shit together. What would happen to Peter if Nathan was left unable to care for him?
“You zoning out again?” he heard Peter ask him, and he snapped out of his worrisome trance. Looking at Peter, Nathan could tell the facade was beginning to wash away.
“Thinking about the good old days again?” his little brother asked hopefully. To say yes would have been a lie though.
“No, I’m okay, bud,” Nathan said, but the dishonesty tasted bad in the back of his throat.
The silence which followed for nearly a full minute was disquieting, and both brothers felt it.
“Nate...?”
“Yeah, Peter?”
Peter bit at his lip, looking uncertain and just a little bit nervous. “You said that I can share anything with you, because we’re brothers.”
“That’s correct.”
“Then...” Peter hesitated, but finally spoke his mind. “Doesn’t that mean the same for you?”
“That’s correct,” the lawyer dutifully repeated, though the lump in his throat was arguing otherwise.
The boy’s hand gripped a little tighter on his big brother’s shoulder, and he gazed into Nathan’s brown, soulful eyes. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? Something’s bothering you and you’re not hiding it very well.”
Nathan sighed. He’d been an idiot, thinking he could hide his state of mind from Peter for a longer period. His brother might not be able to take care of himself, but he was a born empath, and this had not and would never change, no matter what happened.
“Just give me a little time, Peter,” Nathan said gravely. “That’s all I need. You needn’t be worried. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Nathan, you’re scaring me,” Peter said in a quiet voice, and he shivered despite being pressed against the older man’s warm body. “I… I don’t like when you talk like that. Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Is it me? Have I done something to upset you?”
“No, Peter, it’s not you. I’m sorry if I’m giving off that impression. This has nothing to do with you, baby brother.” Nathan tried to force a smile, but it was more difficult than he’d thought. “What happened---” He interrupted himself. “What was done to us was terrible, and you’ve been needing time to process things, right, Pete?”
The younger man nodded.
“I’ve been lying to myself, baby. I said I didn’t need help, that I was okay and that everything was as it should. I’ve come to realize now that I was wrong. I need time to heal my soul, just like you. And I haven’t allowed myself any.”
Peter’s eyes were sad, but slightly unreadable. Something was going on behind those eyes, as though Peter was trying to solve an unsolvable riddle. He parted his lips a few times, trying to figure out something to say.
“Have... have I been making it worse?”
“No,” Nathan instinctively replied, though in a sense, perhaps the boy had. Nathan only had himself to blame if that were the case, and to put any sort of blame on his little brother made that awful taste come back.
“You never make things worse, buddy,” he said, stroking at the younger man’s dark hair. It was still so soft, as though Peter were a child again. The thought made Nathan resist a shudder, considering the reason for his state of upset.
“Can I help in any way? I’d like it if I could help. I like to help.”
Nathan could not resist smiling warmly at his little brother. “You’re such a sweetheart, Peter.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad, Nathan,” Peter said compassionately and continued to gaze intensely at his big brother, as though he could will Nathan to feel well. Knowing that Nathan might be feeling the same way he had much too often after the abduction was nearly killing Peter inside. No one should ever have to go through something like that, least of all his brave and courageous big brother.
Nathan looked down when he felt Peter place a hand on his chest, just above his heart. It was a symbolic gesture that Peter sometimes did as a display of affection. Nathan responded naturally by cupping his hand over Peter’s cheek, and they leant against one another in the chair, heads touching peacefully, though peace was the last thing going on within Nathan’s mind.
TBC...