just another update
hello..
i'm sorry to say i dont have much to vent these days.. 1 - 2 hours on the phone pretty much makes me say everything i nede to say during a whole day :/ hehe. well w ell i think i can manage to whine about some stuff today though.
fist we have the army. at first they said i was supposed to eb there in august, for 330 days. and then a couple of weeks ago i got a letter saying that they had changed it to 330 days and moved it to january, and asking if i accept it or if i dont or if i want another placement. so i send it in saying i want another placment in june, july or august. and then they send me another paper, on which it says that i did accept and that tehy have moved and exptended(which they hadnt), and then i'm like WTF? O.o so i call them and they go like "ooops it says here that you didnt accept.. whoops.. i'm gonna try and fix it for you. well be in touch in a couple of days" so a coupel of days ago some man calls me and gives me 3 options of placements so i choose "radiolänkman" which is what was my first choise on my original list (but then it was group leader) but then they had given me the one on the bottom :( but on second thought i would rather had put my second choise(cheff) on first place not that it would have mattered. anywas when i had decided which placement i wanted i call him upo and tell him and then he goes like okay let me check.. thers one spot free in stockholm 20 june.. and i'm like okeey and hes liek alright then.. you will get an official paper in the mail.. bye. a couple of minutes after that it sunk in. my whole summer break is 2 weeks (and 3 days) whoopdeedoo not.. >.< it sucks..
today at the gym i was discussing life with adrian (who by the way turend 18 today.. yay!(or something)) anyways i was saying how bored i was and that i dont realy feel i dont have anything fun to do.and he was all like well if you find out what you wanna do when you grow up you get a purpose and can work towards that and that will be fun. and i'm like .. thats not at all what i want.. what i want is a hobby or something. something that i can do and enjoy and make me take things of my mind. this is what games was for me before but now i just dont feel like playing that much.. the definite proo that i am not an addict.. yay.. on the other hand i am very bored and i feel like theres so much i could do if only i wanted. and not to sound like i'm boasting or anything but i am aware that i have alot of potential to do what ever i want, the thing is.. motivation.. or rather the lack of it. i want to do something.. i just odnt know what. the past few days i have partly dedicated to sorting my music that i have on my computer hehe it went from 2000 something songs to 200 something. i have like 25 hours of music in my playlist now. but its only music that i like so its good :D. but i realy need something to do.. >.<
and i have come up with a theory about love and what it is. this may sound strange comming from a person who is in a relationship, but i have been thinking about this since before i was. lets say two people meet and they become friends. they just fit together, common interests or what ever.. not important but they have a nice time together, theyre friends. so what is it that makes them more than friends? sexual attraction, without that.. it wouldnt be anythingelse. if you didnt need sexual attraction we'd all be bi-sexual. thats what i think anyway. i'm not saying that people become couples just to have sex but deep down thats what its all about.. i dont even think you haveto be aware of it, its just there. another thing just came to me. lonelyness. some people might be together because of fear of being lonely. the world is a scary place and can be difficult to tackle alone, maybe .. but maybe you could tackle the world witha good friend to. another thing that has crossed my mind is wanting what you cant have. one might precis wanting someones that they cant have as love but i dont think thats "real" love because when the "mystery" is gone the ove will also be gone. and also if love is sexual attraction then you wouldnt need to like someone to "love" them. and if you think like that: saying "i love you" is like saying "youre hot" or "im horny".
why cant i belive in happy things like god and one true love and stuff like that? it would be nice. ignorance is bliss.
two hobbies i have come up with during this live journal entry: become a philosopher or write a book. but the thought of just siting around all day thinking about stuff, knowing myself, probably wouldnt be a goo idea since most of my conclusions seem to be "not-happy". but then on the other hand saying that love is sexual-attraction isnt in itself a negative statement, its just if you compare it to something else thats better that it becomes negative. bu i believe that for most people its easyer to beevile that you will one day find true love. its makes you happy, it give you hope. i wish i could think like that, but my logic says that that would most likely get me depressed when i'm 40 and havnt found someone thats perfect yet. were all humans, we all have flaws. one thing i have noticed thought is that when i meet a new person or something like that i always tend to notice things about the new person that corresponds to my flaws. i often notice a persons teeth since in my own opinion my teeth are "bad". not realy relevant, it just popped up in my head. and about the book thing. it would be ncie to write a book but i dont think my thoghts are numerous or organized enough :( maybe i could make up about 3 - 5 pages but that would be it.
i dont know if i ranted on about this before but just to make sure since it connects with my view of love. i dont belive in god. i believe that we humans are alive for no special reason. with an universe as large as ours we were boud to happen on some planet. i dont know how or why or when the universe was created, i think we humans are able to understand that, i dont care. i think that when we die, the signals in the brain stop transmiting or what ever they do and we are no more. so the meaning of life is basicly to recreate, if you can call that a meaning.. i think of it more as an instinct. this view of the world might be considerd negative, but as with love its onl negative if you compare it to some fancy story of how some almight god crated the universe and how we all have a purpose in life and we will all meet the right one and so on and so forth. in my opinion life is what you make it. you can have a happy life, even if its not predicided by some almight ruler. it might be a bit mroe difficult trying to figure out what to do with your life if you dont know that there is something that is the ultimate thing for you. thats about it. basicly anyway, if youre intrigues i can explain further ^^
i've already written a small book here today i think i will try harder not to procratinate but i cant realy say that it will work >.< but i will try! shame to the one who doesnt try!
"Let's destry property to show our apreciation!"
i'm sorry to say i dont have much to vent these days.. 1 - 2 hours on the phone pretty much makes me say everything i nede to say during a whole day :/ hehe. well w ell i think i can manage to whine about some stuff today though.
fist we have the army. at first they said i was supposed to eb there in august, for 330 days. and then a couple of weeks ago i got a letter saying that they had changed it to 330 days and moved it to january, and asking if i accept it or if i dont or if i want another placement. so i send it in saying i want another placment in june, july or august. and then they send me another paper, on which it says that i did accept and that tehy have moved and exptended(which they hadnt), and then i'm like WTF? O.o so i call them and they go like "ooops it says here that you didnt accept.. whoops.. i'm gonna try and fix it for you. well be in touch in a couple of days" so a coupel of days ago some man calls me and gives me 3 options of placements so i choose "radiolänkman" which is what was my first choise on my original list (but then it was group leader) but then they had given me the one on the bottom :( but on second thought i would rather had put my second choise(cheff) on first place not that it would have mattered. anywas when i had decided which placement i wanted i call him upo and tell him and then he goes like okay let me check.. thers one spot free in stockholm 20 june.. and i'm like okeey and hes liek alright then.. you will get an official paper in the mail.. bye. a couple of minutes after that it sunk in. my whole summer break is 2 weeks (and 3 days) whoopdeedoo not.. >.< it sucks..
today at the gym i was discussing life with adrian (who by the way turend 18 today.. yay!(or something)) anyways i was saying how bored i was and that i dont realy feel i dont have anything fun to do.and he was all like well if you find out what you wanna do when you grow up you get a purpose and can work towards that and that will be fun. and i'm like .. thats not at all what i want.. what i want is a hobby or something. something that i can do and enjoy and make me take things of my mind. this is what games was for me before but now i just dont feel like playing that much.. the definite proo that i am not an addict.. yay.. on the other hand i am very bored and i feel like theres so much i could do if only i wanted. and not to sound like i'm boasting or anything but i am aware that i have alot of potential to do what ever i want, the thing is.. motivation.. or rather the lack of it. i want to do something.. i just odnt know what. the past few days i have partly dedicated to sorting my music that i have on my computer hehe it went from 2000 something songs to 200 something. i have like 25 hours of music in my playlist now. but its only music that i like so its good :D. but i realy need something to do.. >.<
and i have come up with a theory about love and what it is. this may sound strange comming from a person who is in a relationship, but i have been thinking about this since before i was. lets say two people meet and they become friends. they just fit together, common interests or what ever.. not important but they have a nice time together, theyre friends. so what is it that makes them more than friends? sexual attraction, without that.. it wouldnt be anythingelse. if you didnt need sexual attraction we'd all be bi-sexual. thats what i think anyway. i'm not saying that people become couples just to have sex but deep down thats what its all about.. i dont even think you haveto be aware of it, its just there. another thing just came to me. lonelyness. some people might be together because of fear of being lonely. the world is a scary place and can be difficult to tackle alone, maybe .. but maybe you could tackle the world witha good friend to. another thing that has crossed my mind is wanting what you cant have. one might precis wanting someones that they cant have as love but i dont think thats "real" love because when the "mystery" is gone the ove will also be gone. and also if love is sexual attraction then you wouldnt need to like someone to "love" them. and if you think like that: saying "i love you" is like saying "youre hot" or "im horny".
why cant i belive in happy things like god and one true love and stuff like that? it would be nice. ignorance is bliss.
two hobbies i have come up with during this live journal entry: become a philosopher or write a book. but the thought of just siting around all day thinking about stuff, knowing myself, probably wouldnt be a goo idea since most of my conclusions seem to be "not-happy". but then on the other hand saying that love is sexual-attraction isnt in itself a negative statement, its just if you compare it to something else thats better that it becomes negative. bu i believe that for most people its easyer to beevile that you will one day find true love. its makes you happy, it give you hope. i wish i could think like that, but my logic says that that would most likely get me depressed when i'm 40 and havnt found someone thats perfect yet. were all humans, we all have flaws. one thing i have noticed thought is that when i meet a new person or something like that i always tend to notice things about the new person that corresponds to my flaws. i often notice a persons teeth since in my own opinion my teeth are "bad". not realy relevant, it just popped up in my head. and about the book thing. it would be ncie to write a book but i dont think my thoghts are numerous or organized enough :( maybe i could make up about 3 - 5 pages but that would be it.
i dont know if i ranted on about this before but just to make sure since it connects with my view of love. i dont belive in god. i believe that we humans are alive for no special reason. with an universe as large as ours we were boud to happen on some planet. i dont know how or why or when the universe was created, i think we humans are able to understand that, i dont care. i think that when we die, the signals in the brain stop transmiting or what ever they do and we are no more. so the meaning of life is basicly to recreate, if you can call that a meaning.. i think of it more as an instinct. this view of the world might be considerd negative, but as with love its onl negative if you compare it to some fancy story of how some almight god crated the universe and how we all have a purpose in life and we will all meet the right one and so on and so forth. in my opinion life is what you make it. you can have a happy life, even if its not predicided by some almight ruler. it might be a bit mroe difficult trying to figure out what to do with your life if you dont know that there is something that is the ultimate thing for you. thats about it. basicly anyway, if youre intrigues i can explain further ^^
i've already written a small book here today i think i will try harder not to procratinate but i cant realy say that it will work >.< but i will try! shame to the one who doesnt try!
"Let's destry property to show our apreciation!"